Glee - Season 3 Episodes 7-11

307. I Kissed a Girl

放送日:2011年11月29日


Ian Brennan: So here's what you missed on Glee: Coach Beiste is head over heels for a guy named Cooter who's a football recruiter. Rachel's running for class president against Kurt and Brittany and a guy from the hockey team.
Rick Nelson: Vote Rick "The Stick"!
Ian Brennan: Burt's running for Congress against Sue and Reggie "The Sauce," this guy who owns a pizza chain and who's gonna air a commercial that'll out Santana.
Santana Lopez: Everyone's gonna know now, because of you!
Ian Brennan: She thought the whole thing was Finn's fault, so she slapped him really hard in front of God and everybody. Ouch. And that's what you missed on Glee.



Principal Figgins: I'm sorry, but since a student had lit firecrackers stuffed down his pants three years ago, we've had a zero tolerance physical violence policy.
Santana Lopez: Is that why you suspended all the kids who have been tossing slushees in our faces for the past two years?
Principal Figgins: Slushees are not on the school board's approved list of suspend-worthy weapons.
Santana Lopez: Here's what you have to understand: I didn't do it.
Will Schuester: We all saw what happened. You slapped Finn in the face, unprovoked.
Santana Lopez: No. See, you don't get it. When I get really pissed off, Santana gets taken over by my other evil personality. I call her "Snixxx." Her wrath of words is called "Snixxx juice." I'm kind of like the Incredible Hulk. You can't blame me for anything Snixxx does.
Principal Figgins: I'm suspending you and this Snixxx two weeks. No argument.
Santana Lopez: Sectionals is next week. If you suspend me, I won't be able to beat Grimace and Mr. Schue's butts. Ms. Corcoran, I highly recommend you do something about this.
Will Schuester: I'm sorry, Santana, Sectionals is important, but you need to be punished for what you did.
Shelby Corcoran: I hate to say it, but I agree.
Santana Lopez: This is garbage. Hamburglar Finn is fine.
Finn Hudson: She didn't slap me. I know that it looked and sounded like she did, but she actually didn't. What is it called in a play or a movie when you pretend to hit someone but you don't?
Shelby Corcoran: A stage slap?
Finn Hudson: It was a stage slap. That's what it was.
Will Schuester: What is your angle here, Finn?
Finn Hudson: The truth. If she didn't actually hit me, then you can't suspend her, right?
Principal Figgins: No.
Finn Hudson: Then that's what happened.
Santana Lopez: I'm a mischievous bitch, but I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell this is about.
Finn Hudson: Well, I want Sectionals to be a fair fight. And that can't happen without you on the Trouble Tones.
Santana Lopez: Well, actually, it would only be a fair fight with me off the team.
Finn Hudson: And I also kind of feel bad for you. Look, I know we've been at each other a lot over these past couple of years, but the truth is I think you're awesome. And when you hide who you are, I feel like you hide part of that awesomeness with it. And that's why you act out because you hurt inside... every day.
Santana Lopez: That's sweet... but if you think that, in exchange for keeping me from getting suspended, I'm gonna come...
Finn Hudson: ...back to the Glee Club? Exactly. You and all the Trouble Tones. I have an idea for a lesson but it won't work out if you're not there.
Santana Lopez: Did Ms. Corcoran and Mr. Schue already agree to this?
Finn Hudson: Look, it's up to you. Either you can come back to the choir room and embrace your awesome or take a two-week vacation and enjoy your seat in the audience for Sectionals.



Rachel Berry: I haven't been this worried about a vote since Lambert versus Allen. Kurt needs this election to get into NYADA. More importantly, he's clearly the superior candidate. I mean, come on.
Brittany S. Pierce: If elected, I will make sure to have sugary treats available at all times. It helps the concentration. That's what George Washington said.
Rachel Berry: I had to take a stand.



Rachel Berry: She's bribing the students with Pixy Stix. Buying votes is illegal.
Principal Figgins: It's also delicious.



Rachel Berry: Nobody cares. They're all so lost in their own worlds that they can't see how important this is to me. Elections have consequences, and the consequence of Brittany winning this election is that I'll have to move to New York without my best gay. What if I need an emergency makeover or a last-minute soufflé?
Jacob Ben Israel: How's the concession speech going? Can I print an early copy on my blog?
Kurt Hummel: Who says I'm ready to concede? I'm leading that hockey playing kid by ten percent.
Jacob Ben Israel: But that's mostly because he's in a medically induced coma after being brutally checked in a game last week. Also, you're trailing Brittany by 17 points. If this was a horse race, you'd be glue.
Rachel Berry: And the glue that keeps this school together when he gets elected president.
Jacob Ben Israel: Oh, my God, it's Brittany. Madam President?
Rachel Berry: Don't worry about it, okay? We still have the rest of the day to change the minds of the voters.
Kurt Hummel: What's the point? I'm gonna lose unless I pull a JFK.
Rachel Berry: You're gonna shoot Brittany?
Kurt Hummel: No, no... when Kennedy ran against Nixon in 1960, he had all his Mob buddies in Chicago stuff the ballot boxes so that he would win Illinois. It won him the presidency.
Rachel Berry: Wait... No! No, I can't let you do this, okay? Come on. Can't we just do, like, a great duet in the cafeteria or the library to just drum up some support?
Kurt Hummel: I have Kennedy's impeccable hairline.
Rachel Berry: I know.
Kurt Hummel: Why can't I have his ends- justify-the-means mentality? If I lose, and my résumé remains blank, I'm not gonna get into NYADA. And I can't accept that.
Rachel Berry: You're seriously considering cheating?
Kurt Hummel: What choice do I have?



Mercedes Jones: Can someone tell us what's going on, please?
Finn Hudson: This week, the Trouble Tones and New Directions will both be singing music created by ladies and for ladies.
Santana Lopez: Oh, hell no.
Finn Hudson: Next week, all of us will be going to Sectionals, and one of us is probably gonna win. But, Santana, we're worried about you.
Santana Lopez: Worry about yourself, fetus face.
Finn Hudson: Glee's about learning how to accept yourself for who you are, no matter what other people think. And that's what this music is all about.
Santana Lopez: So, wait, I don't even get a say in this? Not cool.
Finn Hudson: Everybody in this room knows about you and Brittany. And we don't judge you for it. We celebrate it because it's who you are. Look, I know not everybody outside of this room is as accepting and cool, but we're doing this assignment this week so that you know in this rotten, stinking mean world that you at least have a group of people who will support your choice to be whoever you want to be. That's it. That's what we're doing here. Blaine? Kurt?
Blaine Anderson: Santana, Kurt and I have a song we like to sing to each other in the car. And we want to sing that for you right now.
Santana Lopez: While there's nothing I'd love more than having two Pretty Ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a "gel-ervention" for Blaine than singing lady music.
Kurt Hummel: I know it's hard. It was hard for me, too. But you can get through this.
Blaine Anderson: If you could just stop being so defensive.
Santana Lopez: I'm trying, but your hideous bow ties are provoking me.
Noah Puckerman: Wait, are we talking lady on lady or girl on girl? 'Cause there's a big difference.
Will Schuester: Puck, focus, okay? Kurt, Blaine, why don't you kick us off with what you got?
Kurt Hummel: # Made a wrong turn once or twice #
# Dug my way out, blood and fire #
# Bad decisions, that's all right #
# Welcome to my silly life #
# Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood #
# Miss No-way-it's-all-good #
# It didn't slow me down #
# Mistaken, always second-guessing #
# Underestimated, look, I'm still around #
Kurt & Blaine: # Pretty, pretty please #
# Don't you ever, ever feel #
# Like you're less than, less than perfect #
# Pretty, pretty please #
# If you ever, ever feel like you're nothing #
# You are perfect to me #
Blaine Anderson: # The whole world stared, so I swallowed the fear #
# The only thing I should be drinking is an ice-cold beer #
# So cool in lying, and we try, try, try #
# But we try too hard, and it's a waste of my time. #
# Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere #
# They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair #
# Strange ourselves, and we do it all the time #
Kurt & Blaine: # Why do we do that? #
Blaine Anderson: # Yeah! #
# Oh, oh-oh-oh #
Kurt Hummel: # Oh, pretty, pretty please #
Kurt & Blaine: # Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel #
# Like you're nothing #
# You are perfect to me. #
Finn Hudson: That's good! How about that?
Santana Lopez: Thank you, guys. Thank you, Finn, especially. You know, with all the horrible crap I've been through in my life... now I get to add that.



Sue Sylvester: Dear Journal, My campaign is in crisis. Polls have me neck-and-neck with Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar, and his ad is set to run any day now. Why would someone assume I'm a friend of Ellen just because I'm mannish and highly aggressive and have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girl's sport and I married myself? It just doesn't make sense. The truth is, Journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talking to them, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart only a fella can fill. Salazar's ad will put my campaign on life-support, and if I want to win this race, I need 20 cc's of man-candy, stat! So which one of my hookups is ready for a prime-time photo op? Dan Quayle? Too needy. Stephen Baldwin? Train wreck. Oliver North. Biter. Matt Lauer? Too much crying. Johnny Cochran? Pretty sure he's dead. Eureka. That's the kind of guy I need. Better luck next time, David Boreanaz. Sue Sylvester's found her man.



Emma Pillsbury: What is that animal you appear to be so noisily enjoying?
Shannon Beiste: A chicken stuffed in a duck, jammed in a turkey... a turducken. It's like a barnyard in a bite.
Emma Pillsbury: Wow.
Shannon Beiste: I've been exhausted lately, and I'm trying to eat as much protein as I can to keep up my strength.
Will Schuester: Why are you so tired?
Shannon Beiste: I've been working hard as the student election advisor, and my nights have been much more, well, busier lately.
Will Schuester: Well, if you need help with anything, just let us know.
Emma Pillsbury: Yeah.
Shannon Beiste: I could use some help counting the election ballots.
Will Schuester: Um-hum.
Shannon Beiste: My quadriceps have been trembling like jelly all day. Cooter really pushed me to my limit last night.
Emma Pillsbury: So I take it things are going well between you and Mr. Mankins?
Shannon Beiste: Last night, Cooter asked me to do something I never imagined I'd be doing.



Cooter Menkins: You think you can handle this, Shannon?
Shannon Beiste: Give it to me, Cooter.



Shannon Beiste: Our connection is so amazing and we have so much in common. I really feel like I met my match.
Will Schuester: We are so happy for you, Coach.
Shannon Beiste: Cooter Mankins... he's the only one for me.



Noah Puckerman: # Please, baby, can't you see my mind's a burning hell? #
# I got razors a-rippin' and tearing and strippin' #
# My heart apart as well #
# Tonight you told me that you ache for something new #
# And some other woman is looking like something #
# That might be good for you #
# Go on and hold her till the screaming is gone #
# Go on, believe her when she tells you nothing's wrong #
# Ho-ho, but I'm the only one #
# Who'll walk across the fire for you #
# And I'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you #
# It's only fear that makes you run #
# The demons that you're hiding from #
# When all your promises are gone #
# I'm the only one #
# Please, baby, can't you see? #
# I'm trying to explain #
# I've been here before and I'm locking the door #
# And I'm not going back again #
# Her eyes and arms and skin won't make it go away #
# You'll wake up tomorrow and wrestle the sorrow #
# That holds you down today #
# Go on and hold her till the screamin' is gone #
# Go on, believe her when she tells you nothing's wrong #
# Well, I'm the only one who walked across the fire for you #
# And I'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you #
# It's only fear that makes you run #
# The demons that you're hiding from #
# When all your promises are gone #
# I'm the only one #
# Whoa, whoa #
# Yeah. #
Noah Puckerman: That was for you... Santana. Yeah, I know I was just part of a phase, but whatever, happy to oblige, always.



Quinn Fabray: You kicked ass on that song.
Noah Puckerman: Thank you.
Quinn Fabray: Do think you need to get your eyes checked, though.
Noah Puckerman: Say what?
Quinn Fabray: You sang almost the whole song to Shelby. You hardly even noticed me.
Noah Puckerman: Yeah, that was so that she would think of me... think of us... as the only ones that could take care of Beth and stuff. The song was mainly about baby-sitting for me.
Quinn Fabray: Look, my mom is going on a Christian wine-tasting boat down the Ohio River on Friday.
Noah Puckerman: The Jesus Booze Cruise.
Quinn Fabray: So I'm going to have the house to myself. Want to come over, order in, rent a movie and not watch it? Remember in the hospital after Beth was born? You told me you loved me. We can get that back.
Noah Puckerman: Sorry. Not interested.
Quinn Fabray: Let me be more clear. If you come over on Friday, you get to have sex with me.
Noah Puckerman: Look, I was into you pretty hard a couple years ago 'cause you were hot like a pixie and I thought you were pretty much cooler than every other girl in the school, but turns out, you're kind of nuts. You're higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I've ever met in my life. So thanks for the offer, but I'd rather raw dog a beehive.



Finn Hudson: So, what do you think of the new assignment? It's pretty sweet, right?
Santana Lopez: Do you realize you're basically forcing me out of the flannel closet?
Finn Hudson: Salazar's ad's going to run. That's what's forcing you to deal with this.
Santana Lopez: Why are you getting so worked up about this?
Finn Hudson: 'Cause I don't want you to die. A few weeks ago, some kid who made one of those "It Gets Better" videos killed himself. All right? You deal with your anxiety surrounding this stuff by attacking other people, and someday, that's not going to be enough and you might start attacking yourself.
Santana Lopez: Well, thanks, but that's never going to happen. I'd miss me too much.
Finn Hudson: Look, you were my first. That means something to me. You mean something to me. If something ever were to happen to you, and I didn't do everything that I could to try and stop it, I'd never be able to live with myself.



Finn Hudson: # I came home in the middle of the night #
# My father says what you gonna do with your life? #
# Well, Daddy dear, you're still number one #
# Oh, girls, they wanna have fun #
# Oh, girls, they... #
# The phone rings in the middle of the night #
# My mother says when you gonna live your life right? #
# Well, Mother dear, we're not the founate ones #
# Oh, girls, they wanna have fun #
# Oh, girls, they... #
# It's all they really want... #
# Those girls, they want to have fun #
# Some boys take a beautiful girl #
# Oh, and they hide her away #
# From the rest of the world #
# But not me #
# I wanna be the one in the sun #
# Girls, they wanna have fun #
# Oh, girls, they... #
# That's all they really want #
# Those girls, they wanna have fun. #
Santana Lopez: Thank you.
Finn Hudson: We love you, Santana.



Roberta: One four-cheese, ass-kickin', triple-dippin' chicken taquitos. Double the chicken. One Big Daddy Chicken Patty with extra chicken. And instead of a side... you just want...
Roberta & Shannon: More chicken.
Shannon Beiste: Yeah.
Sue Sylvester: Smile for the camera. Get those to the Lima Times ASAP.
Becky Jackson: Sure thing, Coach.
Shannon Beiste: Hey, Cooter. What are you doing here?
Cooter Menkins: Oh, hey, Coach. Just, uh... just grabbing some dinner with Sue here.
Sue Sylvester: Excuse me, Bluto, but I'm on a date with my man, enjoying some disgusting creamy pasta, and phoners with several major media outlets. So why don't you just hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain.
Shannon Beiste: You're on a date?
Cooter Menkins: Y... Yeah, I guess.
Sue Sylvester: Listen, Home Perm, Cooter's been my regular booty call since the late 1990s... Oop! My iPhone 5 is vibrating. That's a new feature of the iPhone 5... they vibrate now. And I have to take this... it's a reporter from USA Today, the newspaper for people who can't read.
Shannon Beiste: It's nice to see you, Cooter.
Cooter Menkins: Hey, Shannon, Shannon... You okay?
Shannon Beiste: No. No, I'm not. I thought you and I were doing stuff, and stuff.
Cooter Menkins: Shannon, I didn't think you were interested. Every time I gather up the courage to ask you out on a date, we end up lifting weights at the gym or at a protein seminar. So, last time, I said to myself, "Dang it, Coot," you just gotta make a move." And so I tried to hold your hand, and you punched me.
Shannon Beiste: It was a reflex. I thought you were trying to steal my class ring.
Cooter Menkins: I like you, Shannon, and I like hanging out with you, but the truth is, I can't tell what's going on with us. I'm not looking for a buddy. I'm a grown man. I mean, I need more than that.



Jacob Ben Israel: I don't have to ask who you lovely ladies are voting for.
Santana Lopez: I'm Team Britt all the way.
Brittany S. Pierce: I'm voting for the hockey player.
Jacob Ben Israel: Rick "The Stick" Nelson. Well, I wouldn't worry too much about a spare vote here or there, Brittany. My exit polling is putting you well ahead of Lady Hummel. This election is "ovah"!
Santana Lopez: That's right!
Jacob Ben Israel: Come on. One last interview before you lose.
Finn Hudson: Hey, hey, hey, give it a break.
Jacob Ben Israel: Hey, just one more! Just a word!
Kurt Hummel: God, I feel like a lamb waiting in line to be slaughtered.
Finn Hudson: Chin up, Kurt. It's not over till all the votes are counted.
Rachel Berry: Yep, and you're going to get loads. Look, look, Quinn is going into the voting booth right now. She's definitely going to vote for you.
Quinn Fabray: I like what Kurt stands for, and Brittany is insane, but just like my dad always voted for the candidate that was least ethnic, I'm voting for the one who's most girl.
Mercedes Jones: Brittany is my Trouble Tones home girl, but thank God for secret ballots because if Santana's girlfriend wins this election I'm never going to hear the end of it.
Kurt Hummel: If I lose, I don't have a chance of getting into NYADA. It's not fair... the difference between my dreams coming true and managing a Sonic Burger depends on how many people check a stupid box.
Will Schuester: Hey, how's it going?
Shannon Beiste: I can't believe I agreed to let District hold polling places in our gym today. It's like she's rubbing it in my face.
Will Schuester: Don't take it personally. It's all just a big campaign strategy for her.
Becky Jackson: Coach Sue wants you to have this. She says she hopes it rubs it in your face.
Emma Pillsbury: I don't understand what happened.
Shannon Beiste: He said I was uncommunicative. Aw, man, I'm so bummed out, I feel like I'm living one of the tragic country music songs.
Emma Pillsbury: Well, then you need to go tell him how you feel.
Will Schuester: We're going to go vote, and you just got to go for it, okay? When this is all over and done with, Sue's going to lose the election and the guy.
Shannon Beiste: Thanks.
# Jolene, Jolene #
# Jolene, Jolene... #
# I'm begging of you, please #
# Don't take my man #
# Jolene, Jolene #
# Jolene, Jolene... #
# Please don't take him just because you can #
# Your beauty is beyond compare #
# With flaming locks of golden hair #
# With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green #
# Your smile is like a breath of spring #
# Your voice is soft like summer rain #
# And I cannot compete with you, Jolene #
# He talks about you in his sleep #
# And there's nothing I can do to keep #
# From crying, when he calls your name, Jolene #
# And I could easily understand #
# How you could easily take my man #
# But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene #
# Jolene #
# Jolene, Jolene, Jolene #
# Please don't take him even though you can #
# Jolene #
# Jolene #
# Jolene. #
Rachel Berry: Are you... are you okay, Coach?
Shannon Beiste: Yeah. Fine. Are you?
Rachel Berry: Yep. I'm, I'm great. Thank you.



Josh Coleman: Saw the commercial. Whew. Smokin'.
Santana Lopez: Who the hell are you?
Josh Coleman: Josh Coleman. Sophomore rugby captain. Girls like you are a challenge. You just need the right guy to straighten you out, and I'm just the man to do it.
Mercedes Jones: Move your busted creeper ass.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Now.
Josh Coleman: Easy, girls. I'm just trying to make her normal.
Brittany S. Pierce: She is normal.
Quinn Fabray: It's not a choice, idiot. But even if it were, you'd be our last choice.
Josh Coleman: Oh, I get it. You're all a bunch of lesbos.
Rachel Berry: So what if we are? You don't stand a chance either way. Bye-bye. Walk away.
Santana Lopez: # This was never the way I planned #
Rachel Berry: # Not my intention #
Santana Lopez: # I got so brave, drink in hand #
Rachel Berry: # Lost my discretion #
Santana Lopez: # It's not what #
Rachel Berry: # I'm used to #
Santana Lopez: # Just wanna try you on #
Rachel Berry: # I'm curious for you #
Santana & Rachel: # Caught my attention #
# I kissed a girl and I liked it #
Santana Lopez: # The taste of her cherry Chapstick #
Santana & Rachel: # I kissed a girl just to try it #
Rachel Berry: # I hope my boyfriend don't mind it #
Santana & Rachel: # It felt so wrong #
# It felt so right #
# Don't mean I'm in love tonight #
# I kissed a girl and I liked it #
# I liked it #
# Us girls, we are so magical #
# Soft skin, red lips #
# So kissable #
# Hard to resist, so touchable #
# Too good to deny it #
# Ain't no big deal; #
Santana Lopez: # It's innocent... #
Santana & Rachel: # I kissed a girl and I liked it #
# The taste of her cherry Chapstick #
# I kissed a girl just to try it #
# I hope my boyfriend don't mind it #
# It felt so wrong #
# It felt so right #
# Don't mean I'm in love tonight #
# I kissed a girl and I liked it #
# I liked it. #
Quinn Fabray: Come here.
Santana Lopez: Okay, okay. Update, y'all. Um, I told my parents last night, and they were actually okay with it.
Brittany S. Pierce: No way!
Santana Lopez: I just have to tell my Abuela before she sees that stupid commercial. But luckily she only watches Univision.
Principal Figgins: Excuse me, New Directions and Trouble Tones singing groups. Mr. Kurt Hummel, I need to see you in my office immediately.



Principal Figgins: First of all, Mr. Hummel, congratulations on your early exit poll numbers. Things are looking very good indeed for you.
Burt Hummel: Thank you, Figgins. Now can you tell me why I'm here today?
Principal Figgins: There seems to have been some irregularities with the student council ballot boxes.
Kurt Hummel: What do you mean by irregularities?
Shannon Beiste: Kurt won... but by 190 votes.
Burt Hummel: Well, that's great! Right?
Shannon Beiste: Well, the problem is there's more ballots than there are seniors, and Kurt won by a suspiciously wide margin.
Kurt Hummel: No, no, I-I didn't do it. I didn't cheat, I mean, I mean I thought about it, but I-I-I...
Burt Hummel: What do you mean you thought about it?
Kurt Hummel: I... I thought about it because I-I-I wanted to win so badly, and I was worried that I wouldn't. But, but, I didn't cheat. I-I worked really hard on this. I didn't cheat!



Kurt Hummel: Someone stuffed the ballot boxes. They think I did it. If they can prove it, I could be suspended.
Rachel Berry: Oh, my God, Kurt...
Kurt Hummel: And I lost. I lost the election. I lost the lead in West Side Story. I can forget about New York and NYADA, 'cause they'll never take me now. You know, the worst part is that I really, for a second, thought I won.
Rachel Berry: Kurt, I'm-I'm so sorry...
Kurt Hummel: I have to find Blaine.
Finn Hudson: Rachel, I want you to know, I didn't do this.
Rachel Berry: I did it.
Finn Hudson: What? What were you thinking?
Rachel Berry: I-I-I... I wasn't thinking. I-I just... I wanted to help him so bad.
Finn Hudson: You have to go tell Figgins.
Rachel Berry: I can't, I'll get suspended.
Finn Hudson: Rachel, Kurt'll get suspended.



Mrs. Hagberg: Who can tell me the quadratic equation? Noah, I told you, you don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom.
Noah Puckerman: It's x equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4AC. All over 2A.
Mrs. Hagberg: That's right. Who told you?
Noah Puckerman: Um, I did. I've been doing the books for my pool-cleaning business. I've got mad math skills, yo! I'm like that Beautiful Mind guy, without all the crazy. You're go for Puckerman.
Mrs. Hagberg: Class isn't over!
Noah Puckerman: Sorry. Family emergency.



Noah Puckerman: What happened? Where is she?
Shelby Corcoran: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you, I just... I don't have anybody else.
Noah Puckerman: Is she okay?
Shelby Corcoran: She's with the doctor. She slipped and hit her lip on the floor, and there was blood everywhere. I turned my back for three seconds. I'm freaking out now. They won't even let me in the room with her.
Noah Puckerman: It's cool. I'm here now.
Doctor: Hi. Uh, her bottom tooth went through her lip. Couple stitches, she'll be fine.
Shelby Corcoran: Really?
Noah Puckerman: Wait. I want her to see a plastic surgeon first.
Doctor: Well, I've gen plenty of stitches.
Noah Puckerman: I live a somewhat active lifestyle... judo, paintball... which means I've had more stitches than Frankenstein, so if anyone's gonna touch Beth's face, it's gonna be a plastic surgeon.
Doctor: I'll page her.
Noah Puckerman: It's okay. I'm here now. Everything's gonna be okay.



Noah Puckerman: Yeah. I did a good job. You're very pretty. You know, the advantage of a relationship with a younger dude is that I still got four me rounds in me before I need a steak sandwich and a Coke Zero.
Shelby Corcoran: You need to go. Before Beth wakes up. This was a mistake. I was a mess at the hospital.
Noah Puckerman: Yeah, I was like freakin' Wolverine. Beth would have a big scar on her lip for the rest of her life if it weren't for me.
Shelby Corcoran: Okay. This is just wrong. Go. Please. Go.
Noah Puckerman: You know what? Screw you. Yeah, you got the boom and the pow, and your lips are cash money, but what really turned me on about you was how much of an ass-kicker you were. Winning all those championships, going to New York, raising Beth alone... all garbage. This was your chance to get in on the ground floor of something really special... me. But you're too much of a coward to go for it.



Alma Lopez: Santana, you're all bones. Like Jesus on the cross. Eat.
Santana Lopez: Abuelita, I have something that I want to talk to you about...
Alma Lopez: Okay, who cares, talk with your mouth full, hm?
Santana Lopez: No, no, no. Come on. Come on.
Alma Lopez: Hmm?
Santana Lopez: Siente te conmigo.
Alma Lopez: Ah. Okay.
Santana Lopez: Look... I have to tell you a secret; a secret that I've kept hidden for a long time, but...
Alma Lopez: You need salsa...?
Santana Lopez: No, no, no. Escúchame. Please... You're so special to me.
Alma Lopez: Santana, are you pregnant? Because I will beat you up with this chair.
Santana Lopez: No, it's not... it's not that.
Alma Lopez: Okay.
Santana Lopez: It's just that I've watched you my whole life. And you've always been so strong. Done exactly what you believe, and never cared about what anyone else thought of you...
Alma Lopez: Tell me about your life, I know mine.
Santana Lopez: Abuelita... I love girls the way that I'm supposed to feel about boys. It's just something that's always been inside of me, and I really want to share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me. Who I really am. When I'm with Brittany... I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. I've tried so hard to push this feeling away, and keep it locked inside... but every day just feels like a war. I walk around so mad at the world, but I'm really just fighting with myself. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired. I have to just be me. Say something, please.
Alma Lopez: Everyone has secrets, Santana. They're called secrets for a reason. I want you to leave this house. I don't ever want to see you again.
Santana Lopez: Abuela, you...
Alma Lopez: Go.
Santana Lopez: You don't...
Alma Lopez: Now.
Santana Lopez: I'm the same person I was a minute ago.
Alma Lopez: You made your choice. Now I have made mine.
Santana Lopez: But why?
Alma Lopez: It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable. Esto es una vergüenza. The sin isn't in the thing, it's in the scandal, when people talk about it aloud.
Santana Lopez: So you're saying it would've been better if I would've kept this a secret? Abuela...



Noah Puckerman: I didn't bring protection.
Quinn Fabray: It's okay. I don't care.
Noah Puckerman: Under normal circumstances, I'd take my chances, but we have a pretty crappy track record.
Quinn Fabray: Maybe we'll get lucky again.
Noah Puckerman: You mean unlucky.
Quinn Fabray: Look, trying to get Beth back was a stupid idea.
Noah Puckerman: You're just figuring this out now?
Quinn Fabray: But we made one perfect baby. We can make another. We have everything we need.
Noah Puckerman: Wait... Is this why you invited me over? See, this is what happens when you have anger sex.
Quinn Fabray: Why are you angry at me? Fine! You don't want this? There's 20 other guys at this school who would kill to give me what I want; they would kill to love me.
Noah Puckerman: I'm not angry at you. I let you down. We all did. You just spent a whole week helping Santana with a secret everybody already knows, and not one person took ten seconds to help you. And you're a frickin' mess. You have been for three years. Ever since I knocked you up. You don't need a baby or a dude or anyone to make you special. If there's one person that I'm sure is gonna get the hell out of this town and make something of herself, it's you.
Quinn Fabray: Maybe I was just... getting all my crazy, bad decisions out of the way early.
Noah Puckerman: I see you somewhere warm and glamorous, like L.A. or Miami or Toronto.
Quinn Fabray: Fine. But you have to do something for me. You're staying here. You're gonna lie with me and hold me.
Noah Puckerman: Okay. But no funny business.
Quinn Fabray: Who are you angry at? You know, the whole "anger sex" thing.
Noah Puckerman: I need to tell you something. But you have to promise to keep it a secret.



Cooter Menkins: How bad was it?
Sue Sylvester: Dukakis bad. Third place with 16% of the vote.
Cooter Menkins: What does that mean for... us?
Shannon Beiste: Yeah, I have the same question. Now that the election's over, you two don't have to pretend to be something you're not.
Cooter Menkins: Now, Shannon...
Sue Sylvester: Cooter, have a seat on that Pilates ball right over there. This is between me... and Brian Dennehy. I lost a lot in the last 24 hours. Lost an election, lost my reputation, I lost an enormous last-minute bet I placed on myself with a very shady bookie from Vegas. Cooter Mankins is the best thing to happen to me since a sophomore named Becky Jackson waddled into my life, and I will be damned if I lose him, too.
Cooter Menkins: Shannon, I like you heaps. But I'd be lying if I told you I didn't like Sue here, too. I don't know what to say.
Shannon Beiste: I've had the same problem. I haven't known what to say, either. But I feel like I finally do. Cooter, I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry I haven't told you till now, and I'm sorry I let a tall, pretty blonde swoop in and snatch you right away, but I'm telling you now, if I had to bench-press a wildebeest just to prove to you how much you mean to me, I would do it. I would do anything to win you back, Coot. And I will not go down without a fight.



Will Schuester: Okay, guys. Shelby and I just wanted to say that you've really inspired us.
Shelby Corcoran: When we face off at Sectionals, it will be with more empathy, and a deeper understanding of each other.
Will Schuester: That's right. That's right!
Artie Abrams: Where's Rachel? She never misses applause.
Finn Hudson: She's dealing with stuff.
Kurt Hummel: Mr. Schue?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Kurt Hummel: As the son of Ohio's recently-minted Congressman...
Will Schuester: Yeah, Burt!
Kurt Hummel: And to dispel any lingering clouds of suspicion, I would like to, personally and publicly, congratulate President Brittany. The people have spoken, and they want you, Brit. They want Pixy Stix. Rule wisely. Rule fabulously.
Brittany S. Pierce: That was the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me.
Kurt Hummel: Ooh!
Brittany S. Pierce: Thank you, Kurt. You're still the most unicorn of them all, so...
Kurt Hummel: Maybe I could put that on my NYADA application.
Blaine Anderson: Don't give up hope, ever. We'll figure something out.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Quinn, are you okay?
Will Schuester: Santana, will you bring us home?
Brittany S. Pierce: That's right!
Santana Lopez: Thanks, Mr. Schue. So I picked a song that gives me strength and gets me through. Same way all of you do. The struggle continues, but at least I know I'm not alone.
# Even #
# Through the darkest phase #
# Be it #
# Thick or thin #
# Always #
# Someone marches brave #
# Here beneath #
# My skin #
# And constant #
# Craving #
# Has always #
# Been #
Shelby Corcoran: # Maybe #
# A great magnet pulls #
# All souls #
# Towards truth #
# Or maybe #
# It is life itself #
# Leads wisdom #
# To its youth #
Santana & Shelby: # Constant #
# Craving #
# Has always #
# Been #
# Craving... #
# Ah-ha #
# Constant craving #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has always been. #
Will Schuester: Rachel?
Rachel Berry: I just, um, told Principal Figgins that I rigged the election so that Kurt would win. Kurt, please, don't hate me. You're totally in the clear.
Finn Hudson: What did he say?
Rachel Berry: He said that he had no choice but to put it on my permanent record, and that I'm suspended for a week. Also he said that I was banned from competing at Sectionals.


Ian Brennan: So here's what you missed on Glee: Coach Beiste is head over heels for a guy named Cooter who's a football recruiter. Rachel's running for class president against Kurt and Brittany and a guy from the hockey team.
Rick Nelson: Vote Rick "The Stick"!
Ian Brennan: Burt's running for Congress against Sue and Reggie "The Sauce," this guy who owns a pizza chain and who's gonna air a commercial that'll out Santana.
Santana Lopez: Everyone's gonna know now, because of you!
Ian Brennan: She thought the whole thing was Finn's fault, so she slapped him really hard in front of God and everybody. Ouch. And that's what you missed on Glee.



Principal Figgins: I'm sorry, but since a student had lit firecrackers stuffed down his pants three years ago, we've had a zero tolerance physical violence policy.
Santana Lopez: Is that why you suspended all the kids who have been tossing slushees in our faces for the past two years?
Principal Figgins: Slushees are not on the school board's approved list of suspend-worthy weapons.
Santana Lopez: Here's what you have to understand: I didn't do it.
Will Schuester: We all saw what happened. You slapped Finn in the face, unprovoked.
Santana Lopez: No. See, you don't get it. When I get really pissed off, Santana gets taken over by my other evil personality. I call her "Snixxx." Her wrath of words is called "Snixxx juice." I'm kind of like the Incredible Hulk. You can't blame me for anything Snixxx does.
Principal Figgins: I'm suspending you and this Snixxx two weeks. No argument.
Santana Lopez: Sectionals is next week. If you suspend me, I won't be able to beat Grimace and Mr. Schue's butts. Ms. Corcoran, I highly recommend you do something about this.
Will Schuester: I'm sorry, Santana, Sectionals is important, but you need to be punished for what you did.
Shelby Corcoran: I hate to say it, but I agree.
Santana Lopez: This is garbage. Hamburglar Finn is fine.
Finn Hudson: She didn't slap me. I know that it looked and sounded like she did, but she actually didn't. What is it called in a play or a movie when you pretend to hit someone but you don't?
Shelby Corcoran: A stage slap?
Finn Hudson: It was a stage slap. That's what it was.
Will Schuester: What is your angle here, Finn?
Finn Hudson: The truth. If she didn't actually hit me, then you can't suspend her, right?
Principal Figgins: No.
Finn Hudson: Then that's what happened.
Santana Lopez: I'm a mischievous bitch, but I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell this is about.
Finn Hudson: Well, I want Sectionals to be a fair fight. And that can't happen without you on the Trouble Tones.
Santana Lopez: Well, actually, it would only be a fair fight with me off the team.
Finn Hudson: And I also kind of feel bad for you. Look, I know we've been at each other a lot over these past couple of years, but the truth is I think you're awesome. And when you hide who you are, I feel like you hide part of that awesomeness with it. And that's why you act out because you hurt inside... every day.
Santana Lopez: That's sweet... but if you think that, in exchange for keeping me from getting suspended, I'm gonna come...
Finn Hudson: ...back to the Glee Club? Exactly. You and all the Trouble Tones. I have an idea for a lesson but it won't work out if you're not there.
Santana Lopez: Did Ms. Corcoran and Mr. Schue already agree to this?
Finn Hudson: Look, it's up to you. Either you can come back to the choir room and embrace your awesome or take a two-week vacation and enjoy your seat in the audience for Sectionals.



Rachel Berry: I haven't been this worried about a vote since Lambert versus Allen. Kurt needs this election to get into NYADA. More importantly, he's clearly the superior candidate. I mean, come on.
Brittany S. Pierce: If elected, I will make sure to have sugary treats available at all times. It helps the concentration. That's what George Washington said.
Rachel Berry: I had to take a stand.



Rachel Berry: She's bribing the students with Pixy Stix. Buying votes is illegal.
Principal Figgins: It's also delicious.



Rachel Berry: Nobody cares. They're all so lost in their own worlds that they can't see how important this is to me. Elections have consequences, and the consequence of Brittany winning this election is that I'll have to move to New York without my best gay. What if I need an emergency makeover or a last-minute soufflé?
Jacob Ben Israel: How's the concession speech going? Can I print an early copy on my blog?
Kurt Hummel: Who says I'm ready to concede? I'm leading that hockey playing kid by ten percent.
Jacob Ben Israel: But that's mostly because he's in a medically induced coma after being brutally checked in a game last week. Also, you're trailing Brittany by 17 points. If this was a horse race, you'd be glue.
Rachel Berry: And the glue that keeps this school together when he gets elected president.
Jacob Ben Israel: Oh, my God, it's Brittany. Madam President?
Rachel Berry: Don't worry about it, okay? We still have the rest of the day to change the minds of the voters.
Kurt Hummel: What's the point? I'm gonna lose unless I pull a JFK.
Rachel Berry: You're gonna shoot Brittany?
Kurt Hummel: No, no... when Kennedy ran against Nixon in 1960, he had all his Mob buddies in Chicago stuff the ballot boxes so that he would win Illinois. It won him the presidency.
Rachel Berry: Wait... No! No, I can't let you do this, okay? Come on. Can't we just do, like, a great duet in the cafeteria or the library to just drum up some support?
Kurt Hummel: I have Kennedy's impeccable hairline.
Rachel Berry: I know.
Kurt Hummel: Why can't I have his ends- justify-the-means mentality? If I lose, and my résumé remains blank, I'm not gonna get into NYADA. And I can't accept that.
Rachel Berry: You're seriously considering cheating?
Kurt Hummel: What choice do I have?



