Glee

Artie, Finn, Puck & Will: # La cucaracha! #
# Oh, oh! #
# La cucaracha, la cucaracha #
# Hey! Hey! #
# Ya no puede caminar #
# Porque le falta Porque le falta #
# Hey! Hey! #
# Marihuana que fumar #
# Yo estoy harto de que me digan... #

Will Schuester: I should have known by the looks on my students' faces that I'd really stepped in it. My yearly rendition of "La Cucaracha"on Taco Tuesday used to be such a hit. The truth is, I'm ashamed. To be a teacher is to offer students a gateway to the future, and I blew it. How could I have become so out of touch?

Principal Figgins: William...

Will Schuester: What do you mean, you received complaints? Who complained?

Principal Figgins: I can't tell you that. But I can tell you that your teaching skills have been seriously brought into question.

Will Schuester: Look, I-I know I'm not a native Spanish speaker. Sometimes I get a little tripped up...

Principal Figgins: William. Will you please remove that enormous sombrero so I can break it down for you. As you may have heard, our history teacher, Mrs. Hagberg, has been forced into retirement due to some memory problems.

Mrs. Hagberg: And that's how Germany won the Second World War.

Principal Figgins: Hagberg was a tenured teacher at this school for over 40 years. Her departure means there's an open tenured position here at McKinley.

Will Schuester: Oh, Principal Figgins... Emma and I just got engaged. We'll be starting a family soon. I need that tenure.

Principal Figgins: And I would love to give it to you, William. But you're only one of several teachers I'm considering for this position. And to be frank, you have a public relations problem. If you want the tenure, you've got to turn it around in the class.

Will Schuester: O-Okay. How do I do that?

Principal Figgins: You're a Spanish teacher. Maybe you should try learning Spanish.

Stephanie: Señor Martinez?

David Martinez: You can call me David.

Stephanie: David, I am thrilled that Spanish has so many different ways to say "to be," but right now what I need to do is to learn how to say, "Stop using my toilet," to my maid.

Bill: I was hoping you could tell me what the word "gordita" means.

David Martinez: I know we're all here for different reasons. Most of you need your GEDs, some of you want to go to Cabo San Lucas and order like a local. But did you know that the U.S. census believe that by 2030 the majority of Americans will use Spanish as their first language? You're not here learning a language. You're here 'cause you're smart. And you're forward thinkers.

Chili: I'm sorry. I'm trying to listen, but you got some beautiful teeth.

David Martinez: Asi que repiten conmigo. Come on, repeat with me. Very good. Thank you so much. Remember, roll those "R"s. Exactly.

Will Schuester: Hey, I'm Will Schuester. I teach Spanish here during the day. Can I buy you a cup of café?

David Martinez: Sure.

Will Schuester: There's something kind of fun and rebellious about being here at night.

David Martinez: It's depressing. No offense.

Will Schuester: No. No, um... Why don't you get a job teaching regular high school?

David Martinez: Have you seen the news? Budgets are being cut, there's a hiring freeze...

Will Schuester: You know, could you maybe say that a little slower? I think your accent's throwing me off. Where you from?

David Martinez: Ohio. But my parents are from Chile, and we only spoke Spanish in the house, growing up.

Will Schuester: Oh. How-how long have you been, uh, working here?

David Martinez: Just a few months. This is... actually the beginning of my career change. For the last six years, I was a tooth model. It's like a hand model, but with your teeth.

Will Schuester: Man, your teeth are really white.

David Martinez: Yeah, no coffee, no cigarettes, no beets. I was the top tooth model in the country. Colgate, Crest Whitestrips, Sensodyne... Whenever they needed a smile for their advertisement, they would call on Dave Martinez.

Will Schuester: Wow, that sounds like a great gig. What... why'd you stop?

David Martinez: Well, one day I... I realized I was spending so much time flossing, I... I was missing my life. I want to make a difference that lasts longer than a grin, you know? I-I want to teach kids. I want to give them something useful. Something they can... they can take with them their whole lives. I want to help them find their duende. You know duende, right?

Will Schuester: Of course. Duende, yeah.

David Martinez: Now, you also teach Glee Club, right?

Will Schuester: I do.

David Martinez: You see, that's... that's inspiring. I actually wanted to try forming the night school Glee Club, but meeting after school means 2:00 in the morning.

Will Schuester: Ah, right.

David Martinez: I love to sing. I actually learned English watching reruns of Solid Gold.

Will Schuester: Wait. You're serious?

David Martinez: Yeah. They-they've done studies on it. The brain takes in information, like a new language, or a math equation, much more quickly and retains it better, when that information is delivered through music.

Will Schuester: Well, there's a lot of duende involved, too.

David Martinez: You know what I would do if I was teaching Glee Club? Latin music. Think about it. You get those kids singing in Spanish, and they'll be learning the language without even realizing it.

Will Schuester: If I could have some of my Glee kids speaking Spanish by the end of the week, it'd be a hell of an accomplishment. That's Teacher of the Year stuff.

Sue Sylvester: Twice a day, you boys stain your mother's drapes, or befoul a gym sock that has to jump from the hamper straight into therapy. Why not head on down to the clinic, and put your virile teen years to good use? You'll have five bucks more than when you walked in, and the gratitude of lonely ovaries everywhere. But not you. You can keep tossing your tissues into the trash.

Artie Abrams: I was in an accident.

Sue Sylvester: Still. Same goes for you, Porcelain. Let the strangeness end with you.

Will Schuester: What's going on, Sue?

Sue Sylvester: Well, William, I'm just trying to instill the spirit of giving in your students. No, honestly, I, uh... was a little bit dismayed by the quality of men holding Dixie cups down at the sperm bank this morning. Zero viable options. Looked like the cast from Ice Road Truckers. So I thought it'd be best if I found a sperm donor here.

Will Schuester: H-Hold on a second. You're serious?

Sue Sylvester: Yes, William. I have decided to have a child.

Will Schuester: Um, wow. I guess I just never saw you as the mothering type.

Sue Sylvester: Well, I resent that, William. I have a very strong mothering instinct. I had it with my sister. I have it with Becky Jackson. I like to think I play a parenting role in her life. And like so many women who chose career over family, I've decided to take my life in a different direction while there's still time.

Will Schuester: Are you sure that's even possible?

Sue Sylvester: Yes, William, I am sure. You see, I had my eggs frozen in the late '70s.

Will Schuester: They didn't even have that technology in the late '70s.

Sue Sylvester: I know. I did it myself. The good people at Kroger have been keeping a box of my championship ova cooling in their meat locker. And what with the financial security that will be afforded me by the end of the week... I am finally ready to start a family. Now, I don't know if you've heard, William, but there's a tenured position opening up at our school. And I'm a shoe-in.

Will Schuester: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What makes you so sure you're the one who's gonna get tenure?

Sue Sylvester: Seniority, William. I'm first in line, and also, I'm a proven champion. And now seeing as how I find bald infants terrifying, I'm going to need a few ounces of your baby gravy to ensure Sue Sylvester Jr. is born with a full head of hair.

Becky Jackson: Coach? Principal Figgins wants to see you in his office.

Sue Sylvester: Looks like I got my tenure. Cheerleading magazines are right here. Have fun.

Sue Sylvester: Complaints? Who's complaining about my teaching style?

Principal Figgins: I can't tell you that, Sue. A student who shall remain anonymous.

Sue Sylvester: Well, then, who's this?

Principal Figgins: Sue, this is the talented and enchanting Olympian Roz Washington. Coach of the McKinley synchronized swimming team. Roz approached me with some constructive criticism about your lagging Cheerios.

Sue Sylvester: Why should I listen to this woman give me notes about my Cheerios?

Principal Figgins: Because Cheerios didn't win Nationals last year, Sue. And remember, you're on my short list for the tenured position. And tenured teachers are team players.

Roz Washington: Well, let me tell you why ticket sales are down at sporting events. This school got cheerleaders doing broke-ass moves from the 1950s.

Sue Sylvester: Hm.

Roz Washington: Why don't you just admit that you're past your competitive edge, Sue Sylvester, and let this young bronze-medal winner add some crunk to the ba-dunk-a-dunk?

Will Schuester: All right, guys! Let me ask you something. Where do you think you'll be in the year 2030?

Kurt & Rachel: Broadway. Twinsies!

Artie Abrams: Walking.

Noah Puckerman: In jail, or dead. Or both.

Will Schuester: Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you're going to need to be able to speak Spanish. The reality is, by 2030, more people on this planet will be speaking Spanish than any other language. The world is changing. Our culture is changing. And that needs to be reflected in here. So for our next assignment, we're only doing songs written or performed by someone Latin, or of Latin descent. Or English songs performed bilingually.

Brittany S. Pierce: Ooh, I'm bilingual.

Santana Lopez: Uh, Mr. Schue, though I love that we're finally getting all Lima Sound Machine in here, why now?

Will Schuester: Oh, Santana, because it's long overdue. The truth is, I love all things Latin. I mean, I love Latin food, Latin art, Latin people...

Santana Lopez: You don't know any Latin people.

Will Schuester: I know. Um... Guys, this is David Martinez. David Martinez, this is the Glee Club.

Rachel Berry: Oh, my God. Cutest...

Sugar Motta: smile...

Artie Abrams: ever.

David Martinez: Hello, everyone. It's a pleasure.

Will Schuester: David here is one of my many Latin friends. And, uh, he's interested in starting his own night school Glee Club, after hours. So, uh, I invited him to come watch us get our duende on.

Finn Hudson: Duende?

Santana Lopez: It means "dwarf," you ass.

Noah Puckerman: Now I'm completely confused. So what's the assignment?

Will Schuester: To sing, in Spanish, with duende. Which, yes, literally means "dwarf," but metaphorically, it means to have Spanish soul. To be filled with Spanish passion.

David Martinez: Will, can I... Hablar con ellos?

Will Schuester: That's... right.

David Martinez: A performance with duende transforms you. Makes you sing, makes you cry, makes you laugh. Makes you want to kiss a person you love. A song sung in Spanish must have duende, or else...

Santana Lopez: Would you mind showing us?

Kurt Hummel: Oh dear God, please, yes.

Will Schuester: Be my guest.

David Martinez: Okay. Well, I'm-I'm not a professional like you guys, but I'll give it a go.

Will Schuester: All right. Now, guys, uh... remember, Mr. Martinez is here as our guest, okay? Let's create a safe and supportive environment.

David Martinez: # Uno, dos, tres, cuatro! #
# Yeah! Yeah. #
# Cuando salgo a andar The girls be looking like que duro está. #
# Yo se I got it aqui, walking down the street in my new La Freak, yeah #
# This is how I roll Animal print pants, fuera de control #
# And check me out con mi big Afro #
# Y como Bruce Lee, right, got the glow, yo #

David & Artie: # Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body #

David Martinez: # I-I-I work out #

David & Artie: # Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body #
# I-I-I work out #
# Cuando hago mi entrada #

Artie Abrams: # Yeah #

David Martinez: # This is what I see #

Artie Abrams: # Okay #

David Martinez: # Todo el mundo para pa'mirarme a mi #
# I got passion in my pants And I ain't afraid to show it #
# Show it, show it, show it #
# I'm sexy and I know it #
# Soy sexy y lo sabes #
# Yo, vacilón en el mall #
# Security just can't fight them off #
# Hanging out at the beach, I'm in a G-stro trying to tan my cheeks #

Artie Abrams: # What? #

David Martinez: # This is how I roll Vamos, ladies, it's time to go #
# Nos fuimos pa'el bar, baby, go, look suave #
# No shoes, no shirt, como quiera me sirven, watch... #

David & Artie: # Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body #

David Martinez: # I-I-I work out #
# Cuando hago mi entrada #

Artie Abrams: # Yeah #

David Martinez: # This is what I see #

Artie Abrams: # Okay #

David Martinez: # Todo el mundo para pa'mirarme a mi #
# I got passion in my pants #
# And I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it Show it #
# I'm sexy and I know it #
# Hey Check it out #
# Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah #
# Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah #
# Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah #
# Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah, yeah #
# Do the wiggle, man #
# Es el maneo, man #
# Yeah #
# Soy sexy y lo sabes #

David & Artie: # Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body #

David Martinez: # I-I-I work out #

David & Artie: # Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body Girl, look at that body #

David Martinez: # I-I-I work out #
# I'm sexy and I know it. #
Yeah!

Mercedes Jones: Here is the problem. Sam and I used to date.

Sam Evans: Then I moved away, and now I'm bunking at Finn and Kurt's.

Mercedes Jones: And I started dating another guy who I really like.

Sam Evans: But then she and I kissed.

Mercedes Jones: And I feel really weird about it. Just trying to figure out a way to work this out without anyone's feelings getting hurt.

Emma Pillsbury: Actually, you're in luck because I just got my new series of pamphlets back from the printer, which uniquely address the modern-day issues of today's 21st century teen. Yes. Okay. Mm-hmm.

Mercedes Jones: "So You're a Two-Timin' Ho"?

Sam Evans: "So You're Dating a Two-Timin' Ho."

Emma Pillsbury: Right? They get your attention, don't they? I mean, that... that really makes you want to read on.

Mercedes Jones: Miss Pillsbury, I don't sleep around. That's not me.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay.

Mercedes Jones: I'm just trying to listen to my heart, and it's like I can't hear what it's trying to tell me.

Emma Pillsbury: Well, if you really want to listen, then you need to stop talking. I'm serious. You know, there's a lot of communication in your lives these days. With texting and IM'ing and Facebooking, I mean, you don't have any quiet time with yourselves to make informed decisions on... on your true feelings. For instance.

Mercedes Jones: Sam just tweeted that I smell good.

Sam Evans: I won't stop till it's trending.

Emma Pillsbury: This is my point. I think that you and Sam should spend a week not speaking to each other. No e-mails, no texts, nothing. And I think, at the end of that week, you'll have a much better idea of what your true feelings are. Shh, shh. No. No. Starting... starting... now. Hooray. Not speaking.

The Beatards: # Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo #
# Like dang diggy diggy d-dang a-dang dang #
# Diggy dang a-diggy d-dang dang #
# Diggy diggy diggy d-dang a-dang dang #
# Diggy dang a-diggy d-dang dang #
# Dang diggy diggy d-dang a-dang dang #
# Diggy dang a-diggy d-dang dang
# Dang diggy diggy d-dang #
# Dang diggy diggy d-dang. #

Roz Washington: All right, ladies. Go run and find a swimming hole to dunk those behinds in 'cause those donkey booties need to cool off. Now, I ain't no mind reader, Sue Sylvester, and I came from a very superstitious household where such things are not allowed, but I got a feeling that those Cheerios! like my modern dance moves a little bit better than them old stale white-bread routines you've been making them do.

Sue Sylvester: You know, Roz, the English language lacks the requisite words to express just how much I dislike you. And I'm onto you. Yeah, I've seen All About Eve. I know what you're planning. You're waiting for me to take maternity leave, and then you're going to swoop in and try to steal my job.

Roz Washington: Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Wait. Oh, my God. Hold up. Maternity leave? Are you pulling my leg?

Sue Sylvester: No, I am not. I am getting pregnant, and then I am having a baby.

Roz Washington: With whose vagina? Sue, you can't have no baby. You are old as a hill. You ain't gonna give birth to no child. You gonna give birth to a grandchild. You gonna get in them stirrups, and you gonna push and push, and a full-grown adult gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job talking on a cell phone. And by the way, I don't need to steal your job, Sue Sylvester. You know why? Principal Figgins is gonna give it to me.

Sue Sylvester: He wouldn't.

Roz Washington: Oh, he would. You see, a long time ago, you won some trophies. And that was real impressive. I, however, am an Olympian. I won this bronze damn Olympic medal in Beijing, China. I had noodles with the president and a threesome with Michael Phelps. What you need to do is wake up and smell the menopause. You are... done... as a coach, and all the hormones in Thailand can't change the fact that you are done as a woman. What you need to do is start praying that you give birth to a child that likes to eat sand, 'cause that's all that's coming out those old, wrinkly boobs.

Sue Sylvester: I can do this. I can do anything.

Mercedes Jones: How is the girl with no ass supposed to choose between the juiced-up wolf and the depressed vampire? She's into both of them.

Rachel Berry: Oh, come on, Mercedes. She just knows.

Mercedes Jones: But what if they both make her feel amazing in different ways?

Rachel Berry: Well, you don't get to choose when it comes to true love. True love chooses you. And you better be certain when it comes to marriage because marriage is promise, and it lasts for forever.

Kurt Hummel: Ladies, I appreciate you spending time with me while Blaine recovers, but why are you being so weird and serious? Our periods don't come until the end of the month.

Rachel Berry: Can you guys keep a secret?

Mercedes Jones: Rachel, what the hell is that?

Rachel Berry: It's an engagement ring.

Kurt Hummel: Shut up!

Rachel Berry: Finn proposed.

Mercedes Jones: And what did you say?

Rachel Berry: I said yes.

Mercedes Jones: Rachel, have you lost your damn mind?

Rachel Berry: But I love Finn. I really, really love him.

Kurt Hummel: But what about NYADA?

Rachel Berry: It's still going to happen. I have dreams for a huge life for myself, okay, some of which include, you know, a little bit of struggle until I can make all of my dreams come true. They'll be great anecdotes for the Jimmy Kimmel show. I'll call them my Top Ramen weeks. But in every single one of my dreams... okay, struggling or not... there he is. Finn. Look, I know that I am going to be with Finn for the rest of my life, just as much as I know that I am going to be a huge star one day. So you promise not to tell anyone?

Kurt Hummel: Okay, I'm going home right now to yell at Finn, because this is insane.

Rachel Berry: That is not fair, Kurt. I mean, what would you do if Blaine proposed to you today? So will you please keep my secret?

Mercedes Jones: Aren't you scared you're making the wrong choice?

Rachel Berry: Look, I know that I have the right person. Scary part was just... choosing to know it.

Mercedes Jones: # Sometimes it's hard to make things clear #
# Or know when to face the truth #
# And I know that the moment is here #
# So open your eyes #
# And see who I am #
# And not who you want #
# For me to be I am only myself #
# Myself #
# Si voy a perderte ya #
# Que sea por vez final #
# Si voy a perderte ya #
# Si voy a perderte #
# Voy a perderte #
# Ya...
# Yeah #
# No, no vuelvas #
# No, no vuelvas #
# No vuelvas #
# Si voy a perderte #
# Ya #

Sam Evans: # Este amor llega así de esta manera #
# No tiene la culpa #
# Caballo de danza vana #
# Porque muy despreciado #
# Por eso No te perdona de llorar #
# Este amor llega así de esta manera #
# No tiene la culpa Amor de comprementa #
# Amor del pasado #
# Bembele, bembele, bembele #
# Bem, bembele, bembele #
# Bamboleo, bambolea #
# Porque mi vida, yo la prefiero vivir asi #
# Bamboleo! Bambolea! #
# Porque mi vida, yo la prefiero vivir asi #
# Would you dance if I asked you to dance? #
# Would you run and never look back? #
# Would you cry if you saw me crying? #
# And would you save my soul tonight? #
# I can be your hero, baby #

Boys of ND: # La-la-la-la-la #
# I can kiss away the pain #

Boys of ND: # La-la-la-la-la #

Sam Evans: # I will stand by you forever #

Boys of ND: # La-la-la-la-la #

Sam Evans: # You can take my breath away #

Boys of ND: # You can take my breath away #

Sam Evans: # I can be your hero #

Will Schuester: Guys, that was some muy serious footwork! Muy means "very."

Kurt Hummel: I was in it mostly for the boots.

Will Schuester: Yeah, what's the deal with those boots? Because wow.

Finn Hudson: They're Mexican hipster boots. It's kind of like a fad for groups of guys that are into dance music, and we're kind of like a dance crew. Señor Martinez told us about it.

Santana Lopez: The teeth, the duende, the bizarre Mexican fads. Señor Martinez is, like, the best Spanish teacher ever. I can't wait to see your performance, Mr. Schue.

Will Schuester: My performance?

Santana Lopez: Yeah, to defend your Spanish teacher honor. I'm sure you have something muy amazing planned.

Sue Sylvester: I take it Will told you.

Emma Pillsbury: Yes. Will tells me everything. It is so inappropriate for you to ask him to father your child.

Sue Sylvester: Have a seat, Lady Bird Hollow Pelvis. And be careful, those chairs are hard. I know how fragile your bones are.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, look, I know how it feels to want to start a family. I want to have a baby, too.

Sue Sylvester: I wouldn't get your hopes up. I doubt your avian frame could withstand the rigors of childbirth.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, just tell me, why Will? You hate him. You've made that very clear.

Sue Sylvester: Well, In case you haven't noticed, Deena, I have a little bit of a mean streak. I'm cunning, I'm vindictive, I spend a large portion of every day vibrating with a palpable sense of wild, irrational rage. And I don't ever want my kid to feel that. And every time I've insulted Will or tried to stop him in his crusade to ruin pop culture by wiping his woolly behind with the American songbook, he's always risen up and met me with kindness. If goodness and optimism are somehow genetic, that's what I want for my child. He isn't gonna do it, is he?

Emma Pillsbury: I prefer to let him tell you that. I'm really sorry, Sue. You know, for what it's worth, I... I think you should have a child. I think it'd be really good for you.

Finn Hudson: Hey, dude. You want to lift some?

Kurt Hummel: No, thanks. I've never really understood the whole process. Plus, I do The Tracey Anderson Method in the comfort and privacy of my own bedroom.

Finn Hudson: Hmm.

Kurt Hummel: Why don't you pick up these? They're from Mrs. Pillsbury.

Finn Hudson: College brochures. What do you got? Fordham, NYU, Adelphi.

Kurt Hummel: That one's in Long Island. Yeah, there's a train station right next to the campus right into Manhattan. I think they have a football team. I think they all have musical theater programs, too.

Finn Hudson: That's sweet, dude, but you know, college isn't for everyone.

Kurt Hummel: Neither is marriage.

Finn Hudson: I can't believe she told you.

Kurt Hummel: I can't believe you didn't. We're supposed to be brothers.

Finn Hudson: Look, I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with Burt, okay? I don't want him to know yet.

Kurt Hummel: Hey, you think something you have to keep from everyone you love might not be the best idea in the first place?

Finn Hudson: Don't get down on me about this, dude. Rachel's, like, the only good thing I've got going in my life right now.

Kurt Hummel: No, she isn't, Finn. Look, I get you've had a rough year with finding out who your dad really is and-and losing the scholarship, but you're a star, Finn, just as bright as Rachel. You just don't believe in yourself.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, well, the proof's in the pudding, okay? And my pudding pretty much sucks.

Kurt Hummel: Look, I'm not telling you that you shouldn't marry Rachel. I love her despite all of her crazy, and I think that you'd be lucky to marry her... one day. But I don't want you just to turn yourself into nothing but the guy who holds her purse on the red carpet.

Finn Hudson: Look, I'm getting to the point in my life where I kind of need to be honest with myself about who I am.

Kurt Hummel: And who is that?

Finn Hudson: Not you. Not Rachel.

Kurt Hummel: That's the point, Finn. There are plenty of us, trust me. The one thing that Glee Clubs and theater programs don't have is the hot, straight football player who can sing and sort of dance. You're unique, Finn. And I can't see this proposal thing as anything else but you giving up on yourself.

Finn Hudson: No, no, it's not. At least I don't... I don't think it is.

Kurt Hummel: Your time isn't up, Finn. It's just beginning.

Finn Hudson: Hey, Kurt. Thanks.

Sue Sylvester: Hold it right there, Sandbacks. You and I need to have a serious chat. Now I realize when I chose Becky as co-captain for the Cheerios! it might have rubbed you the wrong way.

Santana Lopez: Wanky.

Sue Sylvester: And I've often admired the craven heartlessness of your pointless, vindictive back-stabbing. Kind of takes me back to the old salad days. But you crossed the Maginot Line when you started messing with Sue Sylvester's family.

Santana Lopez: What are you talking about? What family?

Sue Sylvester: You lodged a complaint about my teaching tactics with Principal Figgins, possibly derailing my bid for tenure just when I'm trying to have a baby!

Santana Lopez: A baby? With whose vagina?

Will Schuester: Hey, what is going on here?

Santana Lopez: Coach Sylvester is accusing me of something I didn't do.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, stop with the lies, sweater meat, or you will be hawking nude glossies of yourself behind the Dumpster of Hooters by the weekend. I know you did this!

Will Schuester: Sue, enough!

Sue Sylvester: No one messes with my family. No one. Oh, and you can rest your fetid, woolly head, William. I don't need your baby spunk anymore. Got myself another donor. And a much better one.

Will Schuester: Who?

Emma Pillsbury: I just got my new pamphlets back from the printer. I am feeling so Stephen King with these things lately. You know, just so prolific.

Will Schuester: That's great, Em, but I really need to translate this song for my big number tomorrow. It's my last chance to wow the kids with my español. By the end of the week, I need every single one of those kids begging Figgins to give me that tenure spot. Conversación. Of course. "Conversation" in Spanish is conversación. Do you realize how important this tenure is for us, if we want to start a family? It means we will always be able to feed our kids, get them health insurance. Emma, enough! Can't you see I'm doing this to take care of you?

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, I think I can take care of myself. You know what, I'm sorry. I just wanted to show you my new pamphlets. I'm really proud of them.

Will Schuester: They're silly, Emma. I'm sorry, I love you, but do you really think the kids take them seriously?

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, you know what? I know that the titles are silly; that's the point. Sometimes you have to be a little provocative if you want to get teenagers' attention. They're conversación starters. And you're being really mean.

Will Schuester: You got a pamphlet for that? Emma, I'm sorry. Emma, wait.

David Martinez: # Como puede ser verdad? #
# Last night I dreamt of San Pedro #
# Just like I'd never gone, I knew the song #
# A young girl with eyes like the desert #
# It all seems like yesterday, not far away #

David & Santana: # Tropical the island breeze #
# All of nature wild and free #
# This is where I long to be #
# La isla bonita #
# And when the samba played #
# The sun would set so high #
# Ring through my ears and sting my eyes #
# Your Spanish lullaby #

Santana Lopez: # I fell in love with San Pedro #

Finn Hudson: Mr. Schue, what's with the shiny coat? I thought you were Kurt.

Will Schuester: I'm an authentic Spanish matador.

Santana Lopez: # Te dijo te amo #
# I prayed that the days would last, they went so fast #

David & Santana: # Tropical the island breeze #
# All of nature wild and free #
# This is where I long to be #
# La isla bonita #
# And when the samba played #
# The sun would set so high #
# Ring through my ears and sting my eyes #
# Your Spanish lullaby #

Santana Lopez: # Yo quiero estar donde el sol toca el cielo #
# Cuando es hora de siesta #
# Tu los puedes ver pasar #

David & Santana: # Caras tan bellas #
# Se importan nada #
# Where a girl loves a boy, and a boy #

David Martinez: # Loves a girl #

Girls of ND: # Ah, ah, ah, ah #

Santana Lopez: # Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh #

Girls of ND: # Your Spanish lullaby #

Santana Lopez: # Hey #

David & Santana: # Tropical the island breeze #
# All of nature wild and free #
# This is where I long to be #
# La isla bonita #

David Martinez: # And when the samba played #

David & Santana: # The sun would set so high, ring through my ears #
# And sting my eyes #
# Your Spanish lullaby #

David Martinez: # Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah #

Santana Lopez: # Bop-bop-bop bop-ba #
# Ooh Oooh, yeah #

Girls of ND: # La isla bonita #

David Martinez: # La isla Bonita #

David & Santana: # Bonita, bonita #
# Your Spanish lullaby #

Santana Lopez: Ladies and gentlemen, David Martinez.

Will Schuester: Santana, fantástico. David, I'm just a little... I don't know... confused about your participation here.

Santana Lopez: And, hey, wasn't that number fantastic and truly authentic?

David Martinez: Thank you very much, everyone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a stack of night school exams on my desk that won't grade themselves, so buenas noches. Muchas gracias. Bye-bye.

Santana Lopez: Well, Mr. Schue, the floor is all yours.

Rachel Berry: I'm excited.

Brittany S. Pierce: Yay, Mr. Schue.

Rachel Berry: Really, I'm excited.

Brittany S. Pierce: Mr. Schue, you got this!

Will Schuester: # Ya-ha-ha-ha-hi! #
# Ow-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! #
# A little less conversation, a little more action, please #
# All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me #
# A little more bite, a little less bark #
# A little less fight, a little more spark #
# Close your mouth and open up your heart #
# And baby, satisfy me #
# Satisfy me, baby #
# Vamos ir a los dos escuchar la musica #
# Y viajar por la brisa de verano #
# Que buenisima la noche ya te enseñe como salga #
# Andale, muchacha, ven, relájate #
# Menos conversación y mas accion, por favor #
# Este agravamiento no me satisface a mi #
# A ltle more bite, a little less bark #
# A little less fight, a little more spark #
# No hablas mas y abre tu corazon y satisfaceme #
# Satisfaceme, bebe #
# Come on, baby, I'm tired of talking #
# Grab your coat and let's start walking #
# A little less conversation, a little more action, please #
# All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me #
# A little more bite, a little less bark #
# A little less fight, a little more spark #
# Shut your mouth and open up your heart #
# And, baby, satisfy me Satisfy me, baby #
# Menos conversación y mas accion, por favor #
# Hey! #
# Muchas gracias. #
It was you. You're the one who complained to Principal Figgins about me.

Santana Lopez: Yeah, and I'd do it all over again after that performance.

Will Schuester: You're messing with adult things here, Santana. This is my job. This is my life.

Santana Lopez: And this is my education, and it's not a joke to me, although it seems to be one to you.

Will Schuester: What are you talking about? They all loved my performance.

Santana Lopez: Because they don't know any better. It's your fault. You're their teacher. You went from "La Cucaracha" to a bullfighting mariachi. Why don't you just dress up as the Taco Bell Chihuahua and bark the theme song to Dora the Explorer?< You don't even know enough to be embarrassed about these stereotypes that you're perpetuating.

Will Schuester: That's not fair.

Santana Lopez: Isn't it? What did you want to be when you grew up? Why did you become a Spanish teacher, Mr. Schue?

Will Schuester: Because... it was the only teaching position open at the time.

Santana Lopez: I want to remind you of something that an amazing teacher once taught me: without passion, you can't succeed.

Will Schuester: Who taught you that?

Santana Lopez: You did. And you do. When you teach Glee.

Shannon Beiste: I'm telling you, there's no word but "genius."

Emma Pillsbury: I wouldn't call it that.

Will Schuester: What's genius? My plan for Regionals?

Shannon Beiste: No. Your lil'punkin's pamphlets.

Will Schuester: "Taint Misbehavin'."

Shannon Beiste: Mm-hmm. It's all about the importance of thoroughly washing your jockstrap. Hey, bub, MRSA bacteria infection is no laughing matter. No matter how much I talked to my guys about the steamy lurking dangers, nobody cared Until Emma found a way to get through to them.

Shannon Beiste: Come on, guys! Why, just last week, three Fort Wayne gymnasts had to have their junk amputated!

Noah Puckerman: I stopped washing down there 'cause it seemed kind of gay.

Rory Flanagan: I thought that's what the hair was for: catching the dirt.

Finn Hudson: Huh. Lift and scrub. Who knew it was so easy?

Shannon Beiste: And now their kibbles and bits are as clean as a little angel's tear. And when I showed that to my Cooter, not only did he order 10,000 copies for Ohio State, he got every team in the Big Ten to order copies, too.

Will Schuester: Wow, that's...

Shannon Beiste: It's genius! I have never met a teacher whose passion literally saves lives. Aren't you proud of her, Will?

Will Schuester: Yes. Absolutely.

Shannon Beiste: Genius! You!

Emma Pillsbury: Stop.

David Martinez: And the award for Best Conjugator goes to Señora Stephanie.

Stephanie: Thank you, Señor Martinez. And thanks to you, Claudia knows now to go before she comes to work.

David Martinez: Now finally, Most Improved: Will Schuester.

Will Schuester: Wow.

David Martinez: Come on, man!

Will Schuester: Thanks. Wow, I... Oh.

David Martinez: Fue un año maravilloso. It was a beautiful year, everyone.

Stephanie: Gracias.

David Martinez: Hey, de nada. Gracias.

Chili: Your teeth are like fresh-driven snow white. Like Larry Bird white.

Will Schuester: Most Improved. I don't think that's the award a Spanish teacher wants to get in Spanish class.

David Martinez: Will, man, you work hard, you take care of your kids. They're very lucky to have you, man.

Will Schuester: They deserve better. They deserve you.

David Martinez: Oh, so when do I start?

Will Schuester: How about Monday? I spoke to Figgins. I had all the kids go in and talk to him, as well. They all want to take Spanish if you're the teacher.

David Martinez: What, he's offering me a job? Teaching? During the day?

Will Schuester: I hope you're not a vampire.

David Martinez: Oh, man.

Will Schuester: Okay.

David Martinez: Oh, man, you don... you don't understand. My-My parents, my parents were immigrants. And they had to lie about their citizenship to go to high school. And now I'm teaching it. It's the American Dream, right?

Will Schuester: Yeah.

David Martinez: But what about you?

Will Schuester: Oh, there's-there's an opening in the History department. I've always loved history. Well, the History Channel, at least.

David Martinez: Right.

Will Schuester: Maybe I'll find my duende there.

David Martinez: No, I've seen you, I've seen you teach Glee Club, man. You have duende coming out of your orejas. Ears.

Will Schuester: Ears, right. I got you.

David Martinez: Thank you so much.

Will Schuester: Thank you.

David Martinez: So, wait a minute, who ended up getting the tenure position?

Sue Sylvester: Thank you, Becky. My online pharmacist has recommended these fertility injections every day, twice a day, until Little Susie or Little Sylvester catches. You down with that?

Becky Jackson: No problem, Coach.

Sue Sylvester: What's wrong?

Becky Jackson: Coach, I have a confession to make.

Sue Sylvester: Take a seat. Now, if this is about the complaint you lodged against me with Principal Figgins, I already know.

Becky Jackson: You do, Coach?

Sue Sylvester: Oh, Becky, I've known ever since I tinker-tailor-soldier-spied my way into Figgins's file cabinet and read the evaluation cards. And when I saw one written in crayon, I knew it was either you or Brittany, and you're the better speller.

Becky Jackson: Coach, I'm sorry. I was just looking out for the team.

Sue Sylvester: Did you mean what you wrote? That you're worried I'm not as focused on the Cheerios as I used to be? Well, then you don't need be sorry. And thank you for the feedback.

Becky Jackson: You're not mad?

Sue Sylvester: No, Becky. But impending motherhood doth given me perspective. Oh, Becky, I'm reminded of all my passions: winning, my girls, destroying my enemies. Motherhood's not gonna change that. If anything, it makes me want them far more. You're an excellent co-captain, Becky. You're like me. Not afraid to make the tough calls.

Becky Jackson: Coach? You're gonna be a great mom.

Shane Tinsley: There you are, baby. You ready? For lunch. We're going off-campus, right? Hey, Sam.

Emma Pillsbury: What's all this? "So You Were A Jerk To Your Fiance." Not particularly clever, but I appreciate your pith. "Congratulations... I Love You." These are wonderful. They're wonderful. A little myopic maybe, but a great first effort.

Will Schuester: I'm so proud of you. So do I call you Professor or Madam or what? I'm not sure of the protocol here.

Emma Pillsbury: No, no, no, it's just tenure. You can call me Emma. Or sweetheart or cutie pie or doll-face. Or Professor Doll-Face.

Will Schuester: Ooh.

Emma Pillsbury: I like Professor Doll-Face.

Will Schuester: My first marriage didn't work out because my wife didn't believe in me. And then I go and pull the same crap on you. All I know is that right now, in this moment, I just want it to stop. I want to sit here, eat some chicken and look back on everything you've done to get to this moment and everything I'm going to do from this moment on to make sure you feel... as special... and amazing as I know you are.

Finn Hudson: Good.

Will Schuester: Okay, everybody, let's hear it for love! Your assignment for Valentine's week is to find and perform the world's greatest love songs. Now, Regionals is next week, and we still need to raise $250 for costumes and hair spray.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, God, not another bake sale.

Will Schuester: If any student gives ten dollars, we will sing these "world's greatest love songs" to their Valentine. We will serenade each classroom...

New Directions: No!

Rachel Berry: Yes!

Tina Cohen-Chang: Two years ago, we went room-to-room Christmas caroling, they threw food.

Mike Chang: And shoes.

Will Schuester: Yes, Sugar?

Sugar Motta: Here's a spoonful of Sugar for you all: Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff when you're rich. So, here you go.

Will Schuester: Uh, Sugar, I can't take that.

Kurt Hummel: Take it!

Will Schuester: Okay. Everyone, give it up for Sugar for paying for our FinalNet and cumberbunds!

Sugar Motta: I love the sound of applause, even if I have to buy it. Okay, everyone, look under your chairs. Except you, Artie. Your chair kept moving, so I hid your surprise in the wastebasket.

Noah Puckerman: I found mine ten minutes ago.

Sugar Motta: V-Day is my fave day ever. And to help me celebrate, my daddy's throwing me a huge, ridic party at Breadstix. And I'm naming it the Sugar Shack. And... drumroll, Rachel... you're all invited! But you have to bring a date. No single people allowed. They're sad and boring and they don't exist in my world.

Mercedes Jones: Um, but you're single.

Sugar Motta: Not for long.

Finn Hudson: Wait, what are you doing here? I got a note that says "Come to the auditorium now. It's urgent." Love, Mandy Patinkin."

Rachel Berry: Yeah, so did I.

LeRoy & Hiram: # Going to the chapel #
# And we're gonna get married #

Rachel Berry: Oh, God.

Finn Hudson: Is that your dads?

LeRoy & Hiram: # Going to the chapel #
# And we're gonna get married... #

Hiram Berry: LeRoy, LeRoy. Thanks, guys. Thank you, thank you. LeRoy, we agreed to sing it straight... no vocal runs. That's how Jennifer Hudson got kicked off of American Idol.