Mercedes Jones: Can someone tell us what's going on, please?
Finn Hudson: This week, the Trouble Tones and New Directions will both be singing music created by ladies and for ladies.
Santana Lopez: Oh, hell no.
Finn Hudson: Next week, all of us will be going to Sectionals, and one of us is probably gonna win. But, Santana, we're worried about you.
Santana Lopez: Worry about yourself, fetus face.
Finn Hudson: Glee's about learning how to accept yourself for who you are, no matter what other people think. And that's what this music is all about.
Santana Lopez: So, wait, I don't even get a say in this? Not cool.
Finn Hudson: Everybody in this room knows about you and Brittany. And we don't judge you for it. We celebrate it because it's who you are. Look, I know not everybody outside of this room is as accepting and cool, but we're doing this assignment this week so that you know in this rotten, stinking mean world that you at least have a group of people who will support your choice to be whoever you want to be. That's it. That's what we're doing here. Blaine? Kurt?
Blaine Anderson: Santana, Kurt and I have a song we like to sing to each other in the car. And we want to sing that for you right now.
Santana Lopez: While there's nothing I'd love more than having two Pretty Ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a "gel-ervention" for Blaine than singing lady music.
Kurt Hummel: I know it's hard. It was hard for me, too. But you can get through this.
Blaine Anderson: If you could just stop being so defensive.
Santana Lopez: I'm trying, but your hideous bow ties are provoking me.
Noah Puckerman: Wait, are we talking lady on lady or girl on girl? 'Cause there's a big difference.
Will Schuester: Puck, focus, okay? Kurt, Blaine, why don't you kick us off with what you got?
Kurt Hummel: # Made a wrong turn once or twice #
# Dug my way out, blood and fire #
# Bad decisions, that's all right #
# Welcome to my silly life #
# Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood #
# Miss No-way-it's-all-good #
# It didn't slow me down #
# Mistaken, always second-guessing #
# Underestimated, look, I'm still around #
Kurt & Blaine: # Pretty, pretty please #
# Don't you ever, ever feel #
# Like you're less than, less than perfect #
# Pretty, pretty please #
# If you ever, ever feel like you're nothing #
# You are perfect to me #
Blaine Anderson: # The whole world stared, so I swallowed the fear #
# The only thing I should be drinking is an ice-cold beer #
# So cool in lying, and we try, try, try #
# But we try too hard, and it's a waste of my time. #
# Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere #
# They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair #
# Strange ourselves, and we do it all the time #
Kurt & Blaine: # Why do we do that? #
Blaine Anderson: # Yeah! #
# Oh, oh-oh-oh #
Kurt Hummel: # Oh, pretty, pretty please #
Kurt & Blaine: # Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel #
# Like you're nothing #
# You are perfect to me. #
Finn Hudson: That's good! How about that?
Santana Lopez: Thank you, guys. Thank you, Finn, especially. You know, with all the horrible crap I've been through in my life... now I get to add that.



Sue Sylvester: Dear Journal, My campaign is in crisis. Polls have me neck-and-neck with Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar, and his ad is set to run any day now. Why would someone assume I'm a friend of Ellen just because I'm mannish and highly aggressive and have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girl's sport and I married myself? It just doesn't make sense. The truth is, Journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talking to them, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart only a fella can fill. Salazar's ad will put my campaign on life-support, and if I want to win this race, I need 20 cc's of man-candy, stat! So which one of my hookups is ready for a prime-time photo op? Dan Quayle? Too needy. Stephen Baldwin? Train wreck. Oliver North. Biter. Matt Lauer? Too much crying. Johnny Cochran? Pretty sure he's dead. Eureka. That's the kind of guy I need. Better luck next time, David Boreanaz. Sue Sylvester's found her man.



Emma Pillsbury: What is that animal you appear to be so noisily enjoying?
Shannon Beiste: A chicken stuffed in a duck, jammed in a turkey... a turducken. It's like a barnyard in a bite.
Emma Pillsbury: Wow.
Shannon Beiste: I've been exhausted lately, and I'm trying to eat as much protein as I can to keep up my strength.
Will Schuester: Why are you so tired?
Shannon Beiste: I've been working hard as the student election advisor, and my nights have been much more, well, busier lately.
Will Schuester: Well, if you need help with anything, just let us know.
Emma Pillsbury: Yeah.
Shannon Beiste: I could use some help counting the election ballots.
Will Schuester: Um-hum.
Shannon Beiste: My quadriceps have been trembling like jelly all day. Cooter really pushed me to my limit last night.
Emma Pillsbury: So I take it things are going well between you and Mr. Mankins?
Shannon Beiste: Last night, Cooter asked me to do something I never imagined I'd be doing.



Cooter Menkins: You think you can handle this, Shannon?
Shannon Beiste: Give it to me, Cooter.



Shannon Beiste: Our connection is so amazing and we have so much in common. I really feel like I met my match.
Will Schuester: We are so happy for you, Coach.
Shannon Beiste: Cooter Mankins... he's the only one for me.



Noah Puckerman: # Please, baby, can't you see my mind's a burning hell? #
# I got razors a-rippin' and tearing and strippin' #
# My heart apart as well #
# Tonight you told me that you ache for something new #
# And some other woman is looking like something #
# That might be good for you #
# Go on and hold her till the screaming is gone #
# Go on, believe her when she tells you nothing's wrong #
# Ho-ho, but I'm the only one #
# Who'll walk across the fire for you #
# And I'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you #
# It's only fear that makes you run #
# The demons that you're hiding from #
# When all your promises are gone #
# I'm the only one #
# Please, baby, can't you see? #
# I'm trying to explain #
# I've been here before and I'm locking the door #
# And I'm not going back again #
# Her eyes and arms and skin won't make it go away #
# You'll wake up tomorrow and wrestle the sorrow #
# That holds you down today #
# Go on and hold her till the screamin' is gone #
# Go on, believe her when she tells you nothing's wrong #
# Well, I'm the only one who walked across the fire for you #
# And I'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you #
# It's only fear that makes you run #
# The demons that you're hiding from #
# When all your promises are gone #
# I'm the only one #
# Whoa, whoa #
# Yeah. #
Noah Puckerman: That was for you... Santana. Yeah, I know I was just part of a phase, but whatever, happy to oblige, always.



Quinn Fabray: You kicked ass on that song.
Noah Puckerman: Thank you.
Quinn Fabray: Do think you need to get your eyes checked, though.
Noah Puckerman: Say what?
Quinn Fabray: You sang almost the whole song to Shelby. You hardly even noticed me.
Noah Puckerman: Yeah, that was so that she would think of me... think of us... as the only ones that could take care of Beth and stuff. The song was mainly about baby-sitting for me.
Quinn Fabray: Look, my mom is going on a Christian wine-tasting boat down the Ohio River on Friday.
Noah Puckerman: The Jesus Booze Cruise.
Quinn Fabray: So I'm going to have the house to myself. Want to come over, order in, rent a movie and not watch it? Remember in the hospital after Beth was born? You told me you loved me. We can get that back.
Noah Puckerman: Sorry. Not interested.
Quinn Fabray: Let me be more clear. If you come over on Friday, you get to have sex with me.
Noah Puckerman: Look, I was into you pretty hard a couple years ago 'cause you were hot like a pixie and I thought you were pretty much cooler than every other girl in the school, but turns out, you're kind of nuts. You're higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I've ever met in my life. So thanks for the offer, but I'd rather raw dog a beehive.



Finn Hudson: So, what do you think of the new assignment? It's pretty sweet, right?
Santana Lopez: Do you realize you're basically forcing me out of the flannel closet?
Finn Hudson: Salazar's ad's going to run. That's what's forcing you to deal with this.
Santana Lopez: Why are you getting so worked up about this?
Finn Hudson: 'Cause I don't want you to die. A few weeks ago, some kid who made one of those "It Gets Better" videos killed himself. All right? You deal with your anxiety surrounding this stuff by attacking other people, and someday, that's not going to be enough and you might start attacking yourself.
Santana Lopez: Well, thanks, but that's never going to happen. I'd miss me too much.
Finn Hudson: Look, you were my first. That means something to me. You mean something to me. If something ever were to happen to you, and I didn't do everything that I could to try and stop it, I'd never be able to live with myself.



Finn Hudson: # I came home in the middle of the night #
# My father says what you gonna do with your life? #
# Well, Daddy dear, you're still number one #
# Oh, girls, they wanna have fun #
# Oh, girls, they... #
# The phone rings in the middle of the night #
# My mother says when you gonna live your life right? #
# Well, Mother dear, we're not the founate ones #
# Oh, girls, they wanna have fun #
# Oh, girls, they... #
# It's all they really want... #
# Those girls, they want to have fun #
# Some boys take a beautiful girl #
# Oh, and they hide her away #
# From the rest of the world #
# But not me #
# I wanna be the one in the sun #
# Girls, they wanna have fun #
# Oh, girls, they... #
# That's all they really want #
# Those girls, they wanna have fun. #
Santana Lopez: Thank you.
Finn Hudson: We love you, Santana.



Roberta: One four-cheese, ass-kickin', triple-dippin' chicken taquitos. Double the chicken. One Big Daddy Chicken Patty with extra chicken. And instead of a side... you just want...
Roberta & Shannon: More chicken.
Shannon Beiste: Yeah.
Sue Sylvester: Smile for the camera. Get those to the Lima Times ASAP.
Becky Jackson: Sure thing, Coach.
Shannon Beiste: Hey, Cooter. What are you doing here?
Cooter Menkins: Oh, hey, Coach. Just, uh... just grabbing some dinner with Sue here.
Sue Sylvester: Excuse me, Bluto, but I'm on a date with my man, enjoying some disgusting creamy pasta, and phoners with several major media outlets. So why don't you just hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain.
Shannon Beiste: You're on a date?
Cooter Menkins: Y... Yeah, I guess.
Sue Sylvester: Listen, Home Perm, Cooter's been my regular booty call since the late 1990s... Oop! My iPhone 5 is vibrating. That's a new feature of the iPhone 5... they vibrate now. And I have to take this... it's a reporter from USA Today, the newspaper for people who can't read.
Shannon Beiste: It's nice to see you, Cooter.
Cooter Menkins: Hey, Shannon, Shannon... You okay?
Shannon Beiste: No. No, I'm not. I thought you and I were doing stuff, and stuff.
Cooter Menkins: Shannon, I didn't think you were interested. Every time I gather up the courage to ask you out on a date, we end up lifting weights at the gym or at a protein seminar. So, last time, I said to myself, "Dang it, Coot," you just gotta make a move." And so I tried to hold your hand, and you punched me.
Shannon Beiste: It was a reflex. I thought you were trying to steal my class ring.
Cooter Menkins: I like you, Shannon, and I like hanging out with you, but the truth is, I can't tell what's going on with us. I'm not looking for a buddy. I'm a grown man. I mean, I need more than that.



Jacob Ben Israel: I don't have to ask who you lovely ladies are voting for.
Santana Lopez: I'm Team Britt all the way.
Brittany S. Pierce: I'm voting for the hockey player.
Jacob Ben Israel: Rick "The Stick" Nelson. Well, I wouldn't worry too much about a spare vote here or there, Brittany. My exit polling is putting you well ahead of Lady Hummel. This election is "ovah"!
Santana Lopez: That's right!
Jacob Ben Israel: Come on. One last interview before you lose.
Finn Hudson: Hey, hey, hey, give it a break.
Jacob Ben Israel: Hey, just one more! Just a word!
Kurt Hummel: God, I feel like a lamb waiting in line to be slaughtered.
Finn Hudson: Chin up, Kurt. It's not over till all the votes are counted.
Rachel Berry: Yep, and you're going to get loads. Look, look, Quinn is going into the voting booth right now. She's definitely going to vote for you.
Quinn Fabray: I like what Kurt stands for, and Brittany is insane, but just like my dad always voted for the candidate that was least ethnic, I'm voting for the one who's most girl.
Mercedes Jones: Brittany is my Trouble Tones home girl, but thank God for secret ballots because if Santana's girlfriend wins this election I'm never going to hear the end of it.
Kurt Hummel: If I lose, I don't have a chance of getting into NYADA. It's not fair... the difference between my dreams coming true and managing a Sonic Burger depends on how many people check a stupid box.
Will Schuester: Hey, how's it going?
Shannon Beiste: I can't believe I agreed to let District hold polling places in our gym today. It's like she's rubbing it in my face.
Will Schuester: Don't take it personally. It's all just a big campaign strategy for her.
Becky Jackson: Coach Sue wants you to have this. She says she hopes it rubs it in your face.
Emma Pillsbury: I don't understand what happened.
Shannon Beiste: He said I was uncommunicative. Aw, man, I'm so bummed out, I feel like I'm living one of the tragic country music songs.
Emma Pillsbury: Well, then you need to go tell him how you feel.
Will Schuester: We're going to go vote, and you just got to go for it, okay? When this is all over and done with, Sue's going to lose the election and the guy.
Shannon Beiste: Thanks.
# Jolene, Jolene #
# Jolene, Jolene... #
# I'm begging of you, please #
# Don't take my man #
# Jolene, Jolene #
# Jolene, Jolene... #
# Please don't take him just because you can #
# Your beauty is beyond compare #
# With flaming locks of golden hair #
# With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green #
# Your smile is like a breath of spring #
# Your voice is soft like summer rain #
# And I cannot compete with you, Jolene #
# He talks about you in his sleep #
# And there's nothing I can do to keep #
# From crying, when he calls your name, Jolene #
# And I could easily understand #
# How you could easily take my man #
# But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene #
# Jolene #
# Jolene, Jolene, Jolene #
# Please don't take him even though you can #
# Jolene #
# Jolene #
# Jolene. #
Rachel Berry: Are you... are you okay, Coach?
Shannon Beiste: Yeah. Fine. Are you?
Rachel Berry: Yep. I'm, I'm great. Thank you.



Josh Coleman: Saw the commercial. Whew. Smokin'.
Santana Lopez: Who the hell are you?
Josh Coleman: Josh Coleman. Sophomore rugby captain. Girls like you are a challenge. You just need the right guy to straighten you out, and I'm just the man to do it.
Mercedes Jones: Move your busted creeper ass.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Now.
Josh Coleman: Easy, girls. I'm just trying to make her normal.
Brittany S. Pierce: She is normal.
Quinn Fabray: It's not a choice, idiot. But even if it were, you'd be our last choice.
Josh Coleman: Oh, I get it. You're all a bunch of lesbos.
Rachel Berry: So what if we are? You don't stand a chance either way. Bye-bye. Walk away.
Santana Lopez: # This was never the way I planned #
Rachel Berry: # Not my intention #
Santana Lopez: # I got so brave, drink in hand #
Rachel Berry: # Lost my discretion #
Santana Lopez: # It's not what #
Rachel Berry: # I'm used to #
Santana Lopez: # Just wanna try you on #
Rachel Berry: # I'm curious for you #
Santana & Rachel: # Caught my attention #
# I kissed a girl and I liked it #
Santana Lopez: # The taste of her cherry Chapstick #
Santana & Rachel: # I kissed a girl just to try it #
Rachel Berry: # I hope my boyfriend don't mind it #
Santana & Rachel: # It felt so wrong #
# It felt so right #
# Don't mean I'm in love tonight #
# I kissed a girl and I liked it #
# I liked it #
# Us girls, we are so magical #
# Soft skin, red lips #
# So kissable #
# Hard to resist, so touchable #
# Too good to deny it #
# Ain't no big deal; #
Santana Lopez: # It's innocent... #
Santana & Rachel: # I kissed a girl and I liked it #
# The taste of her cherry Chapstick #
# I kissed a girl just to try it #
# I hope my boyfriend don't mind it #
# It felt so wrong #
# It felt so right #
# Don't mean I'm in love tonight #
# I kissed a girl and I liked it #
# I liked it. #
Quinn Fabray: Come here.
Santana Lopez: Okay, okay. Update, y'all. Um, I told my parents last night, and they were actually okay with it.
Brittany S. Pierce: No way!
Santana Lopez: I just have to tell my Abuela before she sees that stupid commercial. But luckily she only watches Univision.
Principal Figgins: Excuse me, New Directions and Trouble Tones singing groups. Mr. Kurt Hummel, I need to see you in my office immediately.



Principal Figgins: First of all, Mr. Hummel, congratulations on your early exit poll numbers. Things are looking very good indeed for you.
Burt Hummel: Thank you, Figgins. Now can you tell me why I'm here today?
Principal Figgins: There seems to have been some irregularities with the student council ballot boxes.
Kurt Hummel: What do you mean by irregularities?
Shannon Beiste: Kurt won... but by 190 votes.
Burt Hummel: Well, that's great! Right?
Shannon Beiste: Well, the problem is there's more ballots than there are seniors, and Kurt won by a suspiciously wide margin.
Kurt Hummel: No, no, I-I didn't do it. I didn't cheat, I mean, I mean I thought about it, but I-I-I...
Burt Hummel: What do you mean you thought about it?
Kurt Hummel: I... I thought about it because I-I-I wanted to win so badly, and I was worried that I wouldn't. But, but, I didn't cheat. I-I worked really hard on this. I didn't cheat!



Kurt Hummel: Someone stuffed the ballot boxes. They think I did it. If they can prove it, I could be suspended.
Rachel Berry: Oh, my God, Kurt...
Kurt Hummel: And I lost. I lost the election. I lost the lead in West Side Story. I can forget about New York and NYADA, 'cause they'll never take me now. You know, the worst part is that I really, for a second, thought I won.
Rachel Berry: Kurt, I'm-I'm so sorry...
Kurt Hummel: I have to find Blaine.
Finn Hudson: Rachel, I want you to know, I didn't do this.
Rachel Berry: I did it.
Finn Hudson: What? What were you thinking?
Rachel Berry: I-I-I... I wasn't thinking. I-I just... I wanted to help him so bad.
Finn Hudson: You have to go tell Figgins.
Rachel Berry: I can't, I'll get suspended.
Finn Hudson: Rachel, Kurt'll get suspended.



Mrs. Hagberg: Who can tell me the quadratic equation? Noah, I told you, you don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom.
Noah Puckerman: It's x equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4AC. All over 2A.
Mrs. Hagberg: That's right. Who told you?
Noah Puckerman: Um, I did. I've been doing the books for my pool-cleaning business. I've got mad math skills, yo! I'm like that Beautiful Mind guy, without all the crazy. You're go for Puckerman.
Mrs. Hagberg: Class isn't over!
Noah Puckerman: Sorry. Family emergency.



Noah Puckerman: What happened? Where is she?
Shelby Corcoran: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you, I just... I don't have anybody else.
Noah Puckerman: Is she okay?
Shelby Corcoran: She's with the doctor. She slipped and hit her lip on the floor, and there was blood everywhere. I turned my back for three seconds. I'm freaking out now. They won't even let me in the room with her.
Noah Puckerman: It's cool. I'm here now.
Doctor: Hi. Uh, her bottom tooth went through her lip. Couple stitches, she'll be fine.
Shelby Corcoran: Really?
Noah Puckerman: Wait. I want her to see a plastic surgeon first.
Doctor: Well, I've gen plenty of stitches.
Noah Puckerman: I live a somewhat active lifestyle... judo, paintball... which means I've had more stitches than Frankenstein, so if anyone's gonna touch Beth's face, it's gonna be a plastic surgeon.
Doctor: I'll page her.
Noah Puckerman: It's okay. I'm here now. Everything's gonna be okay.



Noah Puckerman: Yeah. I did a good job. You're very pretty. You know, the advantage of a relationship with a younger dude is that I still got four me rounds in me before I need a steak sandwich and a Coke Zero.
Shelby Corcoran: You need to go. Before Beth wakes up. This was a mistake. I was a mess at the hospital.
Noah Puckerman: Yeah, I was like freakin' Wolverine. Beth would have a big scar on her lip for the rest of her life if it weren't for me.
Shelby Corcoran: Okay. This is just wrong. Go. Please. Go.
Noah Puckerman: You know what? Screw you. Yeah, you got the boom and the pow, and your lips are cash money, but what really turned me on about you was how much of an ass-kicker you were. Winning all those championships, going to New York, raising Beth alone... all garbage. This was your chance to get in on the ground floor of something really special... me. But you're too much of a coward to go for it.



Alma Lopez: Santana, you're all bones. Like Jesus on the cross. Eat.
Santana Lopez: Abuelita, I have something that I want to talk to you about...
Alma Lopez: Okay, who cares, talk with your mouth full, hm?
Santana Lopez: No, no, no. Come on. Come on.
Alma Lopez: Hmm?
Santana Lopez: Siente te conmigo.
Alma Lopez: Ah. Okay.
Santana Lopez: Look... I have to tell you a secret; a secret that I've kept hidden for a long time, but...
Alma Lopez: You need salsa...?
Santana Lopez: No, no, no. Escúchame. Please... You're so special to me.
Alma Lopez: Santana, are you pregnant? Because I will beat you up with this chair.
Santana Lopez: No, it's not... it's not that.
Alma Lopez: Okay.
Santana Lopez: It's just that I've watched you my whole life. And you've always been so strong. Done exactly what you believe, and never cared about what anyone else thought of you...
Alma Lopez: Tell me about your life, I know mine.
Santana Lopez: Abuelita... I love girls the way that I'm supposed to feel about boys. It's just something that's always been inside of me, and I really want to share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me. Who I really am. When I'm with Brittany... I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. I've tried so hard to push this feeling away, and keep it locked inside... but every day just feels like a war. I walk around so mad at the world, but I'm really just fighting with myself. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired. I have to just be me. Say something, please.
Alma Lopez: Everyone has secrets, Santana. They're called secrets for a reason. I want you to leave this house. I don't ever want to see you again.
Santana Lopez: Abuela, you...
Alma Lopez: Go.
Santana Lopez: You don't...
Alma Lopez: Now.
Santana Lopez: I'm the same person I was a minute ago.
Alma Lopez: You made your choice. Now I have made mine.
Santana Lopez: But why?
Alma Lopez: It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable. Esto es una vergüenza. The sin isn't in the thing, it's in the scandal, when people talk about it aloud.
Santana Lopez: So you're saying it would've been better if I would've kept this a secret? Abuela...



Noah Puckerman: I didn't bring protection.
Quinn Fabray: It's okay. I don't care.
Noah Puckerman: Under normal circumstances, I'd take my chances, but we have a pretty crappy track record.
Quinn Fabray: Maybe we'll get lucky again.
Noah Puckerman: You mean unlucky.
Quinn Fabray: Look, trying to get Beth back was a stupid idea.
Noah Puckerman: You're just figuring this out now?
Quinn Fabray: But we made one perfect baby. We can make another. We have everything we need.
Noah Puckerman: Wait... Is this why you invited me over? See, this is what happens when you have anger sex.
Quinn Fabray: Why are you angry at me? Fine! You don't want this? There's 20 other guys at this school who would kill to give me what I want; they would kill to love me.
Noah Puckerman: I'm not angry at you. I let you down. We all did. You just spent a whole week helping Santana with a secret everybody already knows, and not one person took ten seconds to help you. And you're a frickin' mess. You have been for three years. Ever since I knocked you up. You don't need a baby or a dude or anyone to make you special. If there's one person that I'm sure is gonna get the hell out of this town and make something of herself, it's you.
Quinn Fabray: Maybe I was just... getting all my crazy, bad decisions out of the way early.
Noah Puckerman: I see you somewhere warm and glamorous, like L.A. or Miami or Toronto.
Quinn Fabray: Fine. But you have to do something for me. You're staying here. You're gonna lie with me and hold me.
Noah Puckerman: Okay. But no funny business.
Quinn Fabray: Who are you angry at? You know, the whole "anger sex" thing.
Noah Puckerman: I need to tell you something. But you have to promise to keep it a secret.



Cooter Menkins: How bad was it?
Sue Sylvester: Dukakis bad. Third place with 16% of the vote.
Cooter Menkins: What does that mean for... us?
Shannon Beiste: Yeah, I have the same question. Now that the election's over, you two don't have to pretend to be something you're not.
Cooter Menkins: Now, Shannon...
Sue Sylvester: Cooter, have a seat on that Pilates ball right over there. This is between me... and Brian Dennehy. I lost a lot in the last 24 hours. Lost an election, lost my reputation, I lost an enormous last-minute bet I placed on myself with a very shady bookie from Vegas. Cooter Mankins is the best thing to happen to me since a sophomore named Becky Jackson waddled into my life, and I will be damned if I lose him, too.
Cooter Menkins: Shannon, I like you heaps. But I'd be lying if I told you I didn't like Sue here, too. I don't know what to say.
Shannon Beiste: I've had the same problem. I haven't known what to say, either. But I feel like I finally do. Cooter, I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry I haven't told you till now, and I'm sorry I let a tall, pretty blonde swoop in and snatch you right away, but I'm telling you now, if I had to bench-press a wildebeest just to prove to you how much you mean to me, I would do it. I would do anything to win you back, Coot. And I will not go down without a fight.



Will Schuester: Okay, guys. Shelby and I just wanted to say that you've really inspired us.
Shelby Corcoran: When we face off at Sectionals, it will be with more empathy, and a deeper understanding of each other.
Will Schuester: That's right. That's right!
Artie Abrams: Where's Rachel? She never misses applause.
Finn Hudson: She's dealing with stuff.
Kurt Hummel: Mr. Schue?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Kurt Hummel: As the son of Ohio's recently-minted Congressman...
Will Schuester: Yeah, Burt!
Kurt Hummel: And to dispel any lingering clouds of suspicion, I would like to, personally and publicly, congratulate President Brittany. The people have spoken, and they want you, Brit. They want Pixy Stix. Rule wisely. Rule fabulously.
Brittany S. Pierce: That was the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me.
Kurt Hummel: Ooh!
Brittany S. Pierce: Thank you, Kurt. You're still the most unicorn of them all, so...
Kurt Hummel: Maybe I could put that on my NYADA application.
Blaine Anderson: Don't give up hope, ever. We'll figure something out.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Quinn, are you okay?
Will Schuester: Santana, will you bring us home?
Brittany S. Pierce: That's right!
Santana Lopez: Thanks, Mr. Schue. So I picked a song that gives me strength and gets me through. Same way all of you do. The struggle continues, but at least I know I'm not alone.
# Even #
# Through the darkest phase #
# Be it #
# Thick or thin #
# Always #
# Someone marches brave #
# Here beneath #
# My skin #
# And constant #
# Craving #
# Has always #
# Been #
Shelby Corcoran: # Maybe #
# A great magnet pulls #
# All souls #
# Towards truth #
# Or maybe #
# It is life itself #
# Leads wisdom #
# To its youth #
Santana & Shelby: # Constant #
# Craving #
# Has always #
# Been #
# Craving... #
# Ah-ha #
# Constant craving #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has al... #
# Ways been #
# Has always been. #
Will Schuester: Rachel?
Rachel Berry: I just, um, told Principal Figgins that I rigged the election so that Kurt would win. Kurt, please, don't hate me. You're totally in the clear.
Finn Hudson: What did he say?
Rachel Berry: He said that he had no choice but to put it on my permanent record, and that I'm suspended for a week. Also he said that I was banned from competing at Sectionals.
外部リンク
 AfterEllen.com
 IMDb
 Glee Wiki
 Wikipedia

308. Hold On to Sixteen

放送日:2011年12月6日


Quinn Fabray: I thought you weren't allowed here.
Rachel Berry: I'm permitted on school grounds as long as I'm getting my work. Oh, I wanted to tell you I'm available for vocal coaching if you need any help. We need to bring our "A" game if we have any chance of beating the Trouble Tones.
Quinn Fabray: Oh, we're not gonna have any trouble with them. Not as soon as I have Shelby Corcoran fired. She's sleeping with Puck.
Rachel Berry: Look, that's a really, really dangerous rumor to make up, okay? You're gonna ruin her entire reputation.
Quinn Fabray: That's the plan. And it's not a lie. I heard it from Puck.
Rachel Berry: First of all, Puck is 18, so what he and Shelby are doing, even though it's just wrong and so gross, it's not illegal. So all you're doing is you're just, you're getting her fired, which is gonna take away her income to provide food and clothes and put a roof over her child's tiny little blonde head.
Quinn Fabray: Sounds like an unfit mother. And I'll be waiting in the wings when they take Beth away from her.
Rachel Berry: Beth loves her mom. Shelby is her real mom. Look, you've done a lot of really bad things, Quinn, but if you tell people about this Puck-and-Shelby thing, you'll be ruining this little girl's life, and then you'll have really hit rock bottom.



Finn Hudson: Sectionals is in our auditorium for the first time since 1963.
Will Schuester: Too much talking, not enough looking for songs for Sectionals. We need to do something upbeat.
Finn Hudson: Mr. Schue, maybe we need to concentrate on our performer problem before we set a set list. I mean, at least the Cheerios can dance. We need star power. We need Sam Evans.
Will Schuester: Sam transferred. His whole family moved. We don't even know where he is.
Finn Hudson: He's in Kentucky. It's just across the border from Cincinnati. It's about a four hours from here. Even homeless people have Facebook.



Kurt Hummel: Rachel and I might as well get used to a life of barista work and summer stock. There's no way we're getting into NYADA now. If we don't win at Sectionals, I pretty much have nothing to live for.
Blaine Anderson: New Directions is a mess, and we're gonna lose, Kurt, and I can't do a thing about it. Every time I open my mouth, Finn gives me these looks like, "What does he think he's doing?" I know what I'm doing.
Sebastian Smythe: Hey, guys! It's so crazy. I'm sitting over there checking out this guy and all of a sudden I'm, like, "Wait a second I know that hair." What's up, buddy? Haven't seen you online. Hi, Kurt.
Blaine Anderson: We've been really busy with Glee Club.
Kurt Hummel: Practicing for Sectionals... together.
Blaine Anderson: Mmm, congrats on the Warbler win at your sectionals. We're up this week.
Sebastian Smythe: Yeah. Well, hey, if there's one guy that can whip New Directions into a legitimate threat, it's Blaine Anderson, right?
Blaine Anderson: Right. I need another coffee.
Kurt Hummel: I don't like you.
Sebastian Smythe: Fun. I don't like you either.
Kurt Hummel: I don't like the way you talk to my boyfriend, I don't like your smirky little meerkat face, I don't like your obnoxious CW hair. I'm onto you.
Sebastian Smythe: Let's get a few things straight. Blaine's too good for you. New Directions is a joke. And one of us has a hard luck case of the gay-face, and it ain't me. Odds are by the end of the school year, I'll have Blaine and a nationals trophy, and you'll have khakis and a Lima Bean apron and that gay face.
Kurt Hummel: You smell like Craig's List.
Blaine Anderson: What are you guys talking about?
Sebastian Smythe: Duh, the next time we're all going out drinking, killer!
Blaine Anderson: Uh-oh.
Sebastian Smythe: Well, I gotta run. But you take care of that Warbler, Kurt.



Finn Hudson: Wait. This can't be the right place. Sam works in a bar?
Rachel Berry: Well, there just aren't a lot of theaters in Northern Kentucky, so theatre groups just have to perform in whatever space they can find.
Finn Hudson: There's a lot of ladies here— like, older ladies.
Rachel Berry: Finn, it's no secret that dinner theater appeals to elderly women.
Announcer: Good afternoon, ladies! Are you ready to meet the men of Stallionz? Then please welcome to the stage— Cobra!
Finn Hudson: I didn't know Backdraft was a musical.
Announcer: Someone get the door, 'cause here comes Mr. Package.
Rachel Berry: Oh, God, no.
Announcer: And ladies, let's give a warm welcome to White Chocolate!
Finn Hudson: That's not an image I can ever get out of my mind.
Rachel Berry: Give me a dollar.
Finn Hudson: What?
Rachel Berry: Just give me a dollar.
Sam Evans: Rach-Rachel...



Sam Evans: I tried getting a real job. DQ was great and I got two free Blizzards a day, but it paid just over minimum wage. Thanks. You know how much I made this afternoon? 60 bucks. $61... in 15 minutes. Am I ashamed I work here? Yeah, I'm ashamed. My dad got a job working construction to pay the rent, but when my brother needs a new pair of shoes or the TV busts, these abs pay for it.
Finn Hudson: Wait. Your parents don't know that you work here?
Sam Evans: No, they just think the DQ pays really well. I'm good at this.
Rachel Berry: You're good at it because you have that a boy-next-door innocence that makes you approachable, okay? You're good at it for all the reasons that you shouldn't be doing it.
Finn Hudson: Come back to McKinley, Sam. We need you for Sectionals. Tell me you don't want it. Dude, you're young, you got so much potential. Working re is, like, throwing your life away.
Sam Evans: Okay, I want it... but my dad will never let me.
Finn Hudson: Don't know till you ask.



Sam Evans: Here we go. Dad, Mom, what I'm trying to say is I want to go back to Ohio with them. They need me to compete at Sectionals this weekend.
Rachel Berry: And he could stay at one of our houses, so it wouldn't be like he was homeless. Not that there isn't a quiet dignity in that or anything.
Dwight Evans: You think you two could go in the other room, make yourselves busy, please?
Finn Hudson: Yeah, totally— I'm really good at looking busy.
Dwight Evans: Son... we've had a really tough year, but now we've back on our feet. You had to become a man much sooner than other kids your age.
Sam Evans: I'm-I'm proud of what we've all done. It's just that... I miss being a teenager.
Dwight Evans: Hey-hey-hey-hey...
Sam Evans: Mom, please don't... Look, if you cry, I won't go.
Mary Evans: I'm just crying because... it just makes me so sad to think of not seeing your face every day. Though I don't understand why the Dairy Queen makes you put that glitter all over it.
Dwight Evans: This gonna make you happy?
Sam Evans: You have no idea.
Dwight Evans: Come on.



Artie Abrams: Are we sure yet which band members are joining us?
Noah Puckerman: Well, it looks like "Floppy Hair Bass Dude," "Chapped Lips McGee," and "Johnny Tromboner."
Tina Cohen-Chang: God, we're screwed.
Quinn Fabray: No, we're not. I know for a fact that we're winning.
Will Schuester: Hey, great news, everybody. Sectionals is going to be a challenge, but we have a—
Kurt Hummel: Mr. Schue, we all appreciate your endless supply of affirmations, but all the sparkling cider in the world can't deny the fact that the Titanic has hit the iceberg and now we're on a sinking ship.
Sam Evans: Not if I can help it. Hey.
Mike Chang: Hi!
Quinn Fabray: Come here!
Sam Evans: I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Finn and Rachel. I sort of lost my way, but... true friends help you find your way back.
Finn Hudson: Let's hear it for Sam Evans!
Sam Evans: All right, enough of the sentimental stuff. It's time y'all get a little country back in this joint!
New Directions: Oh!
Artie Abrams: Cheers!
Finn Hudson: Two, one, two, three.
Sam Evans: # Now a red Solo cup is the best receptacle for barbecues #
# Tailgates, fairs and festivals #
# And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles #
# If you prefer drinking from glass #
# Hey, a red Solo cup is cheap and disposable #
# And in 14 years, they are decomposable #
# And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable #
# Freddie Mac can kiss my ass! Ooh! #
# Red Solo cup, uh-huh, I fill you up #
# Let's have a party #
Boys of ND: # Let's have a party #
Sam Evans: # Let's have a party #
# I love you, red Solo cup #
# I lift you up, proceed to party #
Finn Hudson: # Proceed to party #
Sam Evans: # Proceed to party #
Finn Hudson: # Proceed to party #
Sam Evans: # Now, I seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow #
# But only you, Red, will do for this fellow #
# 'Cause you are the Abbot unto my Costello #
# And you are the fruit to my loom #
# Red Solo cup, you're more than just plastic #
# You're more than amazing, you're more than fantastic #
# Believe me when I'm not the least bit sarcastic #
# When I look at you and say... #
# Red solo cup, you're not just a cup. #
Finn Hudson: # God, no! #
Sam Evans: # You're my... #
Finn Hudson: Friend? #
Sam Evans: # You're my friend. Thank you for being my friend, red Solo cup. #
Quinn Fabray: # Aw... #
Sam Evans: # Red Solo cup, I fill you up #
# Let's have a party #
Finn Hudson: # Have a party #
Sam Evans: # Let's have a party #
Finn Hudson: # Let's have a party #
Sam Evans: # I love you, red Solo cup #
# Red Solo #
New Directions: # I fill you up #
# Let's have a party #
Sam Evans: # Let's have a party #
New Directions: # Let's have a party, yeah-eah! #
Finn, Quinn & Tina: # Solo cup #
Sam Evans: # Do-do #
Finn, Quinn & Tina: # Solo cup #
Sam Evans: # Oh, do-do #
Finn, Quinn & Tina: # Solo cup #
Sam Evans: # Doo-dee-da-ba #
# Hmm-hmm-mm. #
Will Schuester: Corn dogs!
Santana Lopez: I just heard the news that Trouty Mouth is back in town. I've been keeping a notebook, just in case this day ever came. "Welcome back, Lisa Rinna. I've missed you so much since your family packed their bags, loaded them in your mouth, and skipped town. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to enjoy a crisp pickle, but couldn't find anyone to suck the lid off the jar. I assume you've been working as a baby-polisher, where young mothers place their infants' heads in your mouth to get back that newborn shine. So glad you're back. I haven't seen a smile that big since a Claymation Abominable Snowman got his teeth pulled by that little gay elf dentist. Love, Santana."
Sam Evans: I missed you, too, Santana.