LeRoy Berry: I would love to hear you sing something straight.

Rachel Berry: Dads, what are you doing here?

Hiram Berry: Well, a little birdie named Burt, who owns a tire store, and his little birdie wife, who used to wear a lot of denim, told us that you guys were, uh, fixin' to get hitched. So we thought we'd return the favor and surprise you.

Finn Hudson: Mr. and Mr. Berry, I am so sorry. It's only customary to ask the bride's father first, but...

LeRoy Berry: We wanted to say... congratulations! And what better place than on the very stage on which you shared your first kiss?

Rachel Berry: So you're not angry?

Hiram Berry: Not at you. I'm angry 'cause evidently your father has been having recurring dreams about Hollywood heartthrob Tony Danza.

LeRoy Berry: One dream. I had one dream that Tony Danza and I went ice fishing, okay? We know you two really love each other. And if you're really sure you want to spend the rest of your lives together, the last thing we want to do is stand in your way.

Hiram Berry: No, we wouldn't do that. I mean, marrying in your teens usually, you know, doubles the likelihood of divorce... a fate that befell Liza and Barbra...

LeRoy Berry: Are you really going to do this right now?

Hiram Berry: Oh, why, you know who else got, uh, just got divorced? Tony Danza! Yeah, did you hear that, LeRoy? Oh! Yeah, he's single now. Why don't you fire up those snowmobiles and give him a call? It's ice fishing season.

LeRoy Berry: What your dad is trying to say is that he's very excited to start planning his only daughter's wedding.

Hiram Berry: I'm so excited, yeah. But, uh, we are using the square tables.

LeRoy Berry: Well, we want to start with a Valentine's Day dinner at our house with the Hudson-Hummels. We're going to be one big family, so... let's make a milestone out of it.

Hiram Berry: You were raised to be proud of the decisions that you make. And if this is what you really want, sweetie, well, then you need to start shouting it from the rooftops!

LeRoy Berry: Yeah!

Rachel Berry: I love you both so much.

Hiram Berry: Ah, yeah.

Mercedes Jones: I now call this meeting of the God Squad to order. Thank you guys for coming. Our first order of business is to welcome Quinn Fabray back into the fold. It's nice to see you, Quinn.

Quinn Fabray: Thank you. I know it's been a while. When I was at my lowest, I turned to prayer. Not even sure who I was praying to, really, but it seemed to lead me on the right track.

Sam Evans: Amen.

Mercedes Jones: Praise.

Sam Evans: Can I ask a question? What's with tarantula head over here?

Mercedes Jones: This is our new member. This is Joseph Hart, but you guys can call him Joe. He just transferred here to McKinley.

Joseph Hart: Yeah, I guess I'm a sophomore. I've been homeschooled my whole life, but this past year I realized my best friend was my mom, so I decided I wanted to get out and experience the world.

Quinn Fabray: Joseph.

Sam Evans: What's with the tats?

Joseph Hart: Bible quotes. And each one of my dreads is named after a book of the Bible.

Quinn Fabray: You have got to be kidding me.

Joseph Hart: I play guitar, too, but I only know Christian stuff. My dad only listens to talk radio, and we don't have a TV. You guys mind if I take off my shoes? I'm sort of used to going to school barefoot.

Quinn Fabray: He's like Teen Jesus.

Sam Evans: I'm just glad there's another dude around here. I notice that Shane isn't a member of the God Squad. That's interesting.

Mercedes Jones: Okay, that's enough, Sam. All right, so our last meeting we talked about opportunities for community service.

Sam Evans: Uh, Valentine's Day's right around the corner, and since the Glee Club turned it down, there's an open slot for singing telegrams. All four of us sing, and Teen Jesus and I play guitar, so I thought we could use the money to adopt a highway and start a shoe drive.

Mercedes Jones: Praise.

Joseph Hart: It is a religious holiday... St. Valentine's and all that. And I'd love to show this school that it's cool to be Christian. We aren't all just door-to-door Bible salesmen, like my dad.

Mercedes Jones: All right, all in favor?

Joseph Hart: Righteous.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Wait, which one are you gonna take to Sugar's V-Day party?

Noah Puckerman: All of them.

Artie Abrams: The entire sorority?

Noah Puckerman: They don't call them the "E-Z-Dee-Zees" for nothing. I got the gig cleaning the sorority house swimming pool, then I sawed through those chicks like a freakin' sex tornado... room to room.

Rory Flanagan: You're amazing.

Noah Puckerman: I'm a professional. Tried the true love thing...

Mike Chang: With a teacher.

Noah Puckerman: Wasn't for me.

Kurt Hummel: Well, it is for me. And apparently it's for Blaine, too. Look: even from his sick bed, he's managed to send me a new Valentine's Day card every single day this week.

Artie Abrams: It says "From your secret admirer."

Kurt Hummel: So romantic.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Oh.

Kurt Hummel: Ooh. A gorilla gram? Pour moi? "To Kurt. From your secret admirer." Again. Well, I wonder who it could be. Will you tell me who it is, Valentine gorilla? You see, Puckerman, that's what you're missing out on: True love. What about you, Rory? Who are you taking to Sugar's party?

Rory Flanagan: Sugar.

Artie Abrams: Hold up. You better have an option "B" because I'm all over that.

Rory Flanagan: You're going with Sugar?

Artie Abrams: As soon as I ask her out, and she says yes, which I'm sure she will because... I don't mean this to sound mean, Irish... but nobody understands anything you say.

Rory Flanagan: Baloney. Chicks dig accents.

Artie Abrams: I'm sorry, what was that? Couldn't quite make it out.

Noah Puckerman: Fellas, there's no need to fight. You can just pick up the girls that fall off old Puckerosaurus here.

Rory Flanagan: This is a four-leaf clover, kid. 'Cause you're going to need all the luck you can get.

Kurt Hummel: Do you people just carry those around?

Artie Abrams: Let's Road House, Flanagan.

Mike Chang: # L is for the way you look at me #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # O is for the only one I see #

Mike Chang: # V is very, very extraordinary #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # E is even more than anyone that you adore #
# And love is all that I can give to you #

Mike Chang: # Love is more than just a game for two #

Mike & Tina: # Two in love can make it #
# Take my heart and please don't break it #
# Love was made for me and you #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # L is for the way you look at me #

Mike Chang: # O is for the only one I see #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # V is very, very extraordinary #

Mike Chang: # E is even more than anyone that you adore #
# And love is all that I can give to you #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Love is more than just a game for two #

Mike & Tina: # Two in love can make it #
# Take my heart and please don't break it #
# Love was made for me and you #
# Love was made for me and you... #
# Love. #

Brittany S. Pierce: Happy Valentine's Day.

Santana Lopez: You're giving me your computer for Valentine's Day?

Brittany S. Pierce: It's a playlist. With all the songs that I hear in my head when I'm with you or when I'm thinking about you. I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine's Day, but this is as far as I got without any help, so... Oh, and I made you a cover.

Santana Lopez: Brittany. Thank you.

Brittany S. Pierce: You're welcome.

Principal Figgins: Teen lesbians! I must see you in my office, right now.

Santana Lopez: This is such bull crap! Why can't Brittany and I kiss in public? 'Cause we're two girls?

Principal Figgins: Please don't make this about your sapphic orientation. This is about public displays of affection. PDA simply has no place in the sacred halls of McKinley High. We've had complaints.

Santana Lopez: About us? When?

Principal Figgins: Most recently... yesterday, 12:16 p.m.

Santana Lopez: Of that? Our lips barely even grazed. And by the way, did you get any complaints about that hideous display that started at 12:17 p.m. and lasted for several uncomfortable minutes?

Principal Figgins: Believe me, I'd much rather see you and Santana kiss than that so-called Finchel, but if a student files a complaint because, for religious reasons...

Santana Lopez: Oh. Great. So it was some Bible-thumper that complained.

Principal Figgins: Ms. Lopez, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to keep this school from turning into a volatile powder keg.

Santana Lopez: I'm sorry, too. 'Cause all I want to be able to do is kiss my girlfriend, but I guess no one can see that because there's such an insane double standard at this school.

Will Schuester: Artie, four wheels on the floor, please. Rachel, you had an announcement?

Rachel Berry: Yeah, actually, Finn and I have an announcement we'd like to make. Finn and I are proud to announce... that we're finally getting married.

Quinn Fabray: What?

Noah Puckerman: Wow! When's the baby's due date?

Will Schuester: Wait, guys, have you both carefully thought this through?

Rachel Berry: Yes. And our parents are totally behind us. And your plan to stop us by telling them totally backfired, Mr. Schue.

Kurt Hummel: Actually, I'm the one who told them. Because I think you guys are making a mistake. A huge mistake.

Quinn Fabray: When's the wedding?

Rachel Berry: The date is TBD, but I can assure all of you that we're gonna have a very simple and elegant ceremony at the Justice of the Peace, which all of you are invited to. And we're registered at Samuel French.

Quinn Fabray: You guys aren't mature enough or old enough to properly face this type of commitment.

Rachel Berry: If you don't support us, then I feel sorry for you, and you're not invited to the wedding. Which makes me really sad, because I would have loved to have seen you in a bridesmaid's dress, Quinn. And you as well, Kurt.

Tina Cohen-Chang: I'd be happy to be a bridesmaid, Rachel. I'm not sure I'm ready to get married, but I do know what being in love feels like.

Mike Chang: We'll be there.

Finn Hudson: Thanks, guys. And we hope the rest of you all change your minds, because it would mean a lot to us if you were all there.

Artie Abrams: Well, add me to the list of people who are wishing you guys the best in your marriage. However, let's stop the fighting and remind ourselves that Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching. So if you'll excuse me. If you'll excuse me.

Finn Hudson: Yeah. Sorry.

Artie Abrams: Congrats, though. I got some sugary sweet game to spit. Give me a beat, Finn.
# Mm #
# Yeah, yeah #
# Mm, mm #
# Yeah, yeah... #
# Baby, I just don't get it #
# Do you enjoy being hurt? #
# I know you smelled the perfume #
# The make-up on his shirt #
# You don't believe his stories #
# You know that they're all lies #
# Mad as you are, you stick around #
# And I just don't know why #

Boys of ND: # If I was your man #

Artie Abrams: # Baby, you #

Boys of ND: # Never worry 'bout #

Artie Abrams: # What I do #

Boys of ND: # I'd be coming home #

Artie Abrams: # Back to you #
# Every night #
# Doin' you right #

Boys of ND: # You're the type of woman #

Artie Abrams: # Deserve good things #

Boys of ND: # Fist full of diamonds #

Artie Abrams: # A hand full of rings #

Boys of ND: # Baby, you're a star #

Artie Abrams: # I just want to show you you are #
# You should let me love you #
# Let me be the one to #
# Give you everything you want and need #
# Baby, good love and protection #
# Make me your selection #
# Show you the way love's supposed to be #
# Baby, you should let me #

Boys of ND: # You deserve better #

Artie Abrams: # Whoa, oh, you know you deserve better #

Boys of ND: # We should be together #

Artie Abrams: # Baby #
# With me and you, it's whatever, girl #
# Hey, so can we make this thing ours? #
# You should let me love you #

Boys of ND: # Let me be the one #

Artie Abrams: # Let me be the one to give #

Boys of ND: # To give you everything you want and need #

Artie Abrams: # Everything you need #

Boys of ND: # Baby, good love and protection #

Artie Abrams: # Said everything #

Boys of ND: # Make me your selection #
# Show you the way love's supposed to be #

Artie Abrams: # Yeah, let me love you. #
That's all you need, baby.

Sugar Motta: Wheel me to class, baby.

Santana Lopez: I didn't speak up in class, but I wanted to say that I'm 100% behind you. I fully support your right to be unhappy with Finn for the rest of your lives. You should be able to love whoever you want.

Mercedes Jones: Excuse me. Are you Miss Rachel Berry?

Rachel Berry: Um, yeah.

Mercedes Jones: Well, we're the God Squad, and we're here to deliver a Vocal Valentine from one Finn Hudson.

Joseph Hart: # My heart's a stereo #
# It beats for you, so listen close #
# Hear my thoughts in every note #
# Oh, ote #
# Make me your radio #

Sam Evans: # Yeah #

Joseph Hart: # And turn me up when you feel low #

Sam Evans: # Sorry about the little bit. #

Joseph Hart: # This melody was meant for you #
# So sing along to my stereo #

Sam Evans: # If I was just another dusty record on a shelf #
# Would you blow me off and play me like everybody else? #
# If I asked you to scratch my back, could you manage that? #
# Yeyeah, chicka Travie, I can handle that #
# Furthermore, I apologize for any skippin' track #
# It's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks #
# I used to used to, used to, used to, now I'm over that #
# 'Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifact #

Mercedes Jones: # If I could only find a note to make you understand #
# I'd think of something real and grab you by the hand #

Sam Evans: # Just keep it stuck inside your head like your favorite tune #
# And know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you #

Mercedes Jones: # Oh, oh... oh, oh #

Joseph Hart: # My heart's a stereo, it beats for you, so listen close #
# Hear my thoughts in every note #

Sam Evans: # Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on #

Joseph Hart: # Make me your radio, and turn me up when you feel low #
# This melody was meant for you #
# So sing along to my stereo #

Sam Evans: # Oh... yeah... #

Joseph Hart: # Oh... #
# To my stereo #
# Oh, oh... #
# So sing along to my stereo #
# I only pray you'll never leave me behind #

Sam Evans: # Never leave me #

Joseph Hart: # Because good music can be so hard to find #

Sam Evans: # So hard to find #

Joseph Hart: # I take your hand and hold it closer to mine #
# Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind #
# My heart's a stereo, it beats for you, so listen close #
# Hear my thoughts in every note #

Mercedes Jones: # You're gonna make me a radio #

Joseph Hart: # Make me your radio, and turn me up when you feel low #
# This melody was meant for you #
# So sing along to my stereo. #

Rachel Berry: Yay!

Mercedes Jones: Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Finn.

Rachel Berry: That was so sweet.

Santana Lopez: So you guys are a Christian group?

Joseph Hart: Yes.

Santana Lopez: And if I pay, I can send a Vocal Valentine to anybody I want, right?

Joseph Hart: Ten bucks. That's the deal.

Santana Lopez: Well, awesome. In that case, I would like to send one to my girlfriend Brittany. And by that, I don't mean my friend who's a girl. I mean my girlfriend girlfriend. How does that sound?

Kurt Hummel: Look what I just found in my locker! "Bee Mine Forever, from your Secret Honey." I swear, that Blaine is such a romantic.

Santana Lopez: Horrifying.

Will Schuester: Finn, Rachel, come on, that's enough. Everyone, sit down, uh, listen up. Rory has the floor.

Rory Flanagan: I've been trying to get my student visa extended, so I can spend junior year at McKinley, but I just found out the request was turned down. So when the school year ends, I'll have to go back to Ireland.

Sugar Motta: What?

Rory Flanagan: I miss my family so much, but you guys have become my second family. This song reminds me of you guys and... how much I've grown to love each and every single one of you, and how thankful I am that you've made a place, 3,000 miles away from Ireland, feel like home.
# Another summer day has come and gone away #
# In Paris and Rome #
# But I wanna go home #
# Mm, home #
# Maybe surrounded by a million people I #
# Still feel all alone #
# Just wanna go home #
# Oh, I miss you, you know #
# And I've been keeping all the letters #
# That I wrote to you #
# Each one a line or two #
# "I'm fine, baby, how are you?" #
# Well, I would send them #
# But I know that it's just not enough #
# My words were cold and flat #
# And you deserve more than that #
# Another airplane, another sunny place #
# I'm lucky, I know #
# But I wanna go home #
# Mm, I've got to go home #
# Let me go home #
# I've had my run, and, baby, I'm done #
# I gotta go home #
# Let me go home #
# It'll all be all right #
# I'll be home tonight #
# I'm coming back home. #

Sugar Motta: Rory... I feel worse for you than I do for Artie. Will you be my date for Valentine's Day?

Rory Flanagan: It would be an honor.

Mercedes Jones: All right, guys. We have to have a discussion and figure out what the God Squad feels about singing to gay people.

Sam Evans: Well, three of us are in Glee Club, so we're pretty much sing to gay people all the time.

Mercedes Jones: I know we're okay with it, but Joe may not be.

Joseph Hart: I try my best not to judge anybody. But, honestly, I've never met anyone who's gay.

Quinn Fabray: Oh, I guarantee you have.

Mercedes Jones: Yeah, they say that one out of every ten people are gay. And if that's true, that means one of the 12 apostles might have been gay. And my guess is Simon because that name's the gayest.

Sam Evans: The Bible says it's an abomination for a man to lay down with another man, but we shared tents in Cub Scouts and slept next to each other all the time... so that would make Cub Scouts an abomination?

Quinn Fabray: Do you know what else the Bible says is an abomination? Eating lobster, planting different crops in the same field, giving somebody a proud look. Not an abomination? Slavery. Jesus never said anything about gay people. That's a fact.

Sam Evans: Well, maybe he wanted to, but he didn't want to hurt Simon's feelings.

Mercedes Jones: You guys, we have to figure out where we stand. Especially, if we're gonna be asking volunteers from my church to sing backup for us. I don't want to hurt Santana's feelings, but I also don't want to make someone do something they're not comfortable with. So where do you stand, Joe?

Joseph Hart: I guess I've gotta think about it.

Quinn Fabray: You know what? That's totally fair. You have to look at the hard topics and dilemmas and be honest and truthful. If you ask me... that's what being Christian is really about.

Sam Evans: I know it's early, but... It's a statue of St. Valentine. Well, actually, it's a statue of one of the three wise men I repainted to look like Saint...

Mercedes Jones: I told Shane about us.

Sam Evans: Wow. Was he mad?

Mercedes Jones: He was sad. He cried and said it felt like I punched him in his heart.

Sam Evans: I saw this MMA guy get punched in the heart once. He died for, like, a minute. That sucks. At least it means we can be together for real now.

Mercedes Jones: Whoa. What we did... what I did to Shane was wrong. I lied, I cheated, and it makes me feel awful, and I love you, but being with you just reminds me of that... that I'm not the person that I thought I was.

Sam Evans: We would never do that to each other.

Mercedes Jones: I thought that I'd never do that to Shane. But I have to face the truth. When it comes to love, I don't know who I am, and until I find out, I can't be with anyone. I-I can't be with you.
# If I #
# Should stay #
# I would only be in #
# Your way #
# So I'll go #
# But I know #
# I'll think of you #
# Every step of #
# The way... #
# And I... #
# Will always love you #
# I... #
# Will always love you... #
# You, you #
# You #
# My darling, you #
# Bittersweet #
# Memories #
# That is all I'm taking #
# With me #
# So good-bye #
# Please don't cry #
# We both know I'm not what you #
# You need #
# And I... #
# Will always love you #
# I... #
# Will always #
# Love you... #
# You #
# I hope #
# Life treats you kind #
# And I hope #
# You have all you've dreamed of #
# And I wish to you joy #
# And happiness #
# But above all this, I wish you #
# Love #
# And I... #
# Will always love you #
# I will always #
# Love you #
# I will always #
# Love you #
# I will always #
# Love you... #
# I, I will always #
# Love you... #
# I, I will always #
# Love... #
# You... #
# You #
# Darling, I love you #
# Oh, I'll always #
# I'll always #
# Love you. #

Hiram Berry: # You're the top #
# You're an Arrow collar #
# You're the top #
# You're a Coolidge dollar #
# You're the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire #
# You're an O'Neill drama #

LeRoy Berry: # You're Whistler's mama #
# You're Camembert! #

Finn Hudson: How come we never do this?

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Oh.

LeRoy Berry: # You're Inferno's Dante #
# You're the nose #
# On the great Durante #

Hiram Berry: # I'm just in the way #
# As the French would say, de trop #

LeRoy, Hiram & Rachel: # But if, baby, I'm the bottom #
# But if, baby, I'm the bottom #
# But if, baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top. #

Hiram Berry: Rachel Berry.

Rachel Berry: Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for joining us in our nightly tradition of turning just plain old dinner into dinner theater.

LeRoy Berry: And now dinner is served.

Rachel Berry: This way.

Finn Hudson: Smells great.

Rachel Berry: Delicious.

LeRoy Berry: That was good.

Hiram Berry: Yeah, thank you. See, I have a couple of notes.

Hiram Berry: I said, "LeRoy, this guy sold us" the wrong lube."

Burt Hummel: Yeah.

Hiram Berry: "That's why the rubber is squeaking. That's why it feels so weird when we start going really fast."

LeRoy Berry: Excuse me, Hiram, what are we talking about?

Burt Hummel: We're talking cars. Yeah, those clowns down at Local Lube... they don't know how to lube a car.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Hiram, the duck was divine and the house is exquisite.

Hiram Berry: Thank you, sweetie. Nate Berkus... a dear, dear friend.

LeRoy Berry: That's not true.

Hiram Berry: Yeah, no, it's not, no, no, no, not true, but it feels like he is, I love his designs so much. Everything is, you know, Nate, Nate Berkus.

Finn Hudson: So, Mr. Berrys, how did you two meet?

LeRoy Berry: Ooh. Ah.

Hiram Berry: Hey, that's a, th-th-that's a funny story. We were both in the international supergroup Up with People.

LeRoy Berry: Up with People was a sensation. Glenn Close, you know, she got her start on Up with People.

Hiram Berry: Yeah, and we've been together ever since, which was, uh, in our late 20s, early 30s when we got together. Uh, and on that note, may I make a toast to Rachel and Finn on this very special Valentine's Day? Finn, you're a fantastic... husky young man whom LeRoy and I simply adore, and it gives us such joy to see you make our little Rachelah so happy. Let me tell you the secret of a long and happy marriage... never go to bed without moisturizing. Bet you thought I was going to say "Never go to bed angry."

LeRoy Berry: Okay, let's get back on track here. A toast to the... Hudson-Hummel-Berry clan. And to Finn and Rachel. We love you both so very, very much.

Hiram Berry: We sure do.

Burt Hummel: To Finn and Rachel.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Finn and Rachel.

Hiram Berry: Indeed. Mmm. Mm-mm-mm! Now dessert. Oh, you know what we've got? Velvety Viennetta, and then we're going to commence with the teenage lovemaking. No, just kidding. No. We, we don't have Viennetta. They discontinued Viennetta years ago. We're gonna go straight to the teenage lovemaking.

Rachel Berry: I'm sorry, what?

Hiram Berry: Yeah.

Finn Hudson: Wait, w-what are you talking about?

Burt Hummel: Your mom packed a bag.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: I brought your toothbrush and your jammies... your sleepy T-shirt and, and boxers.

Finn Hudson: Mom.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: No, I did, yeah.

Burt Hummel: You're getting married, you're not kids anymore. As far as we're concerned, you're adults, so knock yourself out. Carole and I are gonna go catch a movie.

LeRoy Berry: Hiram and I are going to stay here, but we'll put on some music just so you don't think we're trying to listen in.

Rachel Berry: I can't believe this is happening.

Finn Hudson: I love you. Let's go to bed.

Rachel Berry: Okay. I know it's tempting, but, uh, no monkey business tonight, not with my dads around the corner.

Finn Hudson: Of course. Are you, you gonna use the bathroom first?

Rachel Berry: Yes, if that's okay because my ritual is pretty elaborate.

Finn Hudson: Okay.

Rachel Berry: First I shower. I'm more thorough than during my morning bath. The world is a very dirty place. Brush teeth, eyebrows, makeup remover, moisturizer, followed by an ice water face bath à la Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest... the height of glamour. Find something cute to wear. Text my dads to let them know I'm almost ready for my evening tea... well, we'll skip that one tonight. Then condition and brush my hair.

Finn Hudson: Hi.

Rachel Berry: Hi.

Finn Hudson: Hey, I-I kind of need to use the bathroom; it was a really big meal.

Rachel Berry: No, you can't do that here.

Finn Hudson: Where am I supposed to do it?

Rachel Berry: Um, at your house?

Finn Hudson: Hilarious... I'm just gonna jump in beside you. I don't mind if you stay.

Rachel Berry: Oh, for God's sakes, Finn. Can't you at least try to keep some sort of mystery until we're married?

Finn Hudson: What do you think it's gonna be like in New York?

Rachel Berry: We'll be on opposite schedules, so, you know, you can use the bathroom while I'm at school and I'll use it when you're at... when you're working or what-whatever.

Finn Hudson: What's that supposed to mean? You don't think I'm gonna be doing anything in New York? You think I'm just gonna be around to bring you Diet Cokes and cheer you on?

Rachel Berry: I knew it. I knew one day you'd be intimidated by my success, but I didn't think it would be before we graduated. Where are you going?

Finn Hudson: The bathroom downstairs. I can guarantee one thing you're not gonna have to add to your little crazy-town nighttime ritual... getting into bed with me.

Waitress Sandy: FYI, we got a private party here tonight, hon.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, I know, I know, I'm, I'm early. Well, according to this, I'm, I'm early. I'm supposed to be meeting my cutie here for a long overdue reunion, but I, uh, I guess he didn't make it.

Waitress Sandy: Wouldn't be too sure about that.

Kurt Hummel: I knew it! Oh, See's candies! "Dear Kurt, Happy Valentine's Day. I think I love you." Wait. You think you love me? Karofsky. So, you tormented me, shoved me into lockers, called me horrible names and hate-kissed me. Now, after one conversation in a bar, you want us to be together?

Dave Karofsky: When I was at McKinley, I hated who I was. I took that out on you because... there you were, so proud. I've wanted to call you since that night at Scandals, and, look, it's taken me a while, but for the first time in my life, I'm trying to be honest about what I feel.

Kurt Hummel: And I'm flattered, I... I-I really am, but David, you just think that you love me. You don't really love me.

Dave Karofsky: Oh, you've helped me so much, Kurt, you don't know. I haven't come out at school yet, but maybe I will next year.

Kurt Hummel: David, look, I am so proud of you for... for coming so far. And I want you to be happy and... and you will be happy, but I'm with Blaine. A-And... I like you. But just as friends.

Dave Karofsky: I should go.

Kurt Hummel: Wait. Now, you don't have to go.

Dave Karofsky: I hope you like the candies. The butterscotch ones are my favorite.

Nick: Mine, too. Hey, Karofsky.

Dave Karofsky: Nick.

Nick: You guys hanging out for Valentine's Day?

Dave Karofsky: No. No.

Kurt Hummel: No, no. We-We used to go to the same school. We just bumped into each other.

Nick: That's exactly what it looked like.

Dave Karofsky: I gotta go.

Kurt Hummel: David...

Dave Karofsky: I'll talk to you later.

Rachel Berry: I'm really glad we kissed and made up. I mean, it is Valentine's Day, after all.

Finn Hudson: Mm-hmm.

Rachel Berry: This whole living together thing and being right on top of one another... it's definitely a lot more challenging than I thought. It's like real life and stuff.

Finn Hudson: I know.

Rachel Berry: I have to be honest. I was a little... afraid of what it would be like for us to really be married. I don't know. I think we can do it, right?

Finn Hudson: I think we can.

Rachel Berry: Good. Mm.

Finn Hudson: Mm. Except for one thing. It's 7:15.

Rachel Berry: No way.

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Rachel Berry: You want to go to Breadstix?

Finn Hudson: I was hoping you'd say that.

Rachel Berry: Let's go.

LeRoy Berry: I like Carole after three Chardonnays.

Hiram Berry: Shh. Listen, listen. Shh. Listen. Silence. They're not fighting anymore. It's not working. What, is he defiling our baby?

LeRoy Berry: Do you need a Xanax?

Hiram Berry: I already took three. This is a stupid plan. We've never lied to her like this before. Honesty, respect, dance... those are the foundations of the Berry family.

LeRoy Berry: These are desperate times. Every teenager does the exact opposite of what their parents tell them. I don't know where she got this idea of marriage anyway, but she's not going to go through with it. But she is a little girl with big dreams...

Hiram Berry: It's too bad. I like Finn.

LeRoy Berry: Nobody is saying that they have to break up. They're just too young to get married. As long as we continue to do what we're doing... lying about supporting it utterly and completely... she'll come around, and she'll see it our way. It's reverse psychology. It's the only way.

Rachel Berry: Hey. We're gonna go go Breadstix. We decided that we want to just be with our friends tonight.

Finn Hudson: And then I'm probably just gonna go home after.

Hiram Berry: R-Really? Yeah, we thought we heard you guys squabbling up there. Cohabitating is not-not-not so easy, huh?

LeRoy Berry: I hope this little experiment doesn't cause you to postpone the marriage for a few months?

Hiram Berry: Right, or years. Don't do that.

Rachel Berry: Actually, it's the opposite. We just decided that, you know, since it's gonna take us a little while to get used to one another, that we might as well just, you know, get started.

Finn Hudson: We're getting married in May!

Rachel Berry: Right-Right after Nationals! It's gonna be a spring wedding. I'll talk to you guys more about it when I get home tonight. I'm so excited. And I love you both very much.

Hiram Berry: Love you so much.

Rachel Berry: Okay, well, I'll be back in a little while. Bye.

Sugar Motta: Testing. Testing. Testing. Testing. What up, McKinley?! Welcome to the Sugar Shack! Okay. Everyone look under your chairs, except you, Artie. Yours is in the potted plant right behind you. Attached to a Hickory Hills Cheese Heart are gift certificates worth $200 each for Bed, Bath and Beyond, Panda Express, and Lima Mall Swatch Watch kiosk! I would like to thank my daddy for making tonight possible. And P.S.: He is not in the Mafia. And next up, straight from heaven above, give it up for the God Squad!

Joseph Hart: Hi. My name's Joe. Santana Lopez asked me if the God Squad would sing a love song for Brittany S. Pierce. And after thinking and praying about it, I knew there was only one right answer. Absolutely. Love is love, man. So, here's for Brittany from Santana.

Quinn Fabray: # Cherish is the word I use to describe #
# All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside #

Joseph & Sam: # You don't know how many times I wish that I had told you #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Cherish the thought #

Joseph & Sam: # You don't know how many times #
# I wish that I could hold you #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Cherish the thought #

Joseph & Sam: # You don't how many times I wish that I could #
# Mold you into someone who could #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Ooh, ooh, ooh #

Sam & Quinn: # Cherish the thought... #

Sugar Motta: I'm gonna miss you so much.

Rory Flanagan: When?

Sugar Motta: When you get deported, silly.

Rory Flanagan: Let's... don't worry about that now. Let's just think about tonight.

Mercedes Jones: # Can't get away, I won't let you #
# Oh-oh #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Who? You! #

Quinn Fabray: # I could never forget to #

Sugar Motta: Maybe my dad can buy Ireland!

Quinn Fabray: # Cherish is the word I use to remind me of #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Your love... #

Joseph & Sam: # You don't know how many times #
# I wish that I had told you #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Cherish the thought #

Joseph & Sam: # You don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Cherish the thought #

Joseph Hart: # Yeah #

Joseph & Sam: # You don't how many times I wish #
# That I could mold you into someone who could #

Mercedes & Quinn: # Ooh, ooh, ooh #

Quinn, Mercedes, Joseph & Sam: # Cherish me as much as I cherish you #
# Cherish the thought #
# Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh. #

Sugar Motta: Jesus! Holla! Okay, everyone, it's time for my extra-special guest, back from the dead, and cute and compact as ever!

Blaine Anderson: Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! This song is dedicated to all the lovers in the room.
# If you see a faded sign at the side of the road #
# That says 15 miles to the... #

Mercedes Jones: # Love Shack! #
# Love Shack, yeah, yeah #
# I'm headin' down the Atlanta highway #
# Lookin' for the love getaway #
# Heading for the love getaway #

Blaine Anderson: # I got me a car #
# It's as big as a whale #

Mercedes, Rachel & Brittany: # Love getaway #

Blaine Anderson: # And we're headin' on down to the Love Shack #

Mercedes, Rachel & Brittany: # Love getaway #

Blaine Anderson: # I got me a Chrysler #
# It seats about 20, so #

Mercedes, Rachel & Brittany: # Love getaway #

Blaine Anderson: # Hurry up and bring your jukebox money #

Mercedes Jones: # The Love Shack is a little old place where #
# We can get together #
# Love Shack, baby #

Kurt Hummel: # Love Shack, baby #

Mercedes Jones: # Love Shack, that's where it's at #
# Love Shack, that's where it's at #

Kurt Hummel: # Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale #
# And it's about to set sail #
# I got me a car, it seats about 20 #
# So, come on and bring your jukebox money #

Mercedes Jones: # The love shack #

Rachel & Brittany: # The love shack is a little old place #

Mercedes Jones: # Little old place #
# Where we can get together #
# Love shack, baby #

Blaine Anderson: # A love shack, baby #

Mercedes Jones: # Oh, oh #

Rachel & Brittany: # Love shack, baby, love shack #

Mercedes Jones: # Oh, oh #

Rachel & Brittany: # Love shack, baby, love shack #

Mercedes Jones: # Love shack, baby, love #

Blaine Anderson: # Love, baby, that's where it's at #

Rachel & Brittany: # Bang, bang, bang on the door, baby #

Blaine Anderson: # Knock a little louder, Sugar! #

Rachel & Brittany: # Bang, bang, bang on the door, baby! #

Blaine Anderson: # I can't hear you! #

Rachel & Brittany: # Bang, bang #

Blaine Anderson: # On the door, baby. #

Rachel & Brittany: # Bang, bang #

Blaine Anderson: # Your what?! #

Kurt Hummel: # Tin... roof... rusted! #

Mercedes Jones: # Love Shack, yeah #

Rachel & Brittany: # Love shack, love shack #

Mercedes Jones: # Love shack #

Blaine Anderson: # Love, baby, that's where it's at, yeah #

Rachel & Brittany: # Love shack #

Blaine Anderson: # Love, baby, that's where it's at #

Mercedes Jones: # Love shack #

Blaine Anderson: # Huggin' and a kissin' #

Rachel & Brittany: # Love shack, baby, love shack #

Mercedes Jones: # Baby, love shack... #

Blaine Anderson: # Dancin' and a lovin' at the love shack #

Rachel Berry: Oh, this is good. Oh, this... look at this one. Oh, it's so timeless. It's perfect.

Kurt Hummel: Yeah, timeless, meaning you can wait two or five years to wear it.

Rachel Berry: Don't be jealous.

Sebastian Smythe: Well, well, well. If it isn't a young Barbra Streisand and an old Betty White. Where is Gay Cyclops? Still trying to stumble his way in?

Kurt Hummel: We can't come here anymore.

Sebastian Smythe: Rachel, I, uh, brought an engagement gift for you.

Rachel Berry: Hmm.

Sebastian Smythe: Go ahead.

Rachel Berry: Okay.

Kurt Hummel: Whoa. Oh, whoa, whoa!

Rachel Berry: Oh, my God! Oh, no, that is... that is Photo shopped. His thing is not that small or... or brown.

Kurt Hummel: And he could never fit into those pumps.

Sebastian Smythe: Just think, from now until eternity, every time someone Googles Finn Hudson, they'll be treated to that and dozens just like it. That's the beauty of the Internet. It stays with us forever.

Rachel Berry: What do you want, Sebastian?

Sebastian Smythe: I want a guaranteed Regionals win, so I want you to drop out. McKinley gets home-court advantage this year. You're going to come down with Asian bird flu or whatever Tina Blowing-Wang just had.

Rachel Berry: But that is show choir terrorism.

Kurt Hummel: You give a bad name to the entire gay community.

Sebastian Smythe: And you give the gay community cutting-edge fashion that's usually only seen on Puerto Rican pride floats.

Kurt Hummel: I'm sorry... I didn't hear you. I was distracted by your giant horse teeth.

Sebastian Smythe: You have 24 hours to drop out, Rachel, or I press the upload button.

Finn Hudson: That's it. I'm done. I'm leaving this classroom, and I'm going to beat that Sebastian kid's ass!

Will Schuester: Finn, chill.

Finn Hudson: No, I'm not going to chill. I... I'm done chilling.

Artie Abrams: The official show choir rule book states that "any real or perceived threat of violence, "vandalism or humiliation will be met with a swift "and unquestioned disqualification of the threatening party's team with extreme prejudice." It's right here. Page 72, by-law 15, section six, article 44.

Will Schuester: Guys, I contacted the headmaster of Dalton.

Blaine Anderson: Like you did when Sebastian almost blinded me? What did they do then? Same thing as they're going to do now... nothing.

Rachel Berry: Look, none of this matters now anyways, okay? We're not going to let him beat us like this. I'm going to perform at Regionals.

Finn Hudson: Even if he's going to post a photo like this of me if you do?

Rachel Berry: Finn, I'm not going to negotiate with terrorists.

Sugar Motta: If someone posted a picture like that of me online, I'd probably kill myself.

Rory Flanagan: Twice to be sure I was dead.

Will Schuester: Look, you guys are just going to have to deal with things like this. The more successful you get, the more garbage people are going to make up about you. They're going to love to tear you down.

Finn Hudson: I can't believe you would do that to me.

Rachel Berry: I'm going to be married to you. Don't you think I'm going to suffer the consequences as well? I mean, I just... I don't care about stuff like that. I love you, and we'll... we'll manage this together. Okay, the important thing right now is that we win.

Finn Hudson: So you wouldn't care if I Photo shopped a photo of you like this and put it on the Internet?

Rachel Berry: Look, our future depends on us winning Regionals. It'll help me towards my NYADA application.

Finn Hudson: Hmm. Hope you get in.

Will Schuester: Finn.

Quinn Fabray: You wanted to see me?

Sue Sylvester: Q, have a seat. Prepare yourself. I'm about to drop a bomb on you. I, Sue Sylvester... am with child.

Quinn Fabray: Are you serious? Wow. Um, that's amazing and confusing. Who's the father?

Sue Sylvester: Oh, I can't tell you that yet. But here's the deal. In order for this zygote to stay firmly ensconced in my uterine wall, my doctor has put me on bovine hormones that are making me extremely nauseous. They've also given me a near-superhuman sense of smell. For instance, I can tell that within the last week, you either enjoyed a delicious curry or a hug from Principal Figgins.