Quinn Fabray: Hey, Sam, wait up. I'm sure you've heard that Mercedes has a new boyfriend. He's got a full scholarship to Ohio State.
Sam Evans: Nice to see you, too, Quinn.
Quinn Fabray: No, no, it's a good thing. See, I'm free, you're free. And I'm sure that you've noticed that I'm supermodel thin now that my thyroid is under control.
Sam Evans: What do you want, Quinn?
Quinn Fabray: Look, last year I didn't appreciate you. But we're perfect together.
Sam Evans: Quinn...
Quinn Fabray: I'm gonna get Beth back. And-And you'd be perfect to help raise her. You're so good with kids. What is so funny?
Sam Evans: Quinn, you've got what I call "rich white girl problems." It's a tough world out there, I know. I've been through it. You only get one senior year. Enjoy it. You know that song "Jack and Diane" by John Mellencamp?
Quinn Fabray: Please don't sing.
Sam Evans: My favorite lyric is this one: "Hold on to 16 as long as you can."



Tina Cohen-Chang: Well, want going to see your dance. I thought video one of your team with the applications? Deadlines are this week.
Mike Chang: Tina, I already applied to Stanford. Pre-med.
Tina Cohen-Chang: But you don't want to be a doctor, you want to be a dancer.
Mike Chang: Not if it means ripping my family apart. My dad hasn't said one word to me or my mom since West Side Story. I'll dance in my free time. Everyone's happy.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Except for you. Mike, your dad needs to understand that dancing is your passion, not some extracurricular.
Mike Chang: I miss him, Tina.
Tina Cohen-Chang: I know. But you have one life, Mike. One chance to get it right. Don't be a coward.
Mike Chang: Don't call me that.
Tina Cohen-Chang: You won't make it as a dancer if you're not 100% committed. So maybe your dad's right. Maybe you should be a doctor.
Mike Chang: Or maybe he's right, and we shouldn't be together.



Will Schuester: ...six, seven, eight. Bum-bum-bum. Step and hit. Come on! To the beat!
Noah Puckerman: What does it even matter, anyway? It's not like we have a chance of winning. Not without the girls.
Rory Flanagan: Sir, girls smell better than ham and when they're dancing and bouncing around, you can't help but watch them.
Will Schuester: Well, that's it then. We'll take what's most appealing about us as a group, and we'll use it to our advantage.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah, how about, you know, something like, um... something like that?
Kurt Hummel: Cute!
Will Schuester: I like the spin, I like the spin. Try it again. Yeah.
Sam Evans: God, okay, stop, stop. Look, Blaine, this... is totally boy band. What we need to sell here is sex.
Blaine Anderson: What the hell is that?
Sam Evans: That's a, it's a body roll.
Blaine Anderson: It's not a body roll.
Sam Evans: That is sex.
Artie Abrams: Man's not wrong. I got light tingles where it's only 50/50 for tingling.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sam, that's awesome. That's exactly what we need.
Blaine Anderson: No, that's not, that's not what we need. We don't have to resort to... that. It's cheap. You know, it's selling out.
Sam Evans: I came back here to win. When you're desperate, sometimes you got to, you know, use your assets and do what you got to do to get back that advantage. This is the advantage.
Blaine Anderson: Of course that's what you think; you have to think that in order to sleep at night.
Sam Evans: What the hell does that mean?
Blaine Anderson: It means that I'm not for sale.
Will Schuester: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey.
Blaine Anderson: Forget it.



Finn Hudson: Is that Sam's face?
Blaine Anderson: Yep. Yours, too. Don't act so surprised. After getting bullied so much, I took up boxing. I also started the Dalton branch of Fight Club, which I obviously can't talk about! What is your problem with me, anyway?! Ever since I got here, you've given me nothing but crap.
Finn Hudson: Honestly, dude, I was kind of jealous. I felt threatened. Your talent kind of freaked me out, made me question whether or not I was good enough. Look, Blaine, I'm sorry. Uh, I've been acting like a jackass to you. With Rachel gone, you're the most talented, well-rounded member of this team. And now more than ever, we need to be on the same page. United.
Blaine Anderson: Tell me what you need me to do.
Finn Hudson: We have an opportunity. An opportunity to be remembered at this school for the rest of our lives for doing the impossible. But it all starts right here, with you and me. I just want to be able to look across that stage at you and know that we did everything we could. No regrets.
Blaine Anderson: Let's get back to work.
Finn Hudson: All right.



Mercedes Jones: What are you doing?
Sam Evans: Holding your hand.
Mercedes Jones: Don't. Sam, look, I...
Sam Evans: I heard about your boyfriend.
Mercedes Jones: Then you heard he's built like a bulldozer. We had a summer fling.
Sam Evans: It was more than that.
Mercedes Jones: I'll always have a special place in my heart for you, but... I've moved on. And you need to do the same.
Sam Evans: I don't care how big or bad your boyfriend is. I'm gonna fight to get you back.



Mike Chang Sr.: What's this?
Tina Cohen-Chang: A bootleg of West Side Story. Starring your son. You missed the performance, but I thought you should see how truly incredible Mike was in it.
Mike Chang Sr.: Go. Take that with you.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Are you sure? 'Cause if you saw it, then maybe you'd realize that Mike's throwing everything he loves away just to please you. And if you don't make it right, he's going to spend the rest of his life doing something he hates, dying inside.
Mike Chang Sr.: Tina... sit. Please. You want to be a performer, too? And your parents support this?
Tina Cohen-Chang: They love me.
Mike Chang Sr.: They love you, but they're not honest with you. And you children, you think you know everything, but this path you've chosen, Tina, the one you want Mike to choose, too, there'll be such heartache. So few opportunities for you.
Tina Cohen-Chang: I know. I've heard the jokes. I better hope they do a musical of The Joy Luck Club or Memoirs of a Geisha. I don't care. Performing is what I need to do— same as your son. And it may be hard, but it's what we were born to do. You know, you're always talking about honor, Mr. Chang. Help your son honor his gift.



New Directions: # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #
# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #
Blaine Anderson: Okay, guys, you're going to want to sing from your diaphragm as much as you can.
Finn Hudson: And if you forget the words, just keep your lips moving. Hopefully, nobody will notice.
Will Schuester: Let's take a few moments to gather our thoughts. Trouble Tones are on in five.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Good luck out there. What?
Mike Chang: Why would you try and talk to my dad? You're making things worse. He almost didn't let me come today. I'm really disappointed in you, Tina.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Well, that makes two of us, 'cause I'm really disappointed in you.
Shelby Corcoran: Hello, Will.
Will Schuester: Looking good, ladies!
Shelby Corcoran: We just came to say, may the best Glee club win.
Santana Lopez: Yes, and just in case that Glee club is us, I have convinced Miss Corcoran to consider a contingency plan.
Shelby Corcoran: Yes, in the event of a New Directions loss, Trouble Tones has voted to allow any of you to join us at Regionals.
Sugar Motta: You're welcome.
Will Schuester: Excuse me?
Finn Hudson: That's incredibly rude, Santana.
Santana Lopez: We're being nice. It would be rude if I followed you around and every time you took a step, I played a note on a tuba.
Will Schuester: Thank you for the offer, Miss Corcoran, but right now, we're gonna concentrate on winning this thing.
Quinn Fabray: And we will be winning, Shelby. We've got it in the bag. Puck here is going to come through for us. He's such a shining star, in every conceivable way. Don't you think?
Shelby Corcoran: Good luck, everybody. See you on the ice.



Finn Hudson: Sad?
Rachel Berry: Devastated.
Announcer: And now, the judges for this year's Show Choir Sectional...
Finn Hudson: Come on.
Announcer: ...here at McKinley High. Department of Motor Vehicles Employee of the Month, Brandy Englebert! From the 11th District Court of Appeals, the Honorable Judge Dorothy Saunders! And Western Ohio's Birthday Clown of the Year three years running— Tickles! And now, let's welcome our first performers. All the way from Defiance, Ohio, the Unitards!
The Unitards: # What's new, Buenos Aires? #
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, it's the Gerber baby.
The Unitards: # I'm new, I want to say I'm just a little stuck on you #
# You'll be on me, too #
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, she's good.
Rachel Berry: Oh, this is torture. I should be singing that song.
The Unitards: # Stand back #
# You ought to know what you're gonna get in me #
# Just a little touch of star quality #
# Fill me up with your heat, with your noise #
# With your dirt, overdo me #
# Let me dance to your beat, make it loud, let it hurt #
# Run it through me #
# All I want is a whole lot of excess #
# Tell the singer this is where I'm playing #
# And... if ever I go too far #
# It's because of the things you are #
# Beautiful town #
# I love you #
# You're a tramp, you're a treat #
# You will shine to the death, you are shoddy #
# But you're flesh, you are meat #
# You shall have every breath in my body #
# Put me down for a lifetime of success #
# Give me credit, I'll find ways of paying #
# Stand back, Buenos Aires #
# Because you ought to know what you're gonna get in me #
# Just a little touch of, just a little touch of #
# Just a little touch of star quality. #
Emma Pillsbury: Wow.
Will Schuester: I didn't count on that one.



Rachel Berry: Where are you going?
Quinn Fabray: Aren't you supposed to be in the auditorium?
Rachel Berry: I saw you leave the auditorium. I know what you're gonna go do. You're gonna go tell Figgins about Shelby and Puck.
Quinn Fabray: I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want.
Rachel Berry: If you want to be a destructive force in the universe, that's your business, okay, but can you just please at least wait until after the Trouble Tones perform?
Quinn Fabray: Why?
Rachel Berry: Because we don't want to wreck all the hard work that our friends in that group put into their performance.
Quinn Fabray: So we win.
Rachel Berry: No, not like that. Look, just... if you're going to go through with this, you owe it to Shelby to tell her first. It's the adult thing to do. I got a taste of what it's like to do the wrong thing. Okay? And it feels awful.



Shelby Corcoran: Does she have a temperature? Okay, forget it. I'll be home in an hour. Looks like I'm going to be missing my own victory party.
Quinn Fabray: Puck told me about you two. I'm going to tell Figgins and get you fired.
Shelby Corcoran: I'm ending it. Not that there's that much "it" to end.
Quinn Fabray: You shouldn't have come here with her. I would have been fine. What you did was wrong. What you're doing with Puck is wrong.
Shelby Corcoran: You're so young... pretty...
Quinn Fabray: Don't talk down to me.
Shelby Corcoran: It goes away, you know. Not the pretty— you'll always be pretty— but the young. It happens really slow, and you don't even notice it, and then, one day... everything just feels different.
Quinn Fabray: I can't wait to feel different.
Shelby Corcoran: Don't wish away your life. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. I think I thought that being with an 18-year-old would make me feel 18 again, but mostly, it just made me feel even older. All right. I'm going to enjoy my last few hours of being a teacher. I recommend that you enjoy being up on that stage.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, from McKinley High, competing for the first time ever, the Trouble Tones!
Shelby Corcoran: I am sorry, Quinn.



Santana Lopez: # At first I was afraid, I was petrified #
# Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side #
# But then I spent so many nights #
# Thinking how you did me wrong #
# And I grew strong #
# And I learned how to get along #
Mercedes Jones: # And so you're back #
# From outer space, I just walked in #
# To find you here with that sad look upon your face #
# I should have changed the stupid lock #
# I should have made you leave your key #
# If I'd have known for just one second #
# You'd be back to bother me #
Santana Lopez: # Oh, now, go #
# Walk out the door #
# Just turn around now #
# 'Cause you're not welcome anymore... #
Finn Hudson: We got this.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah, we do.
Santana Lopez: # You think I'd crumble #
# You think I'd lay down and die #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna give up #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna stop #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna work harder #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna make it #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I will survive #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # Keep on survivin' #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes Jones: # Thought I couldn't breathe without you, I'm inhaling #
# You thought I couldn't see without you, perfect vision #
# You thought I couldn't last without you, but I'm lastin' #
# You thought that I would die without you, but I'm livin' #
# That I would fail without you, but I'm on top #
Santana Lopez: # Thought it would be over by now, but it won't stop #
# Thought that I would self-destruct #
# But I'm still here #
# Even in my years to come I'm still gonna be here #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna give up #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna stop #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna work harder #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna make it #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I will survive #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # Keep on survivin' #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes Jones: # Oh, no, not I, I will survive #
# Oh, as long as I know how to love #
# I know I'll stay alive #
# I've got all my life to live #
# And I've got all my love to give #
# And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm not gonna give up #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm not gonna stop #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm gonna work harder #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm gonna make it #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I will survive #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # Keep on survivin' #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I will survive. #



Announcer: Also from McKinley High, let's give it up for the New Directions!
Tina Cohen-Chang: # A-boo, boo, boo, boo, boo #
New Directions: # A-boo, boo, boo, boo, boo #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # You went to school to learn, girl #
# Things you never, never knew before #
Kurt Hummel: # Like "I" before "E" except after "C" #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # And why two plus two makes four #
# Now, now, now, I'm gonna teach you #
New Directions: # Teach you, teach you #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # All about love, dear #
New Directions: # All about love #
Mike Chang: # Sit yourself down and take a seat #
# All you gotta do is repeat after me #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # ABC, easy as one, two, three #
# Or simple as do re mi #
# ABC, one, two, three, baby, you and me, girl #
New Directions: # ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Easy as one, two, three #
# Or simple as do re mi #
# ABC, one, two three #
# Baby, you and me, girl #
New Directions: # Just a, a little bit #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Come on, let me love you #
New Directions: # Come on #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Just a little bit #
New Directions: # Little bit #
# Teach, teach, sing it out #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Come on, come on #
# Come on, let me show you what it's all about #
Quinn Fabray: # Reading, writing, arithmetic #
# Are the branches on the learning tree #
Mike Chang: # Well, listen, without the roots of love #
# Let me tell you, girl #
Kurt Hummel: # Your education ain't complete #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # T-t-t-teacher's gonna show you #
New Directions: # Show you, show you #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # How to get an "A" #
New Directions: # Na, na, na, na, na #
Mike Chang: # Spell me, you, add the two #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Listen to me, baby, that's all you gotta do #
# Oh, ABC, it's easy as one, two, three #
# Or simple as do re mi #
# ABC, one, two, three, baby, you and me, girl #
New Directions: # ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # It's easy #
# It's like counting up to three #
# Sing a simple melody #
New Directions: # Do re mi, ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # That's how easy love can be, sing a simple melody #
# One, two, three, you and me #
New Directions: # Ah, yeah! #
Kurt Hummel: # Sit down, girl! I think I love you! #
Mike Chang: # No! Get up, girl! Show me what you can do! #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Shake it, shake it, baby #
Mike Chang: # Come on now #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Shake it, shake it, baby #
Kurt Hummel: # Ooh, ooh #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # One, two, three, baby #
# That's how easy love can be #
# ABC, it's easy #
# It's like counting up to three #
New Directions: # One, two, three #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Sing a simple melody #
New Directions: # Do re mi, ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # That's how easy love can be #
Mike Chang: # I'm-a gonna teach you how to sing it out, sing it out #
# Sing it out, sing it out, sing it #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Oh, oh, oh #
# Baby, ABC, it's easy #
# It's like counting up to three #
New Directions: # One, two, three #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Sing a simple melody #
New Directions: # Do re mi, ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # That's how easy love can be #
Mike Chang: # I'm-a gonna teach you how to sing it out, sing it out #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Easy as one, two, three. #
Quinn Fabray: # This is a story about control. My control. Control of what I say, control of what I do. And this time, I'm gonna do it my way. #
Blaine Anderson: # When I was 17, I did what people told me #
# Uh #
# I did what my father said and let my mother mold me #
# But that was long ago #
# I'm in #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Blaine Anderson: # And now I've got a lot #
Artie Abrams: # Ow! #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Artie Abrams: # To get what I want #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Blaine Anderson: # Never gonna stop #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Artie Abrams: # And now I'm all grown up #
Blaine & Artie: # Jam #
# Whoo, whoo #
Artie Abrams: # Rebel #
# That's right #
Blaine Anderson: # Got my own mind #
# I want to make my own decisions #
# When it has to do with my life, my life #
Artie Abrams: # I want to be the one in control #
# So let me take you by the hand and lead you on this dance #
Blaine Anderson: # 'Cause what I've got is because I took a chance #
Artie Abrams: # I don't want to rule the world #
# Just want to run my life #
Blaine Anderson: # So make your life a little easier #
# When you get the chance, just take control #
New Directions: # Ooh, ooh #
Artie Abrams: # Now I've got a lot #
New Directions: # Ooh #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Blaine & Artie: # Now I'm all grown up #
New Directions: # Ooh! #
Blaine & Artie: # Free at last #
Artie Abrams: # Ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah #
Quinn Fabray: # Free #
Blaine & Artie: # Now control this #
# Uh #
Artie Abrams: # 'Cause I've got my own mind #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # Gonna make my own decisions #
Artie Abrams: # When it has to do with my life #
Blaine Anderson: # I want to be the one in control #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Blaine & Artie: # Uh #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Artie Abrams: # Ah #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Blaine & Artie: # Uh #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Artie Abrams: # Ah. #
# Ooh, ooh #
# Ah #
Finn Hudson: # I'm gonna make a change #
# For once in my life #
Finn & Artie: # It's gonna feel real good #
# Gonna make a difference #
Finn Hudson: # Gonna make it right #
Noah Puckerman: # As I turn up the collar #
# On my favorite winter coat #
# This wind is blowin' my mind #
Blaine & Artie: # I see the kids in the street #
# Without enough to eat #
# Who am I to be blind #
# Pretending not to see their needs? #
Sam Evans: # A summer's disregard #
# A broken bottle top #
# And one man's soul #
Artie Abrams: # They follow each other on the wind, you know #
# 'Cause they got nowhere to go #
# That's why I want you to know #
Boys of ND: # I'm starting with the man in the mirror #
# I'm asking him to change his ways #
# And no message could have been any clearer #
# If you wanna make the world a better place #
# Take a look at yourself and then make a change #
Finn & Artie: # I'm starting with the man in the mirror #
New Directions: # Oh, yeah #
Finn & Artie: # I'm asking him to change his ways #
New Directions: # Just change #
Finn & Artie: # And no message could have been any clearer #
Mike Chang: # If you wanna make the world a better place #
# Take a look at yourself and then make a change #
# You gotta get it right, while you got the time #
# 'Cause when you close your heart then you close your mind #
Finn Hudson: # I'm starting with the man in the mirror #
New Directions: # Oh, yeah #
Finn Hudson: # I'm asking him to change his ways #
# And no message could have been any clearer #
Finn & Artie: # If you wanna make the world a better place #
# Take a look at yourself and then make that change #
Noah Puckerman: # Stand up #
Artie Abrams: # Stand up #
Noah Puckerman: # Stand up #
New Directions: # Make that change #
Finn Hudson: # Stand up and let yourself now #
New Directions: # Man in the mirror #
Blaine Anderson: # Ooh, ooh, ooh #
New Directions: # Make that change #
Artie Abrams: # Stand up, stand up in love #
Sam Evans: # You know it, you know it, you know it, you know #
New Directions: # Change... #
Mike Chang: # Make that change. #



Quinn Fabray: Get over here!
Blaine Anderson: Gave it our all.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, we did.
Sam Evans: Top dogs!
Finn Hudson: Yes!
Sam Evans: This is what I was missing!
Mike Chang: I just... I can't believe it. I can't believe he actually came. He stood and...
Mike Chang Sr.: Michael. May I speak with you? Both of you?



Mike Chang Sr.: Dancing is your talent, your dream. That's what you tried to tell me. That's what you tried to tell me. And that's what I saw tonight. This is your path, son, so you must follow it, and make us proud. And your mother and I, we will help you follow it however we can. Apply to dance schools— the best ones.
Mike Chang: Dad... Dad, I... I missed the deadlines, I think.
Tina Cohen-Chang: No, you didn't. I sent in your applications, just in case. I kind of had to forge your signature, though.
Mike Chang: I love you so much.



Tickles the Clown: As an award-winning clown, I'd like to say that it's nice, for once, to be working with kids that are just sick with talent. Third place— The Unitards!
Kurt Hummel: Harmony... Hi. I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were really amazing.
Harmony: And just think, I'm only a sophomore and I'm already this good. Next year's going to be a bloodbath.
Tickles the Clown: In second place... we have the Trouble Tones! In first place is New Directions!



Rachel Berry: Well, my suspension is officially over. It'll still be on my transcript, though. I'm just hoping that the admissions department at NYADA sees it as a sign of my artistic, rebellious, attitude.
Quinn Fabray: Good luck with that.
Rachel Berry: Are you going to go tell Figgins about Shelby? 'Cause I just... I still think that it's a really terrible idea.
Quinn Fabray: I came here to talk to you, actually. To tell you I'm not going to tell.
Rachel Berry: Why?
Quinn Fabray: Because I love Beth, and I don't want to ruin her life. I wanted to thank you actually.
Rachel Berry: For what?
Quinn Fabray: For keeping me from doing something stupid. Something I would have regretted my entire life.
Rachel Berry: We're kind of friends, huh?
Quinn Fabray: Kind of. What do you think about Yale?
Rachel Berry: Oh, no, I have my sights set on NYADA.
Quinn Fabray: No, for me. I'm not the singer that you and Kurt are, but Yale has an amazing drama program. And I really do like to perform.
Rachel Berry: Yeah.
Quinn Fabray: Certainly would nail all the parts where the girl has to cry.
Rachel Berry: No, I think it's a great idea. I mean, especially since you won't have me to compete with. You're a lot better than you know.
Quinn Fabray: Well, I'll see you at Glee Club.
Rachel Berry: Where are you going?
Quinn Fabray: I have a couple people I need to talk to.
Rachel Berry: Okay, well, I don't know if you need help with your Yale application...
Quinn Fabray: Not with the Yale application, but, um, there is something you could do for me.



Mercedes Jones: We were better.
Brittany S. Pierce: I don't know, I think it could have gone either way.
Santana Lopez: It was that damn Trouty Mouth. Even I felt a little something in my lady loins when he did that magic sex dance.
Quinn Fabray: All right, ladies, girl talk.
Santana Lopez: No. Uh-uh. Don't you dare try and give us a pep talk.
Mercedes Jones: Or ask us to come back to New Directions— not interested.
Brittany S. Pierce: Wait, is it even possible? Do you think they would really take us back?
Mercedes Jones: Of course they would take us back. But I'm telling you, I'm not going.
Quinn Fabray: Do you know what growing up is about? Losing things. In six months, we'll all be gone, scattered.
Mercedes Jones: We'll keep in touch.
Quinn Fabray: Yeah, but it won't be the same. When we see each other, it'll be a special occasion. It'll be different. I don't want to grow up yet. I'm not ready to lose you girls.
Mercedes Jones: What are we supposed to do? Come back to Glee Club and sing background for Blaine and Berry until we graduate? I'm not doing that again. We know what it feels like to be out front now.
Quinn Fabray: What if Mr. Schue agreed to let the Trouble Tones sing at least one number per competition?
Santana Lopez: Well, even if Mr. Schue did agree to that, Rachel never would.
Quinn Fabray: What if I told you that they both already did?
Mercedes Jones: I'm listening.
Quinn Fabray: Look, I know I went a little crazy. But I'm here now. I'm 17— I have the rest of my life in front of me. I love Glee Club. I love you girls. And when we're 27, or 87, I want us to be able to look back on these next couple months and talk about how it was the best times of our lives. Can't do that if we're not all together. We're doing a big number in the auditorium to celebrate our victory and to prepare for Regionals. We could use a couple more girl voices. Let me know if you hear about anybody who might want to join.



Rachel Berry: # Give me a second #
# I need to get my story straight #
# My friends are in the bathroom #
# Getting higher than the Empire State #
# My lover he's waiting for me just across the bar #
# My seat's been taken by some sunglasses #
# Asking 'bout a scar and #
Finn Hudson: # I know I gave it to you months ago #
# I know you're trying to forget #
# But between the drinks and subtle things #
# The holes in my apologies #
# You know I'm trying hard to take it back #
Sam Evans: # So if by the time the bar closes #
Sam & Quinn: # And you feel like falling down #
# I'll carry you home #
Finn Hudson: # Tonight #
# We are young #
Finn & Rachel: # So let's set the world on fire #
# We can burn brighter than the sun #
Mercedes Jones: # Whoa #
Mercedes & Santana: # Tonight #
# We are young #
New Directions: # We are young #
Mercedes & Santana: # So let's set the world on fire #
New Directions: # Fire #
Mercedes & Santana: # We can burn brighter than the sun #
Quinn Fabray: # Carry me home tonight #
# Just carry me home tonight #
Santana Lopez: # The angels never arrived #
# But I can hear the choir #
# So someone come and carry me home... #
Rachel Berry: # Tonight #
# We are young #
Finn & Rachel: # So let's set the world on fire #
# We can burn brighter than the sun #
Mercedes Jones: # We are young #
New Directions: # La-la-la-la-la-la-la #
# We are young #
# We are young #
# We are young #
Mercedes & Santana: # So let's set the world on fire #
# We can burn brighter than the sun #
Finn & Rachel: # So if by the time the bar closes #
# And you feel like falling down #
# I'll carry you home tonight. #


Quinn Fabray: I thought you weren't allowed here.
Rachel Berry: I'm permitted on school grounds as long as I'm getting my work. Oh, I wanted to tell you I'm available for vocal coaching if you need any help. We need to bring our "A" game if we have any chance of beating the Trouble Tones.
Quinn Fabray: Oh, we're not gonna have any trouble with them. Not as soon as I have Shelby Corcoran fired. She's sleeping with Puck.
Rachel Berry: Look, that's a really, really dangerous rumor to make up, okay? You're gonna ruin her entire reputation.
Quinn Fabray: That's the plan. And it's not a lie. I heard it from Puck.
Rachel Berry: First of all, Puck is 18, so what he and Shelby are doing, even though it's just wrong and so gross, it's not illegal. So all you're doing is you're just, you're getting her fired, which is gonna take away her income to provide food and clothes and put a roof over her child's tiny little blonde head.
Quinn Fabray: Sounds like an unfit mother. And I'll be waiting in the wings when they take Beth away from her.
Rachel Berry: Beth loves her mom. Shelby is her real mom. Look, you've done a lot of really bad things, Quinn, but if you tell people about this Puck-and-Shelby thing, you'll be ruining this little girl's life, and then you'll have really hit rock bottom.



Finn Hudson: Sectionals is in our auditorium for the first time since 1963.
Will Schuester: Too much talking, not enough looking for songs for Sectionals. We need to do something upbeat.
Finn Hudson: Mr. Schue, maybe we need to concentrate on our performer problem before we set a set list. I mean, at least the Cheerios can dance. We need star power. We need Sam Evans.
Will Schuester: Sam transferred. His whole family moved. We don't even know where he is.
Finn Hudson: He's in Kentucky. It's just across the border from Cincinnati. It's about a four hours from here. Even homeless people have Facebook.



Kurt Hummel: Rachel and I might as well get used to a life of barista work and summer stock. There's no way we're getting into NYADA now. If we don't win at Sectionals, I pretty much have nothing to live for.
Blaine Anderson: New Directions is a mess, and we're gonna lose, Kurt, and I can't do a thing about it. Every time I open my mouth, Finn gives me these looks like, "What does he think he's doing?" I know what I'm doing.
Sebastian Smythe: Hey, guys! It's so crazy. I'm sitting over there checking out this guy and all of a sudden I'm, like, "Wait a second I know that hair." What's up, buddy? Haven't seen you online. Hi, Kurt.
Blaine Anderson: We've been really busy with Glee Club.
Kurt Hummel: Practicing for Sectionals... together.
Blaine Anderson: Mmm, congrats on the Warbler win at your sectionals. We're up this week.
Sebastian Smythe: Yeah. Well, hey, if there's one guy that can whip New Directions into a legitimate threat, it's Blaine Anderson, right?
Blaine Anderson: Right. I need another coffee.
Kurt Hummel: I don't like you.
Sebastian Smythe: Fun. I don't like you either.
Kurt Hummel: I don't like the way you talk to my boyfriend, I don't like your smirky little meerkat face, I don't like your obnoxious CW hair. I'm onto you.
Sebastian Smythe: Let's get a few things straight. Blaine's too good for you. New Directions is a joke. And one of us has a hard luck case of the gay-face, and it ain't me. Odds are by the end of the school year, I'll have Blaine and a nationals trophy, and you'll have khakis and a Lima Bean apron and that gay face.
Kurt Hummel: You smell like Craig's List.
Blaine Anderson: What are you guys talking about?
Sebastian Smythe: Duh, the next time we're all going out drinking, killer!
Blaine Anderson: Uh-oh.
Sebastian Smythe: Well, I gotta run. But you take care of that Warbler, Kurt.



Finn Hudson: Wait. This can't be the right place. Sam works in a bar?
Rachel Berry: Well, there just aren't a lot of theaters in Northern Kentucky, so theatre groups just have to perform in whatever space they can find.
Finn Hudson: There's a lot of ladies here— like, older ladies.
Rachel Berry: Finn, it's no secret that dinner theater appeals to elderly women.
Announcer: Good afternoon, ladies! Are you ready to meet the men of Stallionz? Then please welcome to the stage— Cobra!
Finn Hudson: I didn't know Backdraft was a musical.
Announcer: Someone get the door, 'cause here comes Mr. Package.
Rachel Berry: Oh, God, no.
Announcer: And ladies, let's give a warm welcome to White Chocolate!
Finn Hudson: That's not an image I can ever get out of my mind.
Rachel Berry: Give me a dollar.
Finn Hudson: What?
Rachel Berry: Just give me a dollar.
Sam Evans: Rach-Rachel...



Sam Evans: I tried getting a real job. DQ was great and I got two free Blizzards a day, but it paid just over minimum wage. Thanks. You know how much I made this afternoon? 60 bucks. $61... in 15 minutes. Am I ashamed I work here? Yeah, I'm ashamed. My dad got a job working construction to pay the rent, but when my brother needs a new pair of shoes or the TV busts, these abs pay for it.
Finn Hudson: Wait. Your parents don't know that you work here?
Sam Evans: No, they just think the DQ pays really well. I'm good at this.
Rachel Berry: You're good at it because you have that a boy-next-door innocence that makes you approachable, okay? You're good at it for all the reasons that you shouldn't be doing it.
Finn Hudson: Come back to McKinley, Sam. We need you for Sectionals. Tell me you don't want it. Dude, you're young, you got so much potential. Working re is, like, throwing your life away.
Sam Evans: Okay, I want it... but my dad will never let me.
Finn Hudson: Don't know till you ask.



Sam Evans: Here we go. Dad, Mom, what I'm trying to say is I want to go back to Ohio with them. They need me to compete at Sectionals this weekend.
Rachel Berry: And he could stay at one of our houses, so it wouldn't be like he was homeless. Not that there isn't a quiet dignity in that or anything.
Dwight Evans: You think you two could go in the other room, make yourselves busy, please?
Finn Hudson: Yeah, totally— I'm really good at looking busy.
Dwight Evans: Son... we've had a really tough year, but now we've back on our feet. You had to become a man much sooner than other kids your age.
Sam Evans: I'm-I'm proud of what we've all done. It's just that... I miss being a teenager.
Dwight Evans: Hey-hey-hey-hey...
Sam Evans: Mom, please don't... Look, if you cry, I won't go.
Mary Evans: I'm just crying because... it just makes me so sad to think of not seeing your face every day. Though I don't understand why the Dairy Queen makes you put that glitter all over it.
Dwight Evans: This gonna make you happy?
Sam Evans: You have no idea.
Dwight Evans: Come on.



Artie Abrams: Are we sure yet which band members are joining us?
Noah Puckerman: Well, it looks like "Floppy Hair Bass Dude," "Chapped Lips McGee," and "Johnny Tromboner."
Tina Cohen-Chang: God, we're screwed.
Quinn Fabray: No, we're not. I know for a fact that we're winning.
Will Schuester: Hey, great news, everybody. Sectionals is going to be a challenge, but we have a—
Kurt Hummel: Mr. Schue, we all appreciate your endless supply of affirmations, but all the sparkling cider in the world can't deny the fact that the Titanic has hit the iceberg and now we're on a sinking ship.
Sam Evans: Not if I can help it. Hey.
Mike Chang: Hi!
Quinn Fabray: Come here!
Sam Evans: I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Finn and Rachel. I sort of lost my way, but... true friends help you find your way back.
Finn Hudson: Let's hear it for Sam Evans!
Sam Evans: All right, enough of the sentimental stuff. It's time y'all get a little country back in this joint!
New Directions: Oh!
Artie Abrams: Cheers!
Finn Hudson: Two, one, two, three.
Sam Evans: # Now a red Solo cup is the best receptacle for barbecues #
# Tailgates, fairs and festivals #
# And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles #
# If you prefer drinking from glass #
# Hey, a red Solo cup is cheap and disposable #
# And in 14 years, they are decomposable #
# And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable #
# Freddie Mac can kiss my ass! Ooh! #
# Red Solo cup, uh-huh, I fill you up #
# Let's have a party #
Boys of ND: # Let's have a party #
Sam Evans: # Let's have a party #
# I love you, red Solo cup #
# I lift you up, proceed to party #
Finn Hudson: # Proceed to party #
Sam Evans: # Proceed to party #
Finn Hudson: # Proceed to party #
Sam Evans: # Now, I seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow #
# But only you, Red, will do for this fellow #
# 'Cause you are the Abbot unto my Costello #
# And you are the fruit to my loom #
# Red Solo cup, you're more than just plastic #
# You're more than amazing, you're more than fantastic #
# Believe me when I'm not the least bit sarcastic #
# When I look at you and say... #
# Red solo cup, you're not just a cup. #
Finn Hudson: # God, no! #
Sam Evans: # You're my... #
Finn Hudson: Friend? #
Sam Evans: # You're my friend. Thank you for being my friend, red Solo cup. #
Quinn Fabray: # Aw... #
Sam Evans: # Red Solo cup, I fill you up #
# Let's have a party #
Finn Hudson: # Have a party #
Sam Evans: # Let's have a party #
Finn Hudson: # Let's have a party #
Sam Evans: # I love you, red Solo cup #
# Red Solo #
New Directions: # I fill you up #
# Let's have a party #
Sam Evans: # Let's have a party #
New Directions: # Let's have a party, yeah-eah! #
Finn, Quinn & Tina: # Solo cup #
Sam Evans: # Do-do #
Finn, Quinn & Tina: # Solo cup #
Sam Evans: # Oh, do-do #
Finn, Quinn & Tina: # Solo cup #
Sam Evans: # Doo-dee-da-ba #
# Hmm-hmm-mm. #
Will Schuester: Corn dogs!
Santana Lopez: I just heard the news that Trouty Mouth is back in town. I've been keeping a notebook, just in case this day ever came. "Welcome back, Lisa Rinna. I've missed you so much since your family packed their bags, loaded them in your mouth, and skipped town. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to enjoy a crisp pickle, but couldn't find anyone to suck the lid off the jar. I assume you've been working as a baby-polisher, where young mothers place their infants' heads in your mouth to get back that newborn shine. So glad you're back. I haven't seen a smile that big since a Claymation Abominable Snowman got his teeth pulled by that little gay elf dentist. Love, Santana."
Sam Evans: I missed you, too, Santana.



Quinn Fabray: Hey, Sam, wait up. I'm sure you've heard that Mercedes has a new boyfriend. He's got a full scholarship to Ohio State.
Sam Evans: Nice to see you, too, Quinn.
Quinn Fabray: No, no, it's a good thing. See, I'm free, you're free. And I'm sure that you've noticed that I'm supermodel thin now that my thyroid is under control.
Sam Evans: What do you want, Quinn?
Quinn Fabray: Look, last year I didn't appreciate you. But we're perfect together.
Sam Evans: Quinn...
Quinn Fabray: I'm gonna get Beth back. And-And you'd be perfect to help raise her. You're so good with kids. What is so funny?
Sam Evans: Quinn, you've got what I call "rich white girl problems." It's a tough world out there, I know. I've been through it. You only get one senior year. Enjoy it. You know that song "Jack and Diane" by John Mellencamp?
Quinn Fabray: Please don't sing.
Sam Evans: My favorite lyric is this one: "Hold on to 16 as long as you can."



Tina Cohen-Chang: Well, want going to see your dance. I thought video one of your team with the applications? Deadlines are this week.
Mike Chang: Tina, I already applied to Stanford. Pre-med.
Tina Cohen-Chang: But you don't want to be a doctor, you want to be a dancer.
Mike Chang: Not if it means ripping my family apart. My dad hasn't said one word to me or my mom since West Side Story. I'll dance in my free time. Everyone's happy.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Except for you. Mike, your dad needs to understand that dancing is your passion, not some extracurricular.
Mike Chang: I miss him, Tina.
Tina Cohen-Chang: I know. But you have one life, Mike. One chance to get it right. Don't be a coward.
Mike Chang: Don't call me that.
Tina Cohen-Chang: You won't make it as a dancer if you're not 100% committed. So maybe your dad's right. Maybe you should be a doctor.
Mike Chang: Or maybe he's right, and we shouldn't be together.



Will Schuester: ...six, seven, eight. Bum-bum-bum. Step and hit. Come on! To the beat!
Noah Puckerman: What does it even matter, anyway? It's not like we have a chance of winning. Not without the girls.
Rory Flanagan: Sir, girls smell better than ham and when they're dancing and bouncing around, you can't help but watch them.
Will Schuester: Well, that's it then. We'll take what's most appealing about us as a group, and we'll use it to our advantage.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah, how about, you know, something like, um... something like that?
Kurt Hummel: Cute!
Will Schuester: I like the spin, I like the spin. Try it again. Yeah.
Sam Evans: God, okay, stop, stop. Look, Blaine, this... is totally boy band. What we need to sell here is sex.
Blaine Anderson: What the hell is that?
Sam Evans: That's a, it's a body roll.
Blaine Anderson: It's not a body roll.
Sam Evans: That is sex.
Artie Abrams: Man's not wrong. I got light tingles where it's only 50/50 for tingling.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sam, that's awesome. That's exactly what we need.
Blaine Anderson: No, that's not, that's not what we need. We don't have to resort to... that. It's cheap. You know, it's selling out.
Sam Evans: I came back here to win. When you're desperate, sometimes you got to, you know, use your assets and do what you got to do to get back that advantage. This is the advantage.
Blaine Anderson: Of course that's what you think; you have to think that in order to sleep at night.
Sam Evans: What the hell does that mean?
Blaine Anderson: It means that I'm not for sale.
Will Schuester: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey.
Blaine Anderson: Forget it.