Quinn Fabray: Well, you know, morning sickness is a good sign. It means that the baby is developing properly.

Sue Sylvester: Well, it's good for the baby, not so good for me.

Quinn Fabray: Well, you know, there really is no cure for morning sickness. I mean, I ate saltines, drank herbal tea and sucked on lollipops. That helps.

Sue Sylvester: Lollipops?

Quinn Fabray: Yeah. Weird, but it works.

Sue Sylvester: Well, thank you, Q, for that condescending tone and barely helpful advice.

Quinn Fabray: I wanted to ask you a favor, actually, Coach. I would love to rejoin the Cheerios.

Sue Sylvester: I beg your pardon?

Quinn Fabray: It's my senior year, and I want to finish high school in a Cheerios! uniform with a national championship. I mean, other than Glee, this was the rest of my high school experience.

Sue Sylvester: Well, I'm sorry, Q, but that wouldn't be fair to the girls who've been practicing all year long, who didn't quit. And if you'll now please get the hell out of my office. I just caught a whiff of hot dog water wafting in from the cafeteria, and I think I'm going to blow some serious chunks. Excuse me.

Kurt Hummel: You okay? You seemed upset. And if Sebastian thinks...

Blaine Anderson: Forget about Sebastian! I'm not mad at you. I just... don't want to waste any more time on him. I- I want to focus on winning. I've got a new song I want to try out. The theme for Regionals is "Inspiration," and I think this fits the bill. You want to hear it?

Nick: Hey, Karofsky.

Dave Karofsky: What's up, Nick?

Blaine Anderson: # Life's too short to even care at all #
# Whoa #

Nick: That's terrible.

Blaine Anderson: # I'm losing my mind, losing my mind #
# Losing control #

Nick: You want to go? Huh?

Blaine Anderson: # These fishes in the sea #
# They're staring at me, whoa #

Nick: Homo.

Blaine Anderson: # Whoa #
# Wet world aches for a beat of a drum #
# Whoa, whoa #
# If I could find a way to see this straight #
# I'd run away #
# To some fortune that I #
# Should have found by now #
# I'm waiting for this cough syrup #
# To come down #
# Come down #
# Life's too short to even care at all #
# Whoa #
# I'm coming up now, coming up now #
# Out of the blue #
# Oh #
# These zombies in the park #
# They're looking for my heart #
# Whoa, whoa #
# A dark world aches for a splash of the sun #
# Whoa, whoa #
# If I could find a way to see this straight #
# I'd run away #
# To some fortune that I #
# Should have found by now #
# And so I run now to the things they said could restore me #
# Restore life the way it should be #
# I'm waiting for this cough syrup #
# To come down #
# One more spoon of cough syrup now #
# Whoa #
# One more spoon of cough syrup now #
# Whoa #
# Oh. #

Principal Figgins: We have to be very careful about how we deliver the news of this to the student body. David was part of this community, and he still has many friends here. And my understanding is that these teen suicides... or even attempts like David's... can induce a string of copycats.

Shannon Beiste: It's just so senseless.

Will Schuester: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr. The pressure to protect your reputation is so much worse than when we were kids.

Emma Pillsbury: Yeah, and these people can sling their hatred and their mud anonymously.

Will Schuester: Sue, are you crying?

Sue Sylvester: Hormones. No, it's not hormones. I could have done more. I was principal when Dave was having his trouble with Porcelain, and... I knew there was something up with that kid. I knew it. All I can think of is his dad finding him.

Paul Karofsky: Get some help! David, no! Buddy, come on. David!

Sue Sylvester: And that helplessness and bad feeling.

Will Schuester: Guys, we were all hard on Dave. We thought he was going to hurt Kurt. I just never thought he'd hurt himself.

Principal Figgins: It wasn't our job to know.

Emma Pillsbury: Then whose job was it?

Mercedes Jones: We should start today's meeting by praying for Karofsky. That he finds peace and that he feels better.

Quinn Fabray: I think we should start today's meeting by praying for his family. They could use comfort more than he could.

Sam Evans: I just don't understand how he could get to such a horrible, dark place.

Mercedes Jones: It's all over Facebook. A couple of kids from Karofsky's new school saw him at Breadstix with Kurt on Valentine's Day. They posted mean stuff on his page and texted everyone that he was gay. He couldn't take it.

Joseph Hart: How is he? Is he going to live?

Mercedes Jones: Well, he's in the hospital, but thank God his dad found him in time.

Quinn Fabray: I feel sorry for Karofsky, but what he did was selfish. He didn't just want to hurt himself; he wanted to hurt everyone around him. I went through the wringer, but I never got to that place.

Kurt Hummel: Quinn, please. Sure, you had a baby when you were 16 and you had a bad dye job for two weeks, but seriously? The world never stopped loving you. And you're going to Yale. You have no idea what Karofsky was struggling with.

Quinn Fabray: You really want to try to compare...

Kurt Hummel: The despair, the self-loathing.

Quinn Fabray: It doesn't matter. I just can't imagine things getting so messed-up that you would consider taking your own life.

Kurt Hummel: That is so harsh and reductive. Have some compassion. Do you know what they're still writing on his Facebook? "Better luck next time" and "Try, try again."

Quinn Fabray: Why are you even here, Kurt? Thought you didn't believe in God.

Joseph Hart: He asked me if he could come, and I invited him.

Kurt Hummel: I heard you guys were praying for Karofsky, and... after everything that we've been through, I didn't have anywhere else to go. I feel responsible. He asked me out, and... I said no. And he kept calling me... If I'd just answered one of those stupid calls...

Mercedes Jones: We're taking an edible arrangement to the hospital. Do you want to come with us?

Finn Hudson: I'm so sorry.

Rachel Berry: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Finn Hudson: Look, I've been thinking about what Dave did, and I just want you to know that there's nothing that anybody could do and there's nothing that anybody could say about me that would make me want to do that.

Rachel Berry: Good, 'cause I don't ever want to be without you. So, I'm not gonna perform at Regionals.

Finn Hudson: You have to. Look, I don't care about these pictures. I don't care about what anybody says about me...except for you.

Rachel Berry: Life's too short.

Finn Hudson: What?

Rachel Berry: Look, I don't want to wait for some arbitrary date to start living it, I... I want to get married. Now.

Finn Hudson: I have gym.

Rachel Berry: No, it's Saturday. After we win Regionals.

Finn Hudson: Seriously?

Rachel Berry: Yeah.

Finn Hudson: Awesome! But wait, what... what if we lose?

Rachel Berry: Well, I thought we agreed that I was singing.

Santana Lopez: Let me break it down for you, from one bitch to another. All this vicious, underhanded crap has got to stop.

Sebastian Smythe: Exactly. That's why I called you here. First of all... Blaine, I am sorry about your eye.

Blaine Anderson: That means nothing to me.

Sebastian Smythe: Just give me a chance. I have no excuses, other than a lame prank got completely out of control. Second, the Finn photos have all been destroyed. I want the Warblers to win fair and square. And we're gonna take donations for Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation. Win, lose or draw, we're gonna dedicate our performance to Dave Karofsky. I thought you might want to join us.

Kurt Hummel: Wait for the punch, you know it's coming.

Sebastian Smythe: No, not this time. For too long I have treated everything like a big joke.

Dave Karofsky: So, how do you get a guy to like you?

Sebastian Smythe: You, get a guy? Please.

Dave Karofsky: Why, what's wrong with me?

Sebastian Smythe: First off, you're about 100 pounds overweight. Quit waxing your eyebrows. You look like Liberace. In fact, just stay in the closet, buddy.

Sebastian Smythe: It's all fun and games... until it's not.

Mercedes Jones: Mr. Schue, why do you have a jar of peanut butter with one spoon?

Sugar Motta: Yeah, there are 15 of us here, and I'm only comfortable sharing a spoon with about half of you.

Will Schuester: Well, it's come to my attention that our good friend Rory Flanagan has never tasted peanut butter.

Sugar Motta: What?!

Tina Cohen-Chang: Are you serious?

Noah Puckerman: No way. It's not possible.

Will Schuester: Rory, if you don't mind.

Rory Flanagan: Oh, God... Oh, my God... That's the best thing I've ever had.

Kurt Hummel: Mr. Schuester, wow, that's incredibly moving.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, Mr. Schue, what's the point of all this?

Will Schuester: The point is Rory just had a brand-new experience, something as simple as peanut butter. You guys are young. I want you to promise me that, no matter how depressed you get, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel, you'll try your best to imagine all of the amazing experiences you have ahead of you.

Mercedes Jones: Mr. Schue, look, I know we're a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think anyone will ever consider taking their own life.

Will Schuester: I did. Junior year. That was a tough year. I, uh, I cheated on my math midterm. Peeked at the answers of the guy next to me and... the teacher saw me do it.

Noah Puckerman: Just 'cause you got caught cheating? I get caught cheating all the time.

Will Schuester: They called my dad at his office, and he was coming to pick me up. How was I supposed to look him in the eye? I just kept... picturing my dad so disappointed in me. So... I walked up to the roof. I went right to the edge. One step and all the pain and humiliation would be over.

Kurt Hummel: Is that true?

Will Schuester: That day, I promise you, it felt like it was the end of the world. But you know what? It wasn't. You know, for some of you, getting caught cheating isn't a big deal. But there's something... everyone has something that might take them up to that edge. And look at all the things I would've missed out on. I would've never met you guys or Emma. I would've missed out on everything. So, right now, I want you all to think of something that you're looking forward to. Big things.

Sam Evans: Someday, I want to earn enough money to buy my folks a new place, so they don't ever have to go through losing their home again.

Mercedes Jones: I'm most looking forward to meeting Rachel Berry's children.

Artie Abrams: I want to be there to see my kid's first steps.

Sugar Motta: I want to be there to see Sex and the City Part III.

Will Schuester: Wow.

Noah Puckerman: I'm sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I really do want to graduate high school.

Finn Hudson: I'm gonna petition the Army to change my dad's dishonorable discharge status to an honorable one.

Quinn Fabray: I'm looking forward to graduating from Yale at the top of my class.

Santana Lopez: I'm looking forward to the day when my grandmother loves me again.

Brittany S. Pierce: I want Lord Tubbington to kick his Ecstasy addiction.

Blaine Anderson: I am looking forward to marriage equality in all 50 states.

Mike Chang: I'm looking forward to the first time I dance at Carnegie Hall.

Tina Cohen-Chang: I just want a song.

Kurt Hummel: I'm looking forward to watching my dad make a difference in Congress.

Rachel Berry: I'm looking forward to being friends with all of you for the rest of my life.

Rory Flanagan: I know this sounds silly, and the peanut butter really is amazing, Mr. Schue, but do you know what I'm looking forward to? Winning at Regionals.

Announcer: And now, let's meet our judges for the 2012 Midwest Regionals! Deputy Zoning Commissioner Melba Jackson-Wright! President of the Ohio Plumbers Union Local 109, Mr. Harl Beindorf! And Central Ohio's number one late-night horror movie host...

Finn Hudson: No...

Announcer: Svengoobles! And now, from Westerville, Ohio, the Dalton Academy Warblers!

Sebastian Smythe: # Come on and stand #
# Come on, stand #
# Up again #
# Why don't you stand? #
# Stand, you're gonna run again #
# Don't give up, you're gonna see tomorrow #
# That you'll be on your feet again #
# Sometimes the world's gonna knock you over #
# But you will see who are your friends #
# Come on and stand #
# Come on, stand #
# Up again #
# Come on and stand #
# Stand, you're gonna run again #
# You have the power to face your demons #
# No matter how they go on time #

Golden Goblet Singer: Why are you cheering your competition?

Finn Hudson: Life's too short. You should try it. Come on. Get up!

The Warblers: # Come on, stand #

Sebastian Smythe: # Come on, baby #

The Warblers: # Up again #

Sebastian Smythe: # Stand, yeah #

The Warblers: # Come on, stand #

Sebastian Smythe: # You can make it #
# Come on, stand, you're gonna run again #
# Pick up your will and put on your face #
# If you need to, just take my hand #
# It's time to demonstrate, don't hesitate #
# Just get up and say, "Yes, I can" #

The Warblers: # Come on, stand #

Sebastian Smythe: # Come on, baby #

The Warblers: # Up again #

Sebastian Smythe: # Stand, yeah #

The Warblers: # Come on, stand #

Sebastian Smythe: # Come on, you can make it #
# Come on, stand, you're gonna run again #

Sebastian Smythe: Thank you. Just a reminder to please make a donation to one of our charity baskets. We're set up all around the auditorium. Just look for the Dalton blazer. Please... give what you can.

The Warblers: # Ooh... #

Sebastian Smythe: # The sun goes down, the stars come out #
# And all that counts is here and now #
# My universe will never be the same #
# I'm glad you came... #

The Warblers: # Ba-ba, la-ah, oh-oh #
# Da-da, da, oh-oh #
# Da-da, la, oh-oh #
# Da-da-da, do-do, oh-oh #
# Da-da-da, la, la-la #
# Da-da, da, do-da-do-da #
# Da-da-da, la, la-la #

Sebastian Smythe: # You cast a spell on me, spell on me #
# You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me #
# And I decided you look well on me, well on me #
# So let's go somewhere no one else can see #
# You and me #
# Turn the lights out now #
# Now I'll take you by the hand #
# Hand you another drink, drink it if you can #
# Can you spend a little time? #
# Time is slipping away, away from us #
# So stay, stay with me I can make, make you glad you came #
# The sun goes down, the stars come out #
# And all that counts is here and now #
# My universe will never be the same #
# I'm glad you came, I'm glad you came #

The Warblers: # Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh #
# Oh-oh-oh #

Sebastian Smythe: # Turn the lights out now #
# Now I'll take you by the hand #
# And you will never drink #

The Warblers: # Drink #

Sebastian Smythe: # Drink it if you can #

The Warblers: # Can #

Sebastian Smythe: # Spend a little time #
# Time is slipping away #
# Away from us, so stay #
# Stay with me, I can make #
# Make you glad you came #
# The sunoes down #
# The stars come out #
# And all that counts #
# Is here and now #
# My universe #
# Will never be the same #
# I'm glad you came #
# I'm glad you came... #

The Warblers: # Whoa-oa-oa... #
# Whoa-oa-oa #
# Whoa-oa-oa... #

Sebastian Smythe: # I'm glad you came #

The Warblers: # Whoa-oa-a #

Sebastian Smythe: # I'm glad you came #

The Warblers: # Whoa-oa-oa #
# Oh, oh, oh #

Sebastian Smythe: # The sun goes down #
# The stars come out #
# And all that counts #
# Is here and now #
# My universe #
# Will never be the same #
# I'm glad you came #
# I'm glad you came. #

Announcer: And now, from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow High School, the Golden Goblets!

The Golden Goblets: # Where thoughts #
# Serenely sweet express #
# She walks in beauty... #
# Beauty... #

Noah Puckerman: Those Golden Goblet madrigal singers were way better than I thought they'd be.

Brittany S. Pierce: Are you high? I couldn't hear their instruments at all.

Will Schuester: All right, guys, listen up. Don't let them get into your heads, okay? Stay focused on what we do best. Show circle time, come on, let's huddle up! Okay, uh... Oh, Finn, you wanted to start us off?

Finn Hudson: Yeah. I know it's kind of short notice, but... after the competition, Rachel and I are going to get married. At the Justice of the Peace, at the Lima Municipal Center.

Rachel Berry: There will be some light refreshments afterwards, My dad’s and I were rolling finger sandwiches all night long.

Finn Hudson: With everything that's happened lately, we thought a lot about what Mr. Schue said. We didn't want to wait anymore. We just want to live every day like it's our last. So we wanted to thank a lot of you guys that were supportive of our decision to get married.

Rachel Berry: And-and for those of you who maybe weren't the biggest fans of our impending nuptials, we thank you also. So after we win, we would really love it if all of you would come to our wedding.

Will Schuester: Come on, bring it in!

New Directions: A... amazing!

Rachel Berry: # I came to win #
# To fight #
# To conquer #
# To thrive #
# I came to win #
# To survive #
# To prosper #
# To rise #
# To fly... #
# To fly... #

Santana Lopez: # Uh... Yo... Yo... #

Artie Abrams: # I used to think that I could not #
# Go on... #

Santana Lopez: # I wish today, it would rain all day #
# Maybe that would kind of make the pain go away #

Artie Abrams: # And life was nothing but an awful song... #

Santana Lopez: # They got they guns out, aimin' at me #
# But I become near when they aimin' at me #

Blaine Anderson: # Me, me, me against them #
# Me against enemies, me against friends #
# Somehow they both seem to become one #
# A sea full of sharks, and they all smell blood #
# They start coming and I start rising #
# Must be surprising, I'm just surmising #

Blaine & Santana: # I win, thrive, soar, higher #
# Higher, higher, more fire #

Rachel Berry: # I came to win #

Santana & Rachel: # To fight #
# To conquer #
# To thrive #
# I came to win #
# To survive #
# To prosper #

Finn Hudson: # To rise #
# I believe I can fly #

Rachel Berry: # To fly... #

Finn Hudson: # I believe I can touch the sky #

Mercedes Jones: # Ohh... #

Finn Hudson: # I believe I can fly #

Rachel Berry: # Fly... #

Finn Hudson: # I believe I can touch the sky #
# I believe I can fly #

Rachel Berry: # Get ready for it #
# Get ready for it #

Artie Abrams: # When I can be it #
# If I just believe it #

Rachel Berry: # Get ready for it #
# Get ready for it #

Artie Abrams: # There's nothing to it #

Mercedes Jones: # Get ready for it #

Artie Abrams: # I believe I can fly #

Rachel Berry: # Fly... #

Finn Hudson: # I believe I can touch the sky #
# I think about it every night and day #
# Spread my wings and fly away #

Artie Abrams: # I believe I can soar #

Mercedes Jones: # Get ready for it #
# Get ready for it #

Artie Abrams: # I see me running #
# Through that open door #

Rachel Berry: # Fly... #

Artie Abrams: # I believe I can fly #

Rachel Berry: # Fly... #

Mercedes Jones: # Get ready for it #

Artie Abrams: # I believe I can fly #
# I believe I can fly. #

Will Schuester: Come on! Ohh... wah!

Santana Lopez: # You know the bed feels warmer #
# Sleeping here alone #
# You know I dream in color #
# And do the things I want #

Brittany S. Pierce: # You think you got the best of me #
# Think you had the last laugh #
# Bet you think that everything #
# Good is gone #
# Think you left me broken down #
# Think that I'd come running back #
# Baby, you don't know me #
# 'Cause you're dead wrong #

Mercedes Jones: # What doesn't kill you makes you stronger #
# Stand a little taller #
# Doesn't mean I'm lonely #
# When I'm alone #
# What doesn't kill you makes a fighter #
# Footsteps even lighter #
# Doesn't mean I'm over #
# 'Cause you're gone #
# What doesn't kill you makes you #
# Stronger #
# You're stronger #
# Just me, myself, and I #
# What doesn't kill you makes you stronger #
# Stand a little taller #
# Doesn't mean I'm lonely #
# I'm alone #

Santana Lopez: # Thanks to you I got a new thing started #

Mercedes Jones: # Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted #

Santana Lopez: # Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'bout me #

Mercedes & Santana: # You know in the end #
# The day you left #
# Was just my beginning #

Santana Lopez: # In the end... #

Mercedes & Santana: # What doesn't kill you makes you stronger #

Santana Lopez: # Stand a little taller #
# Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone #

Mercedes & Santana: # What doesn't kill you makes a fighter #
# Footsteps even lighter #
# Doesn't mean I'm over #
# 'Cause you're gone #

Santana Lopez: # What doesn't kill you makes you... #

Mercedes Jones: # Stronger, stronger #

Santana Lopez: # Just me, myself, and I #
# What doesn't kill you makes you stronger #

Mercedes Jones: # Stronger #

Santana Lopez: # Stand a little taller #

Mercedes Jones: # Stronger #

Santana Lopez: # Doesn't mean I'm lonely #
# When I'm alone #

Brittany S. Pierce: # What doesn't kill you #

Mercedes Jones: # Not alone. #

Rachel Berry: # We could just go home right now #
# Or maybe we could stick around #
# For just one more drink #
# Oh, yeah #
# Get another bottle out #
# Let's shoot the breeze #
# Sit back down #
# For just one more drink #
# Oh, yeah #
# Here's to us, here's to love #
# All the times that we messed up #
# Here's to you #
# Fill the glass #
# 'Cause the last few days have gone too fast #
# So let's give 'em hell #
# Wish everybody well #
# Here's to us #
# Here's to us #
# We stuck it out this far together #
# Put our dreams through the shredder #
# Let's toast, 'cause things got better #
# And everything could change like that #
# And all these years go by so fast #
# But nothing lasts forever #
# Here's to us, here's to love #
# All the times that we messed up #
# Here's to you, fill the glass #
# 'Cause the last few nights have gone too fast #
# If they give you hell #
# Tell them forget themselves #
# Here's to us #
# Here's to us #
# Here's to all that we kissed #
# And to all that we missed #
# To the biggest mistakes that we just just wouldn't trade #
# To us breaking' out, without us breakin' down #
# To whatever's comin' our way #
# Here's to us #
# Here's to us... #

Girls of ND: # Here's to us, here's to love #
# All the times that we messed up #

Rachel Berry: # Here's to you #
# Fill the glass #
# 'Cause the last few days have gone too fast #
# If they give you hell #
# You tell 'em forget themselves #
# Here's to us #

Girls of ND: # Here's to us #

Rachel Berry: # Oh, here's to us #

Girls of ND: # Here's to us #

Rachel Berry: # Here's to us #
# Here's to love #
# Wish everybody well #
# Here's to us #
# Here's to love #
# Here's to us #
# Here's to us. #

Svenboolie: I've crossed oceans of time to bring the results of this show choir competition. In third place, from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, the Golden Goblets! And now... the moment you've all been waiting for. The 2012 Midwest Regional Champion from McKinley High... the New Directions!

Quinn Fabray: Coach Sylvester?

Sue Sylvester: Quinn, thank you for coming. I know you must be exhausted from singing all those "oohs" and background "ahs." Have a seat. I've been doing a lot of thinking this week, and, um, I don't know if it's this Karofsky thing or even seeing you perform, but I realized something. I always admired you, Quinn. At first, I thought it was because you reminded me of a younger, somewhat less striking Sue Sylvester, but then I realized that I admire you for all the ways you're not like me. You proved that it's never too late to turn your life around. And with that in mind, I'm giving you this.

Quinn Fabray: You're not gonna regret this. I'm gonna win us a national championship in this uniform.

Blaine Anderson: Hey, Fabray, looking good.

Quinn Fabray: Thanks, boys. Catch you later. Hey. How do I look? Coach Sylvester gave it to me earlier, and I couldn't resist.

Rachel Berry: Well, I'm glad you're happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Quinn Fabray: When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn. Right? He really does make you so happy. I want to support you, Rachel, and Finn, and come to the wedding, if it's not too late.

Kurt Hummel: Can I come in?

Dave Karofsky: The doctors took me off 72-hour watch. I get to go home tomorrow.

Kurt Hummel: That's great. I'm really happy that you're alive, David.

Dave Karofsky: Me, too.

Kurt Hummel: I should have returned your calls.

Dave Karofsky: Why would you, after the way I've treated you?

Kurt Hummel: It's okay.

Dave Karofsky: No, it's not okay. It's like you said on Valentine's Day, I made your life a living hell for months. But when the same thing happened to me, I couldn't even take it for a week. I suppose a best friend telling me he never wants to talk to me again, my mom telling me that I have a disease... and maybe I can be cured... I don't know what to do. I can't go back to that school.

Kurt Hummel: Then go to another school. I'm not gonna lie to you, it... it isn't gonna be easy. And there'll be some days when... life just sucks. But you're gonna get through this. 'Cause I'm gonna help you. And so is everyone else who loves you and accepts you for who you are. And if they can't accept that, then... screw 'em. Right?

Dave Karofsky: Yeah.

Kurt Hummel: This week, um, Mr. Schue had us think about something we're looking forward to in the future. You want to give it a go?

Dave Karofsky: I don't know.

Kurt Hummel: Come on. I'll help you. Close your eyes, and imagine what life could be like in ten years. You're sitting in a fantastic office. You're some kind of successful professional. A lawyer, maybe.

Dave Karofsky: Could I be a sports agent?

Kurt Hummel: Sure. You're a big sports agent living in the city of your dreams because you left Lima and never looked back. Your handsome partner comes to visit you in your office and brings along your son. You're taking the rest of the day off work because you're taking your son to his first football game. You lean over to your partner, and you say...

Dave Karofsky: "I'm so happy right now." You, uh... you said last week you wanted to be friends? I'd like that.

Kurt Hummel: Me, too.

Sue Sylvester: I believe congratulations are in order.

Will Schuester: What do you mean? You've never congratulated me about anything.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, I was in the audience at Regionals today, and I thought the Glee Club was just fantastic. Now you congratulate me.

Will Schuester: Why?

Sue Sylvester: I'm pregnant.

Will Schuester: Sue, that's incredible. Wow.

Sue Sylvester: Thank you.

Will Schuester: Wait, what are you doing here?

Sue Sylvester: Oh, I wouldn't miss Finn and Rachel getting married. I'm crashing. I think you can win at Nationals, and I want to help you.

Will Schuester: Are you serious?

Sue Sylvester: I'm a proven champion. I got some tricks up my sleeve.

Will Schuester: What's the catch?

Sue Sylvester: You know, I don't think there is a catch. I think I really just want to help you. Isn't that weird?

Will Schuester: Mm-hmm.

Sue Sylvester: Damn hormones.

Burt Hummel: Okay, could we just have a show of hands that we all still think this is a crazy idea? Okay, good, that settles it. I'm pulling the plug.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Burt, calm down.

Burt Hummel: Calm down? Carol, our kids are getting hitched... we screwed up big-time. We started playing these crazy reverse psychology games with them, look where we are.

Hiram Berry: The blame game? This'll be fun. Bring it, Burt.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: How did we screw up? By raising two kind, wonderful, independently-minded children?

Hiram Berry: I agree with Burt. They're in love, wunderbar, but nowhere near ready for this kind of commitment.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: At least we're here. The truth is, if we'd come down hard on them, they would have gone behind our back and eloped. Trust me, I know my son. Okay? And once he puts his mind to something, there is no getting him off of it.

Hiram Berry: Same with Rachel. At this point, even Patti LuPone herself couldn't talk her out of marrying Finn.

LeRoy Berry: Barbara could.

Hiram Berry: Maybe Barbara.

Burt Hummel: Who's Barbara?

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Streisand.

Hiram Berry: But, since Babs is probably shopping in her private underground mall right now... you know she has her own mall? Here's what we're gonna do: When the Justice of the Peace says does anybody here object...

Burt Hummel: Hell, yeah, I do.

Hiram Berry: We will all say, "We do." With feeling. Burt, you will run interference with Finn. Carol, you will distract the Justice of the Peace with your feminine wiles. I will hustle Rachel out the side door and into our waiting car, where you, LeRoy, will drive... I don't drive... straight to Broadway. And if that doesn't start to get our baby girl back on her career track, I don't know what will. Are we agreed?

Burt Hummel: Sounds like a plan.

Finn Hudson: Wow, Rachel, you... You just... You look...

Rachel Berry: You do, too. Ready to go in there?

Finn Hudson: Just-just-just hold on just a second. I- I just want to... take a second just to... remember this. Us.

Rachel Berry: Oh, it's Quinn. Sorry. "Ran home to get my bridesmaids dress. Be there soon." Great.

Finn Hudson: Well, Miss Hudson-Berry, everybody's waiting.

The Dixie Cups: # Goin' to the chapel and we're #
# Gonna get married #
# Goin' to the chapel #
# And we're #
# Gonna get married #
# Gee, I really love you #
# And we're gonna get married #
# Goin' to the chapel #
# Of love... #

Santana Lopez: Face it, Quinn's not coming.

Rachel Berry: She said she'd be here, okay? I don't want to start without her.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Is everything okay?

Finn Hudson: Yeah, we've got five minutes. Come on, let's go. Whew!

The Dixie Cups: # Sky is blue, whoa-oh-oh #
# Birds all sing #
# As if they knew #
# Today's our day #

Burt Hummel: Looking sharp.

Finn Hudson: Thanks.

The Dixie Cups: # We'll say I do #

Finn Hudson: All right, come on.

The Dixie Cups: # And we'll never be lonely... #

Mercedes Jones: Finn, out. You can't see the bride before the wedding.

Finn Hudson: I've already seen her.

Tina Cohen-Chang: But that's bad luck.

Rachel Berry: No, it's fine.

Finn Hudson: Rachel, we got to go right now, or we're gonna lose our slot.

Rachel Berry: Could we please just wait a couple more minutes for Quinn, please?

Finn Hudson: It's now or never.

The Dixie Cups: # Gonna get married #
# Goin' to the chapel #
# And we're gonna get married #
# Gee, I really love you #

Burt Hummel: If we're gonna do something, do it now.

Hiram Berry: I'm gonna fake an epileptic seizure.

LeRoy Berry: You're not an epileptic.

Hiram Berry: That's why I'm gonna fake it.

LeRoy Berry: Hurry up.

Ian Brennan: So here's what you missed on Glee: Sue's pregnant, which is crazy...

Sue Sylvester: I had my eggs frozen in the late '70s.

Ian Brennan: ...and she won't say who the father is, but insists that he's famous. Rachel and Finn decided to get married after Regionals, where the New Directions beat Sebastian and the Warblers and a madrigal group that just sort of made everyone uncomfortable. And Sebastian made up with Blaine after he realized life's too short to blind people with rock salt. Quinn thought Rachel and Finn were too young to get married, and refused to go to the wedding.

Rachel Berry: ...which makes me really sad, because I would have loved to have seen you in a bridesmaid's dress, Quinn.

Ian Brennan: ...but then changed her mind and started texting while she raced to the courthouse, and her car got hit by a truck. And that's what you missed on Glee!

Rachel Berry: So do you think if Quinn hadn't gotten into her accident, we still would've gone through with the wedding?

Finn Hudson: Yeah, totally. Totally. I mean, I'm kind of glad we're waiting. Now it doesn't have to be a Justice of the Peace quickie. Hey, I was thinking since Nationals are in Chicago this year, we-we should have the wedding someplace special. Like-like on the pitcher's mound of Wrigley Field. O-Or someplace else.

Rachel Berry: It's not that, it's Quinn. I can't stop thinking about her. She's...

Finn Hudson: Right behind you.

Rachel Berry: Hi, Quinn! We missed you so much.

Quinn Fabray: No, don't. I could have easily become one of those creepy memorial pages in the yearbook, but by the grace of God, I'm here. Believe it or not... this is the happiest day of my life. Come on, Artie. I'll race you to the choir room.
# You could never know what it's like #
# Your blood like winter freezes just like ice #
# And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you #
# You'll wind up like the wreck you hide #
# Behind that mask you use #

Artie Abrams: # And did you think this fool could never win? #
# Well, look at me, I'm coming back again #
# I got a taste of love in a simple way #
# And if you need to know, while I'm still standing #
# You just fade away #

Quinn & Artie: # Don't you know I'm still standing #
# Better than I ever did #
# Looking like a true survivor #
# Feeling like a little kid #
# I'm still standing #
# After all this time #
# Picking up the pieces of my life #
# Without you on my mind #
# I'm still standing #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
# I'm still standing #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #

Quinn Fabray: # Once I never could hope to win #
# You started down the road leaving me again #

Artie Abrams: # The threats you made were meant to cut me down #
# And if our love was just a circus #
# You'd be a clown by now #

Quinn & Artie: # Don't you know I'm still standing #
# Better than I ever did #
# Looking like a true survivor #
# Feeling like a little kid #
# I'm still standing #
# After all this time #
# Picking up the pieces of my life #
# Without you on my mind #
# I'm still standing #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #

Artie Abrams: # Oh-oh-oh... #

Quinn & Artie: # I'm still standing #

Quinn Fabray: # Yeah, yeah, yeah #

Artie Abrams: # I'm still standing #

Quinn & Artie: # I'm still standing, I'm still standing. #

Quinn Fabray: Here's a lesson for your board, Mr. Schue. Don't text and drive. Ever. It's the stupidest thing I've ever done. Besides sleeping with Puck. There's a lot of rumors floating around, so let's clear the air. First of all, all my plumbing still works, which is awesome. But my spine was severely compressed in the car accident, which basically means I can't move my feet or legs. But the good thing is that I'm starting to regain feeling, so with a lot of physical therapy, and your prayers, I stand a good chance for a full recovery. So no tears. That means you, Tina. Oh, and I apologize for the number. My dance moves aren't as smooth as Artie's yet.

Artie Abrams: With practice, they will be.

Quinn Fabray: I promise that by the time we go to Nationals, I'll be out of this chair, and dancing on that stage.

Will Schuester: All right. Whoo!

Sue Sylvester: I'm sorry, I... I don't think I understand what you just told me.

Principal Figgins: I said, I'm making swim coach Roz Washington co-coach of the Cheerios!

Sue Sylvester: How can you do this to me?

Roz Washington: I think I can answer that question. This Saturday the Cheerios had Regionals tournament. You were 15 minutes late. That's unacceptable.

Sue Sylvester: I had a doctor's appointment.

Roz Washington: Oh... I know. The doctor had to shine a flashlight in your va-jay-jay to get all the bats to fly out. I understand that keeping bats out of your womb is an important part of having a baby when you're older than God. But it is no way to win a national championship.

Principal Figgins: Sue... The lovely and talented bronze medalist Roz Washington has a point. We need the money and sponsorships that only a national championship can bring to the school, and your condition is compromising your work. It's settled. My word is law.

Sue Sylvester: This will not stand!

Roz Washington: Oh, it's gonna stand. And you know what else is gonna stand? Your fully-grown, adult baby when he pops out of your birth canal, before he hurries off to the high-powered law firm where he has just made partner. So take your Centrum Silver, and your old ass, and find a new dream.

Sue Sylvester: What if I can guarantee you a national championship?

Principal Figgins: And how will you do that?

Sue Sylvester: The Glee Club. If they win at Nationals, the school wins a $10,000 cash prize. I get you that money, I get to run the cheerleading program alone!

Sue Sylvester: Five, six, seven, eight! Stop! Please, stop! This is an embarrassment. Hey, Mercedes. Who you texting?

Mercedes Jones: I'm not texting anyone, I'm donating to the Obama campaign... My Droid!

Finn Hudson: Good news! I booked a tour at the Railroad Museum on Friday, which means we're gonna have an awesome Senior's Ditch Day. What is she doing here?

Sue Sylvester: Hey, Granny Panties! I'm taking over Booty Camp!

Will Schuester: Why on earth do you want to run Booty Camp?

Sue Sylvester: Because, as I established, I want to help you win Nationals. And I am a champion who can whip that squad of pear-shaped teens into shape.

Sue Sylvester: You're out of shape, you're constantly late, and when you're not too busy texting, you're complaining about the choreography you're too lazy to learn. You're nothing but a coven of tardy, narcissistic, bloated bags of cellulite who will stab each other in the back at the first glimpse of a solo in a competition hosted by a late-night horror movie host. Well, those days are over.

Will Schuester: Sue? We need to talk about what happened at Booty Camp.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, you mean my epic smack down of the glee club over their complete apathy and lack of professionalism?

Will Schuester: According to the kids, you were typical abusive belligerent self, only more so. I just got this e-mail from Kurt. "Mr. Schue, save us! Coach Sue is meaner than Tabatha!"

Sue Sylvester: First of all, I have absolutely no idea who Porcelain is referring to. I'm assuming it's gay and niche. Secondly, based on the pathetic display I just saw? Your glee club's back-to-back victories were flukes.

Will Schuester: Oh...

Sue Sylvester: Against Vocal Adrenaline? On the national stage? You'll be like lambs to the slaughter. Why are you resisting my help, William?

Will Schuester: We should try to inspire and encourage our kids, Sue, not humiliate and crush them. I don't get it. You were acting like you had turned over a new leaf.

Sue Sylvester: William... I'm near the end of my first trimester. I'm wildly hormonal, riding out massive, unpredictable mood swings. Stop trying to understand my actions.

Emma Pillsbury: Maybe you should talk to your doctor about adjusting your medication?

Sue Sylvester: Oh, I'll ask. I'm going there this week to confirm the sex of my daughter.

Emma Pillsbury: Mm! Oh, Sue! That's a mother-to-be single most important doctor visit. Who's going with you?

Sue Sylvester: Same person who's going to help me raise this child, Barbara Gordon. No one.

Emma Pillsbury: We'll... Sue, you can't go alone. No, you need a friend there, for moral support.

Will Schuester: I agree.

Emma Pillsbury: We'll go with you.

Kurt Hummel: You okay? You seem a little preoccupied.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, well, my brother's in town. He's picking me up, taking me out to lunch.

Kurt Hummel: Blaine, that's exciting! I finally get to meet this mysterious brother of yours, who you refuse to talk about. I'm dying to know what he looks like.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, trust me, you... you already know what he looks like.

Cooper Anderson: Blainie!

Blaine Anderson: Hey, Coop! Hey!

Cooper Anderson: Hey. How are you, bud?

Blaine Anderson: Good. Good to see you, man.

Cooper Anderson: This your, this your boyfriend, here?

Blaine Anderson: Actually, yes, it is.

Cooper Anderson: Hi.

Blaine Anderson: Kurt, this is my brother...

Cooper Anderson: Nice to meet you.

Blaine Anderson: ...Cooper Anderson.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God. You're the guy from the freecreditratingtoday.com commercials!

Cooper Anderson: Guilty as charged.

Cooper Anderson: # Know your score #
# Freecreditratingtoday.com #
# Slash savings! #

Kurt Hummel: I love those commercials! The jingle's my ringtone!