Finn Hudson: Is that Sam's face?
Blaine Anderson: Yep. Yours, too. Don't act so surprised. After getting bullied so much, I took up boxing. I also started the Dalton branch of Fight Club, which I obviously can't talk about! What is your problem with me, anyway?! Ever since I got here, you've given me nothing but crap.
Finn Hudson: Honestly, dude, I was kind of jealous. I felt threatened. Your talent kind of freaked me out, made me question whether or not I was good enough. Look, Blaine, I'm sorry. Uh, I've been acting like a jackass to you. With Rachel gone, you're the most talented, well-rounded member of this team. And now more than ever, we need to be on the same page. United.
Blaine Anderson: Tell me what you need me to do.
Finn Hudson: We have an opportunity. An opportunity to be remembered at this school for the rest of our lives for doing the impossible. But it all starts right here, with you and me. I just want to be able to look across that stage at you and know that we did everything we could. No regrets.
Blaine Anderson: Let's get back to work.
Finn Hudson: All right.



Mercedes Jones: What are you doing?
Sam Evans: Holding your hand.
Mercedes Jones: Don't. Sam, look, I...
Sam Evans: I heard about your boyfriend.
Mercedes Jones: Then you heard he's built like a bulldozer. We had a summer fling.
Sam Evans: It was more than that.
Mercedes Jones: I'll always have a special place in my heart for you, but... I've moved on. And you need to do the same.
Sam Evans: I don't care how big or bad your boyfriend is. I'm gonna fight to get you back.



Mike Chang Sr.: What's this?
Tina Cohen-Chang: A bootleg of West Side Story. Starring your son. You missed the performance, but I thought you should see how truly incredible Mike was in it.
Mike Chang Sr.: Go. Take that with you.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Are you sure? 'Cause if you saw it, then maybe you'd realize that Mike's throwing everything he loves away just to please you. And if you don't make it right, he's going to spend the rest of his life doing something he hates, dying inside.
Mike Chang Sr.: Tina... sit. Please. You want to be a performer, too? And your parents support this?
Tina Cohen-Chang: They love me.
Mike Chang Sr.: They love you, but they're not honest with you. And you children, you think you know everything, but this path you've chosen, Tina, the one you want Mike to choose, too, there'll be such heartache. So few opportunities for you.
Tina Cohen-Chang: I know. I've heard the jokes. I better hope they do a musical of The Joy Luck Club or Memoirs of a Geisha. I don't care. Performing is what I need to do— same as your son. And it may be hard, but it's what we were born to do. You know, you're always talking about honor, Mr. Chang. Help your son honor his gift.



New Directions: # La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #
# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #
Blaine Anderson: Okay, guys, you're going to want to sing from your diaphragm as much as you can.
Finn Hudson: And if you forget the words, just keep your lips moving. Hopefully, nobody will notice.
Will Schuester: Let's take a few moments to gather our thoughts. Trouble Tones are on in five.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Good luck out there. What?
Mike Chang: Why would you try and talk to my dad? You're making things worse. He almost didn't let me come today. I'm really disappointed in you, Tina.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Well, that makes two of us, 'cause I'm really disappointed in you.
Shelby Corcoran: Hello, Will.
Will Schuester: Looking good, ladies!
Shelby Corcoran: We just came to say, may the best Glee club win.
Santana Lopez: Yes, and just in case that Glee club is us, I have convinced Miss Corcoran to consider a contingency plan.
Shelby Corcoran: Yes, in the event of a New Directions loss, Trouble Tones has voted to allow any of you to join us at Regionals.
Sugar Motta: You're welcome.
Will Schuester: Excuse me?
Finn Hudson: That's incredibly rude, Santana.
Santana Lopez: We're being nice. It would be rude if I followed you around and every time you took a step, I played a note on a tuba.
Will Schuester: Thank you for the offer, Miss Corcoran, but right now, we're gonna concentrate on winning this thing.
Quinn Fabray: And we will be winning, Shelby. We've got it in the bag. Puck here is going to come through for us. He's such a shining star, in every conceivable way. Don't you think?
Shelby Corcoran: Good luck, everybody. See you on the ice.



Finn Hudson: Sad?
Rachel Berry: Devastated.
Announcer: And now, the judges for this year's Show Choir Sectional...
Finn Hudson: Come on.
Announcer: ...here at McKinley High. Department of Motor Vehicles Employee of the Month, Brandy Englebert! From the 11th District Court of Appeals, the Honorable Judge Dorothy Saunders! And Western Ohio's Birthday Clown of the Year three years running— Tickles! And now, let's welcome our first performers. All the way from Defiance, Ohio, the Unitards!
The Unitards: # What's new, Buenos Aires? #
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, it's the Gerber baby.
The Unitards: # I'm new, I want to say I'm just a little stuck on you #
# You'll be on me, too #
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, she's good.
Rachel Berry: Oh, this is torture. I should be singing that song.
The Unitards: # Stand back #
# You ought to know what you're gonna get in me #
# Just a little touch of star quality #
# Fill me up with your heat, with your noise #
# With your dirt, overdo me #
# Let me dance to your beat, make it loud, let it hurt #
# Run it through me #
# All I want is a whole lot of excess #
# Tell the singer this is where I'm playing #
# And... if ever I go too far #
# It's because of the things you are #
# Beautiful town #
# I love you #
# You're a tramp, you're a treat #
# You will shine to the death, you are shoddy #
# But you're flesh, you are meat #
# You shall have every breath in my body #
# Put me down for a lifetime of success #
# Give me credit, I'll find ways of paying #
# Stand back, Buenos Aires #
# Because you ought to know what you're gonna get in me #
# Just a little touch of, just a little touch of #
# Just a little touch of star quality. #
Emma Pillsbury: Wow.
Will Schuester: I didn't count on that one.



Rachel Berry: Where are you going?
Quinn Fabray: Aren't you supposed to be in the auditorium?
Rachel Berry: I saw you leave the auditorium. I know what you're gonna go do. You're gonna go tell Figgins about Shelby and Puck.
Quinn Fabray: I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want.
Rachel Berry: If you want to be a destructive force in the universe, that's your business, okay, but can you just please at least wait until after the Trouble Tones perform?
Quinn Fabray: Why?
Rachel Berry: Because we don't want to wreck all the hard work that our friends in that group put into their performance.
Quinn Fabray: So we win.
Rachel Berry: No, not like that. Look, just... if you're going to go through with this, you owe it to Shelby to tell her first. It's the adult thing to do. I got a taste of what it's like to do the wrong thing. Okay? And it feels awful.



Shelby Corcoran: Does she have a temperature? Okay, forget it. I'll be home in an hour. Looks like I'm going to be missing my own victory party.
Quinn Fabray: Puck told me about you two. I'm going to tell Figgins and get you fired.
Shelby Corcoran: I'm ending it. Not that there's that much "it" to end.
Quinn Fabray: You shouldn't have come here with her. I would have been fine. What you did was wrong. What you're doing with Puck is wrong.
Shelby Corcoran: You're so young... pretty...
Quinn Fabray: Don't talk down to me.
Shelby Corcoran: It goes away, you know. Not the pretty— you'll always be pretty— but the young. It happens really slow, and you don't even notice it, and then, one day... everything just feels different.
Quinn Fabray: I can't wait to feel different.
Shelby Corcoran: Don't wish away your life. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. I think I thought that being with an 18-year-old would make me feel 18 again, but mostly, it just made me feel even older. All right. I'm going to enjoy my last few hours of being a teacher. I recommend that you enjoy being up on that stage.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, from McKinley High, competing for the first time ever, the Trouble Tones!
Shelby Corcoran: I am sorry, Quinn.



Santana Lopez: # At first I was afraid, I was petrified #
# Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side #
# But then I spent so many nights #
# Thinking how you did me wrong #
# And I grew strong #
# And I learned how to get along #
Mercedes Jones: # And so you're back #
# From outer space, I just walked in #
# To find you here with that sad look upon your face #
# I should have changed the stupid lock #
# I should have made you leave your key #
# If I'd have known for just one second #
# You'd be back to bother me #
Santana Lopez: # Oh, now, go #
# Walk out the door #
# Just turn around now #
# 'Cause you're not welcome anymore... #
Finn Hudson: We got this.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah, we do.
Santana Lopez: # You think I'd crumble #
# You think I'd lay down and die #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna give up #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna stop #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna work harder #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna make it #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I will survive #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # Keep on survivin' #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes Jones: # Thought I couldn't breathe without you, I'm inhaling #
# You thought I couldn't see without you, perfect vision #
# You thought I couldn't last without you, but I'm lastin' #
# You thought that I would die without you, but I'm livin' #
# That I would fail without you, but I'm on top #
Santana Lopez: # Thought it would be over by now, but it won't stop #
# Thought that I would self-destruct #
# But I'm still here #
# Even in my years to come I'm still gonna be here #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna give up #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm not gonna stop #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna work harder #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I'm gonna make it #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # I will survive #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Brittany S. Pierce: # Keep on survivin' #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes Jones: # Oh, no, not I, I will survive #
# Oh, as long as I know how to love #
# I know I'll stay alive #
# I've got all my life to live #
# And I've got all my love to give #
# And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm not gonna give up #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm not gonna stop #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm gonna work harder #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm a survivor #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I'm gonna make it #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I will survive #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # Keep on survivin' #
Sugar Motta: # What? #
Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # I will survive. #



Announcer: Also from McKinley High, let's give it up for the New Directions!
Tina Cohen-Chang: # A-boo, boo, boo, boo, boo #
New Directions: # A-boo, boo, boo, boo, boo #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # You went to school to learn, girl #
# Things you never, never knew before #
Kurt Hummel: # Like "I" before "E" except after "C" #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # And why two plus two makes four #
# Now, now, now, I'm gonna teach you #
New Directions: # Teach you, teach you #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # All about love, dear #
New Directions: # All about love #
Mike Chang: # Sit yourself down and take a seat #
# All you gotta do is repeat after me #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # ABC, easy as one, two, three #
# Or simple as do re mi #
# ABC, one, two, three, baby, you and me, girl #
New Directions: # ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Easy as one, two, three #
# Or simple as do re mi #
# ABC, one, two three #
# Baby, you and me, girl #
New Directions: # Just a, a little bit #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Come on, let me love you #
New Directions: # Come on #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Just a little bit #
New Directions: # Little bit #
# Teach, teach, sing it out #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Come on, come on #
# Come on, let me show you what it's all about #
Quinn Fabray: # Reading, writing, arithmetic #
# Are the branches on the learning tree #
Mike Chang: # Well, listen, without the roots of love #
# Let me tell you, girl #
Kurt Hummel: # Your education ain't complete #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # T-t-t-teacher's gonna show you #
New Directions: # Show you, show you #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # How to get an "A" #
New Directions: # Na, na, na, na, na #
Mike Chang: # Spell me, you, add the two #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Listen to me, baby, that's all you gotta do #
# Oh, ABC, it's easy as one, two, three #
# Or simple as do re mi #
# ABC, one, two, three, baby, you and me, girl #
New Directions: # ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # It's easy #
# It's like counting up to three #
# Sing a simple melody #
New Directions: # Do re mi, ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # That's how easy love can be, sing a simple melody #
# One, two, three, you and me #
New Directions: # Ah, yeah! #
Kurt Hummel: # Sit down, girl! I think I love you! #
Mike Chang: # No! Get up, girl! Show me what you can do! #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Shake it, shake it, baby #
Mike Chang: # Come on now #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Shake it, shake it, baby #
Kurt Hummel: # Ooh, ooh #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # One, two, three, baby #
# That's how easy love can be #
# ABC, it's easy #
# It's like counting up to three #
New Directions: # One, two, three #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Sing a simple melody #
New Directions: # Do re mi, ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # That's how easy love can be #
Mike Chang: # I'm-a gonna teach you how to sing it out, sing it out #
# Sing it out, sing it out, sing it #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Oh, oh, oh #
# Baby, ABC, it's easy #
# It's like counting up to three #
New Directions: # One, two, three #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Sing a simple melody #
New Directions: # Do re mi, ABC #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # That's how easy love can be #
Mike Chang: # I'm-a gonna teach you how to sing it out, sing it out #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Easy as one, two, three. #
Quinn Fabray: # This is a story about control. My control. Control of what I say, control of what I do. And this time, I'm gonna do it my way. #
Blaine Anderson: # When I was 17, I did what people told me #
# Uh #
# I did what my father said and let my mother mold me #
# But that was long ago #
# I'm in #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Blaine Anderson: # And now I've got a lot #
Artie Abrams: # Ow! #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Artie Abrams: # To get what I want #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Blaine Anderson: # Never gonna stop #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Artie Abrams: # And now I'm all grown up #
Blaine & Artie: # Jam #
# Whoo, whoo #
Artie Abrams: # Rebel #
# That's right #
Blaine Anderson: # Got my own mind #
# I want to make my own decisions #
# When it has to do with my life, my life #
Artie Abrams: # I want to be the one in control #
# So let me take you by the hand and lead you on this dance #
Blaine Anderson: # 'Cause what I've got is because I took a chance #
Artie Abrams: # I don't want to rule the world #
# Just want to run my life #
Blaine Anderson: # So make your life a little easier #
# When you get the chance, just take control #
New Directions: # Ooh, ooh #
Artie Abrams: # Now I've got a lot #
New Directions: # Ooh #
Quinn Fabray: # Control #
Blaine & Artie: # Now I'm all grown up #
New Directions: # Ooh! #
Blaine & Artie: # Free at last #
Artie Abrams: # Ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah #
Quinn Fabray: # Free #
Blaine & Artie: # Now control this #
# Uh #
Artie Abrams: # 'Cause I've got my own mind #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # Gonna make my own decisions #
Artie Abrams: # When it has to do with my life #
Blaine Anderson: # I want to be the one in control #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Blaine & Artie: # Uh #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Artie Abrams: # Ah #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Blaine & Artie: # Uh #
Blaine, Artie & Quinn: # I'm in control #
Artie Abrams: # Ah. #
# Ooh, ooh #
# Ah #
Finn Hudson: # I'm gonna make a change #
# For once in my life #
Finn & Artie: # It's gonna feel real good #
# Gonna make a difference #
Finn Hudson: # Gonna make it right #
Noah Puckerman: # As I turn up the collar #
# On my favorite winter coat #
# This wind is blowin' my mind #
Blaine & Artie: # I see the kids in the street #
# Without enough to eat #
# Who am I to be blind #
# Pretending not to see their needs? #
Sam Evans: # A summer's disregard #
# A broken bottle top #
# And one man's soul #
Artie Abrams: # They follow each other on the wind, you know #
# 'Cause they got nowhere to go #
# That's why I want you to know #
Boys of ND: # I'm starting with the man in the mirror #
# I'm asking him to change his ways #
# And no message could have been any clearer #
# If you wanna make the world a better place #
# Take a look at yourself and then make a change #
Finn & Artie: # I'm starting with the man in the mirror #
New Directions: # Oh, yeah #
Finn & Artie: # I'm asking him to change his ways #
New Directions: # Just change #
Finn & Artie: # And no message could have been any clearer #
Mike Chang: # If you wanna make the world a better place #
# Take a look at yourself and then make a change #
# You gotta get it right, while you got the time #
# 'Cause when you close your heart then you close your mind #
Finn Hudson: # I'm starting with the man in the mirror #
New Directions: # Oh, yeah #
Finn Hudson: # I'm asking him to change his ways #
# And no message could have been any clearer #
Finn & Artie: # If you wanna make the world a better place #
# Take a look at yourself and then make that change #
Noah Puckerman: # Stand up #
Artie Abrams: # Stand up #
Noah Puckerman: # Stand up #
New Directions: # Make that change #
Finn Hudson: # Stand up and let yourself now #
New Directions: # Man in the mirror #
Blaine Anderson: # Ooh, ooh, ooh #
New Directions: # Make that change #
Artie Abrams: # Stand up, stand up in love #
Sam Evans: # You know it, you know it, you know it, you know #
New Directions: # Change... #
Mike Chang: # Make that change. #



Quinn Fabray: Get over here!
Blaine Anderson: Gave it our all.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, we did.
Sam Evans: Top dogs!
Finn Hudson: Yes!
Sam Evans: This is what I was missing!
Mike Chang: I just... I can't believe it. I can't believe he actually came. He stood and...
Mike Chang Sr.: Michael. May I speak with you? Both of you?



Mike Chang Sr.: Dancing is your talent, your dream. That's what you tried to tell me. That's what you tried to tell me. And that's what I saw tonight. This is your path, son, so you must follow it, and make us proud. And your mother and I, we will help you follow it however we can. Apply to dance schools— the best ones.
Mike Chang: Dad... Dad, I... I missed the deadlines, I think.
Tina Cohen-Chang: No, you didn't. I sent in your applications, just in case. I kind of had to forge your signature, though.
Mike Chang: I love you so much.



Tickles the Clown: As an award-winning clown, I'd like to say that it's nice, for once, to be working with kids that are just sick with talent. Third place— The Unitards!
Kurt Hummel: Harmony... Hi. I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were really amazing.
Harmony: And just think, I'm only a sophomore and I'm already this good. Next year's going to be a bloodbath.
Tickles the Clown: In second place... we have the Trouble Tones! In first place is New Directions!



Rachel Berry: Well, my suspension is officially over. It'll still be on my transcript, though. I'm just hoping that the admissions department at NYADA sees it as a sign of my artistic, rebellious, attitude.
Quinn Fabray: Good luck with that.
Rachel Berry: Are you going to go tell Figgins about Shelby? 'Cause I just... I still think that it's a really terrible idea.
Quinn Fabray: I came here to talk to you, actually. To tell you I'm not going to tell.
Rachel Berry: Why?
Quinn Fabray: Because I love Beth, and I don't want to ruin her life. I wanted to thank you actually.
Rachel Berry: For what?
Quinn Fabray: For keeping me from doing something stupid. Something I would have regretted my entire life.
Rachel Berry: We're kind of friends, huh?
Quinn Fabray: Kind of. What do you think about Yale?
Rachel Berry: Oh, no, I have my sights set on NYADA.
Quinn Fabray: No, for me. I'm not the singer that you and Kurt are, but Yale has an amazing drama program. And I really do like to perform.
Rachel Berry: Yeah.
Quinn Fabray: Certainly would nail all the parts where the girl has to cry.
Rachel Berry: No, I think it's a great idea. I mean, especially since you won't have me to compete with. You're a lot better than you know.
Quinn Fabray: Well, I'll see you at Glee Club.
Rachel Berry: Where are you going?
Quinn Fabray: I have a couple people I need to talk to.
Rachel Berry: Okay, well, I don't know if you need help with your Yale application...
Quinn Fabray: Not with the Yale application, but, um, there is something you could do for me.



Mercedes Jones: We were better.
Brittany S. Pierce: I don't know, I think it could have gone either way.
Santana Lopez: It was that damn Trouty Mouth. Even I felt a little something in my lady loins when he did that magic sex dance.
Quinn Fabray: All right, ladies, girl talk.
Santana Lopez: No. Uh-uh. Don't you dare try and give us a pep talk.
Mercedes Jones: Or ask us to come back to New Directions— not interested.
Brittany S. Pierce: Wait, is it even possible? Do you think they would really take us back?
Mercedes Jones: Of course they would take us back. But I'm telling you, I'm not going.
Quinn Fabray: Do you know what growing up is about? Losing things. In six months, we'll all be gone, scattered.
Mercedes Jones: We'll keep in touch.
Quinn Fabray: Yeah, but it won't be the same. When we see each other, it'll be a special occasion. It'll be different. I don't want to grow up yet. I'm not ready to lose you girls.
Mercedes Jones: What are we supposed to do? Come back to Glee Club and sing background for Blaine and Berry until we graduate? I'm not doing that again. We know what it feels like to be out front now.
Quinn Fabray: What if Mr. Schue agreed to let the Trouble Tones sing at least one number per competition?
Santana Lopez: Well, even if Mr. Schue did agree to that, Rachel never would.
Quinn Fabray: What if I told you that they both already did?
Mercedes Jones: I'm listening.
Quinn Fabray: Look, I know I went a little crazy. But I'm here now. I'm 17— I have the rest of my life in front of me. I love Glee Club. I love you girls. And when we're 27, or 87, I want us to be able to look back on these next couple months and talk about how it was the best times of our lives. Can't do that if we're not all together. We're doing a big number in the auditorium to celebrate our victory and to prepare for Regionals. We could use a couple more girl voices. Let me know if you hear about anybody who might want to join.



Rachel Berry: # Give me a second #
# I need to get my story straight #
# My friends are in the bathroom #
# Getting higher than the Empire State #
# My lover he's waiting for me just across the bar #
# My seat's been taken by some sunglasses #
# Asking 'bout a scar and #
Finn Hudson: # I know I gave it to you months ago #
# I know you're trying to forget #
# But between the drinks and subtle things #
# The holes in my apologies #
# You know I'm trying hard to take it back #
Sam Evans: # So if by the time the bar closes #
Sam & Quinn: # And you feel like falling down #
# I'll carry you home #
Finn Hudson: # Tonight #
# We are young #
Finn & Rachel: # So let's set the world on fire #
# We can burn brighter than the sun #
Mercedes Jones: # Whoa #
Mercedes & Santana: # Tonight #
# We are young #
New Directions: # We are young #
Mercedes & Santana: # So let's set the world on fire #
New Directions: # Fire #
Mercedes & Santana: # We can burn brighter than the sun #
Quinn Fabray: # Carry me home tonight #
# Just carry me home tonight #
Santana Lopez: # The angels never arrived #
# But I can hear the choir #
# So someone come and carry me home... #
Rachel Berry: # Tonight #
# We are young #
Finn & Rachel: # So let's set the world on fire #
# We can burn brighter than the sun #
Mercedes Jones: # We are young #
New Directions: # La-la-la-la-la-la-la #
# We are young #
# We are young #
# We are young #
Mercedes & Santana: # So let's set the world on fire #
# We can burn brighter than the sun #
Finn & Rachel: # So if by the time the bar closes #
# And you feel like falling down #
# I'll carry you home tonight. #
外部リンク
 Glee Wiki
 IMDb
 Couchtime
 Wikipedia

309. Extraordinary Merry Christmas

放送日:2011年12月13日


Mercedes Jones: # I don't want a lot for Christmas #
# There is just one thing I need #
# I don't care about the presents #
# Underneath the Christmas tree #
# Make my wish come true #
# All I want for Christmas #
# Is #
# You... #
# I don't want a lot for Christmas #
# There is just one thing I need #
# Don't care about the presents #
# Underneath the Christmas tree #
# I don't need to hang my stocking #
# There upon the fireplace #
# Santa Claus won't make me happy #
# With a toy on Christmas Day #
# I just want you for my own #
# More than you could ever know #
# Make my wish come true #
# Baby, all I want for Christmas #
# Is you... #
New Directions: # You, baby #
Mercedes Jones: # Oh...
New Directions: # All I want for Christmas #
# Is you #
Mercedes Jones: # Oh... #
New Directions: # Baby #
# All I want for Christmas #
# Is you #
Mercedes Jones: # All I want for Christmas #
# Is you. #
Rachel Berry: Best Christmas ever.



Rachel Berry: Here's my list.
Finn Hudson: I thought we agreed the "things did wrong this week" list was hurting more than helping.
Rachel Berry: My Christmas list. I heard you were having a little trouble figuring out what to get me.



Finn Hudson: I'm freaking out. I have no idea what to get Rachel for Christmas.
Artie Abrams: When in doubt, go with socks.
Mike Chang: A wok is always good.
Rory Flanagan: What about soil?
Blaine Anderson: I agree with Artie about the socks.
Noah Puckerman: You see? This is why I don't have a high-maintenance girlfriend. Or any girlfriend, for that matter.



Finn Hudson: Who told you? Kurt?
Rachel Berry: No.
Kurt Hummel: Yes.
Finn Hudson: But I can't afford all this stuff.
Rachel Berry: Oh, no, silly. No, no. I just put 15 things on the list, and you can pick out five. Look, in a... in a few weeks, I'm going to find out if I'm a finalist for NYADA or not, and, well, I just... I'd really love to have a little Yuletide bauble as a good-luck charm for my audition.
Finn Hudson: Spray tan? Teeth whitening?
Rachel Berry: I mean... I'm just trying to make it easier for you. If you'd like, you can make a list for me also.
Finn Hudson: Well, like the song says, "All I want for Christmas is you." Aw.
Rachel Berry: All I want for Christmas is you, too. And five things on that list. I love you.
Finn Hudson: Holy crap, I'm dating Kim Kardashian.



Sue Sylvester: Wheels, Porcelain, Other Gay, the Yuletide is upon us, and everyone knows that Cistmas is a time for forgiveness, so I have decided to forgive you for having no talent and ruining the American songbook one mash-up at a time. I've also forgiven you for forcing me to run in and promptly lose an humiliating statewide election.
Artie Abrams: We... accept your forgiveness?
Sue Sylvester: Now, Christmas isn't just a time when Jewish kids get slightly uncomfortable and dwarves get jobs as Santa's helpers in demeaning nonunion commercials that make them quietly die inside. No, Christmas is also a time to give back. Which is why, this Friday, I am volunteering at the Lima Homeless Shelter. And I thought maybe you and your fellow Glee clubbers might want to pitch in by giving the gift of song.
Kurt Hummel: Coach Sylvester, I've heard you say on several occasions that you don't believe in homelessness.
Artie Abrams: You said you considered homeless people urban campers.
Sue Sylvester: Can I be honest with you, Stumbles, Gelfling, young Burt Reynolds? I lost my sister this past year, and this will be my first Christmas without her. And honestly, I'm just trying to keep myself occupie I... I made plans to shoot reindeer from a helicopter with Sarah Palin, but she canceled. Apparently, Todd gets fussy when she misses his ballet recitals.
Kurt Hummel: We'd be happy to help.
Sue Sylvester: Oh, that's fantastic. And now, in the spirit of Christmas, get the hell out of my office.



Rachel Berry: We might have spent r entire decorating budget for the whole year, but with something that looks as absolutely fabulous as this, I have to say, brav-ho-ho-ho.
Finn Hudson: Hey, everybody, listen up. My man, Rory Flanagan here, wants to say a few.
Rory Flanagan: Thanks, Finn Hudson. So, guys, my mummy was going to come visit for the holidays, but plane tickets are expensive, so it's my first Christmas without any family. I'd like to cheer myself up by dedicating this song to them... and to the King.
Kurt Hummel: Jesus?
Rory Flanagan: # I'll have a blue #
# Christmas #
# Without you #
# I'll be so blue #
# Just thinking #
# About you #
# You'll be doing all right #
# With your Christmas of white #
# But I'll #
# Have a blue #
# Blue, blue, blue Christmas #
# I'll have a blue #
# Christmas #
# Ooh, ooh #
# That's certain #
# And when the blue #
# Heartache stops hurting #
# Ooh, ooh #
# You'll be doing all right #
# With your Christmas of white #
# But I'll #
# Have a blue #
# Blue #
# Christmas #
# Ooh #
# Ooh... #
Santana Lopez: Gosh, that song was so depressing. I may actually be dead right now.
Rachel Berry: I-I think, what Santana means is, although that... that was mournfully beautiful, now that the whole Glee club is back together, I think that we should focus on the more joyous and the pageant aspect of this holiday season.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Rachel's right. Last Christmas was super sad. Kurt was at another school, Coach Sylvester trashed everything, and Artie got a pair of magic legs that broke the next day. We were the island of misfit toys. This year is going to be...
Will Schuester: This year, it's a whole new sprig of mistletoe. Guess who's not getting coal in their stockings foonce... us. Rory, have a seat. just got off the phone with Don Borowski, the local station manager at Lima's PBS affiliate. Turns out that their annual broadcast of the Yule log burning has been canceled.
Noah Puckerman: The hell?
Will Schuester: Yeah, they can't afford the licensing fees anymore. But thank you, Scrooges who own that copyright, because Don came to Sectionals, he loved what we did and he is offering us...
Rachel Berry: A Christmas special featuring all of us? Okay, please say you said yes.
Will Schuester: Not only did I say yes, but when Don said that they were looking for a director for the special, I nominated you, Artie.
Artie Abrams: Me?
Will Schuester: Yeah. He saw West Side Story, loved your work, and he wants to take a meeting.
Artie Abrams: But I... I swore I would never sell out and do television. I'm really going to have to think about this, Mr. Schue.



Sam Evans: I'll have to show you my locker stacking secrets so that never happens again. Is that your family?
Rory Flanagan: The whole Flanagan clan.
Sam Evans: It's hard, isn't it? Being away from them.
Rory Flanagan: It's so hard. It's harder than I ever imagined.
Sam Evans: I know the feeling. I'm only a few hours away from my family, and I miss them like crazy. What are you going to do for Christmas this year?
Rory Flanagan: I'm even not sure. Brittany and her family are going on a trip to see a gay Santa. Something about Santa Fe.
Sam Evans: Why don't you spend the holiday with, uh, my family? I-I need help staying awake on the drive, plus, this whole week, I'll be your Christmas sponsor. Really show you what the holiday spirit's about in the USA.
Rory Flanagan: That'd be so awesome, Sam.



Don Barowski: I am absolutely delighted that our channel's Christmas special is being directed by a teenage disabled boy. You're like a modern day Tiny Tim. Oh. I am sorry. Tiny Tim could walk.
Artie Abrams: In the spirit of Christmas, I'm going to pretend you never said that. Here's the dealio, Mr. Borowski. I have two ironclad demands. The first one came to me last night in a dream. The Wookiee was right. The best Christmas show of all time is The Star Wars Holiday Special, shown only once in 1978, then locked away in the Lucasfilm vault like the precious jewel it is. Every fanboy in the galaxy knows it's completely awesome. Therefore, Star Wars must be a part of our Christmas special. And I also want to shoot it in black and white.
Don Barowski: Black and white?
Artie Abrams: It will be an homage to the second best special of all time, the Judy Garland Christmas show. You know, some s Judy was high on pills and booze, but... I say she was high on excitement and Baby Jesus.
Don Barowski: Kid, you can shoot the thing in 3-D, starring a flock of pigeons, as long as you can produce it for under 800 bucks.
Artie Abrams: I can do it, sir. I know I can.



Rachel Berry: # It's coming on Christmas #
# They're cutting down trees #
# They're putting up reindeer #
# And singing songs of joy and peace #
# Oh, I wish I had a river #
# I could skate away on #
# I wish I had a river so long #
# I would teach my feet #
# To fly #
# Oh, I wish I had a river #
# I could skate away on #
# I made my baby cry #
# He tried hard to help me #
# You know, he t me at ease #
# He loved me so naughty #
# Made me weak in the knees #
# Oh, I wish I had a river #
# I could skate away on. #
Artie Abrams: Yeah. Rachel, could you come see me?
Rachel Berry: Yes, Artie, of course. And if this is about my ears, I know that they're a little naked right now, but that's just because I'm waiting for something special. Something that's really gonna sparkle and, you know, catch the light. So what's up?
Artie Abrams: It's not about your ears, it's about your song. It makes me want to kill myself.
Rachel Berry: I'm sorry, Joni Mitchell is not depressing, she's emotional.
Artie Abrams: It doesn't fit my vision for our Christmas spectacular.
Rachel Berry: And what is that exactly?
Artie Abrams: We begin in the Swiss Alps, in the village of Gstaad, in the perfely-appointed living room of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson's chic swank chalet. The tree towering and opulent. The fireplace draped in garlands. The stockings bejeweled. Kurt and Blaine, the perfect hosts have invited their friends to drop in for an evening of Noel Coward-esque banter and fun, happy, cheer-filled songs.
Rachel Berry: Are you telling me I'm not invited to Kurt and Blaine's for Christmas?
Artie Abrams: Not unless you pick a happier song. The evenins festivities conclude with Rory, dressed as the Christmas elf Itchy, reciting "Frosty the Snowman." Start with fun, end with fun. That's how you do it, kids.
Sam Evans: The Frosty story isn't fun. At the end, he melts and dies.
Artie Abrams: I'm rebooting Frosty. In my version, he doesn't melt. He... Well, new pages forthcoming.
Sam Evans: What's wrong with a story that's a little sad or a song that's a little depressing? I mean, that's part of Christmas, too, right? It's the sad things that make you remember what's really important.
Artie Abrams: Sorry, Sam, but the phrase is "Merry Christmas," not "morose Christmas." That's the vision. That's what you have to buy into.
Sam Evans: Well, sorry, Artie, I'm not buying into it. I'm gonna go downtown, see if I can ring one of those Salvation Army bells. Come on, Rory. I'll give you a ride.
Rory Flanagan: I should memorize my part, Sam.



Finn Hudson: Hey. Bummer about Artie going all Scrooge on your song.
Rachel Berry: I'm getting a song in that Christmas special. Christmas is all about giving, and Artie certainly wouldn't be in the Christmas spirit if he didn't let me give my talents to the people of Western Ohio. At least, the ones who don't have cable. Speaking of giving, don't you think it would be a shame for me to sing on television for the first time without me sparkling in the glow of one of your generous gifts?
Finn Hudson: Oh, you want me to give you your present early?
Rachel Berry: I hadn't even thought about that, but what a sweet idea. Yeah.
Finn Hudson: Okay, yeah. All right.
Rachel Berry: Okay. Usually it comes in a box, but... Okay. Where's my bling?
Finn Hudson: Well, that was a little out of my-my price range, but-but then I saw this commercial for these African sow pigs you can adopt. You pay, like, two bucks a month to fatten them up for a whole year, and then they feed a family for, like, a month.
Rachel Berry: You gave me a dead pig for Christmas?
Finn Hudson: No, no, it's not dead yet; you got to get it fat first.
Rachel Berry: I'm a vegan.
Finn Hudson: Look, I thought Christmas was about giving, okay?
Rachel Berry: Which is why I gave you a super specific list. Look... it's very sweet that you gave me a pig...
Finn Hudson: It's an African sow pig.
Rachel Berry: Whatever it is, I... I appreciate it. But I made you a list so that you wouldn't embarrass yourself like this. I'm not asking for much. All I want is what's coming to me. All I want is my fair share.
Finn Hudson: Guess I'll give the sow pig to my mom or something.
Rachel Berry: That is such a great idea. It's gonna be the best Chrtmas ever.



Blaine Anderson: # He came into my dreams last night #
# A great, big man in red and white #
# He told me that it's gonna be #
# A special year for you and me #
# Underneath the mistletoe #
# Hold me tight and kiss me slow #
# The snow is high, so come inside #
# I want to hear you say to me #
Rachel & Blaine: # It's a very, very, merry, merry Christmas #
# Even better than the one before #
# Gonna party on till Santa grants my wishes #
# Think he's knocking on my front door #
# Got my halo on, I know what I want #
# It's who I'm with #
# It's an extraordinary merry Christmas #
# Won't you meet me by the tree? #
# Slip away so secretly #
# Can't you see how this could be? #
# The greatest gift of all #
# It's a very, very, merry, merry Christmas #
New Directions: # Even better than the one before #
Rachel & Blaine: # Gonna stay with you till Santa grants my wishes #
New Directions: # Think he's knocking on my front door #
Rachel & Blaine: # Got my halo on, I know what I want #
# It's who I'm with #
# It's an extordinary merry Christmas #
New Directions: # Even better than the one before #
Rachel & Blaine: # It's a very, very, merry, merry Chrtmas #
New Directions: # Even better than the one before #
Rachel & Blaine: # It's an extraordinary merry Christmas. #
Artie Abrams: I bow to you.
Rachel Berry: Oh, God.
Artie Abrams: Gold. Gold! That's what I'm talking about! I see Cheerios behind you, kind of a dancing Santa thing.
Rachel Berry: Just as long as they don't upstage us.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah, as long as they don't upstage us.
Artie Abrams: Good.
Sue Sylvester: Look at you do-gooders. Hard at work.
Artie Abrams: Coach Sylvester, we're in the middle of rehearsal.
Sue Sylvester: Yeah, and I think it's great you're working so hard on your performance. And I'll tell you what. Everyone at the homeless shelter is really looking forward to the show. I just wanted to confirm with you, Artie, that we're on for Friday night.
Artie Abrams: Oh, Friday. It's a no-can-do on Friday. We're taping our Christmas special for the Lima PBS.
Sue Sylvester: You told me you were in.
Artie Abrams: This is a huge opportunity for us. Can we just do it another night?
Santana Lopez: Homeless will be homeless for a while. That's sort of the problem.
Sue Sylvester: I promised them. You don't want to disappoint these kids.
Artie Abrams: Hmm, like your behavior has disappointed us for years? Last Christmas, you cut down our tree, you stole our presents and you made Becky dress up like a reindeer.
Sue Sylvester: So you're gonna walk away from people who have nothing?
Rachel Berry: No, not at all. We're just gonna distract them from their plight and the smell of urine and make them happy with our glamorous Christmas cheer.
Sue Sylvester: The homeless don't have TVs. So you're all agreed on this? Fine. Merry Christmas.
Artie Abrams: Let's take it from the top, guys. And remember, smile.



Man: Live from Lima, Ohio, it's the Glee Holiday Spectacular! Starring Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, Mike Chang and Tina Cohen-Chang, no relation featuring Mercedes Jones and Rory Flanagan, with special guests Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Pierce and the Cheerios. The Glee Holiday Spectacular is directed by Artie Abrams. Tonight's special is brought to you by Breadstix. Now with even more breadsticks.
Artie Abrams: Are we live? And action!
Blaine Anderson: # Oh, the weather outside is frightful #
# But the fire is so delightful #
# And since we've no place to go #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # It doesn't show signs of stopping #
# And I bought some corn for popping #
# The lights are turned way down low #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt & Blaine: # When we finally kiss good night #
# How I'll hate going out in the storm #
# But if you really hold me tight #
# Then all the way home I'll be warm #
Kurt Hummel: # The fire is slowly dying #
# And, my dear, we're still good-bye-ing #
Blaine Anderson: # But as long as you love me so #
Kurt & Blaine: # Let it snow, let it snow, let it, let it snow #
Blaine Anderson: # Oh, the weather outside is frightful #
# But the fire is so delightful #
Kurt & Blaine: # And since we've no place to go #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # The weather outside is frightful #
# But the fire is so delightful #
Kurt & Blaine: # And since we've no place to go #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # It doesn't show signs of stopping #
Blaine Anderson: # And I've bought some corn for popping #
Kurt & Blaine: # The lights are turned way down low #
# Let it snow #
Blaine Anderson: # When we finally kiss good night #
Kurt Hummel: # Finally kiss good night #
Blaine Anderson: # How I'll hate going out in the storm #
# But if you finally hold me tight #
Kurt Hummel: # Finally hold me tight #
Kurt & Blaine: # Then all the way home I'll be warm #
# And, my dear, we're still good-bye-ing #
# But as long as you love me so #
# Let it snow, let it snow #
# Let it snow, let it snow #
# Oh #
# Oh, oh #
Blaine Anderson: # Oh, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # Oh, let it snow. #
Kurt Hummel: Hello. Well, I guess we're all in the spirit of the season by now. Let me apologize for not introducing myself sooner. I'm Kurt Hummel, one of your hosts this evening. Thank you. And this is my, um... best friend and holiday roommate, Blaine Anderson.
Blaine Anderson: How do you do? Welcome to our bachelor chalet.
Kurt Hummel: We've also asked a few of our other special friends to dp by. But I hope they can make it over the mountains and through the woods in this dreary weather.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, come on, now, Kurt. You know if they get stuck in the snow, they can always hitch a ride on Santa's sleigh.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, you!
Blaine Anderson: Hey, it's true.
Kurt Hummel: Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry for keeping yo standing outside, shivering on the porch. Please, come in. Please, come in. Watch your step. Come on now. Don't be shy. Please, come, come.
Blaine Anderson: Come right on in. Make yourself at home.
Kurt Hummel: Blaine, please offer our guests some holiday libations. I apologize, but I must check my bid on the Elizabeth Taylor Christie's jewelry auction online.
Blaine Anderson: Kurt.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, no!
Blaine Anderson: Oh, what happened? Did Mariah outbid you on that necklace you wanted?
Kurt Hummel: That I could take. The Internet is down because of this inclement weather. I didn't get to put my bid in on time. Christmas is canceled! Who could that be?
Blaine Anderson: The door's open. Come on in.
Rachel Berry: Oh, sorry, we're late. Hope there's still eggnog.
Kurt Hummel: For you two, always.
Rachel Berry: Oh, Kurt, how are you? You look great. I love what you've done with the place.
Kurt Hummel: Just a splash of color.
Blaine Anderson: May I take your sweater?
Rachel Berry: Blaine.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, forgive me. Everyone, these are our very good friends, Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones.
Mercedes Jones: What's going on, boys?
Kurt Hummel: Well, we're on television.
Rachel Berry: Oh, television? Us, too? Hello.
Mercedes Jones: This is for you, Kurt.
Kurt Hummel: For me? May I open it?
Mercedes Jones: Oh, I wish you would.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my dear. Oh, what is in here?
Mercedes Jones: Here we go.
Kurt Hummel: Ooh. Oh, my goodness! Oh, my dears! How did you know? Ladies and gentlemen, if you can believe it, from the Elizabeth Taylor auction, ladies and gentlemen, it's Miss Taylor's diamond and emerald necklace and pendant.
Audience: Oh!
Kurt Hummel: Thank you. Thank you so much. I cannot believe it. It is truly a Christmas miracle.
Mercedes Jones: Truly a Christmas knockoff.
Rachel Berry: Mercedes, don't give away all of our secrets. Blaine, this is for you.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, why, thank you so much, Rachel.
Rachel Berry: It's a bow tie with little Christmas trees on it.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, would you look at that?
Rachel Berry: Would you look at that? And there's a little surprise under the wrapping paper.
Blaine Anderson: Why, they're candy cane striped Capri pants. You know what the best part is? I actually don't already own a pair. If you can believe that.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, jewels and short pants and bow ties and good friends. Truly, this is an ideal evening.But, Blaine, you know what's really needed now.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, I think I do. Rachel, Mercedes?
Rachel Berry: Oh, we couldn't possibly. We're not prepared!
Blaine Anderson: Oh, come now. The piano's just sitting there, its ivories waiting to be tickle.
Rachel Berry: Well, there is a little something that we've been working on. I'm in if you are.
Mercedes Jones: Well, it is Christmas, after all.
Blaine Anderson: That's just grand.
Mercedes Jones: Come on. Let's go.
Rachel Berry: Oh, Kurt, Mercedes, Blaine, you know, I've realized that there's some favorite things that can't be bought line or in a store or even in a catalog. They're right here in front of my nose. For instance...
# Raindrops and roses and whiskers on kittens #
# Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens #
# Brown paper packages tied up with strings #
# These are a few of my favorite things #
Mercedes Jones: # Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels #
# Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles #
Mercedes & Rachel: # Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings #
# These are a few of my favorite things #
Kurt Hummel: # Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes #
Blaine Anderson: # Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes #
Kurt & Blaine: # Silver white winters that melt into springs #
All: # These are a few of my favorite things #
Rachel Berry: # When the dog bites, when the bee stings #
# When I'm feeling sad #
# I simply remember my favorite things #
# And then I don't feel... #
# So bad #
Mercedes Jones: # Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens #
# Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens #
Rachel Berry: # Brown paper packages tied up with strings #
# These are a few of my favorite things #
Kurt Hummel: # Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels #
Blaine Anderson: # Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with ndles #
Rachel Berry: # Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings #
Mercedes Jones: # These are a few of my favorite things #
Blaine Anderson: # Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes #
Kurt Hummel: # Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes #
Rachel Berry: # Silver white winters that melt into spring #
All: # These are a few of my favorite things #
Rachel Berry: # When the dog bites, when the bee stings #
# When I'm feeling sad #
# I simply remember my favorite things #
# And then I don't feel... #
# So bad. #
Mercedes Jones: Say, when's Christmas dinner?
Kurt Hummel: Oh, no, you guys! With all the guests and the songs, I forgot to turn on the oven.
Rachel Berry: Kurt!
Blaine Anderson: Oh, great. Whatever else could go wrong? I suppose we'll have to find out... after these messages from our sponsors.



Kurt Hummel: And then I said to Justin Timberlake, "That's not eggnog!"
Blaine Anderson: Gee whiz, you guys, it's really coming down out there.
Kurt Hummel: Blaine is right, you guys. Global climate change is no laughing matter. Our overreliance on fossil fuels is causing erratic weather patterns like this one.
Mercedes Jones: I think these are the end times.
Blaine Anderson: Well, if there's one thing we can all agree on is that if it keeps snowing like this, Santa Claus won't be able to bring us our presents.
Mercedes Jones: Wait! Did you hear that?
Kurt Hummel: Jingle bells?
Noah Puckerman: Sorry, guys. Just us.
Rachel Berry: Hello. Oh! How rude of me. Ladies and gentlemen, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman! Ooh!
Blaine Anderson: Say, are you dressed like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo?
Finn Hudson: No. That's copyright infringement. Any resemblance to Star Wars characters is purely coincidental.
Noah Puckerman: Hey, guys, why the long faces? It's Christmas Eve or something.
Rachel Berry: We thought we heard Santa Claus, but with the climate change and end times, we just don't think Santa Claus is coming to town.
Finn Hudson: Well, that's not what we heard.
# Oh, you better watch out #
# You better not cry #
# You better not pout, I'm telling you why #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming #
# To town #
Noah Puckerman: # He's making a list, he's checking it twice #
# He'gonna find out who's naughty or nice #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming #
# To town #
# Oh, you better watch out #
# You better not cry #
Finn Hudson: # You better not pout, I'm telling you why #
Noah & Finn: # Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
Finn Hudson: # Ho, ho, ho, ho! #
Noah Puckerman: # You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry #
Finn Hudson: # You better not pout, I'm telling you why #
Noah & Finn: # Santa Claus is coming to town #
Finn Hudson: # Yeah #
Noah & Finn: # Santa Clause is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to #
# Santa Claus is coming to town. #
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my stars. More guests? I hope it's carolers!
Brittany S. Pierce: # "Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong #
# 'Cause it is my favorite holiday #
# But all this year's been a busy blur #
# Don't think I have the energy to add #
# To my already mad rush # Just 'cause it's 'tis the season #
# The perfect gift for me would be #
# Completions and connections left from last year #
# Ski shop, encounter most interesting #
# Had his number, but never the time #
# Most of '81 passed along those lines #
# So deck those halls, trim those trees #
# Raise up cups of Christmas cheer #
# I just need to catch my breath #
# Christmas by myself this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christs #
# Couldn't miss this one this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas #
# Couldn't miss this one this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas #
# Couldn't miss this one this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas #
# Couldn't miss this one this year. #
Kurt Hummel: All my Christmas wishes came true.
Blaine Anderson: All except for one.
Rachel Berry: Oh, my goodness, could it be? Could it be?
All: Itchy the Holiday Elf.
Kurt Hummel: We asked our friend Itchy to stop by and read us a lighthearted, heartwarming, upbeat, happy Christmas tale, "Frosty the Snowman."
Rory Flanagan: Actually, I was going to read that, but... I searched my heart, and I'm going to read one from a different book. I think it's something that's going to remind people what the true spirit of Christmas really is.
Rachel Berry: Are you sure you don't want to read "Frosty"? We all really want to hear "Frosty."
Rory Flanagan: Lights, please. "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not. 'For behold, 'I bring ye good tidings 'of great joy, which shall be to all people: 'for unto you is born this day in the city of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, 'and on earth, peace, goodwill toward men.'"



Quinn Fabray: What?
Sam Evans: Everyone's just been telling me you've been having a rough year, but you seem pretty od to me.
Quinn Fabray: I'm better. Think I was just stuck focusing on everything I didn't have and none of the stuff that was good. Stuff in the future.
Sam Evans: I'm glad you turned it around. You deserve good things, Quinn.
Quinn Fabray: I'm trying.
Sue Sylvester: Ah, ah, ah, ah! Portion control, Bee Sting. Come on. Guess you're just not used to being on this side of the serving line.
Quinn Fabray: Seriously though, I don't think we have enough food for everybody.
Sue Sylvester: Yeah. Economy gets bad, people give less.
Will Schuester: Hey!
Artie Abrams: I know we're late, but we were all hoping there's still time to help. We brought the turkey from the special with all the fixings.
Will Schuester: Yeah, it's a prop but it's real.
Sue Sylvester: Why don't you put it on the table over there, kiddo.
Sam Evans: You guys finally me around.
Finn Hudson: Well, you can thank Rory for helping us see the light.
Rory Flanagan: I was just following my Christmas sponsor's lead.
Noah Puckerman: Would it be weird if I made myself a plate?
Artie Abrams: We have a song, too. We were gonna perform it as our final number for our Christmas special, but we lost the final ten minutes of airtime when the station reached a last-second agreement with those Yule log people.
Sue Sylvester: As long as it's not "Jingle Bells." It seems it's the only song our janitor knows how to play, and I'm bleeding from the ears.
Will Schuester: If you'd be so kind.
Man: Sure.
Will Schuester: Love your "Jingle Bells" though.
Finn Hudson: # It's Christmastime #
# There's no need to be afraid #
# At Christmastime #
# We let in light and we banish shade #
Mercedes Jones: # And in our world of plenty #
# We can spread a smile of joy #
# Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime #
Rachel Berry: # But say a prayer #
# Pray for the other one #
# Oh, at Christmastime, it's hard #
# But when you're having fun #
Kurt & Blaine: # There's a world outside your window #
# And it's a world of dread and fear #
Artie & Britney: # Where the only water flowing #
# Is the bitter sting of tears #
Noah & Tina: # And the Christmas bells that ring #
# Are the clanging chimes of doom #
Mercedes Jones: # Well, tonight thank God it's them #
Mercedes & Rachel: # Instead of you #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # And there w't be snow in Africa this Christmastime #
Santana Lopez: # This Christmastime, no #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # The greatest gift they'll get this year is life #
Santana Lopez: # Is life #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # Where nothing ever grows #
Santana Lopez: # Nothing ever grows #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # No rain or rivers flow #
# Do they know it's Christmastime at all? #
Santana Lopez: # Yeah #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # Christmastime time again #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's Christmas time again #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's Christmas time again #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's Christmastime again. #



Rachel Berry: Just the guy I was looking for.
Finn Hudson: Hi.
Rachel Berry: I wanted you to know that I named my pig.
Finn Hudson: The African sow pig?
Rachel Berry: Yep. Come here. Her name is Barbra. After my hero. I mean, I'm assuming that she's a girl. But I just hope that pig Barbra inspires all of the children who eat her as much as the real Barbra inspired me.
Finn Hudson: So it's a kosher sow pig?
Rachel Berry: Yeah. Look, the important thing is, is that I just want you to know that I'm really sorry. Okay, I-I love her and I love you, and that's all that matters to me on Christmas. Okay?
Finn Hudson: Well, I-I'm glad you like the pig...
Rachel Berry: Barbra.
Finn Hudson: Barbra. But, uh, then I realized that once they kill and eat Barbra, you're not gonna have anything to show for this year's Christmas. So I got you something else. You ready?
Rachel Berry: Yes.
Finn Hudson: It's your own star.
Rachel Berry: You named a star after me?
Finn Hudson: Well, no. I, uh, I thought about that, but then I named it Finn Hudson. Because there's already a star named Rachel Berry. And she's right here on earth and she's brighter than any of those stars up there. So I just wanted to make sure that whenever she feels lonely, she can look up in theky, and no matter where I am, she can know that I'm looking down on her. When it's nighttime.
Rachel Berry: I love this. I'm gonna put it up right over here.
Finn Hudson: And, uh, just in case it's-it's cloudy or, uh, the middle of the daytime or the star explodes in some massive supernova... these should shine just as bright.
Rachel Berry: It's too much.
Finn Hudson: No, no, it's okay. I-I hawked my letterman jacket on eBay, so...
Rachel Berry: No, no. It's too much wonderful for one girl. I mean, I get the-the guy and the stars and...
Finn Hudson: The pig.
Rachel Berry: I think it's time that I start giving back. Come on. Let's go get our coats.



Rory Flanagan: These bells make me homesick.
Sam Evans: You mean, like church bells and stuff?
Rory Flanagan: No. My brother Shamus gets lost all the time, so my dad made him wear a bell around his neck so we could always find him.
Sam Evans: Smart. Merry Christmas.
Rory Flanagan: Sam, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to be my Valentine's Day sponsor as well. I mean, you did such a good job being a Christmas sponsor, I figured you'd have no problem helping me land a snog or two by February.
Sam Evans: Deal. But you have to help me learn to perfect my Sean Connery. I'm telling you, impressions are the best way to get a chick. Whoa!
Rachel Berry: So how's business, guys?
Sam Evans: Uh, a little slow. But the revival house across the street is showing It's a Wonderful Life, so pretty sure we'll clean up when it gets out.
Finn Hudson: Well, just in case, we wanted to make our own little contribution to the cause. Sure you want to do this, Rachel?
Rachel Berry: Yes. I already got my Christmas present. All right, guys.
Sam Evans: Whoa, did you guys knock off a liquor store or something?
Finn Hudson: No, we just finally realized what really matters.
Rachel Berry: Yeah, we returned the earrings that Finn got me for Christmas and the iPod that I bought him. We decided we wanted to do something special this year for Christmas.
Rory Flanagan: We've got a couple of extra bells if you want to join in.
Rachel Berry: We'd love to.
Sam Evans: Best Christmas ever.
Rory Flanagan: Merry Christmas.
Sam Evans: Merry Christmas.
Rachel Berry: Happy Hanukkah.


Mercedes Jones: # I don't want a lot for Christmas #
# There is just one thing I need #
# I don't care about the presents #
# Underneath the Christmas tree #
# Make my wish come true #
# All I want for Christmas #
# Is #
# You... #
# I don't want a lot for Christmas #
# There is just one thing I need #
# Don't care about the presents #
# Underneath the Christmas tree #
# I don't need to hang my stocking #
# There upon the fireplace #
# Santa Claus won't make me happy #
# With a toy on Christmas Day #
# I just want you for my own #
# More than you could ever know #
# Make my wish come true #
# Baby, all I want for Christmas #
# Is you... #
New Directions: # You, baby #
Mercedes Jones: # Oh...
New Directions: # All I want for Christmas #
# Is you #
Mercedes Jones: # Oh... #
New Directions: # Baby #
# All I want for Christmas #
# Is you #
Mercedes Jones: # All I want for Christmas #
# Is you. #
Rachel Berry: Best Christmas ever.



Rachel Berry: Here's my list.
Finn Hudson: I thought we agreed the "things did wrong this week" list was hurting more than helping.
Rachel Berry: My Christmas list. I heard you were having a little trouble figuring out what to get me.



Finn Hudson: I'm freaking out. I have no idea what to get Rachel for Christmas.
Artie Abrams: When in doubt, go with socks.
Mike Chang: A wok is always good.
Rory Flanagan: What about soil?
Blaine Anderson: I agree with Artie about the socks.
Noah Puckerman: You see? This is why I don't have a high-maintenance girlfriend. Or any girlfriend, for that matter.



Finn Hudson: Who told you? Kurt?
Rachel Berry: No.
Kurt Hummel: Yes.
Finn Hudson: But I can't afford all this stuff.
Rachel Berry: Oh, no, silly. No, no. I just put 15 things on the list, and you can pick out five. Look, in a... in a few weeks, I'm going to find out if I'm a finalist for NYADA or not, and, well, I just... I'd really love to have a little Yuletide bauble as a good-luck charm for my audition.
Finn Hudson: Spray tan? Teeth whitening?
Rachel Berry: I mean... I'm just trying to make it easier for you. If you'd like, you can make a list for me also.
Finn Hudson: Well, like the song says, "All I want for Christmas is you." Aw.
Rachel Berry: All I want for Christmas is you, too. And five things on that list. I love you.
Finn Hudson: Holy crap, I'm dating Kim Kardashian.



Sue Sylvester: Wheels, Porcelain, Other Gay, the Yuletide is upon us, and everyone knows that Cistmas is a time for forgiveness, so I have decided to forgive you for having no talent and ruining the American songbook one mash-up at a time. I've also forgiven you for forcing me to run in and promptly lose an humiliating statewide election.
Artie Abrams: We... accept your forgiveness?
Sue Sylvester: Now, Christmas isn't just a time when Jewish kids get slightly uncomfortable and dwarves get jobs as Santa's helpers in demeaning nonunion commercials that make them quietly die inside. No, Christmas is also a time to give back. Which is why, this Friday, I am volunteering at the Lima Homeless Shelter. And I thought maybe you and your fellow Glee clubbers might want to pitch in by giving the gift of song.
Kurt Hummel: Coach Sylvester, I've heard you say on several occasions that you don't believe in homelessness.
Artie Abrams: You said you considered homeless people urban campers.
Sue Sylvester: Can I be honest with you, Stumbles, Gelfling, young Burt Reynolds? I lost my sister this past year, and this will be my first Christmas without her. And honestly, I'm just trying to keep myself occupie I... I made plans to shoot reindeer from a helicopter with Sarah Palin, but she canceled. Apparently, Todd gets fussy when she misses his ballet recitals.
Kurt Hummel: We'd be happy to help.
Sue Sylvester: Oh, that's fantastic. And now, in the spirit of Christmas, get the hell out of my office.



Rachel Berry: We might have spent r entire decorating budget for the whole year, but with something that looks as absolutely fabulous as this, I have to say, brav-ho-ho-ho.
Finn Hudson: Hey, everybody, listen up. My man, Rory Flanagan here, wants to say a few.
Rory Flanagan: Thanks, Finn Hudson. So, guys, my mummy was going to come visit for the holidays, but plane tickets are expensive, so it's my first Christmas without any family. I'd like to cheer myself up by dedicating this song to them... and to the King.
Kurt Hummel: Jesus?
Rory Flanagan: # I'll have a blue #
# Christmas #
# Without you #
# I'll be so blue #
# Just thinking #
# About you #
# You'll be doing all right #
# With your Christmas of white #
# But I'll #
# Have a blue #
# Blue, blue, blue Christmas #
# I'll have a blue #
# Christmas #
# Ooh, ooh #
# That's certain #
# And when the blue #
# Heartache stops hurting #
# Ooh, ooh #
# You'll be doing all right #
# With your Christmas of white #
# But I'll #
# Have a blue #
# Blue #
# Christmas #
# Ooh #
# Ooh... #
Santana Lopez: Gosh, that song was so depressing. I may actually be dead right now.
Rachel Berry: I-I think, what Santana means is, although that... that was mournfully beautiful, now that the whole Glee club is back together, I think that we should focus on the more joyous and the pageant aspect of this holiday season.
Tina Cohen-Chang: Rachel's right. Last Christmas was super sad. Kurt was at another school, Coach Sylvester trashed everything, and Artie got a pair of magic legs that broke the next day. We were the island of misfit toys. This year is going to be...
Will Schuester: This year, it's a whole new sprig of mistletoe. Guess who's not getting coal in their stockings foonce... us. Rory, have a seat. just got off the phone with Don Borowski, the local station manager at Lima's PBS affiliate. Turns out that their annual broadcast of the Yule log burning has been canceled.
Noah Puckerman: The hell?
Will Schuester: Yeah, they can't afford the licensing fees anymore. But thank you, Scrooges who own that copyright, because Don came to Sectionals, he loved what we did and he is offering us...
Rachel Berry: A Christmas special featuring all of us? Okay, please say you said yes.
Will Schuester: Not only did I say yes, but when Don said that they were looking for a director for the special, I nominated you, Artie.
Artie Abrams: Me?
Will Schuester: Yeah. He saw West Side Story, loved your work, and he wants to take a meeting.
Artie Abrams: But I... I swore I would never sell out and do television. I'm really going to have to think about this, Mr. Schue.



Sam Evans: I'll have to show you my locker stacking secrets so that never happens again. Is that your family?
Rory Flanagan: The whole Flanagan clan.
Sam Evans: It's hard, isn't it? Being away from them.
Rory Flanagan: It's so hard. It's harder than I ever imagined.
Sam Evans: I know the feeling. I'm only a few hours away from my family, and I miss them like crazy. What are you going to do for Christmas this year?
Rory Flanagan: I'm even not sure. Brittany and her family are going on a trip to see a gay Santa. Something about Santa Fe.
Sam Evans: Why don't you spend the holiday with, uh, my family? I-I need help staying awake on the drive, plus, this whole week, I'll be your Christmas sponsor. Really show you what the holiday spirit's about in the USA.
Rory Flanagan: That'd be so awesome, Sam.



Don Barowski: I am absolutely delighted that our channel's Christmas special is being directed by a teenage disabled boy. You're like a modern day Tiny Tim. Oh. I am sorry. Tiny Tim could walk.
Artie Abrams: In the spirit of Christmas, I'm going to pretend you never said that. Here's the dealio, Mr. Borowski. I have two ironclad demands. The first one came to me last night in a dream. The Wookiee was right. The best Christmas show of all time is The Star Wars Holiday Special, shown only once in 1978, then locked away in the Lucasfilm vault like the precious jewel it is. Every fanboy in the galaxy knows it's completely awesome. Therefore, Star Wars must be a part of our Christmas special. And I also want to shoot it in black and white.
Don Barowski: Black and white?
Artie Abrams: It will be an homage to the second best special of all time, the Judy Garland Christmas show. You know, some s Judy was high on pills and booze, but... I say she was high on excitement and Baby Jesus.
Don Barowski: Kid, you can shoot the thing in 3-D, starring a flock of pigeons, as long as you can produce it for under 800 bucks.
Artie Abrams: I can do it, sir. I know I can.



Rachel Berry: # It's coming on Christmas #
# They're cutting down trees #
# They're putting up reindeer #
# And singing songs of joy and peace #
# Oh, I wish I had a river #
# I could skate away on #
# I wish I had a river so long #
# I would teach my feet #
# To fly #
# Oh, I wish I had a river #
# I could skate away on #
# I made my baby cry #
# He tried hard to help me #
# You know, he t me at ease #
# He loved me so naughty #
# Made me weak in the knees #
# Oh, I wish I had a river #
# I could skate away on. #
Artie Abrams: Yeah. Rachel, could you come see me?
Rachel Berry: Yes, Artie, of course. And if this is about my ears, I know that they're a little naked right now, but that's just because I'm waiting for something special. Something that's really gonna sparkle and, you know, catch the light. So what's up?
Artie Abrams: It's not about your ears, it's about your song. It makes me want to kill myself.
Rachel Berry: I'm sorry, Joni Mitchell is not depressing, she's emotional.
Artie Abrams: It doesn't fit my vision for our Christmas spectacular.
Rachel Berry: And what is that exactly?
Artie Abrams: We begin in the Swiss Alps, in the village of Gstaad, in the perfely-appointed living room of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson's chic swank chalet. The tree towering and opulent. The fireplace draped in garlands. The stockings bejeweled. Kurt and Blaine, the perfect hosts have invited their friends to drop in for an evening of Noel Coward-esque banter and fun, happy, cheer-filled songs.
Rachel Berry: Are you telling me I'm not invited to Kurt and Blaine's for Christmas?
Artie Abrams: Not unless you pick a happier song. The evenins festivities conclude with Rory, dressed as the Christmas elf Itchy, reciting "Frosty the Snowman." Start with fun, end with fun. That's how you do it, kids.
Sam Evans: The Frosty story isn't fun. At the end, he melts and dies.
Artie Abrams: I'm rebooting Frosty. In my version, he doesn't melt. He... Well, new pages forthcoming.
Sam Evans: What's wrong with a story that's a little sad or a song that's a little depressing? I mean, that's part of Christmas, too, right? It's the sad things that make you remember what's really important.
Artie Abrams: Sorry, Sam, but the phrase is "Merry Christmas," not "morose Christmas." That's the vision. That's what you have to buy into.
Sam Evans: Well, sorry, Artie, I'm not buying into it. I'm gonna go downtown, see if I can ring one of those Salvation Army bells. Come on, Rory. I'll give you a ride.
Rory Flanagan: I should memorize my part, Sam.



Finn Hudson: Hey. Bummer about Artie going all Scrooge on your song.
Rachel Berry: I'm getting a song in that Christmas special. Christmas is all about giving, and Artie certainly wouldn't be in the Christmas spirit if he didn't let me give my talents to the people of Western Ohio. At least, the ones who don't have cable. Speaking of giving, don't you think it would be a shame for me to sing on television for the first time without me sparkling in the glow of one of your generous gifts?
Finn Hudson: Oh, you want me to give you your present early?
Rachel Berry: I hadn't even thought about that, but what a sweet idea. Yeah.
Finn Hudson: Okay, yeah. All right.
Rachel Berry: Okay. Usually it comes in a box, but... Okay. Where's my bling?
Finn Hudson: Well, that was a little out of my-my price range, but-but then I saw this commercial for these African sow pigs you can adopt. You pay, like, two bucks a month to fatten them up for a whole year, and then they feed a family for, like, a month.
Rachel Berry: You gave me a dead pig for Christmas?
Finn Hudson: No, no, it's not dead yet; you got to get it fat first.
Rachel Berry: I'm a vegan.
Finn Hudson: Look, I thought Christmas was about giving, okay?
Rachel Berry: Which is why I gave you a super specific list. Look... it's very sweet that you gave me a pig...
Finn Hudson: It's an African sow pig.
Rachel Berry: Whatever it is, I... I appreciate it. But I made you a list so that you wouldn't embarrass yourself like this. I'm not asking for much. All I want is what's coming to me. All I want is my fair share.
Finn Hudson: Guess I'll give the sow pig to my mom or something.
Rachel Berry: That is such a great idea. It's gonna be the best Chrtmas ever.



Blaine Anderson: # He came into my dreams last night #
# A great, big man in red and white #
# He told me that it's gonna be #
# A special year for you and me #
# Underneath the mistletoe #
# Hold me tight and kiss me slow #
# The snow is high, so come inside #
# I want to hear you say to me #
Rachel & Blaine: # It's a very, very, merry, merry Christmas #
# Even better than the one before #
# Gonna party on till Santa grants my wishes #
# Think he's knocking on my front door #
# Got my halo on, I know what I want #
# It's who I'm with #
# It's an extraordinary merry Christmas #
# Won't you meet me by the tree? #
# Slip away so secretly #
# Can't you see how this could be? #
# The greatest gift of all #
# It's a very, very, merry, merry Christmas #
New Directions: # Even better than the one before #
Rachel & Blaine: # Gonna stay with you till Santa grants my wishes #
New Directions: # Think he's knocking on my front door #
Rachel & Blaine: # Got my halo on, I know what I want #
# It's who I'm with #
# It's an extordinary merry Christmas #
New Directions: # Even better than the one before #
Rachel & Blaine: # It's a very, very, merry, merry Chrtmas #
New Directions: # Even better than the one before #
Rachel & Blaine: # It's an extraordinary merry Christmas. #
Artie Abrams: I bow to you.
Rachel Berry: Oh, God.
Artie Abrams: Gold. Gold! That's what I'm talking about! I see Cheerios behind you, kind of a dancing Santa thing.
Rachel Berry: Just as long as they don't upstage us.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah, as long as they don't upstage us.
Artie Abrams: Good.
Sue Sylvester: Look at you do-gooders. Hard at work.
Artie Abrams: Coach Sylvester, we're in the middle of rehearsal.
Sue Sylvester: Yeah, and I think it's great you're working so hard on your performance. And I'll tell you what. Everyone at the homeless shelter is really looking forward to the show. I just wanted to confirm with you, Artie, that we're on for Friday night.
Artie Abrams: Oh, Friday. It's a no-can-do on Friday. We're taping our Christmas special for the Lima PBS.
Sue Sylvester: You told me you were in.
Artie Abrams: This is a huge opportunity for us. Can we just do it another night?
Santana Lopez: Homeless will be homeless for a while. That's sort of the problem.
Sue Sylvester: I promised them. You don't want to disappoint these kids.
Artie Abrams: Hmm, like your behavior has disappointed us for years? Last Christmas, you cut down our tree, you stole our presents and you made Becky dress up like a reindeer.
Sue Sylvester: So you're gonna walk away from people who have nothing?
Rachel Berry: No, not at all. We're just gonna distract them from their plight and the smell of urine and make them happy with our glamorous Christmas cheer.
Sue Sylvester: The homeless don't have TVs. So you're all agreed on this? Fine. Merry Christmas.
Artie Abrams: Let's take it from the top, guys. And remember, smile.



Man: Live from Lima, Ohio, it's the Glee Holiday Spectacular! Starring Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, Mike Chang and Tina Cohen-Chang, no relation featuring Mercedes Jones and Rory Flanagan, with special guests Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Pierce and the Cheerios. The Glee Holiday Spectacular is directed by Artie Abrams. Tonight's special is brought to you by Breadstix. Now with even more breadsticks.
Artie Abrams: Are we live? And action!
Blaine Anderson: # Oh, the weather outside is frightful #
# But the fire is so delightful #
# And since we've no place to go #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # It doesn't show signs of stopping #
# And I bought some corn for popping #
# The lights are turned way down low #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt & Blaine: # When we finally kiss good night #
# How I'll hate going out in the storm #
# But if you really hold me tight #
# Then all the way home I'll be warm #
Kurt Hummel: # The fire is slowly dying #
# And, my dear, we're still good-bye-ing #
Blaine Anderson: # But as long as you love me so #
Kurt & Blaine: # Let it snow, let it snow, let it, let it snow #
Blaine Anderson: # Oh, the weather outside is frightful #
# But the fire is so delightful #
Kurt & Blaine: # And since we've no place to go #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # The weather outside is frightful #
# But the fire is so delightful #
Kurt & Blaine: # And since we've no place to go #
# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # It doesn't show signs of stopping #
Blaine Anderson: # And I've bought some corn for popping #
Kurt & Blaine: # The lights are turned way down low #
# Let it snow #
Blaine Anderson: # When we finally kiss good night #
Kurt Hummel: # Finally kiss good night #
Blaine Anderson: # How I'll hate going out in the storm #
# But if you finally hold me tight #
Kurt Hummel: # Finally hold me tight #
Kurt & Blaine: # Then all the way home I'll be warm #
# And, my dear, we're still good-bye-ing #
# But as long as you love me so #
# Let it snow, let it snow #
# Let it snow, let it snow #
# Oh #
# Oh, oh #
Blaine Anderson: # Oh, let it snow #
Kurt Hummel: # Oh, let it snow. #
Kurt Hummel: Hello. Well, I guess we're all in the spirit of the season by now. Let me apologize for not introducing myself sooner. I'm Kurt Hummel, one of your hosts this evening. Thank you. And this is my, um... best friend and holiday roommate, Blaine Anderson.
Blaine Anderson: How do you do? Welcome to our bachelor chalet.
Kurt Hummel: We've also asked a few of our other special friends to dp by. But I hope they can make it over the mountains and through the woods in this dreary weather.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, come on, now, Kurt. You know if they get stuck in the snow, they can always hitch a ride on Santa's sleigh.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, you!
Blaine Anderson: Hey, it's true.
Kurt Hummel: Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry for keeping yo standing outside, shivering on the porch. Please, come in. Please, come in. Watch your step. Come on now. Don't be shy. Please, come, come.
Blaine Anderson: Come right on in. Make yourself at home.
Kurt Hummel: Blaine, please offer our guests some holiday libations. I apologize, but I must check my bid on the Elizabeth Taylor Christie's jewelry auction online.
Blaine Anderson: Kurt.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, no!
Blaine Anderson: Oh, what happened? Did Mariah outbid you on that necklace you wanted?
Kurt Hummel: That I could take. The Internet is down because of this inclement weather. I didn't get to put my bid in on time. Christmas is canceled! Who could that be?
Blaine Anderson: The door's open. Come on in.
Rachel Berry: Oh, sorry, we're late. Hope there's still eggnog.
Kurt Hummel: For you two, always.
Rachel Berry: Oh, Kurt, how are you? You look great. I love what you've done with the place.
Kurt Hummel: Just a splash of color.
Blaine Anderson: May I take your sweater?
Rachel Berry: Blaine.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, forgive me. Everyone, these are our very good friends, Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones.
Mercedes Jones: What's going on, boys?
Kurt Hummel: Well, we're on television.
Rachel Berry: Oh, television? Us, too? Hello.
Mercedes Jones: This is for you, Kurt.
Kurt Hummel: For me? May I open it?
Mercedes Jones: Oh, I wish you would.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my dear. Oh, what is in here?
Mercedes Jones: Here we go.
Kurt Hummel: Ooh. Oh, my goodness! Oh, my dears! How did you know? Ladies and gentlemen, if you can believe it, from the Elizabeth Taylor auction, ladies and gentlemen, it's Miss Taylor's diamond and emerald necklace and pendant.
Audience: Oh!
Kurt Hummel: Thank you. Thank you so much. I cannot believe it. It is truly a Christmas miracle.
Mercedes Jones: Truly a Christmas knockoff.
Rachel Berry: Mercedes, don't give away all of our secrets. Blaine, this is for you.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, why, thank you so much, Rachel.
Rachel Berry: It's a bow tie with little Christmas trees on it.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, would you look at that?
Rachel Berry: Would you look at that? And there's a little surprise under the wrapping paper.
Blaine Anderson: Why, they're candy cane striped Capri pants. You know what the best part is? I actually don't already own a pair. If you can believe that.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, jewels and short pants and bow ties and good friends. Truly, this is an ideal evening.But, Blaine, you know what's really needed now.
Blaine Anderson: Oh, I think I do. Rachel, Mercedes?
Rachel Berry: Oh, we couldn't possibly. We're not prepared!
Blaine Anderson: Oh, come now. The piano's just sitting there, its ivories waiting to be tickle.
Rachel Berry: Well, there is a little something that we've been working on. I'm in if you are.
Mercedes Jones: Well, it is Christmas, after all.
Blaine Anderson: That's just grand.
Mercedes Jones: Come on. Let's go.
Rachel Berry: Oh, Kurt, Mercedes, Blaine, you know, I've realized that there's some favorite things that can't be bought line or in a store or even in a catalog. They're right here in front of my nose. For instance...
# Raindrops and roses and whiskers on kittens #
# Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens #
# Brown paper packages tied up with strings #
# These are a few of my favorite things #
Mercedes Jones: # Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels #
# Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles #
Mercedes & Rachel: # Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings #
# These are a few of my favorite things #
Kurt Hummel: # Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes #
Blaine Anderson: # Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes #
Kurt & Blaine: # Silver white winters that melt into springs #
All: # These are a few of my favorite things #
Rachel Berry: # When the dog bites, when the bee stings #
# When I'm feeling sad #
# I simply remember my favorite things #
# And then I don't feel... #
# So bad #
Mercedes Jones: # Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens #
# Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens #
Rachel Berry: # Brown paper packages tied up with strings #
# These are a few of my favorite things #
Kurt Hummel: # Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels #
Blaine Anderson: # Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with ndles #
Rachel Berry: # Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings #
Mercedes Jones: # These are a few of my favorite things #
Blaine Anderson: # Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes #
Kurt Hummel: # Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes #
Rachel Berry: # Silver white winters that melt into spring #
All: # These are a few of my favorite things #
Rachel Berry: # When the dog bites, when the bee stings #
# When I'm feeling sad #
# I simply remember my favorite things #
# And then I don't feel... #
# So bad. #
Mercedes Jones: Say, when's Christmas dinner?
Kurt Hummel: Oh, no, you guys! With all the guests and the songs, I forgot to turn on the oven.
Rachel Berry: Kurt!
Blaine Anderson: Oh, great. Whatever else could go wrong? I suppose we'll have to find out... after these messages from our sponsors.