Sue Sylvester: Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but, um, I just needed to tell you that I am an enormous fan of your work.

Cooper Anderson: Thank you.

Sue Sylvester: Will you sign my breast?

Cooper Anderson: My pleasure. "Keep on dreaming. Yours...

Sue Sylvester: Mine.

Cooper Anderson: Cooper Anderson."

Sue Sylvester: You do me a great honor. And if Alan Menken isn't personally writing you a fairy tale musical at this very moment, I will hunt him down and beat him senseless with a cudgel. Because you, sir, are a Disney prince.

Cooper Anderson: Wow. God, it is great to be back in the Midwest. My commercial's on hiatus, so I told my agent I was headed back to the heartland to press the flesh, do some character research. Next season's commercials have a lot more intense, gritty character stuff, so I really want to explore my salt-of-the-earth roots.

Kurt Hummel: Blaine, your brother's the best-looking man in North America.

Blaine Anderson: Um, Coop and I are gonna head...

Sue Sylvester: Excuse me. Gaston, if I could pull you away from these ladies for just a moment; I have something I'd like to ask you.

Blaine Anderson: Yeah. I mean, that's... that's why I never really talk about my brother.

Noah Puckerman: We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.

Kurt Hummel: Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!

Santana Lopez: That sounds like torture.

Noah Puckerman: We want actual ideas, Kurt.

Mike Chang: How about a dance movie marathon? Footloose... Footloose 2011.

Mercedes Jones: What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?

Noah Puckerman: It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.

Brittany S. Pierce: It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth.

Rachel Berry: Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding that you were going to when you got into your car crash, and... you were answering my text message, and now... we're all sitting here, and we're talking about this day that's supposed to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives, and we're-we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair? It's not right. It's not right, and it shouldn't be like this.

Quinn Fabray: Well, maybe not, but... this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause, by the way, does not define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not gonna dwell on this, and neither should any of you, okay? Come here. Come on. Come on. Now, we are ditching as planned. I think we should go to Six Flags.

Noah Puckerman: The Lady Fabray has chosen wisely. Six Flags it is. Meeting adjourned.

Brittany S. Pierce: Hey!

Noah Puckerman: Hey, Finn, can you hang back for a sec?

Noah Puckerman: The Apple guy. The Facebook guy. Abraham Lincoln. What do these guys all have in common with us?

Finn Hudson: I don't know. They were all in a show choir?

Noah Puckerman: None of 'em were taken seriously in high school, dude. They were written off by the world until they got the big idea. Then bingo! The rest is history.

Finn Hudson: Okay. So what's your big idea?

Noah Puckerman: Lima's only got 22 pools. Southern California has 800 freaking thousand! I Googled it. So after graduation, I'm gonna move to L.A. and expand my pool cleaning business. And I want you to be my business partner. With your brains and my jaw line, I'm telling you, we'd kill it.

Finn Hudson: Wow, dude, I'm so honored that you'd even consider me. But you know, after we graduate, I'm going to New York with Rachel.

Noah Puckerman: Okay. Let's say you weren't, just 'cause maybe she doesn't get into that fancy school or you don't get married right away.

Finn Hudson: We are. It's gonna happen.

Noah Puckerman: Okay. But, hey, could you do me a favor? Um, you know that blonde on Sycamore Street that likes to mow her lawn in tube tops?

Finn Hudson: Yeah, Mrs. Tennison.

Noah Puckerman: Yeah. Well, her Jacuzzi's busted. So, I thought since you know so much about motors, you could take a look at it. Help me out.

Finn Hudson: Yeah. All right, I could probably do that.

Sue Sylvester: Lazy idiots, your leader Will Schuester has informed me that my teaching methods are harsh and too extreme. So I've decided to show you what a real artist looks and acts like. Ladies and gays, as my gift to you, which you do not deserve, I give you Porcelain's famous brother...

Blaine Anderson: Actually, it's my brother.

Sue Sylvester: ...Cooper Anderson.

Cooper Anderson: Thank you, Sue. Namaste.

Sue Sylvester: Okay.

Cooper Anderson: Guys, it was just a few years ago that I was sitting in a sad drab room like this with dreams like yours that I thought would never come true. But you know what? They did. So, tomorrow, at Sue's insistence, I will be teaching a Master class in acting for anyone who's interested in becoming successful in the business like me.

Finn Hudson: Fantastic!

Will Schuester: Cooper, we can't thank you enough. This is so generous of you to share your time and expertise.

Rachel Berry: Well, it's very clear that the Anderson brothers are very talented, and I'm sure that there were many a family holiday where the two of you maybe did a little duet by the piano?

Cooper Anderson: Actually, it's funny that you should mention that because Blaine and I were famous around the neighborhood.

Blaine Anderson: Not famous.

Cooper Anderson: We were pretty famous around the neighborhood for our dueling Simon LeBon impressions.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, no, no, no, no. Please don't make me do that.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, no, Blaine, you have to. You're both so handsome and good.

Cooper Anderson: Come on, Blaine. What do you say? How about a little Duran Duran? Is that okay?

Will Schuester: Yeah.

Cooper Anderson: Great. Come on. Get up here.

Blaine Anderson: Okay, okay, okay. You're on, Cooper.

Cooper Anderson: Ooh, the cardigan's coming off.

Santana Lopez: Whoo!

Blaine Anderson: # Darken the city, night is a wire #
# Steam in the subway, Earth is afire #

Cooper & Blaine: # Do, do, do-do-do, do-do-do do-do-do, do-do-do, do, do #

Cooper Anderson: # Woman, you want me, give me a sign #
# And catch my breathing even closer behind #

Cooper & Blaine: # Do, do, do-do-do, do-do-do do-do-do, do-do-do, do, do #
# Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand #

Cooper Anderson: # Smell like I sound #

Cooper & Blaine: # Just like that river twisting through a dusty land #

Cooper Anderson: # Straddle the line #

Cooper & Blaine: # And when she shines, she really shows you all she can #

Cooper Anderson: # Mouth is alive #

Cooper & Blaine: # Oh, Rio, oh, Rio, dance across the Rio Grande #

Blaine Anderson: # Hungry like the wolf, I'm hungry like the wolf, hungry like the wolf #

Blaine Anderson: # Don't make a sound #

Cooper & Blaine: # Her name is Rio, she don't need to understand #

Blaine Anderson: # Yeah #

Cooper Anderson: # Smell like I sound #

Cooper & Blaine: # And I might find her if I'm looking like I can #

Cooper Anderson: # Straddle the line #

Cooper & Blaine: # Oh, Rio, oh, Rio, hear them shout across the land #

Cooper Anderson: # Mouth is alive #

Cooper & Blaine: # From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande #

Cooper Anderson: # Burning the ground #

Cooper & Blaine: # Her name is Rio, she don't need to understand #

Cooper Anderson: # Smell like I sound #

Cooper & Blaine: # From mountains in the north, down to the Rio Grande #

Cooper Anderson: # Fightin' the ground! #
Standing O. Whoo! Well... I was really great in that number.

Cooper Anderson: Could I get a wee bit of cheese with that?

Waitress Sandy: What part of Scotland are you from?

Cooper Anderson: Ireland. We're the micks, they're the macs.

Waitress Sandy: I'll get you guys some free Cokes.

Cooper Anderson: Oh, cheers. Bless you.

Blaine Anderson: Why do you do that?

Cooper Anderson: Service industry is a great place to try out new accents. Keeps your instrument from getting rusty. Use everything.

Blaine Anderson: Will do.

Cooper Anderson: So, nice job on the song today. Really nice.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, thank you.

Cooper Anderson: You were a little pitchy on "Rio," and your moves lacked a theme, though.

Blaine Anderson: My theme was dancing, I guess.

Cooper Anderson: But you have to give in to it. Stanislavsky says, "The fingers are the eyes of the body," but he never mentioned that the toes are the ears.

Blaine Anderson: You're unbelievable.

Cooper Anderson: What do you mean?

Blaine Anderson: What are you doing?

Cooper Anderson: What?

Blaine Anderson: All you ever do is tell me what I'm doing wrong. You waste no opportunity to remind me how much I suck at, like, everything.

Cooper Anderson: No, no. Come on, Blaine. Your balance is completely off.

Blaine Anderson: I just learned to walk three years ago.

Cooper Anderson: If that happened, I'm so sorry. But I don't, I don't remember it.

Blaine Anderson: Of course you don't.

Cooper Anderson: Hey, hey, little brother, I know there is an age difference between us, But I'd really want to be closer to you. I want to get to know you a little better, all right? That's why I'm here.

Blaine Anderson: Yeah. No, I would love that. I'd like that.

Cooper Anderson: Great! So you're gonna come to my Master class tomorrow, right? Right?

Blaine Anderson: Yeah, sure. Of course.

Cooper Anderson: Great. Cheers.

Blaine Anderson: The accent.

Cooper Anderson: Top o' the morning.

Artie Abrams: Ready?

Quinn Fabray: I don't know. It's super-steep.

Artie Abrams: In fact, it's the steepest accessibility ramp in Lima. I know. I've conquered them all.

Quinn Fabray: I think I'm just gonna go to the front of the school. That ramp is nice and gentle.

Artie Abrams: Quinn Fabray! I believe in you. Now come on. Prove me right. You can do this.

Quinn Fabray: I'm not gonna make it.

Artie Abrams: You will!

Quinn Fabray: My arms...

Artie Abrams: ...are like iron! Come on! You can do it!

Quinn Fabray: ...aren't strong like yours.

Artie Abrams: Yes, you are. Lean forward and push.

Quinn Fabray: Ow.

Artie Abrams: Come on. You're halfway there. You've got this! Push! Push!

Quinn Fabray: Oh. That sounds familiar.

Artie Abrams: It's just like having a baby. Come on.

Quinn Fabray: You wouldn't know!

Artie Abrams: Three...

Quinn & Artie: Two...

Artie Abrams: one... zero. You made it! Whoo!

Quinn Fabray: Oh, my God.

Artie Abrams: Whoo! Now just stay up there.

Quinn Fabray: I would say that was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Artie Abrams: Until you go to Six Flags. Look, I'm not trying to be a buzzkill, but going to an amusement park when you're in a wheelchair— especially if you're still getting used to it— can kind of be a drag.

Quinn Fabray: Artie, it's Senior Ditch Day. It's the only Senior Ditch Day I'm ever going to have.

Artie Abrams: I completely agree, which is why I want you to come with me on Friday. I promise you, it will be the most amazing, incredible and inspiring Ditch Day ever.

Cooper Anderson: Whoo! Welcome, guys, to the Cooper Anderson Acting Master class. Thank you. Yes. Buckle your seat belts, kids, buckle your seat belts 'cause I'm about to pour you a tall glass of "This is how it is." First thing you're gonna want to know: Don't go to college. It is a waste of time. Number two: Don't go to New York. Theater is lame and Broadway is dead. Real actors do TV and film, which means Hollywood is where it's at. Now let's talk headshots. Always, without fail, turn into a pose. Again.

New Directions: Wow.

Cooper Anderson: And again.

New Directions: Ooh...

Cooper Anderson: And one more time.

New Directions: Oh, yeah!

Cooper Anderson: Yes, that is a dynamic headshot, and bam, you just got your first callback. So now you've got your "sides." Your foot's in the door. What do you do next? Gotta figure out, is it comedic or is it dramatic? Often, it's hard to tell, right? So do what I do: ask the director. "Is this scene comedic or dramatic?" He will know you're an actor who's not afraid to ask the tough questions, right?

Blaine Anderson: Why are you writing this down?

Cooper Anderson: Okay, what's the key to a dramatic scene?

Artie Abrams: Finding the emotion.

Rachel Berry: No. Connecting with your scene partner.

Cooper Anderson: Oh, no, no and no. The key to a dramatic scene is pointing. When people are really emotional, they point their fingers a lot.

Blaine Anderson: That's not true at all. That's... that's terrible advice.

Cooper Anderson: Excuse me, guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Blaine. Are you an internationally beloved spokesman for the Internet's fastest- growing credit score Web site?

Rachel Berry: No.

Cooper Anderson: I didn't think so. So let's focus in, okay? I'm here for you. I don't normally do this, but because you're in brother's class and you guys are so nice, I'm gonna give you some Level II stuff. The secret to great acting, great acting: ignoring whatever the other actor is doing. Eye contact with a scene partner is incredibly distracting. I try to tune them out entirely. Sometimes I wear earplugs. That way, I don't get distracted by what they're doing, and I can focus on the awesome acting choices I've planned ahead of time. Like eating a roast beef sandwich, right? Other choices I can plan ahead of time: screaming all my lines! Because I'm really intense. And the things I'm feeling are really intense! Because I'm an intense actor! Nicholas Cage, right?!

New Directions: Yeah, yeah! Whoo!

Rachel Berry: Bravo.

Cooper Anderson: All right, guys, I don't want you to go cray-cray, but I brought in "sides—" industry term— from a little show that I auditioned for last week... called NCIS.

Girl: What does that stand for?

Noah Puckerman: Oh, my nana loves that show!

Cooper Anderson: Now in this scene, Agent Sciuto has just discovered a dead body. Who knows what will unfold? Don't look at each other. Action.

Rachel Berry: Here's what we know. Sergeant Pembroke took a bullet at point-blank range. What we don't know is why he's wearing a dress.

Blaine Anderson: There's a rumor that Sergeant Pembroke was a transvestite.

Cooper Anderson: No, Blaine, say the line again, but this time, point your finger. Things are serious; a man in a dress is dead.

Blaine Anderson: I don't really feel like pointing, Coop. Just feels a little stupid.

Cooper Anderson: Well, when a choice feels wrong, it's actually a good sign. It means you're right on the edge, man.

Blaine Anderson: See, I don't know about that. I feel like when a choice... Coop, you're my brother! Can't you just support me?

Cooper Anderson: I'm sorry, are you talking to me right now? Because I can't tell if you're talking to me if you don't point your finger. Right? That is lesson number one, guys, right? Scene. Scene. Scene. Good work, buddy. We'll get 'em next time. Let's go! Whoo! Let's move on to a little acting exercise that I like to call The Emotion Tornado. Get your hands up to the sky...

Finn Hudson: Just a busted control panel, Mrs. Tennison. Nothing too serious.

Mrs. Tennison: You're a lifesaver. Noah told me you're going into business together.

Noah Puckerman: No, I said we were thinking about it.

Mrs. Tennison: Well, I think it's a great idea. And if you need any investors, I'd love to be a silent partner. Or a noisy one.

Noah Puckerman: In California, she's considered ugly.

Finn Hudson: Dude, I'm not going to L.A. Okay, end of discussion.

Noah Puckerman: Let me just say this, and I'll shut up forever. If getting hitched is a team effort, why are you the one that's always giving up everything? Maybe it's time for Rachel to start thinking about you for a change. It's not like you're asking her to sacrifice her career. You heard Blaine's famous brother. L.A. is where it's at. Rachel could probably get on TV, play the quirky next-door girl or whatever. And you could try acting, too. Or go to college. This could be your day job. You spend so much time thinking only about her. Take a couple seconds and think about yourself.

Sue Sylvester: I can barely focus. The thought of a boy clinging to my insides is making me even more nauseous.

Will Schuester: Sue, maybe you should wait to find out the sex of the baby.

Emma Pillsbury: Besides, boys aren't so bad anyway.

Sue Sylvester: They're disgusting. They have terrible aim when peeing, they're weak-minded, and when will someone give me a straight answer as to why they have nipples?

Nurse: Sue Sylvester. Right this way, please.

Doctor: I'm sorry, is this the father?

Sue Sylvester: Uh, no, no. God, no. Uh, these are... these are my friends.

Doctor: Mm-hmm.

Sue Sylvester: Sounds so weird coming out of my mouth.

Doctor: Here for moral support?

Sue Sylvester: Yes, exactly. Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of them.

Doctor: Okay. Well, looking at your test results, your baby is a girl.

Sue Sylvester: Yes!

Will Schuester: Ah!

Emma Pillsbury: A girl!

Will Schuester: Come on, now. There we go.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, my toilet seats are spared.

Doctor: However...

Sue Sylvester: However?

Doctor: Your amnio came back with irregularities.

Rory Flanagan: So, Coop, have you met George Clooney?

Cooper Anderson: Not yet. But I have had sex with the Progressive Insurance lady.

Brittany S. Pierce: Perfect.

Cooper Anderson: Don't be a stranger, all right? Follow me on Twitter.

Rory Flanagan: All right.

Cooper Anderson: Tweet me.

Rory Flanagan: Yeah!

Cooper Anderson: Ask me why I am so happy, Squirt.

Blaine Anderson: Don't call me that.

Cooper Anderson: My life just completely changed. I just got an audition for a Michael Bay movie.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, that's great.

Cooper Anderson: Hello? Did you hear me? Michael freakin' Bay. The movie's untitled, which you know is code for Transformers 4. You don't seem very happy for me.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, I'm thrilled.

Cooper Anderson: Well, you got a weird way of showing it. It wouldn't kill you to smile. Also wouldn't kill you to stop letting Kurt pick out your clothes.

Blaine Anderson: He d-does not.

Cooper Anderson: Mm-hmm, could've fooled me. Come on, man, we'll have our own ditch day. You can help me run lines.

Blaine Anderson: It's all about you, isn't it? Well, you know what, big brother, I'm sick of it. And I'm not going to take it anymore.
# Huh #
# After all you put me through #
# You think I'd despise you #
# But in the end #
# I want to thank you #
# 'Cause you made me that much stronger #
# Well, I thought I knew you #
# Thinking that you were true #
# Guess I, I couldn't trust, called your bluff #
# Time is up 'cause I've had enough #
# You were there by my side #
# Always down for the ride #
# But your joy ride just came down in flames #
# 'Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mm-hmm #
# After all of the stealing and cheating #
# You probably think that I hold resentment for you #
# But uh-uh, no, no, no, you're wrong #
# 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do #
# I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through #
# So I want to say thank you #
# 'Cause it makes me that much stronger #
# Makes me work a little bit harder #
# It makes me that much wiser #
# So thanks for making me a fighter #
# Made me learn a little bit faster #
# Made my skin a little bit thicker #
# Makes me that much smarter #
# So thanks for making me a fighter #
# How could this man I thought I knew #
# Turn out to be unjust so cruel? #
# Could only see the good in you #
# Pretended not to see the truth #
# You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself #
# Through living in denial #
# But in the end, you'll see #
# You won't stop me #
# I am a fighter and I #
# I ain't gonna stop #
# I ain't gonna stop #
# There ain't no turning back #
# I've had enough #
# Makes me that much stronger #
# Makes me work a little bit harder #
# Oh #
# Makes me that much wiser #
# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah #
# Thanks for making me a fighter #
# Fighter #
# Makes me that much stronger #
# Oh, oh #
# Makes me work a little bit harder #
# Oh, yeah, yeah #
# Makes me that much wiser #
# Wiser #
# So thanks for making me a fighter #
# Made me learn a little bit faster #
# Made my skin a little bit thicker #
# Makes me that much smarter #
# So thanks for making me a fighter. #

Joseph Hart: Oh! Dude, watch it!