Kurt Hummel: And then I said to Justin Timberlake, "That's not eggnog!"
Blaine Anderson: Gee whiz, you guys, it's really coming down out there.
Kurt Hummel: Blaine is right, you guys. Global climate change is no laughing matter. Our overreliance on fossil fuels is causing erratic weather patterns like this one.
Mercedes Jones: I think these are the end times.
Blaine Anderson: Well, if there's one thing we can all agree on is that if it keeps snowing like this, Santa Claus won't be able to bring us our presents.
Mercedes Jones: Wait! Did you hear that?
Kurt Hummel: Jingle bells?
Noah Puckerman: Sorry, guys. Just us.
Rachel Berry: Hello. Oh! How rude of me. Ladies and gentlemen, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman! Ooh!
Blaine Anderson: Say, are you dressed like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo?
Finn Hudson: No. That's copyright infringement. Any resemblance to Star Wars characters is purely coincidental.
Noah Puckerman: Hey, guys, why the long faces? It's Christmas Eve or something.
Rachel Berry: We thought we heard Santa Claus, but with the climate change and end times, we just don't think Santa Claus is coming to town.
Finn Hudson: Well, that's not what we heard.
# Oh, you better watch out #
# You better not cry #
# You better not pout, I'm telling you why #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming #
# To town #
Noah Puckerman: # He's making a list, he's checking it twice #
# He'gonna find out who's naughty or nice #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming #
# To town #
# Oh, you better watch out #
# You better not cry #
Finn Hudson: # You better not pout, I'm telling you why #
Noah & Finn: # Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to town #
Finn Hudson: # Ho, ho, ho, ho! #
Noah Puckerman: # You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry #
Finn Hudson: # You better not pout, I'm telling you why #
Noah & Finn: # Santa Claus is coming to town #
Finn Hudson: # Yeah #
Noah & Finn: # Santa Clause is coming to town #
# Santa Claus is coming to #
# Santa Claus is coming to town. #
Kurt Hummel: Oh, my stars. More guests? I hope it's carolers!
Brittany S. Pierce: # "Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong #
# 'Cause it is my favorite holiday #
# But all this year's been a busy blur #
# Don't think I have the energy to add #
# To my already mad rush # Just 'cause it's 'tis the season #
# The perfect gift for me would be #
# Completions and connections left from last year #
# Ski shop, encounter most interesting #
# Had his number, but never the time #
# Most of '81 passed along those lines #
# So deck those halls, trim those trees #
# Raise up cups of Christmas cheer #
# I just need to catch my breath #
# Christmas by myself this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christs #
# Couldn't miss this one this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas #
# Couldn't miss this one this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas #
# Couldn't miss this one this year #
# Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas #
# Couldn't miss this one this year. #
Kurt Hummel: All my Christmas wishes came true.
Blaine Anderson: All except for one.
Rachel Berry: Oh, my goodness, could it be? Could it be?
All: Itchy the Holiday Elf.
Kurt Hummel: We asked our friend Itchy to stop by and read us a lighthearted, heartwarming, upbeat, happy Christmas tale, "Frosty the Snowman."
Rory Flanagan: Actually, I was going to read that, but... I searched my heart, and I'm going to read one from a different book. I think it's something that's going to remind people what the true spirit of Christmas really is.
Rachel Berry: Are you sure you don't want to read "Frosty"? We all really want to hear "Frosty."
Rory Flanagan: Lights, please. "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not. 'For behold, 'I bring ye good tidings 'of great joy, which shall be to all people: 'for unto you is born this day in the city of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, 'and on earth, peace, goodwill toward men.'"



Quinn Fabray: What?
Sam Evans: Everyone's just been telling me you've been having a rough year, but you seem pretty od to me.
Quinn Fabray: I'm better. Think I was just stuck focusing on everything I didn't have and none of the stuff that was good. Stuff in the future.
Sam Evans: I'm glad you turned it around. You deserve good things, Quinn.
Quinn Fabray: I'm trying.
Sue Sylvester: Ah, ah, ah, ah! Portion control, Bee Sting. Come on. Guess you're just not used to being on this side of the serving line.
Quinn Fabray: Seriously though, I don't think we have enough food for everybody.
Sue Sylvester: Yeah. Economy gets bad, people give less.
Will Schuester: Hey!
Artie Abrams: I know we're late, but we were all hoping there's still time to help. We brought the turkey from the special with all the fixings.
Will Schuester: Yeah, it's a prop but it's real.
Sue Sylvester: Why don't you put it on the table over there, kiddo.
Sam Evans: You guys finally me around.
Finn Hudson: Well, you can thank Rory for helping us see the light.
Rory Flanagan: I was just following my Christmas sponsor's lead.
Noah Puckerman: Would it be weird if I made myself a plate?
Artie Abrams: We have a song, too. We were gonna perform it as our final number for our Christmas special, but we lost the final ten minutes of airtime when the station reached a last-second agreement with those Yule log people.
Sue Sylvester: As long as it's not "Jingle Bells." It seems it's the only song our janitor knows how to play, and I'm bleeding from the ears.
Will Schuester: If you'd be so kind.
Man: Sure.
Will Schuester: Love your "Jingle Bells" though.
Finn Hudson: # It's Christmastime #
# There's no need to be afraid #
# At Christmastime #
# We let in light and we banish shade #
Mercedes Jones: # And in our world of plenty #
# We can spread a smile of joy #
# Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime #
Rachel Berry: # But say a prayer #
# Pray for the other one #
# Oh, at Christmastime, it's hard #
# But when you're having fun #
Kurt & Blaine: # There's a world outside your window #
# And it's a world of dread and fear #
Artie & Britney: # Where the only water flowing #
# Is the bitter sting of tears #
Noah & Tina: # And the Christmas bells that ring #
# Are the clanging chimes of doom #
Mercedes Jones: # Well, tonight thank God it's them #
Mercedes & Rachel: # Instead of you #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # And there w't be snow in Africa this Christmastime #
Santana Lopez: # This Christmastime, no #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # The greatest gift they'll get this year is life #
Santana Lopez: # Is life #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # Where nothing ever grows #
Santana Lopez: # Nothing ever grows #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # No rain or rivers flow #
# Do they know it's Christmastime at all? #
Santana Lopez: # Yeah #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's #
Artie, Tina & Rachel: # Christmastime time again #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's Christmas time again #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's Christmas time again #
Finn, Rachel & Brittany: # Feed the world #
Tina & Artie: # Let them know it's Christmastime again. #



Rachel Berry: Just the guy I was looking for.
Finn Hudson: Hi.
Rachel Berry: I wanted you to know that I named my pig.
Finn Hudson: The African sow pig?
Rachel Berry: Yep. Come here. Her name is Barbra. After my hero. I mean, I'm assuming that she's a girl. But I just hope that pig Barbra inspires all of the children who eat her as much as the real Barbra inspired me.
Finn Hudson: So it's a kosher sow pig?
Rachel Berry: Yeah. Look, the important thing is, is that I just want you to know that I'm really sorry. Okay, I-I love her and I love you, and that's all that matters to me on Christmas. Okay?
Finn Hudson: Well, I-I'm glad you like the pig...
Rachel Berry: Barbra.
Finn Hudson: Barbra. But, uh, then I realized that once they kill and eat Barbra, you're not gonna have anything to show for this year's Christmas. So I got you something else. You ready?
Rachel Berry: Yes.
Finn Hudson: It's your own star.
Rachel Berry: You named a star after me?
Finn Hudson: Well, no. I, uh, I thought about that, but then I named it Finn Hudson. Because there's already a star named Rachel Berry. And she's right here on earth and she's brighter than any of those stars up there. So I just wanted to make sure that whenever she feels lonely, she can look up in theky, and no matter where I am, she can know that I'm looking down on her. When it's nighttime.
Rachel Berry: I love this. I'm gonna put it up right over here.
Finn Hudson: And, uh, just in case it's-it's cloudy or, uh, the middle of the daytime or the star explodes in some massive supernova... these should shine just as bright.
Rachel Berry: It's too much.
Finn Hudson: No, no, it's okay. I-I hawked my letterman jacket on eBay, so...
Rachel Berry: No, no. It's too much wonderful for one girl. I mean, I get the-the guy and the stars and...
Finn Hudson: The pig.
Rachel Berry: I think it's time that I start giving back. Come on. Let's go get our coats.



Rory Flanagan: These bells make me homesick.
Sam Evans: You mean, like church bells and stuff?
Rory Flanagan: No. My brother Shamus gets lost all the time, so my dad made him wear a bell around his neck so we could always find him.
Sam Evans: Smart. Merry Christmas.
Rory Flanagan: Sam, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to be my Valentine's Day sponsor as well. I mean, you did such a good job being a Christmas sponsor, I figured you'd have no problem helping me land a snog or two by February.
Sam Evans: Deal. But you have to help me learn to perfect my Sean Connery. I'm telling you, impressions are the best way to get a chick. Whoa!
Rachel Berry: So how's business, guys?
Sam Evans: Uh, a little slow. But the revival house across the street is showing It's a Wonderful Life, so pretty sure we'll clean up when it gets out.
Finn Hudson: Well, just in case, we wanted to make our own little contribution to the cause. Sure you want to do this, Rachel?
Rachel Berry: Yes. I already got my Christmas present. All right, guys.
Sam Evans: Whoa, did you guys knock off a liquor store or something?
Finn Hudson: No, we just finally realized what really matters.
Rachel Berry: Yeah, we returned the earrings that Finn got me for Christmas and the iPod that I bought him. We decided we wanted to do something special this year for Christmas.
Rory Flanagan: We've got a couple of extra bells if you want to join in.
Rachel Berry: We'd love to.
Sam Evans: Best Christmas ever.
Rory Flanagan: Merry Christmas.
Sam Evans: Merry Christmas.
Rachel Berry: Happy Hanukkah.
外部リンク
 AfterEllen.com
 AfterEllen.com
 IMDb
 Glee Wiki
 Wikipedia

310. Yes/No

放送日:2012年1月17日


Ian Brennan: So here is what you miss on Glee. Sam and Mercedes started secretly dating, and then he left town and now he's back and wants her back, but Mercedes has a new man.
Mercedes Jones: I've moved on.
Ian Brennan: Coach Beiste had the hots for Cooter the football recruiter and he liked her back but when Sue found out, she decided she wanted Cooter all to herself. Emma's got wedding fever, but Will's a little skittish 'cause the last time he was married, it didn't go well. Terri pretended to be pregnant, she yelled a lot, and she hated the Glee Club. And that's what you missed on Glee.



Tina Cohen-Chang: Mercedes, what's the deal with you and Sam? You've been stealing glances in the choir room, and you still haven't told us what happened over summer vacation.
Mercedes Jones: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Rachel Berry: Go.
Mercedes Jones: It's true. Sam and I spent a lot of time together at the lake. And... we had a fling.
Blaine Anderson: Hey, tell us everything.
Noah Puckerman: Yeah, dude, give us specifics.
Sam Evans: It was incredible, guys.
# Summer loving, had me a blast. #
Mercedes Jones: # Summer loving, happened so fast. #
Sam Evans: # I met a girl crazy for me. #
Mercedes Jones: # Met a boy cute as can be. #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer days drifting away to, #
# uh-oh, those summer nights. #
New Directions: # Uh, well-a, well-a, well-a, huh #
Boys of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Rory Flanagan: # Did you get very far? #
Girls of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Sugar Motta: # Like, does he have a car? #
New Directions: # Uh-huh, doo-doo, uh-huh, doo-doo #
# Uh-huh, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo #
Sam Evans: # I saved her life, she nearly drowned. #
Mercedes Jones: # He showed off, splashing around. #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer fling don't mean a thing. #
# But, uh-oh, those summer nights. #
Boys of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Finn Hudson: # But you don't gotta brag. #
Girls of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Kurt Hummel: # Cause he sounds like a drag. #
Mercedes Jones: # He got friendly, holding my hand. #
Sam Evans: # Well, she got friendly down in the sand. #
Mercedes Jones: # He was sweet, just turned 18. #
Sam Evans: # Well, she was good, you know what I mean #
New Directions: # Woah! #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer heat, boy and girl meet. #
# But, uh-oh, those summer nights. #
Girls of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Santana Lopez: # How much dough did he spend? #
Boys of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Rory Flanagan: # Could she get me a friend? #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer dreams ripped at the seams. #
# But, oh #
# Those summer nights... #
New Directions: # Tell me more, tell me more... #



Becky Jackson: I, Becky Faye Jackson, am the hottest bitch at McKinley High School. je ne suis pas seulement co-capitaine I'm president of the Perfect Attendance Club and I've won a participation award in rhythm gymnastics. You may be wondering why I sound like The Queen of England. It's simple, in my mind, I can sound like whomever I want. So lay off, haters. Okay, let's get reals. I could easily snag any dude east of the Mississippi, but I'm extremely picky. For instance, Rory grins too much. He looks like an insane person. Is that a Mohawk, Puckerman, or did someone glue a squirrel to your head? No-Chang-do. I'm no rice queen. Now, that's more like it. Sweet, sexy and handi-capable like me, with a voice as velvety as my favorite Sunday church dress. It's decided. Artie Abrams, you're my new boyfriend.



Sue Sylvester: What happened to Jason, that cute boy you took to the prom?
Becky Jackson: I like hot dogs and he likes pizza. And I like Artie now. What do I do, Coach?
Sue Sylvester: You can ask him out on a date. Worst he could say is "No."
Becky Jackson: True that.
Sue Sylvester: Frankly, Becky, I think you can do better.



Emma Pillsbury: Mind if I join you?
Shannon Beiste: Sure, Ems, but your man's over there.
Emma Pillsbury: Yeah, I'm just gonna let him be. He totally tanked his fantasy football season, so... So, two chickens today, huh?
Shannon Beiste: Emma, I'm celebrating.
Emma Pillsbury: Why?
Shannon Beiste: Cooter and I eloped.
Sue Sylvester: You what?
Emma Pillsbury: How did it happen?
Shannon Beiste: Well, you know, I've tried to be better about showing folks my feelings.
Emma Pillsbury: Right.
Shannon Beiste: So there we were, it was Christmas Eve, and we are at the Taco Bell. And I looked Cooter right in the eye and I said, "Coots, I gotta tell ya, I think you're my soul mate." And the next thing you know, I'm walking out of Fort Wayne's 24-Hour Chapel. Mrs. Cooter Mankins.
Emma Pillsbury: Oh, my God.
Sue Sylvester: That's why he hasn't called me in weeks. Well, Michael Chiklis in a wig, I would like to offer my congratulations. I've been bested. I guess it's time to call Boreanaz.
Shannon Beiste: Aw, wh's wrong, Punkin?
Emma Pillsbury: Shannon, I'm so, so glad this is happening for you, I am. I don't think Will wants to marry me.
Sue Sylvester: For God's sake, Amelia it's 2012. If you want to marry Will Suester, ask him.
Emma Pillsbury: # Will #
# I love you so. #
# I always will. #
# I look at you and see the passion eyes of May. #
Sue & Shannon: # Eyes of May #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day? #
Sue & Shannon: # Wedding day #
Emma Pillsbury: # I was on your side, Will, #
# when you were losing. #
Sue & Shannon: # When you were losing #
Emma Pillsbury: # I never scheme or lie, Will. #
# There's been no fooling. #
Sue & Shannon: # There's been no fooling. #
Emma Pillsbury: # But kisses and love won't carry me. #
# Till you marry me, Will. #
# I love you so, I always will. #
# And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels. #
Sue & Shannon: # Carousels #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells? #
Sue & Shannon: # Wedding bells #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, come on, Will. #
Sue & Shannon: # Come on, Will. #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, come on, will. #
Sue & Shannon: # Come on, Will. #
Emma Pillsbury: # Come on and marry me, Will. #
# I got the wedding bell blues. #
# Please marry me, Will. #
# I got the wedding bell blues... #
Will Schuester: Emma, did you just ask me to marry you?
Emma Pillsbury: What? No. No, I didn't. Was that out loud? No, I didn't. Oh, my God.



Will Schuester: Finn, give me a drum roll!
New Directions: Marry...me. Marry me.
Rachel Berry: Question mark!
Will Schuester: Yes, I am proposing to Ms. Pillsbury. This is the kind of news that you share with your family, and you guys are my family.
Finn Hudson: Mr. Schue, we're so happy for you.
Quinn Fabray: We totally don't think you'll screw it up this time.
Will Schuester: Here's the thing: it'sot to be perfect. I'm sitting down with Emma's parents to ask for permission, and then this proposal needs to knock her well-washed socks off. And that's where you guys come in, okay? So the assignment for the week is to come up with a proposal number. And you know Ms. Pillsbury— it's got to be perfect.
Artie Abrams: Well, you can count on us, Mr. Schue.



Sam Evans: Hey. Pretty romantic, huh? Think you're going to get married someday?
Mercedes Jones: After I win my first Grammy.
Sam Evans: You have any idea who the guy is going to be? Cause I know this awesome dude who's great at impressions and totally into you.
Mercedes Jones: Sam, stop. I'm with Shane.
Sam Evans: It's because I'm white, right?
Mercedes Jones: Are you insane?
Sam Evans: Okay, then it's because he's such a stud athlete. That letterman jacket makes all the girls go wild, I know.
Mercedes Jones: It was a summer fling, Sam.
Sam Evans: You telling me thinking about that tilt-a-whirl at carnival doesn't make you smile?
Mercedes Jones: Okay, that was fun.
Sam Evans: That's what I thought.
Mercedes Jones: But I'm with Shane now. Sorry, but summer is long over.
Artie Abrams: Hey, Sugar. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to work on a number together for Mr. Schue. Since I'm a director, I-I thought, you know, it would be really great...
Sugar Motta: Look, Artie, you seem really sweet. You're really just not my type.
Artie Abrams: No, I wasn't really asking you out, but...
Sugar Motta: I just think we'd look really weird together. Not that you're disabled, it's 'cause I'm abled, and people are really mean. I'm really worried that people are gonna think your legs look thinner than my arms.
Becky Jackson: Hi, Artie. Um, do you want to go out?
Artie Abrams: Go out where?
Becky Jackson: On a date.



Sam Evans: Hey, Coach. I'm not sure if you remember me. Uh, Sam Evans. I want to join the basketball team.
Shannon Beiste: Are you serious? Where were you when I was having tryouts?
Sam Evans: Uh, living in a hotel in Kentucky. To be honest, sir, I really want a letterman jacket with a varsity letter on it to wear this year and I need it, like, fast.
Shannon Beiste: Look, pal, every team at this school's already been practicing for months. The seasons have already started.
Sam Evans: Is there any team I can join in any sport? Please? Anything?
Shannon Beiste: Well, I mean, yeah, there's one, but I don't think you're gonna be inrested.



Vinny: Here's your chamois. Guard it with your life.
Webber: Every Guppy gets one and only one.
Vinny: You also get a letterman robe, so you'll need to pick a nickname to embroider on the back. It should be water-themed. I'm Vinny the Gill.
Sam Evans: Would Trouty Mouth work?
Roz Washington: Sam Evans, I'm Coach Roz Washington, and you are one strange-looking kid. I've never seen lips like that on a white child. And one of your nipples is higher than the other. I bet you had overcome a lot with those crooked nipples. Well, I know a thing or two about overcoming. When I was growing up, they said that black folks couldn't swim. But I had a dream that one day, I would get to the promised land! So I swam my way and got my 40 acres and a pool.
Vinny: Coach Roz was an Olympian.
Roz Washington: That's right. I won this bronze damn Olympic medal in Beijing, China for individual synchronized swimming. I bet you didn't even know there was such thing as individual synchronized swimming. Nod to me if I'm getting through to you! Nod to me! I'm gonna say one thing to you, Sam Evans, and I'm only gonna say it to you once. If you pee in my pool, I will kill you.



Sam Evans: Hey, guess what, dude. I just joined synchronized swimming.
Finn Hudson: Shh. Keep your voice down. You want everybody to hear you?
Sam Evans: Yeah, it means I get my letterman jacket.
Finn Hudson: Dude, you're in synchronized swimming and Glee Club. That's like some kind of weird death wish.
Sam Evans: Swimming is sexy.
Finn Hudson: Not if it's synchronized.
Sam Evans: I'm not worried.
Rick Nelson: Oh, ho, ho, ho. Did you see that? Synchronized.
Mercedes Jones: Oh, my God, Sam. Are you okay?
Shane Tinsley: What's going on, baby?
Mercedes Jones: I'm just... I'm helping out a friend.
Shane Tinsley: I think he'll pull through. Let me walk you to study hall.
Mercedes Jones: See you later.



Artie Abrams: I've been thinking, Mr. Schue. The girls are gonna try to neuter you with this proposal assignment by encouraging you to sing a sappy ballad, or maybe en cry during it. That's not only humiliating, it's predictable. Therefore, I'm proposing you subvert expectations, and lead with your hips.
Will Schuester: My what?
Artie Abrams: So modest. You have rock star hips, Mr. Schue.
Mike Chang: It's true. Mick Jagger hip.
Artie Abrams: Yeah. Unleash the moves we've been practicing on Ms. Pillsbury, and she will swoon. Don't be alarmed by the disco ball.
# Oh #
# Watch it, oh #
# Just shoot for the stars #
# If it feels right #
# And aim for my heart #
# If you feel like #
# And take me away #
# And make it okay #
# I swear I'll behave #
# You wanted control #
# So we waited #
# I put on a show #
# Now I make it #
# I was born in a crossfire hurricane #
# And howled at my ma in the driving rain #
# And it goes like this #
# Take me by the tongue #
# And I'll know you #
# Kiss me till you're drunk #
# And I'll show you #
# All the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the Jumpin' Jack Flash #
# It's a gas, gas, gas #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # I don't need to try to control you #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right now #
Artie Abrams: # Look into my eyes, and I'll own you #
# With the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves #
# Like Jagger #
# I was born #
# In a crossfire hurricane #
# And I howled at my ma #
# In the driving rain #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, moves like Jagger #
Artie Abrams: # But it's all right #
# I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash #
# It's a gas, gas, gas, and it goes like this #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # Take me by the tongue and I'll know you #
# Take me by the tongue #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # Kiss me till you're drunk and I'll show you #
# Yeah-ah #
# All the ves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the Jumpin' Jack Flash #
# It's a gas, gas, gas #
# Oh, yeah #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # I don't need to try to control you #
# Well, it's all right #
# Look into my eyes, and I'll own you #
# Oh, oh #
# With the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves #
# Like Jagger #
# Jumpin' Jack Flash, it's a gas, gas, gas #
Will Schuester: Oh, guys. I like it. A lot. It's a... it's an inspired choice, but... you know, all that dancing, means a lot of sweat, and Emma hates dirty, so, uh... you know, I don't want to do anything to trigger her. It's definitely in the mix.
Mike Chang: I'm gonna go with you, Mr. Schue.
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Artie Abrams: Wait, please.
Becky Jackson: Artie, that was awome!
Artie Abrams: Thanks, Becky. So you had fun?
Becky Jackson: It was a great Part One.
Artie Abrams: Part One? No, that was the date, the entire date. I mean, I-I invited you here so you could see me bring my sexy, which I think you'll agree I did.
Becky Jackson: Part Two is dinner at Breadstix.
Artie Abrams: Oh.



Finn Hudson: Rachel says you're supposed to spend two months' salary on the ring. Or was it two weeks? Honestly, I just zone out every time girls start talking about this stuff. So when's the wedding?
Will Schuester: She has to say yes first, right? And I have to work up the nerve to ask her. After my last marriage, I just don't want to fail again. Finn... I want you to be my best man.
Finn Hudson: Are you screwing with me right now?
Will Schuester: You've taught me more about being a man than anyone I've ever known. You stand up for your friends, you're not afraid to cry, and you'll make sure I don't do anything too stupid at my bachelor party. Is that a "Yes"?
Finn Hudson: Yeah.
Will Schuester: All right.
Finn Hudson: Wow.
Will Schuester: Oh, that one's nice.
Finn Hudson: Oh, yeah. Hey, do you mind if I talk to you about something, man-to-man?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Finn Hudson: I've been thinking about my future, too. So I met with a recruiter.
Will Schuester: I thought you said you were giving up on football.
Finn Hudson: For the Army. I just want to do something special, you know. Like my dad, but without the whole dying part. You know?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Finn Hudson: Hey, that one's really nice. It's medium-sized so it should be easy to clean. Ms. Pillsbury would really like that.
Will Schuester: Yes, she would.



Rachel Berry: Right this way, please.
Tina Cohen-Chang: In order for us to help you propose to Ms. Pillsbury, we're going to need some salient information first.
Will Schuester: Okay. Come on, ladies. It's not like this is the first time I've ever proposed.
Santana Lopez: Oh, yeah? How did that marriage work out for you? I mean, what was your big move then? A jumbotron that said "Hey, Terri, I Want To Make a Fake Baby With You"?
Mercedes Jones: Let's start from the beginning with you and Ms. P What'd you think the first time you met her?



Will Schuester: Hey, welcome to McKinley, Ms. Pillsbury.
Emma Pillsbury: Thank you.



Will Schuester: I'll never forget how I felt the first time I saw her.
Rachel Berry: I think we've got this one covered.



Rachel Berry: # The first time #
# Ever I saw your face #
# I thought the sun #
# Rose in your eyes #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # And the moon #
# And the stars #
# Were the gifts you gave #
# To the dark #
Mercedes, Rachel & Santana: # To the dark #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # And the end of skies #
# My love #
Santana Lopez: # And the first time #
# Ever I layed with you #
# I felt your heart #
# So close to mine #
Mercedes Jones: # And I knew our joy #
# Would fill the earth #
# And last #
Rachel, Santana & Tina: # And last #
Mercedes Jones: # Till the end of time #
# My love #
Rachel Berry: # And the first time #
# Ever I saw #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Your face #
Mercedes Jones: # Your face #
Santana Lopez: # Your face #
Rachel Berry: # Your face #



Tina Cohen-Chang: Hey, what's wrong?
Mercedes Jones: That song was so... It was so beautiful and moving. The first person I thought of wasn't Shane. It was Sam. I don't know. I thought it was in the past.
Rachel Berry: Yeah, I think you just need to take it slow, okay? And listen to your heart. Maybe the spark with Sam is still there.



Rose Pillsbury: It's the middle of January. Why is their Christmas tree still up?
Rusty Pillsbury: Just be grateful Comrade Obama still allows Christmas.
Will Schuester: Okay. Here's your tea.
Rose Pillsbury: Are you sure it decaf chamomile?
Will Schuester: Positive.
Rusty Pillsbury: I have to say, I'm a little confused.
Rose Pillsbury: Yes, where is our little freaky-deaky? Oh... No, that's not decaf.
Will Schuester: Listen, why don't I just cut right to the chase. Uh, I know you guys don't like me very much. But I want to marry your daughter. And I know it would mean a lot to her if I got your blessing.
Rusty Pillsbury: No.
Will Schuester: Excuse me?
Rusty Pillsbury: You asked for my permission. I'm saying "No."
Rose Pillsbury: Are you sure you've really thought this through? Our daughter has a very serious problem.
Rusty Pillsbury: Son, marriage is messy. And if there's one thing Emma can't handle, it's a mess.
Rose Pillsbury: And that's before babies. And the diapers and the sticky hands and the runny noses. I'm telling you, she will not know how to deal with it. Are you sure you want that for your kids?
Rusty Pillsbury: Forget kids. Is that what you want for yourself?



Finn Hudson: Hey, Artie, we wanted to talk to you about something.
Tina Cohen-Chang: We think you need a Becky-vention.
Quinn Fabray: You were spotted having dinner with her at Breadstix.
Artie Abrams: So?
Santana Lopez: So, it's a little weird.
Noah Puckerman: Seriously, dude, what's your angle?
Artie Abrams: I don't have an angle. She asked if I wanted to go to Breadstix, and I said, "Yes."



Artie Abrams: So, tell me about yourself. What sort of stuff do you like? What's your favorite movie?
Becky Jackson: Schindler's List.
Artie Abrams: Seriously?
Becky Jackson: Toy Story 3 is a close second.
Artie Abrams: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Becky Jackson: Five-foot-ten.
Artie Abrams: You know, Becky, I'm glad we're doing this. The more I get to know you, the more I like you. I have to say, you're actually sorta cool.
Becky Jackson: You should see my dance moves. My mom says I have "Get Down" Syndrome.



Rachel Berry: Look, we think it's great that you're being so, so nice to Becky. But we just...
Santana Lopez: I don't. I know that girl. That girl's a sly, conniving bitch.
Mercedes Jones: We just... We think you should be careful.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, you don't want to lead her on. I mean, she's gonna think that you want...
Artie Abrams: What is she going to think, that she's fun to be around, that I had a good time hanging out with her. You guys talk a good game how it's okay to be different, how it's what's on the inside that counts, but I think you're just as narrow-minded as the rest of this school. I liked spending time with Becky. She knows what it'like to be trapped by a disability. She doesn't care what people think about her. She's really optimistic about life, which is really amazing considering what life has handed her.



Burt Hummel: But they don't even have that on the keyboard.
Finn Hudson: Oh. Uh... hi.
Burt Hummel: Have a seat.
Finn Hudson: Okay.
Burt Hummel: Will, uh... told us about your plans for the future.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, which was supposed to be private.
Will Schuester: Look, I-I knew telling them might upset you, but I felt obligated to bring Burt and your mom into this discussion. This is a big decision.
Finn Hudson: Well, you know, I was... I was going to tell you guys about it sooner or later.
Burt Hummel: Look, Finn, you know what Want, okay? I wanna need somebody to take over the shop while I'm off in DC, and if I let your brother do it, he's gonna have all the grey small monkeys wearing white dinner jacket.
Finn Hudson: Yeah. Yeah, he would... well I'm not in the scene tomorrow.
Burt Hummel: Okay, well I'm glad. Now, because I'm antimilitary or anything like that. I just don't get where you're coming from with this.
Finn Hudson: Well, my dad was a war hero. I have an obligation to him to... to be a good man. To make something of myself, ...to help people like he did.
Carole Hudson-Hummel: I knew it was about him.
Emma Pillsbury: You don't have to prove to anyone that your dads in you. You know, everybody already knows what kind of man you are.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, but how can really know until you get tested? And what better way than... than to walk in his footsteps?
Carole Hudson-Hummel: Your dad was a good man. He was brave and true, and... he had the same goofy sense of humor you do. But he didn't die in Iraq. He served over there, but something happened to him. I never found out what. Uh, I... he... I don't know if he... he did something or saw something just lost his way, but... but he broke.
Finn Hudson: He died a hero's death, right?
Carole Hudson-Hummel: He died in Cincinnati after being dishonorably discharged. Honey, he had a drug problem that he tried to get over when he came home— for... for you mostly but... but then he... he would just... disappear for a day or a week sometimes. One day, he just didn't come back. It was an overdose.
Finn Hudson: Oh, I feel sick.
Burt Hummel: It's a lot to hear. Just, uh, you know, take it slow.
Carole Hudson-Hummel: Oh, my God. I see everything that was good in him... I see it all in you.
Finn Hudson: Why did you lie to me? Why?
Carole Hudson-Hummel: Because your dad was so much more than the last few months of his life. That man he became was not your father. Honey, I was going to tell you when I thought you were ready.
Finn Hudson: Well, I'm not ready. I mean, how... how, how did you think I could ever be ready for something like that?



Becky Jackson: Here am I, becky Faye Jackson, about to seal the deal. Booya! At this year's Special Olympics Ball, I'll have a medal around my neck and some man candy on my arm. I absolutely rock.
Artie Abrams: Hey, Becky what's up?
Becky Jackson: Hey, hottie. My place. We're going to do it.
Artie Abrams: I'm sorry?
Becky Jackson: I just sent you a taste of what you're going to get on Friday night.
Artie Abrams: Oh my...



Sue Sylvester: She got a cute little shape.
Artie Abrams: Coach, you have to help me. I'm freaking out.
Sue Sylvester: Well, you dated Brittany. I'm sure she sent you titillating photos. That freak you out?
Artie Abrams: I guess not, but that was different.
Sue Sylvester: Well, did you go out to dinner with Becky?
Artie Abrams: Yeah. We had a great time.
Sue Sylvester: Do you want to go out with her again?
Artie Abrams: No.
Sue Sylvester: Well, here's a radical idea. Why don't you treat her like a real person and tell her? Becky just wanna be treated like everybody else. You of all people shloud know that. So why don't you tell her the truth, so she can move on and maybe date someone who doesn't sound like one of those weird puppets they bring around to the grade schools to teach kids about sexual predators? And for God's sake, can you maybe go one day without the driving gloves? It's a wheelchair, Artie, not a Porsche.
Artie Abrams: Are you finished?
Sue Sylvester: Stop buttoning your shirts up all the way like a demented 90-year-old. You look like you're auditioning for the lead in your nursing home's stage production of awakenings.
Artie Abrams: Thanks, Coach Hi.



Emma Pillsbury: Hi.
Will Schuester: Hi.
Emma Pillsbury: Almost done.
Will Schuester: You started taking down the tree on New Year's Day.
Emma Pillsbury: Have a seat. I want to ask you something. Uh, not there. Could you... sit there, please? Thank you. Okay. You know how we're always talking about moving towards marriage, then nothing really ever happens? Well, mean, Sue said that I should be all liberated and ask you to marry me, but... Do you want to be with me? I mean, as your wife.
Will Schuester: Of course I do.
Emma Pillsbury: But?
Will Schuester: I love you, you know that. But what if we get married? What happens when we have a house, a baby? How are you going to handle spit up on your special wednesday sweater. Sweet heart, you can't control another person. What if it's all just too much?
Emma Pillsbury: I... I mean, I've been taking my medication. Some days great. Some days... some days not so great. I'm... I'm doing the best... I can... I'm doing everything that I can.
Will Schuester: I know... I know you are, I know you are, and it's not you fault that you have this...disease, sometimes, it just so hopeless.
Emma Pillsbury: Wow. Okay. Um. Can I promise you that I'm going to get better? You know. This is what you get, you know? This-this... this incomplete person. With... with toothbrushes and with rubber gloves and... and with so much love for you. But if that's not what you want, then...then you need to be honest with me. And with yourself. And the sooner, the better.



Finn Hudson: No wonder none of my dreams ever work out. 'Cause I got loser DNA.
Kurt Hummel: Well, if you're throwing a pity party, I want in. I have as much chance getting into NYADA as I do playing Stanley in Streetcar.
Rachel Berry: Yeah, well, the letters came out from NYADA today saying who are finalists, and I have been trolling the NYADA chat rooms, and people are already talking about getting those letters.
Finn Hudson: You didn't get one?
Rachel Berry: No, and I'm not going to, because Figgins put an addendum to my application talking about my suspension.
Kurt Hummel: Screw this. I'm getting a whole cheesecake. The future used to be such an abstract idea. Uh, and the dream was enough, you know? But now the future has the nerve to show up, and it's expecting us to do something, and it's not interested in giving a lending hand.
Rachel Berry: I'm actually kind of scared. I thought the world would care more.
Kurt Hummel: Make that two cheesecakes.
Finn Hudson: I actually thought we were all going to get out of here. You know? Why did she have to tell me that? And why can't I have something in my life that's... that's special, that means something?
Rachel Berry: # I can't win, I can't reign #
# I will never win this game #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I am lost, I am vain #
# I will never be the same #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I won't run, I won't fly #
# I will never make it by #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I can't rest, I can't fight #
# All I need is you and I #
# Without you #
# Without you... #
# Whoa-oh-oh #
# You, you #
# You #
# Without you #
# I can't erase, so I'll take blame #
# But I can't accept that we're estranged #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I won't soar, I won't climb #
# If you're not here I'm paralyzed #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# Whoa-oh-oh #
# You, you #
# You #
# Without you #
# I am lost, I am vain #
# I will never be the same #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# Without you. #
Will Schuester: Nice.
Santana Lopez: You know, I just wanted to say that I thought that you blew that song out of the water and totally nailed the assignment. Oh, no, wait, wait a second. Was— the assignment wasn't "Make everything about Rachel Berry and force everyone to watch," was it?
Will Schuester: Easy, Santana. It's fine. That was beautiful, Rachel.
Artie Abrams: So, Mr. Schue, what do you think? We've given you a whole bevy of songs to choose from, from upbeat and awesome to a little overwrought for my taste.
Will Schuester: They've all been incredible, you guys. I think I just need a little more time to really consider my choices.



Sam Evans: Mr. Schue? Um, I probably should've said this the other day in Glee Club, but you know that whole proposal thing? How you want it to be big and special and worthy of Ms. Pillsbury?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Sam Evans: I have an idea.



Will Schuester: Do you have a second?
Rachel Berry: # Yellow diamonds in the light #
# Now we're standing side by side #
# As your shadow crosses mine #
# What it takes to come alive #
# It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny #
Will Schuester: This is all for you.
Rachel Berry: # But I've gotta let it go #
Santana & Rachel: # We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
Santana Lopez: # Shine a light through an open door #
# Love and life I will divide #
# Turn away cause I need you more #
# Feel the heartbeat in my mind #
Rachel Berry: # It's the way I'm feeling, I just can't deny #
# But I've gotta let it go #
Santana & Rachel: # We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
Rachel Berry: # Yellow diamonds in the light... #
Santana Lopez: # in the light #
Rachel Berry: # Now we're standg side by side #
Santana Lopez: # Oh #
Rachel Berry: # As your shadow crosses mine #
Santana Lopez: # We found love #
Rachel Berry: # We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love #
Santana & Rachel: # We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love #
# We found love in a hopeless place. #
Will Schuester: Emma... ...you are the one. You always have been. The truth is, I feel like I've had to stop myself from doing this from the second I first saw you. The first time I held this hand, it felt like I'd held it a million times before. Like somehow, it's always been here. Life is messy. It just is. And I... I know that's hard for you, but that's why you have me— to balance things out. But you have to realize, you do that for me, too. Every day. Loving you and being loved by you makes everything better. I love you with everything I am and everything I ever hope to be. So...
Emma Pillsbury: Oh...
Will Schuester: Emma Pillsbury... Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?
Emma Pillsbury: I love you so much.
Will Schuester: Is that a yes?
Emma Pillsbury: Yes. Yes. Yes.



Artie Abrams: Hi, Becky. About Friday night...
Becky Jackson: Are you excited?
Artie Abrams: Look... I haven't been clear with you. I really like being your friend, but I don't think we should date.
Becky Jackson: Is it because I'm too intimidating?
Artie Abrams: Yeah.
Becky Jackson: I get it. See you later. I didn't ask him what I wanted to ask him. I didn't ask if the reason he didn't want to be my boyfriend was because I have Down's. I didn't ask him because I know the answer is yes. Some days, it sucks being me. This is one of those days. Focus, Becky. Don't let them see you cry.



Sue Sylvester: Becky, you'll come to learn there's nothing quite like a good sob.
Becky Jackson: It hurts, Coach. I liked him.
Sue Sylvester: I know. I know. Well, you'll be happy to know you and I are in the same boat. We both got dumped. Tell you what I'm gonna do. Gonna get some ice cream. Couple spoons. We're gonna turn our chairs towards the television, and we're gonna watch some Lifetime television for ovaries and wait for Beaches to come on. You know what the third thing is?
Becky Jackson: What?
Sue Sylvester: You're gonna take my hand... because you and I are going to get through this together.
Becky Jackson: Okay.



Rachel Berry: You have his eyes. His mouth a little bit, too.
Finn Hudson: I've always had trouble finding myself in his face. You know, I... when I was kid, I used to stare up at the wall, his picture hanging there, and I used to convince myself we were, like, twins.
Rachel Berry: Is that why you asked me to meet you here? To talk about your dad?
Finn Hudson: No, no. I, uh, I want to talk about you. About us. I was gonna lay out a picnic, like the one you had for our first date, but I couldn't really figure out where you got those cool airplane cups, so...
Rachel Berry: And I told you you could kiss me if you wanted to. I never understood why you ran off so quickly.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, I was just nervous.
Rachel Berry: Oh, I could never make you nervous.
Finn Hudson: Kind of nervous right now.
Rachel Berry: Wait, what's going on?
Finn Hudson: Look, uh, I have something to talk to you about, but I want you to promise me that you won't say a word until I'm done. Okay, and I know that's sort of hard for you, so I need you to promise me.
Rachel Berry: Okay, I promise.
Finn Hudson: Um, I just feel like, all my life, I've been, you know, wondering if I was gonna be as much of a man as my father was. Now, all of a sudden, I'm up at night worried that I'm gonna become the man who he was. Let's face it, I got, I got "High school hero, life zero" written all over me. Except for one thing: you. You're like a beacon of light guiding me through the darkness. You're like this big gold star, and for some bizarre reason, you chose to let me love you. And... I feel like if I can just convince you to let me keep doing that, I'm going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. I opened up my first c-credit card to get this. I know it's not a swimming pool full of dancers or a tux or— it's not very big, but it's a promise— promise to keep loving you for the rest of my life. All you've got to do is say yes. Rachel Berry... will you marry me?


Ian Brennan: So here is what you miss on Glee. Sam and Mercedes started secretly dating, and then he left town and now he's back and wants her back, but Mercedes has a new man.
Mercedes Jones: I've moved on.
Ian Brennan: Coach Beiste had the hots for Cooter the football recruiter and he liked her back but when Sue found out, she decided she wanted Cooter all to herself. Emma's got wedding fever, but Will's a little skittish 'cause the last time he was married, it didn't go well. Terri pretended to be pregnant, she yelled a lot, and she hated the Glee Club. And that's what you missed on Glee.



Tina Cohen-Chang: Mercedes, what's the deal with you and Sam? You've been stealing glances in the choir room, and you still haven't told us what happened over summer vacation.
Mercedes Jones: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Rachel Berry: Go.
Mercedes Jones: It's true. Sam and I spent a lot of time together at the lake. And... we had a fling.
Blaine Anderson: Hey, tell us everything.
Noah Puckerman: Yeah, dude, give us specifics.
Sam Evans: It was incredible, guys.
# Summer loving, had me a blast. #
Mercedes Jones: # Summer loving, happened so fast. #
Sam Evans: # I met a girl crazy for me. #
Mercedes Jones: # Met a boy cute as can be. #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer days drifting away to, #
# uh-oh, those summer nights. #
New Directions: # Uh, well-a, well-a, well-a, huh #
Boys of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Rory Flanagan: # Did you get very far? #
Girls of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Sugar Motta: # Like, does he have a car? #
New Directions: # Uh-huh, doo-doo, uh-huh, doo-doo #
# Uh-huh, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo #
Sam Evans: # I saved her life, she nearly drowned. #
Mercedes Jones: # He showed off, splashing around. #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer fling don't mean a thing. #
# But, uh-oh, those summer nights. #
Boys of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Finn Hudson: # But you don't gotta brag. #
Girls of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Kurt Hummel: # Cause he sounds like a drag. #
Mercedes Jones: # He got friendly, holding my hand. #
Sam Evans: # Well, she got friendly down in the sand. #
Mercedes Jones: # He was sweet, just turned 18. #
Sam Evans: # Well, she was good, you know what I mean #
New Directions: # Woah! #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer heat, boy and girl meet. #
# But, uh-oh, those summer nights. #
Girls of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Santana Lopez: # How much dough did he spend? #
Boys of ND: # Tell me more, tell me more. #
Rory Flanagan: # Could she get me a friend? #
Mercedes & Sam: # Summer dreams ripped at the seams. #
# But, oh #
# Those summer nights... #
New Directions: # Tell me more, tell me more... #



Becky Jackson: I, Becky Faye Jackson, am the hottest bitch at McKinley High School. je ne suis pas seulement co-capitaine I'm president of the Perfect Attendance Club and I've won a participation award in rhythm gymnastics. You may be wondering why I sound like The Queen of England. It's simple, in my mind, I can sound like whomever I want. So lay off, haters. Okay, let's get reals. I could easily snag any dude east of the Mississippi, but I'm extremely picky. For instance, Rory grins too much. He looks like an insane person. Is that a Mohawk, Puckerman, or did someone glue a squirrel to your head? No-Chang-do. I'm no rice queen. Now, that's more like it. Sweet, sexy and handi-capable like me, with a voice as velvety as my favorite Sunday church dress. It's decided. Artie Abrams, you're my new boyfriend.



Sue Sylvester: What happened to Jason, that cute boy you took to the prom?
Becky Jackson: I like hot dogs and he likes pizza. And I like Artie now. What do I do, Coach?
Sue Sylvester: You can ask him out on a date. Worst he could say is "No."
Becky Jackson: True that.
Sue Sylvester: Frankly, Becky, I think you can do better.



Emma Pillsbury: Mind if I join you?
Shannon Beiste: Sure, Ems, but your man's over there.
Emma Pillsbury: Yeah, I'm just gonna let him be. He totally tanked his fantasy football season, so... So, two chickens today, huh?
Shannon Beiste: Emma, I'm celebrating.
Emma Pillsbury: Why?
Shannon Beiste: Cooter and I eloped.
Sue Sylvester: You what?
Emma Pillsbury: How did it happen?
Shannon Beiste: Well, you know, I've tried to be better about showing folks my feelings.
Emma Pillsbury: Right.
Shannon Beiste: So there we were, it was Christmas Eve, and we are at the Taco Bell. And I looked Cooter right in the eye and I said, "Coots, I gotta tell ya, I think you're my soul mate." And the next thing you know, I'm walking out of Fort Wayne's 24-Hour Chapel. Mrs. Cooter Mankins.
Emma Pillsbury: Oh, my God.
Sue Sylvester: That's why he hasn't called me in weeks. Well, Michael Chiklis in a wig, I would like to offer my congratulations. I've been bested. I guess it's time to call Boreanaz.
Shannon Beiste: Aw, wh's wrong, Punkin?
Emma Pillsbury: Shannon, I'm so, so glad this is happening for you, I am. I don't think Will wants to marry me.
Sue Sylvester: For God's sake, Amelia it's 2012. If you want to marry Will Suester, ask him.
Emma Pillsbury: # Will #
# I love you so. #
# I always will. #
# I look at you and see the passion eyes of May. #
Sue & Shannon: # Eyes of May #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day? #
Sue & Shannon: # Wedding day #
Emma Pillsbury: # I was on your side, Will, #
# when you were losing. #
Sue & Shannon: # When you were losing #
Emma Pillsbury: # I never scheme or lie, Will. #
# There's been no fooling. #
Sue & Shannon: # There's been no fooling. #
Emma Pillsbury: # But kisses and love won't carry me. #
# Till you marry me, Will. #
# I love you so, I always will. #
# And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels. #
Sue & Shannon: # Carousels #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells? #
Sue & Shannon: # Wedding bells #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, come on, Will. #
Sue & Shannon: # Come on, Will. #
Emma Pillsbury: # Oh, come on, will. #
Sue & Shannon: # Come on, Will. #
Emma Pillsbury: # Come on and marry me, Will. #
# I got the wedding bell blues. #
# Please marry me, Will. #
# I got the wedding bell blues... #
Will Schuester: Emma, did you just ask me to marry you?
Emma Pillsbury: What? No. No, I didn't. Was that out loud? No, I didn't. Oh, my God.



Will Schuester: Finn, give me a drum roll!
New Directions: Marry...me. Marry me.
Rachel Berry: Question mark!
Will Schuester: Yes, I am proposing to Ms. Pillsbury. This is the kind of news that you share with your family, and you guys are my family.
Finn Hudson: Mr. Schue, we're so happy for you.
Quinn Fabray: We totally don't think you'll screw it up this time.
Will Schuester: Here's the thing: it'sot to be perfect. I'm sitting down with Emma's parents to ask for permission, and then this proposal needs to knock her well-washed socks off. And that's where you guys come in, okay? So the assignment for the week is to come up with a proposal number. And you know Ms. Pillsbury— it's got to be perfect.
Artie Abrams: Well, you can count on us, Mr. Schue.



Sam Evans: Hey. Pretty romantic, huh? Think you're going to get married someday?
Mercedes Jones: After I win my first Grammy.
Sam Evans: You have any idea who the guy is going to be? Cause I know this awesome dude who's great at impressions and totally into you.
Mercedes Jones: Sam, stop. I'm with Shane.
Sam Evans: It's because I'm white, right?
Mercedes Jones: Are you insane?
Sam Evans: Okay, then it's because he's such a stud athlete. That letterman jacket makes all the girls go wild, I know.
Mercedes Jones: It was a summer fling, Sam.
Sam Evans: You telling me thinking about that tilt-a-whirl at carnival doesn't make you smile?
Mercedes Jones: Okay, that was fun.
Sam Evans: That's what I thought.
Mercedes Jones: But I'm with Shane now. Sorry, but summer is long over.
Artie Abrams: Hey, Sugar. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to work on a number together for Mr. Schue. Since I'm a director, I-I thought, you know, it would be really great...
Sugar Motta: Look, Artie, you seem really sweet. You're really just not my type.
Artie Abrams: No, I wasn't really asking you out, but...
Sugar Motta: I just think we'd look really weird together. Not that you're disabled, it's 'cause I'm abled, and people are really mean. I'm really worried that people are gonna think your legs look thinner than my arms.
Becky Jackson: Hi, Artie. Um, do you want to go out?
Artie Abrams: Go out where?
Becky Jackson: On a date.



Sam Evans: Hey, Coach. I'm not sure if you remember me. Uh, Sam Evans. I want to join the basketball team.
Shannon Beiste: Are you serious? Where were you when I was having tryouts?
Sam Evans: Uh, living in a hotel in Kentucky. To be honest, sir, I really want a letterman jacket with a varsity letter on it to wear this year and I need it, like, fast.
Shannon Beiste: Look, pal, every team at this school's already been practicing for months. The seasons have already started.
Sam Evans: Is there any team I can join in any sport? Please? Anything?
Shannon Beiste: Well, I mean, yeah, there's one, but I don't think you're gonna be inrested.



Vinny: Here's your chamois. Guard it with your life.
Webber: Every Guppy gets one and only one.
Vinny: You also get a letterman robe, so you'll need to pick a nickname to embroider on the back. It should be water-themed. I'm Vinny the Gill.
Sam Evans: Would Trouty Mouth work?
Roz Washington: Sam Evans, I'm Coach Roz Washington, and you are one strange-looking kid. I've never seen lips like that on a white child. And one of your nipples is higher than the other. I bet you had overcome a lot with those crooked nipples. Well, I know a thing or two about overcoming. When I was growing up, they said that black folks couldn't swim. But I had a dream that one day, I would get to the promised land! So I swam my way and got my 40 acres and a pool.
Vinny: Coach Roz was an Olympian.
Roz Washington: That's right. I won this bronze damn Olympic medal in Beijing, China for individual synchronized swimming. I bet you didn't even know there was such thing as individual synchronized swimming. Nod to me if I'm getting through to you! Nod to me! I'm gonna say one thing to you, Sam Evans, and I'm only gonna say it to you once. If you pee in my pool, I will kill you.



Sam Evans: Hey, guess what, dude. I just joined synchronized swimming.
Finn Hudson: Shh. Keep your voice down. You want everybody to hear you?
Sam Evans: Yeah, it means I get my letterman jacket.
Finn Hudson: Dude, you're in synchronized swimming and Glee Club. That's like some kind of weird death wish.
Sam Evans: Swimming is sexy.
Finn Hudson: Not if it's synchronized.
Sam Evans: I'm not worried.
Rick Nelson: Oh, ho, ho, ho. Did you see that? Synchronized.
Mercedes Jones: Oh, my God, Sam. Are you okay?
Shane Tinsley: What's going on, baby?
Mercedes Jones: I'm just... I'm helping out a friend.
Shane Tinsley: I think he'll pull through. Let me walk you to study hall.
Mercedes Jones: See you later.



Artie Abrams: I've been thinking, Mr. Schue. The girls are gonna try to neuter you with this proposal assignment by encouraging you to sing a sappy ballad, or maybe en cry during it. That's not only humiliating, it's predictable. Therefore, I'm proposing you subvert expectations, and lead with your hips.
Will Schuester: My what?
Artie Abrams: So modest. You have rock star hips, Mr. Schue.
Mike Chang: It's true. Mick Jagger hip.
Artie Abrams: Yeah. Unleash the moves we've been practicing on Ms. Pillsbury, and she will swoon. Don't be alarmed by the disco ball.
# Oh #
# Watch it, oh #
# Just shoot for the stars #
# If it feels right #
# And aim for my heart #
# If you feel like #
# And take me away #
# And make it okay #
# I swear I'll behave #
# You wanted control #
# So we waited #
# I put on a show #
# Now I make it #
# I was born in a crossfire hurricane #
# And howled at my ma in the driving rain #
# And it goes like this #
# Take me by the tongue #
# And I'll know you #
# Kiss me till you're drunk #
# And I'll show you #
# All the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the Jumpin' Jack Flash #
# It's a gas, gas, gas #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # I don't need to try to control you #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right now #
Artie Abrams: # Look into my eyes, and I'll own you #
# With the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves #
# Like Jagger #
# I was born #
# In a crossfire hurricane #
# And I howled at my ma #
# In the driving rain #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, moves like Jagger #
Artie Abrams: # But it's all right #
# I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash #
# It's a gas, gas, gas, and it goes like this #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # Take me by the tongue and I'll know you #
# Take me by the tongue #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # Kiss me till you're drunk and I'll show you #
# Yeah-ah #
# All the ves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the Jumpin' Jack Flash #
# It's a gas, gas, gas #
# Oh, yeah #
Finn, Blaine & Noah: # But it's all right #
Artie Abrams: # I don't need to try to control you #
# Well, it's all right #
# Look into my eyes, and I'll own you #
# Oh, oh #
# With the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves like Jagger #
# I've got the moves #
# Like Jagger #
# Jumpin' Jack Flash, it's a gas, gas, gas #
Will Schuester: Oh, guys. I like it. A lot. It's a... it's an inspired choice, but... you know, all that dancing, means a lot of sweat, and Emma hates dirty, so, uh... you know, I don't want to do anything to trigger her. It's definitely in the mix.
Mike Chang: I'm gonna go with you, Mr. Schue.
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Artie Abrams: Wait, please.
Becky Jackson: Artie, that was awome!
Artie Abrams: Thanks, Becky. So you had fun?
Becky Jackson: It was a great Part One.
Artie Abrams: Part One? No, that was the date, the entire date. I mean, I-I invited you here so you could see me bring my sexy, which I think you'll agree I did.
Becky Jackson: Part Two is dinner at Breadstix.
Artie Abrams: Oh.



Finn Hudson: Rachel says you're supposed to spend two months' salary on the ring. Or was it two weeks? Honestly, I just zone out every time girls start talking about this stuff. So when's the wedding?
Will Schuester: She has to say yes first, right? And I have to work up the nerve to ask her. After my last marriage, I just don't want to fail again. Finn... I want you to be my best man.
Finn Hudson: Are you screwing with me right now?
Will Schuester: You've taught me more about being a man than anyone I've ever known. You stand up for your friends, you're not afraid to cry, and you'll make sure I don't do anything too stupid at my bachelor party. Is that a "Yes"?
Finn Hudson: Yeah.
Will Schuester: All right.
Finn Hudson: Wow.
Will Schuester: Oh, that one's nice.
Finn Hudson: Oh, yeah. Hey, do you mind if I talk to you about something, man-to-man?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Finn Hudson: I've been thinking about my future, too. So I met with a recruiter.
Will Schuester: I thought you said you were giving up on football.
Finn Hudson: For the Army. I just want to do something special, you know. Like my dad, but without the whole dying part. You know?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Finn Hudson: Hey, that one's really nice. It's medium-sized so it should be easy to clean. Ms. Pillsbury would really like that.
Will Schuester: Yes, she would.



Rachel Berry: Right this way, please.
Tina Cohen-Chang: In order for us to help you propose to Ms. Pillsbury, we're going to need some salient information first.
Will Schuester: Okay. Come on, ladies. It's not like this is the first time I've ever proposed.
Santana Lopez: Oh, yeah? How did that marriage work out for you? I mean, what was your big move then? A jumbotron that said "Hey, Terri, I Want To Make a Fake Baby With You"?
Mercedes Jones: Let's start from the beginning with you and Ms. P What'd you think the first time you met her?



Will Schuester: Hey, welcome to McKinley, Ms. Pillsbury.
Emma Pillsbury: Thank you.



Will Schuester: I'll never forget how I felt the first time I saw her.
Rachel Berry: I think we've got this one covered.



Rachel Berry: # The first time #
# Ever I saw your face #
# I thought the sun #
# Rose in your eyes #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # And the moon #
# And the stars #
# Were the gifts you gave #
# To the dark #
Mercedes, Rachel & Santana: # To the dark #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # And the end of skies #
# My love #
Santana Lopez: # And the first time #
# Ever I layed with you #
# I felt your heart #
# So close to mine #
Mercedes Jones: # And I knew our joy #
# Would fill the earth #
# And last #
Rachel, Santana & Tina: # And last #
Mercedes Jones: # Till the end of time #
# My love #
Rachel Berry: # And the first time #
# Ever I saw #
Tina Cohen-Chang: # Your face #
Mercedes Jones: # Your face #
Santana Lopez: # Your face #
Rachel Berry: # Your face #



Tina Cohen-Chang: Hey, what's wrong?
Mercedes Jones: That song was so... It was so beautiful and moving. The first person I thought of wasn't Shane. It was Sam. I don't know. I thought it was in the past.
Rachel Berry: Yeah, I think you just need to take it slow, okay? And listen to your heart. Maybe the spark with Sam is still there.



Rose Pillsbury: It's the middle of January. Why is their Christmas tree still up?
Rusty Pillsbury: Just be grateful Comrade Obama still allows Christmas.
Will Schuester: Okay. Here's your tea.
Rose Pillsbury: Are you sure it decaf chamomile?
Will Schuester: Positive.
Rusty Pillsbury: I have to say, I'm a little confused.
Rose Pillsbury: Yes, where is our little freaky-deaky? Oh... No, that's not decaf.
Will Schuester: Listen, why don't I just cut right to the chase. Uh, I know you guys don't like me very much. But I want to marry your daughter. And I know it would mean a lot to her if I got your blessing.
Rusty Pillsbury: No.
Will Schuester: Excuse me?
Rusty Pillsbury: You asked for my permission. I'm saying "No."
Rose Pillsbury: Are you sure you've really thought this through? Our daughter has a very serious problem.
Rusty Pillsbury: Son, marriage is messy. And if there's one thing Emma can't handle, it's a mess.
Rose Pillsbury: And that's before babies. And the diapers and the sticky hands and the runny noses. I'm telling you, she will not know how to deal with it. Are you sure you want that for your kids?
Rusty Pillsbury: Forget kids. Is that what you want for yourself?



Finn Hudson: Hey, Artie, we wanted to talk to you about something.
Tina Cohen-Chang: We think you need a Becky-vention.
Quinn Fabray: You were spotted having dinner with her at Breadstix.
Artie Abrams: So?
Santana Lopez: So, it's a little weird.
Noah Puckerman: Seriously, dude, what's your angle?
Artie Abrams: I don't have an angle. She asked if I wanted to go to Breadstix, and I said, "Yes."



Artie Abrams: So, tell me about yourself. What sort of stuff do you like? What's your favorite movie?
Becky Jackson: Schindler's List.
Artie Abrams: Seriously?
Becky Jackson: Toy Story 3 is a close second.
Artie Abrams: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Becky Jackson: Five-foot-ten.
Artie Abrams: You know, Becky, I'm glad we're doing this. The more I get to know you, the more I like you. I have to say, you're actually sorta cool.
Becky Jackson: You should see my dance moves. My mom says I have "Get Down" Syndrome.



Rachel Berry: Look, we think it's great that you're being so, so nice to Becky. But we just...
Santana Lopez: I don't. I know that girl. That girl's a sly, conniving bitch.
Mercedes Jones: We just... We think you should be careful.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, you don't want to lead her on. I mean, she's gonna think that you want...
Artie Abrams: What is she going to think, that she's fun to be around, that I had a good time hanging out with her. You guys talk a good game how it's okay to be different, how it's what's on the inside that counts, but I think you're just as narrow-minded as the rest of this school. I liked spending time with Becky. She knows what it'like to be trapped by a disability. She doesn't care what people think about her. She's really optimistic about life, which is really amazing considering what life has handed her.



Burt Hummel: But they don't even have that on the keyboard.
Finn Hudson: Oh. Uh... hi.
Burt Hummel: Have a seat.
Finn Hudson: Okay.
Burt Hummel: Will, uh... told us about your plans for the future.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, which was supposed to be private.
Will Schuester: Look, I-I knew telling them might upset you, but I felt obligated to bring Burt and your mom into this discussion. This is a big decision.
Finn Hudson: Well, you know, I was... I was going to tell you guys about it sooner or later.
Burt Hummel: Look, Finn, you know what Want, okay? I wanna need somebody to take over the shop while I'm off in DC, and if I let your brother do it, he's gonna have all the grey small monkeys wearing white dinner jacket.
Finn Hudson: Yeah. Yeah, he would... well I'm not in the scene tomorrow.
Burt Hummel: Okay, well I'm glad. Now, because I'm antimilitary or anything like that. I just don't get where you're coming from with this.
Finn Hudson: Well, my dad was a war hero. I have an obligation to him to... to be a good man. To make something of myself, ...to help people like he did.
Carole Hudson-Hummel: I knew it was about him.
Emma Pillsbury: You don't have to prove to anyone that your dads in you. You know, everybody already knows what kind of man you are.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, but how can really know until you get tested? And what better way than... than to walk in his footsteps?
Carole Hudson-Hummel: Your dad was a good man. He was brave and true, and... he had the same goofy sense of humor you do. But he didn't die in Iraq. He served over there, but something happened to him. I never found out what. Uh, I... he... I don't know if he... he did something or saw something just lost his way, but... but he broke.
Finn Hudson: He died a hero's death, right?
Carole Hudson-Hummel: He died in Cincinnati after being dishonorably discharged. Honey, he had a drug problem that he tried to get over when he came home— for... for you mostly but... but then he... he would just... disappear for a day or a week sometimes. One day, he just didn't come back. It was an overdose.
Finn Hudson: Oh, I feel sick.
Burt Hummel: It's a lot to hear. Just, uh, you know, take it slow.
Carole Hudson-Hummel: Oh, my God. I see everything that was good in him... I see it all in you.
Finn Hudson: Why did you lie to me? Why?
Carole Hudson-Hummel: Because your dad was so much more than the last few months of his life. That man he became was not your father. Honey, I was going to tell you when I thought you were ready.
Finn Hudson: Well, I'm not ready. I mean, how... how, how did you think I could ever be ready for something like that?



Becky Jackson: Here am I, becky Faye Jackson, about to seal the deal. Booya! At this year's Special Olympics Ball, I'll have a medal around my neck and some man candy on my arm. I absolutely rock.
Artie Abrams: Hey, Becky what's up?
Becky Jackson: Hey, hottie. My place. We're going to do it.
Artie Abrams: I'm sorry?
Becky Jackson: I just sent you a taste of what you're going to get on Friday night.
Artie Abrams: Oh my...



Sue Sylvester: She got a cute little shape.
Artie Abrams: Coach, you have to help me. I'm freaking out.
Sue Sylvester: Well, you dated Brittany. I'm sure she sent you titillating photos. That freak you out?
Artie Abrams: I guess not, but that was different.
Sue Sylvester: Well, did you go out to dinner with Becky?
Artie Abrams: Yeah. We had a great time.
Sue Sylvester: Do you want to go out with her again?
Artie Abrams: No.
Sue Sylvester: Well, here's a radical idea. Why don't you treat her like a real person and tell her? Becky just wanna be treated like everybody else. You of all people shloud know that. So why don't you tell her the truth, so she can move on and maybe date someone who doesn't sound like one of those weird puppets they bring around to the grade schools to teach kids about sexual predators? And for God's sake, can you maybe go one day without the driving gloves? It's a wheelchair, Artie, not a Porsche.
Artie Abrams: Are you finished?
Sue Sylvester: Stop buttoning your shirts up all the way like a demented 90-year-old. You look like you're auditioning for the lead in your nursing home's stage production of awakenings.
Artie Abrams: Thanks, Coach Hi.



Emma Pillsbury: Hi.
Will Schuester: Hi.
Emma Pillsbury: Almost done.
Will Schuester: You started taking down the tree on New Year's Day.
Emma Pillsbury: Have a seat. I want to ask you something. Uh, not there. Could you... sit there, please? Thank you. Okay. You know how we're always talking about moving towards marriage, then nothing really ever happens? Well, mean, Sue said that I should be all liberated and ask you to marry me, but... Do you want to be with me? I mean, as your wife.
Will Schuester: Of course I do.
Emma Pillsbury: But?
Will Schuester: I love you, you know that. But what if we get married? What happens when we have a house, a baby? How are you going to handle spit up on your special wednesday sweater. Sweet heart, you can't control another person. What if it's all just too much?
Emma Pillsbury: I... I mean, I've been taking my medication. Some days great. Some days... some days not so great. I'm... I'm doing the best... I can... I'm doing everything that I can.
Will Schuester: I know... I know you are, I know you are, and it's not you fault that you have this...disease, sometimes, it just so hopeless.
Emma Pillsbury: Wow. Okay. Um. Can I promise you that I'm going to get better? You know. This is what you get, you know? This-this... this incomplete person. With... with toothbrushes and with rubber gloves and... and with so much love for you. But if that's not what you want, then...then you need to be honest with me. And with yourself. And the sooner, the better.



Finn Hudson: No wonder none of my dreams ever work out. 'Cause I got loser DNA.
Kurt Hummel: Well, if you're throwing a pity party, I want in. I have as much chance getting into NYADA as I do playing Stanley in Streetcar.
Rachel Berry: Yeah, well, the letters came out from NYADA today saying who are finalists, and I have been trolling the NYADA chat rooms, and people are already talking about getting those letters.
Finn Hudson: You didn't get one?
Rachel Berry: No, and I'm not going to, because Figgins put an addendum to my application talking about my suspension.
Kurt Hummel: Screw this. I'm getting a whole cheesecake. The future used to be such an abstract idea. Uh, and the dream was enough, you know? But now the future has the nerve to show up, and it's expecting us to do something, and it's not interested in giving a lending hand.
Rachel Berry: I'm actually kind of scared. I thought the world would care more.
Kurt Hummel: Make that two cheesecakes.
Finn Hudson: I actually thought we were all going to get out of here. You know? Why did she have to tell me that? And why can't I have something in my life that's... that's special, that means something?
Rachel Berry: # I can't win, I can't reign #
# I will never win this game #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I am lost, I am vain #
# I will never be the same #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I won't run, I won't fly #
# I will never make it by #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I can't rest, I can't fight #
# All I need is you and I #
# Without you #
# Without you... #
# Whoa-oh-oh #
# You, you #
# You #
# Without you #
# I can't erase, so I'll take blame #
# But I can't accept that we're estranged #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# I won't soar, I won't climb #
# If you're not here I'm paralyzed #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# Whoa-oh-oh #
# You, you #
# You #
# Without you #
# I am lost, I am vain #
# I will never be the same #
# Without you #
# Without you #
# Without you. #
Will Schuester: Nice.
Santana Lopez: You know, I just wanted to say that I thought that you blew that song out of the water and totally nailed the assignment. Oh, no, wait, wait a second. Was— the assignment wasn't "Make everything about Rachel Berry and force everyone to watch," was it?
Will Schuester: Easy, Santana. It's fine. That was beautiful, Rachel.
Artie Abrams: So, Mr. Schue, what do you think? We've given you a whole bevy of songs to choose from, from upbeat and awesome to a little overwrought for my taste.
Will Schuester: They've all been incredible, you guys. I think I just need a little more time to really consider my choices.



Sam Evans: Mr. Schue? Um, I probably should've said this the other day in Glee Club, but you know that whole proposal thing? How you want it to be big and special and worthy of Ms. Pillsbury?
Will Schuester: Yeah.
Sam Evans: I have an idea.



Will Schuester: Do you have a second?
Rachel Berry: # Yellow diamonds in the light #
# Now we're standing side by side #
# As your shadow crosses mine #
# What it takes to come alive #
# It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny #
Will Schuester: This is all for you.
Rachel Berry: # But I've gotta let it go #
Santana & Rachel: # We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
Santana Lopez: # Shine a light through an open door #
# Love and life I will divide #
# Turn away cause I need you more #
# Feel the heartbeat in my mind #
Rachel Berry: # It's the way I'm feeling, I just can't deny #
# But I've gotta let it go #
Santana & Rachel: # We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
Rachel Berry: # Yellow diamonds in the light... #
Santana Lopez: # in the light #
Rachel Berry: # Now we're standg side by side #
Santana Lopez: # Oh #
Rachel Berry: # As your shadow crosses mine #
Santana Lopez: # We found love #
Rachel Berry: # We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love in hopeless place #
# We found love #
Santana & Rachel: # We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love in a hopeless place #
# We found love #
# We found love in a hopeless place. #
Will Schuester: Emma... ...you are the one. You always have been. The truth is, I feel like I've had to stop myself from doing this from the second I first saw you. The first time I held this hand, it felt like I'd held it a million times before. Like somehow, it's always been here. Life is messy. It just is. And I... I know that's hard for you, but that's why you have me— to balance things out. But you have to realize, you do that for me, too. Every day. Loving you and being loved by you makes everything better. I love you with everything I am and everything I ever hope to be. So...
Emma Pillsbury: Oh...
Will Schuester: Emma Pillsbury... Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?
Emma Pillsbury: I love you so much.
Will Schuester: Is that a yes?
Emma Pillsbury: Yes. Yes. Yes.



Artie Abrams: Hi, Becky. About Friday night...
Becky Jackson: Are you excited?
Artie Abrams: Look... I haven't been clear with you. I really like being your friend, but I don't think we should date.
Becky Jackson: Is it because I'm too intimidating?
Artie Abrams: Yeah.
Becky Jackson: I get it. See you later. I didn't ask him what I wanted to ask him. I didn't ask if the reason he didn't want to be my boyfriend was because I have Down's. I didn't ask him because I know the answer is yes. Some days, it sucks being me. This is one of those days. Focus, Becky. Don't let them see you cry.



Sue Sylvester: Becky, you'll come to learn there's nothing quite like a good sob.
Becky Jackson: It hurts, Coach. I liked him.
Sue Sylvester: I know. I know. Well, you'll be happy to know you and I are in the same boat. We both got dumped. Tell you what I'm gonna do. Gonna get some ice cream. Couple spoons. We're gonna turn our chairs towards the television, and we're gonna watch some Lifetime television for ovaries and wait for Beaches to come on. You know what the third thing is?
Becky Jackson: What?
Sue Sylvester: You're gonna take my hand... because you and I are going to get through this together.
Becky Jackson: Okay.



Rachel Berry: You have his eyes. His mouth a little bit, too.
Finn Hudson: I've always had trouble finding myself in his face. You know, I... when I was kid, I used to stare up at the wall, his picture hanging there, and I used to convince myself we were, like, twins.
Rachel Berry: Is that why you asked me to meet you here? To talk about your dad?
Finn Hudson: No, no. I, uh, I want to talk about you. About us. I was gonna lay out a picnic, like the one you had for our first date, but I couldn't really figure out where you got those cool airplane cups, so...
Rachel Berry: And I told you you could kiss me if you wanted to. I never understood why you ran off so quickly.
Finn Hudson: Yeah, I was just nervous.
Rachel Berry: Oh, I could never make you nervous.
Finn Hudson: Kind of nervous right now.
Rachel Berry: Wait, what's going on?
Finn Hudson: Look, uh, I have something to talk to you about, but I want you to promise me that you won't say a word until I'm done. Okay, and I know that's sort of hard for you, so I need you to promise me.
Rachel Berry: Okay, I promise.
Finn Hudson: Um, I just feel like, all my life, I've been, you know, wondering if I was gonna be as much of a man as my father was. Now, all of a sudden, I'm up at night worried that I'm gonna become the man who he was. Let's face it, I got, I got "High school hero, life zero" written all over me. Except for one thing: you. You're like a beacon of light guiding me through the darkness. You're like this big gold star, and for some bizarre reason, you chose to let me love you. And... I feel like if I can just convince you to let me keep doing that, I'm going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. I opened up my first c-credit card to get this. I know it's not a swimming pool full of dancers or a tux or— it's not very big, but it's a promise— promise to keep loving you for the rest of my life. All you've got to do is say yes. Rachel Berry... will you marry me?
外部リンク
 AfterEllen.com
 Glee Wiki
 IMDb
 Wikipedia

311. Michael

放送日:2012年1月31日


Santana Lopez: 
Admit it, Wonder twins, the only reason why the New Directions beat the Trouble Tones at Sectionals is because that pervy clown judge was freakin' high as a kite.
Kurt Hummel: 
And we did Michael Jackson; you guys didn't. But that was, like, weeks ago... why are you still obsessing?
Mercedes Jones: One word, Kurt: Michael.
Blaine Anderson: 
You guys, fear not... the world tour of the Cirque du Soleil tribute show, Immortal, to Michael Jackson, is coming to Columbus in June. We should all go.
Mercedes Jones: 
You don't get it. I don't want tosee the spectacle that is Michael, I want to be the spectacle.
Will Schuester: Hey, guys. Everything okay?
Mercedes Jones: 
Look, we love being back in New Directions, but we hate that we missed our one chance this year to do Michael.
Will Schuester: 
Yeah, I get it. You know, I been thinking a lot about Regionals, and maybe we can do Michael again.
Blaine Anderson: 
Well, I, for one, know exactly what song we should start Michael Week with.
# I said you wanna be startin' somethin', you got #
# To be startin' somethin' #
# I said you wanna be startin' somethin' #
# You got to be startin' somethin' #
# It's too high to get over #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're too low to get under #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're stuck in the middle #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # And the pain is thunder #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: 
# I took my baby to the doctor #
# With a fever, but nothin' he found #
# By the time this hits the street #
# They said she had a breakdown #
# Someone's always tryin' #
# To start my baby cryin' #
# Talkin', squealin', lyin' #
# Sayin' you just wanna be startin' somethin' #
# I said you wanna be startin' somethin' #
# But you got to be startin' somethin' #
# I said you wanna be startin' somethin' #
# But you got to be startin' somethin' #
# Too high to get over #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're too low to get under #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're stuck in the middle #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # And the pain is thunder #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # Too high to get over #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're too low to get under #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're stuck in the middle #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # And the pain is thunder #
New Directions: # Yeah, yeah #
Blaine Anderson: # You're a vegetable #
New Directions: # You're a vegetable #
Blaine Anderson: # You're a vegetable #
New Directions: # You're a vegetable #
Blaine Anderson: # They eat off of you #
New Directions: # They eat off of you #
Blaine Anderson: 
# You're a vegetable, ow! #
# Lift your head up high #
# And scream out to the world #
# I know I am someone #
# And let the truth unfurl, no one can #
# Hurt you now, because you know it's true #
# Yes, I believe in me #
# So you believe in you, help me sing it #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Whoo-hoo! #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: 
# Hee, hee, hee! #
# Hee, hee, hee! #
New Directions: 
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Help me sing it, baby #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Hee, hee, hee! #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: 
# Yeah! #
# Sing it to the world #
New Directions: 
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Sing it out loud, whoo-hoo! #
New Directions: 
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa...#
Blaine Anderson: # Help me sing it #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Whoo-hoo! #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Hee, hee, hee! #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Help me sing it #
New Directions: # Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
Blaine Anderson: # Whoo-hoo! #
New Directions: 
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa #
# Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa.#



Finn Hudson: 
Okay, it's been exactly three days to the minute since I proposed to you, which is the amount of time you said you needed before you'd give me an answer.
Rachel Berry: Look, this isn't the kind of decision you can make on a deadline.
Finn Hudson: 
Look, I understand, you said you needed some time, but... not hearing a decision's kind of bumming me out.
Rachel Berry: 
No. Look... I love you, okay? And... I want to marry you someday, and... I, really, I'm open to anything. This is all just happening so fast, and I don't understand it. I mean, I... I need you to help me understand.
Finn Hudson: 
Okay, well, even if you don't get into NYADA, you're still gonna go to New York.
Rachel Berry: Yes, and I want you to come with me.
Finn Hudson: 
And I will, but... we're crazy if we think that it's gonna be easier to be a couple there than it is here. My point is that those rings are-are... will always be a reminder of exactly how we feel right now. They're gonna let us world into the big city.
Rachel Berry: 
Look, that's really romantic, but I have to be honest... really crazy to me, okay? I don't need to marry you you're the only guy for me. Okay, I guess... my answer for now is...
Finn Hudson: 
No, no, don't... don't say anything. You're right, we shouldn't decision on a deadline. Just, uh... take a couple more days, okay?
Rachel Berry: Okay.



Blaine Anderson: Okay, favorite Michael Jackson memory. Go.
Artie Abrams: 
When I was one, my mom of his Motown special, and when he did the moonwalk across the stage for the first time in history, I uttered my first words: "Hot damn."
Kurt Hummel: 
I owe the King of Pop a deep debt of gratitude. He was the first one to pull off the sequined military jacket, long before one Kurt Hummel made it iconic.
Rachel Berry: I have to be honest... I never really got him.
Artie Abrams: And we are no longer on speaking terms.
Rachel Berry: 
No, I think he's an amazing performer, but I've never really just got what he was about.
Kurt Hummel: Rachel, he was best friends with Liza Minnelli and Liz Taylor.
Rachel Berry: 
No, all I'm saying is that I-I just... I haven't connected with him the way that I have with the likes of Barbra or either of the Stephens. Sondheim. Schwartz.
Santana Lopez: I'd throw this mocha in your face, but it's not nearly scalding enough.
Rachel Berry: 
Okay, but just, since you guys are so jazzed about him, I think it's a good idea.
Sebastian Smythe: 
Well, that might not be the best idea. Hey, Blaine. Hello, everyone else.
Kurt Hummel: Does he live here or something? Seriously, you are always here.
Artie Abrams: Why don't you think that's a good idea?
Sebastian Smythe: 
Because we're doing MJ for Regionals. You see, Warblers drew first position, so as soon as I heard what your plan was, list accordingly.
Rachel Berry: I'm sorry, how... how did you hear?
Sebastian Smythe: 
Uh, Blaine told me this morning. I just called for a tip on how to get red wine out of my blazer piping, and he would not stop going on about it.
Blaine Anderson: I may have mentioned it.
Kurt Hummel: How often do you talk?
Sebastian Smythe: 
Oh, my God, hey, Kurt. I didn't recognize you. You are wearing boy clothes for once.
Santana Lopez: 
All right, twink, I think it's time that I show you a little Lima Heights hospitality.
Sebastian Smythe: 
Unless you want to join your relatives in prison, that's probably not the best idea. You see, my dad is call a state's attorney. But if you had a piñata you wanted delivered, I bet he could make sure that got to them. All right, so here's what you guys should know. I am captain of the Warblers now, and I'm tired of playing nice.



Tina Cohen-Chang: 
There has to be some kind of show choir competition committee we can complain to.
Blaine Anderson: 
I know it sucks, the end of the world. Heck, you had your set of the competitiony at Sectionals, and you pulled that one off, right?
Artie Abrams: 
Well, they can have our Journey and our Dreamgirls, but pilfering my Michael, mm-mm, that's another level, not okay.
Noah Puckerman: 
I'm not exactly comfortable with Blaine in the room. Clearly, once a Warbler, always a Warbler.
Blaine Anderson: Uh, wh-what?
Noah Puckerman: 
Dude, you told them what we were gonna do. You're like a modern-day Eggs Benedict. He's on notice as far as I'm concerned.
Finn Hudson: 
We should all be on notice. I mean, next to Vocal Adrenaline, the Warblers are the best Glee Club in the state, and for a lot of us, this is our last shot at a championship, so we should stop complaining about the Warblers and figure out how to beat them.
Will Schuester: 
I couldn't have said it better myself, Finn. I'm less worried about our set list right now and more interested in getting us in the right mindset to crush those guys. Which is why our lesson for the week is... What Would Michael Jackson Do?
Finn Hudson: 
He'd fight back. He'd say Regionals is ours, MJ is ours, and if they want it, they can pry it from our sequin-gloved hand.
Artie Abrams: 
Mm-hmm. Straight up. In 1983, MTV said they wouldn't air his "Billie Jean" video. What'd he do? He fought back. They aired it, and the Thriller album sold an additional ten million copies.
Will Schuester: That's right.
Blaine Anderson: I know what Michael would do. I think he would take it to the streets.



Sebastian Smythe: Well... we're here.
Blaine Anderson: 
We got something to settle. Both of us want to use MJ, but only one can.
Santana Lopez: 
We're having A Jackson-off, Nick at Nite. Winner gets the King of Pop for Regionals.
Sebastian Smythe: 
What, us against... the two of you? You really think you're that bad? Is that what they teach you at that little public school of yours?
Blaine Anderson: It's time to see who's bad.
The Warblers: 
# Ba, ba, ba, ba #
# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #
# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #
# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #
# Dow, dow, dow... #
Artie Abrams: 
# Your butt is mine #
# Gonna take you right #
# Just show your face #
# In broad daylight #
# I'm telling you #
# On how I feel #
# Gonna hurt your mind #
# Don't shoot to kill #
# Come on #
# Come on, lay it on me #
# All right #
The Warblers: 
# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #
# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #
Artie Abrams: 
# Your lyin' eyes #
# Gonna take you right #
# So listen up #
# Don't make a fight #
# Your talk is cheap #
# You're not a man #
# You're throwing stones #
# To hide your hands #
Blaine Anderson: 
# Well, they say the sky's the limit #
# And to me that's really true #
# But, my friends, you have seen nothing #
# Just wait till I get through #
Santana Lopez: 
# Because I'm bad #
# Bad, bad #
# I'm bad #
The Warblers & New Directions: 
# Really, really bad #
# Come on #
# You know I'm bad, I'm bad #
The Warblers & New Directions: 
# Bad, bad #
# Really, really bad #
Santana Lopez: 
# You know it #
# You know I'm bad #
The Warblers & New Directions: 
# Bad, bad #
# Really, really bad #
Santana Lopez: 
# Come on, you know #
# And the whole world has to answer right now #
# Just to tell you once again, who's bad! #
The Warblers: 
# Dow, dow, dow, dow-dow #
# Dow, dow, dow #
# Dow-dow, dow, dow, dow... #
Artie Abrams: 
# Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh #
# Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh... #
Blaine Anderson: 
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... #
Santana Lopez: 
# Oh... #
# Oh... #
# Yeah! #
# 'Cause I'm bad, I'm bad #
The Warblers & New Directions: # Bad, really, really bad #
Santana Lopez: 
# Come on #
# You know I'm bad, I'm bad #
The Warblers & New Directions: 
# Bad, bad #
# Really, really bad #
Santana Lopez: # You know it, you know #
The Warblers & New Directions: 
# And the whole world has to answer right now #
# Just to tell you once again #
Santana Lopez: # You know I'm bad, I'm bad #
The Warblers & New Directions: # Bad, bad #
Santana Lopez: # You know it #
The Warblers & New Directions: # Really, really bad #
Santana Lopez: 
# And the whole world has to answer right now #
# Just to tell you once again, who's bad! #
Brittany S. Pierce: Oh, my God!



Rachel Berry: How is he? Is he okay?
Kurt Hummel: 
Uh, it's his right eye. Uh, the doctor says that his cornea is deeply scratched and he has to have surgery.
Will Schuester: 
In all my years as a teacher and a student, I have never known a slushee to do that kind of damage.
Finn Hudson: 
That's 'cause it wasn't a normal slushee, Mr. Schue. There was... stuff in it, rocks or something. He wanted to do that damage.
Will Schuester: 
Well, unless you have proof that he tampered with the slushee the police aren't interested in getting involved.
Kurt Hummel: Sebastian is evil. He needs to be expelled.
Will Schuester: 
Look, Figgins and I spoke to Dalton's headmaster. They're opening up an investigation. So, guys, I'm telling you, please let the system handle this one.
Artie Abrams: 
No. Dalton's old-school, Mr. Schue... they're not gonna turn their backs on one of their own... we need payback.
Mike Chang: An eye for an eye.
Will Schuester: 
No. I have a zero-tolerance policy for violence, of any kind. That's not how we do things.
Artie Abrams: No, we sing, and that's all we ever do.
Will Schuester: Do you want to get disqualified from Regionals?
Artie Abrams: 
I don't give a damn about Regionals. What do you expect from us? We're people. I know the rest of the world may not see us like that, but when they tease us and throw stuff at us and toss us in Dumpsters and tell us that we're nothing but losers with stupid dreams, it freaking hurts. And we're supposed to turn the other cheek and be the bigger man by telling ourselves that those dreams and how hard we work make us better than them, but it gets pretty damn hard to feel that way when they always get to win.
Will Schuester: I get how upsetting this is for you.
Artie Abrams: 
No, you don't, and don't give me any of that "it gets better" crap because I'm not interested in it getting any better. I want it to be better, like, right now. I want to hurt them the way they hurt us. No, worse. I want them to feel my pain because frankly that's all I have left to give.
Will Schuester: Artie, take a break. We'll be here when you get back.
Artie Abrams: 
Who's with me?
# Hee #
# Hee #
# I'm tired of injustice #
# I'm tired of the schemes #
# It's kind of disgusting #
# So what does it mean, Daddy? #
# You're kickin' me down, I got to get up #
# As jacked as it sounds, the whole system sucks, Daddy #
# Hoo-hoo#
Mike Chang: # I peek in the shadow #
Artie Abrams: # Hoo-hoo #
Mike Chang: # I come into the light #
Artie Abrams: # Hoo-hoo #
Mike Chang: # But you tell me I'm wrong #
Artie Abrams: # Hee-hee #
Mike Chang: 
# Then you better prove you're right #
# You're sellin' out souls, but... I care about mine #
# I've got to get stronger and I won't give up the fight #
Artie Abrams: # With such confusion don't it make you wanna scream? #
Mike Chang: # Make you wanna scream #
Artie Abrams: # Your bash abusin' victimizin' with the scheme #
Mike Chang: # You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize #
Mike & Artie: 
# Somebody please have mercy #
# 'Cause I just can't take it #
# Stop pressurin' me, just stop pressurin' me #
# Just stop pressurin' me #
Mike Chang: # Make me wanna scream #
Mike & Artie: 
# Just stop pressurin' me, just stop pressurin' me #
# Just stop pressurin' me #
Mike Chang: 
# You make me wanna scream #
# Oh, my God, can't believe what I saw as I turned on the TV #
# This evening #
# I was disgusted by all the injustice #
# All the injustice #
# Yeah, yeah #
Artie Abrams: # Baby #
Mike Chang: # Whoo #
Mike & Artie: 
# Stop pressurin' me #
# Stop your pressure #
# Just stop pressurin' me #
# Stop your pressure #
# Just stop pressurin' me #
# You know you really make me wanna #
# You make me wanna scream #
# Just stop pressurin' me #
Artie Abrams: # Hee-hee #
Mike & Artie: 
# Just stop pressurin' me #
# Stop your pressure #
Artie Abrams: # Yeah, yeah #
Mike Chang: # You make me wanna scream #
Artie Abrams: # Baby #
Mike & Artie: # Stop pressurin' me #
Artie Abrams: # Got to do it #
Mike & Artie: # Just stop pressurin' me #
Artie Abrams: # Stop your pressure #
Mike & Artie: 
# Just stop pressurin' me #
# You make me wanna scream. #
Will Schuester: Artie? Artie.
Artie Abrams: I think I better roll away.



Rachel Berry: 
Hey. Look, I need your advice, all right, about, about an adult problem.
Quinn Fabray: Holy crap, are you pregnant?
Rachel Berry: 
No. Look, I'm, I'm coming to you as a friend and, oddly, because I also think that you're the only person that'll give me just a, a straightforward and a thoughtful answer about this.
Quinn Fabray: You're right, I'm sorry. Yes, I can keep a secret.
Rachel Berry: Okay... well, um... Finn asked me to marry him.
Quinn Fabray: What did you say?
Rachel Berry: I said I-I needed to think about it.
Quinn Fabray: Well, you can't.
Rachel Berry: 
Why? I mean, plenty of people get married at our age, and, I mean, I know that he and I haven't lived together or anything, but, you know, I love him and he's the one, I know it. What's this?
Quinn Fabray: 
My ticket out of here. I got into Yale, early admissions. Turns out my essay about overcoming adversity while maintaining a straight-A average during a teen pregnancy really turned on the admissions boards.
Rachel Berry: Quinn, that's amazing. That's so great. That's great.
Quinn Fabray: I'm sure you'll get your NYADA one soon.
Rachel Berry: Oh, yeah, I mean, New York mail is notoriously slow, so it's...
Quinn Fabray: 
My point being is that I've dated Finn, Puck, Sam. Even thought I loved some of them, but by the time the snow falls in New Haven next winter, I won't know why.
Rachel Berry: So are, are you saying that Finn and I should break up?
Quinn Fabray: 
I'm all for making the most of the next few months, but I'd hate the idea o-of dragging an anchor from my past into the bright lights of my future. Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you. As hard as it may be, if you want everything that you've ever dreamed of, you're going to have to break up with him.
Rachel Berry: That's an awful thing to say.
Quinn Fabray: 
Look, you wanted straight and thoughtful. I guess at one point it made sense to love somebody for your whole life, but it doesn't anymore. Women are finding themselves in their 30s now. Every magazine says it. We hardly know what we're going to want in 15 years.
Rachel Berry: I mean, Finn and I... we can grow together.
Quinn Fabray: 
Look, Rachel... you and Finn are a lovely couple. But if you really want to be happy, you're going to have to say good-bye.
Girls of ND: # Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #
Quinn Fabray: # Never can say good-bye #
Girls of ND: # Say good-bye #
Quinn Fabray: 
# No, no, no, no, now #
# Never can say good-bye #
Girls of ND: # Say good-bye #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Even though the pain and heartache #
# Seems to follow me wherever I go #
# Though I try and try to hide my feelings #
# They always seem to show #
# Then you try to say you're leaving me #
# And I always have to say no #
# Tell me why #
Girls of ND: # Tell me why #
Quinn Fabray: # Is it so? #
Girls of ND: # Is it so? #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Don't wanna let you go #
# I never can say good-bye, boy #
Girls of ND: # Never can say good-bye, boy #
Quinn Fabray: # Ooh, baby #
Girls of ND: # Don't wanna let you go, boy #
Quinn Fabray: 
# I never can say good-bye #
# No, no, no, no, no, no #
Girls of ND: # No, no, no #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Ooh #
# Oh, I never can say good-bye, boy #
Girls of ND: # Never can say good-bye, boy #
Quinn Fabray: # Ooh, baby #
Girls of ND: # Don't wanna let you go, boy #
Quinn Fabray: 
# I never can say good-bye #
# No, no, no, no, no, no #
Girls of ND: # No, no, no #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Ooh #
# Never can say good-bye #
Girls of ND: # Say good-bye, boy #
Quinn Fabray: 
# I keep thinkin' that our problems #
# Soon are all gonna work out #
# But there's that same unhappy feeling #
# And there's that anguish, there's that doubt #
# It's the same old dizzy hang-up #
# Can't do with you or without #
# Tell me why #
Girls of ND: # Tell me why #
Quinn Fabray: # Is it so? #
Girls of ND: # Is it so? #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Don't wanna let you go #
# I never can say good-bye, boy #
Girls of ND: # Never can say good-bye, boy #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Ooh, baby #
# I never can say good-bye #
# No, no, no, no, no, no #
Girls of ND: # No, no, no #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Ooh #
# Oh, I never can say good-bye, boy #
Girls of ND: # Never can say good-bye, boy #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Ooh, baby #
# I never can say good-bye #
# No, no, no, no, no, no #
Girls of ND: # No, no, no #
Quinn Fabray: 
# Never, never, never, never, never, never, never #
# I never can say good-bye, boy #
# I got to have ya #
# I never can say good-bye to you #
# Oh... yeah, yeah, yeah #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah. #
Finn Hudson: Wow, Quinn, that was incredible.
Will Schuester: Even more incredible is her big news. Tell them.
Quinn Fabray: I got into Yale.
Brittany S. Pierce: Yale.
Will Schuester: 
Whoo! It's just... it-it's amazing. After everything you've been through, you really deserve this, Quinn.
Mercedes Jones: We are so proud of you, Quinn.
Quinn Fabray: 
I want to thank you guys... because without each and every one of you, this would have never happened. You supported me and loved me through all the drama, and that's why I'm standing here. I wasted so much time hating myself for the stupid mistakes that I made, but the truth is, is that without all of those, I never would have dreamed this to be my future. I was the only one standing in the way of myself. You can't change your past... but you can let go and start your future.
Will Schuester: Yale, yeah.



Santana Lopez: Hey, what are you doing?
Kurt Hummel: Trying to keep the flames from shooting out of the side of my face.
Santana Lopez: Well, that outfit isn't helping.
Kurt Hummel: 
I agree with Artie. I'm tired of being stepped on all the time. I take a lot of crap from a lot of people, but I refuse to take it from Sebastian the Criminal Chipmunk, so I've been sitting here for the last hour, making a list of ways to get back at him.
Santana Lopez: 
Well, today is your lucky day, because Auntie Snixx just arrived on the Bitchtown Express. Now, my suggestion is that we drag him bound and gagged to a tattoo parlor for a tramp stamp that reads "Tips Appreciated" or "Congratulations, You're My 1,000th Customer!"
Kurt Hummel: 
After what he did to Blaine, I really wanted to hurt him. But I can't. I've fought against violence at this school for too long. I, I have to take the high road.
Santana Lopez: 
You know what, Prancy Smurf? I respect that. You're probably right. I want to go to a college that isn't a FEMA trailer in a prison yard, so let's take the high road. We're not going to beat Sebastian by playing dirty... but we are going to beat him.



Sam Evans: 
You know why I like this week's assignment so much? Hands down, without a doubt, one of my favorite singers of all time is Michael Jackson.
Mercedes Jones: 
Listen, if I have to hawk my weave on eBay, I'm going to see the Immortal tour when it comes to Ohio.
Sam Evans: 
Speaking of immortal... Since we're gonna be seeing your name up in lights for the rest of our lives, I thought we might as well start today.
Mercedes Jones: Sam Evans, you are crazy.
Sam Evans: 
Crazy about you. You know, we've never sang a duet together. I thought we could do "Human Nature." Would you sing with me? After that you can go back to Shane; I won't stop you.
Mercedes Jones: 
Sam, I can't. Let's... Let's talk later.
# Looking out #
# Across the nighttime #
# The city winks a sleepless eye #
# Hear his voice #
# Shake my window #
# Sweet seducing sighs #
Sam Evans: 
# Get me out #
# Into the nighttime #
# Four walls won't hold me tonight #
# If this town #
# Is just an apple #
# Then let me take a bite #
Mercedes & Sam: 
# If they say why, why? #
# Tell 'em that it's human nature #
# Why, why #
Mercedes Jones: 
# Does he do me that way? #
# If they say #
Mercedes & Sam: 
# Why, why? #
# Just tell 'em that it's human nature #
# Why, why? #
Mercedes Jones: # Does he do me that way #
Sam Evans: 
# Reaching out #
# To touch a stranger #
Mercedes & Sam: # Electric eyes are everywhere #
Mercedes Jones: # Ooh #
Sam Evans: 
# See that girl #
# She knows I'm watching #
# She likes the way I stare #
Mercedes Jones: # If they say #
Sam Evans: # Why? #
Mercedes Jones: # Why, why, why, why? #
Mercedes & Sam: 
# Tell 'em that it's human nature #
# Why, oh, why #
# Does he do me that way? #
Mercedes Jones: # If they say #
Sam Evans: # Why? #
Mercedes Jones: # Why, do-be-doop, why? #
Sam Evans: # Why? #
Mercedes & Sam: 
# Tell 'em that it's human nature #
# Why, why #
# Does he do me that way? #
Mercedes Jones: # I like livin' this way #
Sam Evans: # I like lovin' this way #
Mercedes Jones: 
# Oh, why, oh, why? #
# Oh, why, oh, why? #
Mercedes & Sam: 
# Why, why? #
# Tell 'em that it's human nature #
# Why? #



Will Schuester: So...
Burt Hummel: Will?
Will Schuester: Kurt? Your dad wants to talk to you.



Kurt Hummel: What's wrong? Is Blaine okay?
Burt Hummel: He's fine. The mail came.
Kurt Hummel: NYADA.
Burt Hummel: 
Dude, come on. This is like the fifth room we've been to. What's wrong with the library or the lunchroom?
Kurt Hummel: 
None of those felt right. This is it, Dad. This is one of those crossroad moments in life. I mean, whatever's in this envelope is going to determine whether I go right or left.
Burt Hummel: I'm here, no matter what it says. Okay?
Kurt Hummel: "Dear Mr. Hummel..."
Burt Hummel: What? What?
Kurt Hummel: I'm a finalist. Oh, Dad, Dad, your heart.
Burt Hummel: 
Oh, screw my heart! You did it! You did it, Kurt! Oh, man, oh! Who's gonna tell Blaine? You got to let me do it.
Kurt Hummel: Dad, are you crying?
Burt Hummel: 
You beat them all. They threw everything at you. They tried to beat you down. But you know what? You're unstoppable, Kurt. I am so proud to be your dad. They can never take this away from you. Right now, in this moment, on this day, you won. Oh, way to go, dude.



Kurt Hummel: Rachel! Rachel! I got it; I got my NYADA letter. I got in the finals.
Rachel Berry: You did?
Kurt Hummel: I'm a finalist.
Rachel Berry: You did? That's so great.
Kurt Hummel: Wh-What did yours say?
Rachel Berry: I didn't get one.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, that doesn't mean anything. That just means they haven't sent it yet.
Rachel Berry: 
I didn't even make it to the finals. I knew it, I... I had this weird feeling in my stomach all week long.
Kurt Hummel: Rachel, don't be stupid.
Rachel Berry: 
"Stupid"? Stupid is watching all of your friends make plans for their future and realizing that you have none at all. No plans, no college, nowhere to go. All I have here is my boyfriend, and... And I have no idea what I'm doing.
Kurt Hummel: Come here. It's all right.



Kurt Hummel: 
"Miss Jolie said that after a dramatic directorial debut, "she expects her second feature to have far more honey than blood." Hey.
Blaine Anderson: Hey. Hey, guys.
Rachel Berry: 
We brought you, um, chicken noodle soup. I know it's not used to typically help eye injuries, but we figured it couldn't hurt.
Finn Hudson: 
And I brought you a couple of eye-patch-featuring flicks from my collection. I got, uh, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Valkyrie, and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
Blaine Anderson: 
Aw, thank you guys. It's so amazing; It really means a lot to me that you'd come by to check up on me. However, I cannot let a single moment pass without first... raising a zero-calorie toast to one Mr. Kurt Hummel, aka... NYADA finalist. Yay. Cheers.
Finn Hudson: So, Blaine, uh, when's the surgery?
Blaine Anderson: This week. Honestly, I'm terrified.
Finn Hudson: Don't sweat it, dude. You'll heal up good as new.
Rachel Berry: 
Yeah, and there are tons of legendary performers who've only had one eye: Sammy Davis, Jr., Columbo.
Finn Hudson: And Stevie Wonder, he did pretty good with no eyes at all.
Blaine Anderson: 
You guys, I'm really upset that I'm missing Michael Week. It just totally sucks.
Finn Hudson: Well, that's why we figured we'd bring a little bit of Michael to you.
Rachel Berry: Yup. Okay.
Kurt Hummel: 
# Ben, the two of us #
# Need look no more #
# We both found what we were looking for #
# With a friend to call my own #
# I'll never be alone #
# And you, my friend will see #
# You've got a friend in me #
Finn & Rachel: # You've got a friend in me #
Rachel Berry: # Ben, you're always running here and there #
Finn & Kurt: # Here and there #
Rachel Berry: # You feel you're not wanted anywhere #
Finn & Kurt: # Anywhere #
Rachel Berry: 
# If you ever #
# Look behind and don't like #
# What you find #
# There's something you should know #
# You've got a place to go #
Finn & Kurt: # You've got a place to go #
Finn Hudson: # Ben, most people would turn you away #
Kurt & Rachel: # Turn you away #
Finn Hudson: # I don't listen to a word they say #
Kurt & Rachel: # A word they say #
Finn Hudson: 
# They don't see you #
# As I do #
# I wish they would try to #
# I'm sure they'd think again #
# If they had a friend like Ben #
Finn & Rachel: # A friend #
Kurt Hummel: # Like Ben #



Santana Lopez: 
Hey, Andrew McCarthy. Don't know if you heard, but Blaine may lose an eye. The same Blaine who was just besties with most of you not four months ago.
Trent Nixon: Wait, are you serious? Is he gonna be okay?
Santana Lopez: Well, sure, if he doesn't care about seeing in three dimensions.
Sebastian Smythe: 
Trent, I got this. Bummer about Blaine, he was pretty. He shouldn't have gotten in the way, though. That slushee was meant for Kurt.
Santana Lopez: 
You may look like the villain out of a cheesy '80s high school movie, but you should know that I am fully prepared to go all Danny La Russo on your ass. Admit you put something in that slushee. What was it, huh? Glass? Asphalt?
Sebastian Smythe: Red dye number six.
Santana Lopez: You're a liar.
Sebastian Smythe: She questioned my honor. I demand satisfaction in Warbler tradition.
Santana Lopez: 
You want to have a duel? Cello guys, can you hang back for a second? I'm gonna need you for this one.
Sebastian Smythe: Everyone else clear out. I don't want you to see me make a girl cry.
Santana Lopez: Let's just keep this on point.
Sebastian Smythe: 
# As he came in through the window, it was the sound #
# Of a crescendo #
# He came into her apartment #
# He left bloodstains on the carpet #
# She ran underneath the table #
# He could see she was unable #
# So she ran into the bedroom #
# She was struck down, it was her doom #
# Annie, are you okay? #
# So, Annie, are you okay? #
Santana Lopez: # Are you okay, Annie? #
Sebastian Smythe: # Annie, are you okay? #
Santana Lopez: # So, Annie, are you okay? #
Sebastian Smythe: # Are you okay, Annie? #
Santana Lopez: # Annie, are you okay? #
Sebastian Smythe: # So, Annie, are you okay? #
Santana Lopez: # Are you okay, Annie? #
Sebastian Smythe: # Annie, are you okay? #
Santana Lopez: # So, Annie, are you okay? #
Sebastian & Santana: 
# Are you okay, Annie? #
# Annie, are you okay? Would you tell us #
# That you're okay? #
# There's a sign in the window, that he struck you #
# A crescendo, Annie #
# He came into your apartment #
# He left the bloodstains on the carpet #
# And then you ran into the bedroom, you were struck down #
# It was your doom #
Sebastian Smythe: # Annie, are you okay? #
Santana Lopez: # So, Annie, are you okay? #
Sebastian Smythe: # Are you okay, Annie? #
Santana Lopez: # Annie, are you okay? #
Sebastian Smythe: # So, Annie, are you okay? #
Santana Lopez: # Are you okay, Annie? #
Sebastian & Santana: 
# Annie, are you okay? #
# Are you okay, Annie? #
Sebastian Smythe: # You've been hit by #
Santana Lopez: # You've been struck by #
Sebastian & Santana: # A smooth criminal #
Santana Lopez: # I don't know #
Sebastian Smythe: 
# Annie, are you okay? #
# Would you tell us that you're okay? #
# There's a sign in the window #
Santana Lopez: # I don't know #
Sebastian Smythe: 
# That he struck you, a crescendo, Annie #
# He came into your apartment #
Santana Lopez: # I don't know #
Sebastian Smythe: # Left the bloodstains on the carpet #
Santana Lopez: # I don't know why, baby #
Sebastian Smythe: 
# Then you ran into the bedroom, you were struck down, it was your doom, Annie #
Santana Lopez: # Dad gone it, baby #
Sebastian Smythe: 
# Annie, are you okay? #
# Would you tell us that you're okay? #
Santana Lopez: # Dad gone it, baby #
Sebastian Smythe: # There's a sign in the window #
Santana Lopez: # Dad gone it, baby #
Sebastian Smythe: # That he struck you, a crescendo, Annie #
Santana Lopez: # Hoo, hoo #
Sebastian Smythe: 
# He came into your apartment #
# Left the blood stains on the carpet #
# Then you ran into the bedroom, you were struck down #
Santana Lopez: # Hoo, hoo #
Sebastian Smythe: # It was your doom, Annie, you've been hit by #
Sebastian & Santana: 
# You've been struck by #
# A smooth criminal. #
Santana Lopez: I was better.
Sebastian Smythe: You weren't even close.
Santana Lopez: I was better. Now tell me the truth. What did you put in that slushee?
Sebastian Smythe: Rock salt... but it's okay.
Santana Lopez: Why is it okay? I just told you that Blaine had to have surgery.
Sebastian Smythe: It's okay because I didn't put anything in this one.



Santana Lopez: Before Mr. Schue gets here, come on. Brittany, lock the door.
Brittany S. Pierce: I don't know how to do that.
Rachel Berry: Um, what's going on?
Santana Lopez: 
We've got the Warblers right where we want them. And because he's the smoothest criminal I know, Artie was able to find a spy store that sells top-secret surveillance equipment.
Artie Abrams: Not top-secret. I just got a tape recorder from OfficeMax.
Santana Lopez: 
Okay, okay, whatever. In any case, I taped it to my underboob when we went to Dalton, and I got Sebastian on tape admitting that there was rock-salt in that slushee that blinded Blaine. Now, all we have to do is send this tape to the po-po, and that little bitchlet is headed to juvie. Admit it. Tell me the truth. What did you put in that slushee?
Sebastian Smythe: Rock salt.
Kurt Hummel: No. No, we're not doing that.
Santana Lopez:  Why? Kurt, this isn't violent. This is clever. I taped it to my underboob.
Kurt Hummel: 
So he gets kicked out of school. The Warblers still do Michael, and they still beat us. Look, I want to see Sebastian's head turning on a spit, but I've realized that you can't go looking for payback every time the world wrongs you. If Michael went after all the haters, he would have never had any time to do all that amazing music. So, we're not gonna punish the Warblers. We're gonna teach them a lesson, and I think I know how. I've reserved the auditorium, so if you all just follow me.
Santana Lopez: 
Oh, wait. If Kurt would have taped this to his junk, I would have never heard the end of it. We would have had a whole week of songs about it.
Brittany S. Pierce: True.
Finn Hudson: Rachel, can I borrow you for a second?
Rachel Berry: 
Yeah. So, are we gonna practice or something? Look, I know that you're waiting for an answer, and-and trust me, you deserve it...
Finn Hudson: 
No, no, I get it. It's a big decision. It's just, the way I asked you, I kind of left out the most important part.
Rachel Berry: About how much rent we would save if we went twosies?
Finn Hudson: 
Just listen, okay? I always feel like you hear me better when I'm not talking.
# Each time the wind blows #
# I hear your voice so I call your name #
# Whispers at morning #
# Our love is dawning #
# Heaven's glad you came #
# You know how I feel #
# This thing can't go wrong #
# I'm so proud to say I love you #
# Your love's got me high #
# I long to get by #
# This time is forever #
# Love is the answer #
Rachel Berry: 
# I hear your voice now #
# You are my choice now #
# The love you bring #
# Heaven's in my heart #
# At your call I hear harps #
# And angels sing #
# You know how I feel #
# This thing can't go wrong #
# I can't live my life without you #
Finn Hudson: # I just can't hold on #
Rachel Berry: # I feel we belong #
Finn Hudson: 
# My life ain't worth living #
# If I can't be with you #
Finn & Rachel: 
# I just can't stop loving you #
# I just can't stop loving you #
# And if I stop #
# Then tell me just what will I do? #
# I just can't stop loving you #
Rachel Berry: # We can change all the world tomorrow #
Finn Hudson: # We can sing songs of yesterday #
Rachel Berry: # I can say, hey, farewell to sorrow #
Finn Hudson: # This is my life and I #
Finn & Rachel: 
# Want to see you for always #
# I just can't stop loving you #
Rachel Berry: # Oh, baby, no #
Finn & Rachel: # I just can't stop loving you #
Rachel Berry: # Yeah, I can't stop #
Finn Hudson: # And if I stop #
Rachel Berry: # No #
Finn Hudson: 
# Tell me just what #
# Will I do? #
Rachel Berry: 
# What will I do? #
# I just can't stop #
# Loving you #
Finn Hudson: 
# Hee, hee, hee #
# Oh, little girl #
Finn & Rachel: # I just can't stop loving you #
Finn Hudson: # Oh, I do #
Finn & Rachel: 
# And if I stop #
# Then tell me just what will I do? #
# I just can't stop loving you. #
Finn Hudson: Felt an awful lot like a...
Rachel Berry: 
You're the love of my life. And... I may not get to have it all, but... at least I'll have what matters if we're together.
Finn Hudson: Is that a...?
Rachel Berry: Yes.
Finn Hudson: Yes?
Rachel Berry: Yes, I will marry you.
Finn Hudson: Got to get the ring here.



Artie Abrams: Nice of you to show.
Sebastian Smythe: 
Is whatever this is gonna take long? I can't stand the stench of public schools.
Quinn Fabray: It won't take long, and all you have to do is sit and listen.
Artie Abrams: We're not doing Michael for Regionals.
Sebastian Smythe: I didn't think you'd surrender that easily.
Kurt Hummel: 
We're tired of the fighting and the backstabbing. We're show choirs. We're supposed to be supportive of each other.
Noah Puckerman: 
This is what we call taking the high road, which I was shocked to find out has nothing to do with marijuana.
Artie Abrams: 
Just because you're doing Michael doesn't mean you understand Michael.
Sebastian Smythe: And you do?
Mercedes Jones: Yes. And we're about to show you.
Artie Abrams: 
# Oh! #
# I took my baby on a Saturday date #
# But is that girl with you? #
# Yes, we're one in the same #
Rachel Berry: 
# Now I believe in miracles #
# And a miracle has happened tonight #
# Hey! #
Rachel, Artie & Santana: 
# Uh, but if you're thinking about my baby #
# It don't matter if you're black or white #
Artie Abrams: # Hee #
Rachel Berry: # Hee, hee #
Santana Lopez: 
# I am tired of this devil #
# I am tired of this stuff #
# I am tired of this business #
# So when the going gets rough #
# I ain't scared of your brother #
# I ain't scared of no sheets #
# I ain't scared of nobody #
# Girl, when the goin' gets mean #
Artie Abrams: 
# Protection for gangs, clubs and nations causing grief #
# In human relations, it's a turf war #
# On a global scale #
# I'd rather hear both sides of the tale #
# See, it's not about races, just places, faces #
# Where your blood comes from is where your space is #
# I've seen the bright get duller #
# I'm not gonna spend my life being a color #
Kurt Hummel: 
# Don't tell me you agree with me #
# When I saw you kicking dirt in my eye #
Rachel & Artie: 
# But if you're thinking about my baby #
# It don't matter if you're black or white #
Santana & Artie: 
# I said, if you're thinking of being my brother #
# It don't matter if you're black or white #
Santana Lopez: # Yeah, yeah #
Rachel Berry: # Whoo! Black or white... #
Artie Abrams: 
# It's black, it's white #
# It's tough for you to get by #
# Black or white #
Santana Lopez: # Yeah, yeah... #
Artie Abrams: # It's black, it's white #
Santana Lopez: # Whoo! #
Artie Abrams: # It's tough for you to get by #
Santana Lopez: # Yeah, yeah #
Artie Abrams: # It's black, it's white #
Santana Lopez: # Whoo! #
Artie Abrams: # It's tough for you to get by #
Rachel Berry: # Black or white #
Artie Abrams: 
# It's black, it's white #
# It's tough for you to get by #
New Directions: # Black or white #
Artie Abrams: # It's black, it's white, whoo! #
Sebastian Smythe: Very moving.
Nick Duval: Come on, Sebastian. Give it up.
Sebastian Smythe: That is the kind of attitude that lost us Regionals last year.
Santana Lopez: 
I could call the cops or your headmaster and get you kicked out of school or even arrested for assaulting Blaine with that slushee.
Sebastian Smythe: 
All of this would be just awfully terrifying if you had any proof whatsoever.
Santana Lopez: You mean like you on tape admitting to it?
Kurt Hummel: 
But you know what? It just wouldn't be as much fun winning Regionals if you weren't there to suffer through all the agony of defeat.
Santana Lopez: 
At least now, all your teammates get to know exactly what kind of guy you are.
Artie Abrams: Now get the hell out of my auditorium. School's out!



Kurt Hummel: Is... Is-Is that the...?
Rachel Berry: 
My NYADA letter finally came in the mail, and, uh... and I'm a finalist. I'm a finalist! I'm a finalist! I'm so happy.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, congrats.
Rachel Berry: Thank you.
Kurt Hummel: Oh, have you told Finn yet?
外部リンク
 Glee Wiki
 IMDb
 Wikipedia

記載日

 2012年1月15日