Finn Hudson: Whoa, sorry.

Joseph Hart: My toes.

Finn Hudson: I'm sorry, man.

Quinn Fabray: Hey. What were you doing?

Finn Hudson: Uh, texting...

Quinn Fabray: Texting while walking. That's exactly how I started.

Finn Hudson: Well, I don't usually text while...

Quinn Fabray: Think about it. You know, luckily enough, the guy that crashed into me while I was texting is fine, but, you know, I...

Finn Hudson: Okay.

Quinn Fabray: You should really not do that anymore.

Finn Hudson: No more texting, okay? Well, unless I'm in class or, you know, on the toilet or at a movie or something.

Quinn Fabray: Thank you.

Artie Abrams: What's going on?

Finn Hudson: Oh, well, that's funny you're here. I was just, uh, confirming the ditch day amusement park ticket order...

Quinn Fabray: Oh, count us out.

Finn Hudson: What? Why?

Quinn Fabray: Because we have a super special senior ditch day planned, Artie Abrams style. Isn't that right, Artie?

Artie Abrams: That's right.

Sue Sylvester: Do you think just because you stand there quietly mouth breathing and reeking from this morning's maple-y toaster pastries that you're not interrupting me? What do you want, Jackson? Spit it out.

Becky Jackson: I heard about your baby.

Sue Sylvester: You did?

Becky Jackson: Yeah. I heard you're having a baby girl.

Sue Sylvester: Yeah. Just like you. Come here. Just like you.

Becky Jackson: Dang, Coach. Don't start lactating. Can I give you a parenting tip?

Sue Sylvester: Sure.

Becky Jackson: Try to work on your patience.

Quinn Fabray: You gonna tell me what we're doing here?

Artie Abrams: Just follow me. It's up here.

Quinn Fabray: What is this?

Artie Abrams: This is where we go to play on Senior Ditch Day. Or, as I like to call it, CripSkip.

Mickey: Artie! What's happening?!

Artie Abrams: 'Sup, Mickey?

Quinn Fabray: I don't think I'm ready for this.

Artie Abrams: Yeah, you are. Just trust me.

Quinn & Artie: # Oh, we up, up, up for the glow show #
# Yeah, we down, down here on the ground #
# Yeah, we up, up, up, up above love #
# Yeah, we up, up, up through the clouds #
# Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #
# Come on, come on, come on. #

Artie Abrams: # You're gonna find a way-ay #
# Find a way-ay to be #
# You're gonna get yourself aligned with your old man #
# You're gonna get it free #
# You're gonna get it free, yeah #

Quinn Fabray: # 'Cause it's the way-ay-ay now #
# Way-ay-ay to see #
# But it's inside and out #

Quinn & Artie: # With no doubt #
# It's in everything, it's in everything #
# Oh, we up, up, up for the glow show #
# Yeah, we down, down here on the ground #
# Yeah, we up, up, up, up above love #
# Yeah, we up, up, up through the clouds #
# Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #

Artie Abrams: # You're gonna find your way-ay #
# Find your way-ay to be #
# Hey, you're gonna get yourself aligned with your spine #
# And you'll get it free #
# You'll get it free #

Quinn Fabray: # It's the way-ay-ay now #
# Way-ay-ay to see #
# Well, in the moment, it comes and it goes #

Quinn & Artie: # Yeah, it's in everything #
# It's in everything #
# We up, up, up for the glow show #
# Yeah, we down, down here on the ground #
# Yeah, we up, up, up, up above love #
# Yeah, we up, up, up through the clouds #
# Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #
# Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #

Artie Abrams: Whoo! Whoo!

Quinn & Artie: # Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #
# Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #
# Yeah, we up, yeah, we up #
# Up, up, up, up, up, up, up #

Quinn Fabray: I can't believe I just did that.

Artie Abrams: Amazing.

Quinn Fabray: Thank you. This was a really great Senior Ditch Day. You were right.

Artie Abrams: I just wanted you to meet a cool group of people having a great time in the same situation as you.

Quinn Fabray: Yeah, but I'm not... This is only temporary. The doctor said it's a matter of time before...

Artie Abrams: Look, I've been where you are. I know how it feels, but you can't keep denying...

Quinn Fabray: I'm not denying anything. You're not me. Okay? I'm not like you. This isn't my life. I'm going to Yale, I'm getting out of Lima, and I'm going to walk again.

Artie Abrams: And what if you don't? When are you going to stop pretending that this isn't really happening to you?

Quinn Fabray: No, no.

Joseph Hart: Maybe you should request a lower locker. Could be easier.

Quinn Fabray: No. This has always been my locker and will continue to be until I walk across that stage in my cap and gown and get my diploma. I gotta get to class.

Joseph Hart: Can I walk with you?

Joseph Hart: I've been praying for you.

Quinn Fabray: Well, guess it could help for God to hear from a few people. I've been praying to walk again, as well.

Joseph Hart: Oh, I don't pray for you to walk. I ask God to help you accept whatever your journey may be.

Quinn Fabray: I appreciate your prayers— I do— but when you're done praying, you get to get up off your knees and walk away. Sorry. Self-obsessed bitch.

Joseph Hart: It's cool.

Quinn Fabray: You know what... you're really inspiring. And I feel like you've been inspiring to a few other people I know. What are you doing after school today?

Will Schuester: All right, fair warning: in the glorious history of Booty Camp, this will be the toughest! But first, Quinn's got the floor.

Quinn Fabray: I invited a friend to join us. You met him on Valentine's Day.

Brittany S. Pierce: Teen Jesus!

Quinn Fabray: He's got a killer voice.

Will Schuester: Whoo! Okay, all right. Welcome to the New Directions.

Noah Puckerman: Hey, dude, you have a twig in your hair. No, seriously.

Will Schuester: Okay.

Joseph Hart: Thanks, bro.

Will Schuester: Let's give our undivided attention to Coach Sue.

Sue Sylvester: First off, please don't ask me which celebrity is the father of my baby. Please. I will release that information once I've finalized my book and movie deal. Now, it has come to my attention that I have been a tad harsh with some of you. I thought I was being kind. For instance, I said absolutely nothing about the implausible sexual tension between Mercedes and the Kentucky Fried Stripper. Or the sorry fact that you wasted untold millions on a laser show for yourselves just so Sandbags could dance with the night school's Polynesian janitor.

Santana Lopez: Actually, he was Puerto Rican.

Sue Sylvester: Kids, it's in my DNA to be intense, okay, just like it's in Porcelain's DNA to poop rainbow glitter. Now, I'll admit I-I behaved badly. I also realized something. I am here for two very important reasons. Number one: Mr. Schuester needs at least one adult friend. And number two: I am hoping that the miraculous life growing inside of me can soak up some of your constantly annoying, though admittedly laudable, optimism and decency. Now, I promise to be nicer if you promise to work your talented little butts off until they hand you that first-place trophy in Chicago. All right, sloppy babies, let's take it from the top. Five, six, seven, eight!

Kurt Hummel: Hello. I'm Margaret Thatcher Dog. My relationship with the Queen was ruff! Oh, look what Finn won you playing skeeball.

Blaine Anderson: Finn won this?

Kurt Hummel: Yeah. Well, Rachel kept making him win stuffed animals for her, and at the end of the day, out of the 14 she had, I confiscated this little guy to give to you. Since there was no convincing you coming with us.

Blaine Anderson: I would've just brought you guys down.

Kurt Hummel: Look, I get it: family stuff is hard, especially between brothers. I mean, Finn and I are not even real brothers, and we pretty much disagree on everything, but I love the big lug. And at the end of the day, we're in each other's corners. You only get one brother, Blaine. Don't give up on that.

Blaine Anderson: He's the one that's leaving. Huge audition, you didn't hear about it?

Kurt Hummel: Actually, he hasn't left yet. He's in the auditorium, hoping that you'll come and talk to him.

Blaine Anderson: I've tried talking to him. Doesn't... doesn't really work with him.

Kurt Hummel: Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how.

Blaine Anderson: # Now and then I think of when we were together #
# Like when you said you felt so happy, you could die #

Cooper Anderson: # So when we found that we could not make sense #
# Well, you said that we would still be friends #
# But I'll admit that I was glad it was over #

Blaine Anderson: # But you didn't have to cut me off #
# Make out like it never happened #
# And that we were nothing #
# And I don't even need your love #
# But you treat me like a stranger #
# And that feels so rough #
# No, you didn't have to stoop so low #
# Have your friends collect your records #
# And then change your number #
# Guess that I don't need that though #

Cooper & Blaine: # Now you're just somebody that I used to know #

Blaine Anderson: # Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over #
# But had me believing it was always something that I'd done #
# But I don't wanna live that way #
# Reading into every word you say #
# You said that you could let it go #
# And I wouldn't catch you hung up #
# On somebody that you used to know #

Cooper Anderson: # But you didn't have to cut me off #
# Make out like it never happened #

Blaine Anderson: # Oh... #

Cooper Anderson: # And that we were nothing #
# And I don't even need your love #
# But you treat me like a stranger #
# And that feels so rough #

Blaine Anderson: # Oh... #

Cooper Anderson: # No, you didn't have to stoop so low #
# Have your friends collect your records #

Blaine Anderson: # Oh... #

Cooper Anderson: # And then change your number #
# Guess that I don't need that though #
# Now you're just somebody that I used to know #

Blaine Anderson: # Somebody #

Band Members: # That I used to know #

Blaine Anderson: # Somebody #

Cooper Anderson: # Now you're just somebody that I used to know #

Blaine Anderson: # Somebody #

Band Members: # That I used to know #

Blaine Anderson: # Somebody #

Cooper Anderson: # Now you're just somebody that I used to know #

Cooper & Blaine: # I used to know #
# Somebody. #

Cooper Anderson: Best you've ever sounded. I am tough on you. This week, maybe, a little tougher than I should've been, and I need to apologize for that. But it's only because I see— I've always seen— how insanely talented you are. I want you to be as successful as you can be, Blaine, and you will be. You're gonna do it all— movies, concerts... Broadway.

Blaine Anderson: Even though it's dead?

Cooper Anderson: You'll resurrect it. And when I'm in the audience, watching you, I want to be able to say, "That's my kid brother up there. I helped him get there."

Blaine Anderson: Thanks for saying that, Coop. And I know you really mean it, too, because you weren't pointing your finger at me or...

Cooper Anderson: Okay, okay.

Blaine Anderson: ...speaking really loudly to be intense. I'm really glad we could sing together one last time before you left to be Mr. Hollywood.

Cooper Anderson: Actually, my audition got canceled.

Blaine Anderson: What?

Cooper Anderson: I don't know. Apparently, Michael Bay just decided to go in a different direction, which is industry-speak for "Thanks, but we found somebody who's better and/or hotter."

Blaine Anderson: Okay, first of all, y-you don't know that. And second of all, screw Optimus Prime.

Cooper Anderson: Even though we don't live in the same town, and we don't see each other all the time, we're not just brothers, right? We're friends, too?

Blaine Anderson: That's... exactly what I've always wanted us to be, Coop.

Cooper Anderson: Hold on a second. I just, uh, I want to remember this emotion so I can use it in a scene someday.

Blaine Anderson: You are ridiculous.

Cooper Anderson: You never know, right?

Blaine Anderson: Hey, I want to, I want to help you. I don't want you to give up on this audition. Come on, I got an idea.

Cooper Anderson: Where are we going?

Blaine Anderson: We are going to put you on tape so Michael Bay can see what real acting is.

Cooper Anderson: Pointing. Nice touch. See, I believe that. That's why it's lesson number one.

Rachel Berry: Hey. So how do you think I did in Cooper's Master class?

Finn Hudson: You made it seem like you discover dead bodies every day. If that was a real part, you would've got it.

Rachel Berry: So the NYADA scout is gonna be here soon. I'm pretty sure I'm ready for it.

Finn Hudson: Have you ever thought about what I'm gonna do in New York?

Rachel Berry: Well, one thing I know is for certain is, we'll figure it out together.

Finn Hudson: Well, that's really nice, but I... I feel like I need to start thinking seriously about what's next for me. You ever thought about California? I just, I feel like there's, there's so many more opportunities for me there. And Puck, he's got this really great pool-cleaning business opportunity. And you could audition for your actor jobs and you wouldn't even have to worry about money, because I'd be able to support you you know, as... as your husband and...

Rachel Berry: Finn... what are you doing?

Finn Hudson: Well, I'm thinking about my future.

Rachel Berry: I thought it was our future.

Finn Hudson: Of course. Of course, it is our future, but it feels like the conversation's been a little... one-sided lately. Look, even Blaine's brother said you know, Hollywood is where you want to go...

Rachel Berry: No, I'm not...

Finn Hudson: ...if you want to be famous...

Rachel Berry: I'm not...

Finn Hudson: ...as an actress.

Rachel Berry: I'm not a Hollywood actress, okay? In New York, New York is about the work that you do and not the work that you've had done. There's no other option here for me, okay? I am Broadway bound.

Finn Hudson: Right, but if I'm going to be your husband, shouldn't I have something to say about it, too?

Rachel Berry: "If"?

Finn Hudson: Just seems like you don't care about my dreams.

Rachel Berry: I care. Of course I care.

Finn Hudson: Right, of course you care as long as they don't interfere with yours.

Rachel Berry: Look, I need to be in New York, and I need you with me. I can't do this without you.

Finn Hudson: I just want you to be really sure. I just want you to be really sure that you're in love with me and not who you want me to be.

Ian Brennan: So here's what you missed on Glee: Sue's helping the glee club win nationals, so Figgins won't give the Cheerios! to Roz Washington, who has bronze medals in synchronized swimming and trying to take other people's jobs.

Roz Washington: You are done!

Ian Brennan: Sam and Mercedes were sort of dating, but she called it off in song, and it totally bummed him out. Rachel and Finn were supposed to get married, but they got in a huge fight 'cause Rachel wants to go to New York, and Finn might want to go to L.A. And he thinks she only thinks about herself, which is sort of true. And she thinks that he's sort of lost, which is definitely true. In fact, a lot of the New Directions have no idea what they're doing, and graduation is right around the corner. They should change their name to the No Directions. And that's what you missed on Glee.

Blaine Anderson: # My baby moves at midnight #
# Goes right on till the dawn. #
# My woman takes me higher. #
# My woman keeps me warm #

Mike Chang: # What you doin' on your back? #

Blaine Anderson: # Ah! #

Mike Chang: # What you doin' on your back? #

Blaine Anderson: # Ah! #

Blaine, Brittany & Mike: # You should be dancing, yeah! #
# Dancing, yeah! #

Blaine Anderson: # She's juicy and she's trouble #
# She gets it to me good #
# My woman gives me power #
# Goes right down to my blood #
# What you doin' on your back? #

Brittany S. Pierce: # What you doin' on your back? #

Mike Chang: # What you doin' on your back? #

Blaine Anderson: # Ah! #

Brittany S. Pierce: # Ah! #

Blaine, Brittany & Mike: # You should be dancing, yeah! #
# Dancing, yeah! #

Blaine Anderson: # What you doin' on your back? #

Brittany S. Pierce: # What you doin' on your back? #

Mike Chang: # What you doin' on your back? #

Blaine Anderson: # Ah! #

Brittany S. Pierce: # Ah! #

Blaine, Brittany & Mike: # Ha-ha-ha-ha #
# Dancing, yeah! #
# Dancing, yeah! #
# You should be dancing, yeah! #
# You should be dancing, yeah! #

Blaine Anderson: # Ha...! #

Blaine, Brittany & Mike: # You should be dancing, yeah! #

Blaine Anderson: # Ha...! #

Blaine, Brittany & Mike: # You should be dancing, yeah! #

Blaine Anderson: # Hoo, yeah #

Blaine, Brittany & Mike: # You should be dancing, yeah! #

Will Schuester: Wow, guys, what brought this on?

Blaine Anderson: Well, we know this year's nationals theme was "Vintage," so we thought we needed something old, but something with a lot of energy. So we thought: disco.

Will Schuester: Absolutely. I don't know if I ever told you guys this, but back when I was in Glee Club, we took it all the way to nationals with the pure power of unadulterated disco.

1993 McKinley High Glee Club: # Let's dance! #
# Oh, that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh #
# I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. #

Noah Puckerman: Um, well, there's only one problem with that idea.

Will Schuester: And what's that?

New Directions: Disco sucks!

Will Schuester: I'm so distracted I can't even stage musical numbers on my scale model Glee Club diorama. Here we are weeks away from graduation, and I've got three seniors in trouble.

Noah Puckerman: If Noah's Ark Pool Cleaning Service can do 20 pools a week at 50 bucks a pop, I'm making...

Artie Abrams: Do you even know how to use a calculator?

Will Schuester: First, there's Finn. He's got all this talent, but no self-esteem.

Noah Puckerman: Which is why Finn should come to L.A. with me.

Will Schuester: And then there's Mercedes. She's just as talented as Rachel and Kurt, but she doesn't have the vision.

Rachel Berry: If I do not find an outfit that portrays the paranoid near-eastern mise-en-scéne, I'm screwed.

Will Schuester: And I'm really worried about Santana. She's got all the ambition, but she doesn't have the focus.

Santana Lopez: Blaine's handsome brother said it best: college is a waste of time. I just want to be famous, plain and simple. Don't even care how it happens. I just want everyone to know my name.

Brittany S. Pierce: Cool.

Will Schuester: Honestly, I don't know what to do.

Will Schuester: I feel like I'm out of ideas.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, let's be honest, William. You've been out of ideas since Madonna week. Why don't you just embrace that lazy, horribly treacly style of teaching and assign them a famous album?

Will Schuester: I did that last year.

Sue Sylvester: Yes, I remember, William. And your Rumours week was a resounding success in that it seemed to solve everyone's problems for about five minutes. Now I'm not talking about just any album, William. How about the soundtrack that defined a generation? Wait for it. Saturday Night Fever.

Will Schuester: I love that album.

Sue Sylvester: You bet your ass you love that album.

Will Schuester: But there's just one problem-- they hate disco.

Sue Sylvester: But they love swag.

Bryan Ryan: Jean jackets!

Rachel Berry: Some mattresses!

Will Schuester: Dinner for two at Breadstix.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Breadstix!

Sue Sylvester: Let's give 'em something to fight over.

Will Schuester: Hmm.

Kurt Hummel: I'm thrilled you got into Defiance College and Cleveland State, but what about NYU?

Wade Adams: Kurt Hummel? Mercedes Jones? I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm your biggest fan. I've been to every last one of your performances, except West Side Story. I boycotted that one because you two weren't Tony and Maria.

Kurt Hummel: Why, hello, kind sir. I don't believe I caught your name.

Wade Adams: Wade Adams. I go to Carmel High. And I'm in Vocal Adrenaline, and I know we're supposed to be archenemies, but I swear, I'm not here to spy. I want to ask your advice about something. Our coach is Jessie St. James.

Jesse St. James: The star of Vocal Adrenaline is Vocal Adrenaline. No one is special. You're The Borg. You don't like it, there's the fricking door. Am I clear, Chunks McGriddle?

Wade Adams: Yes, sir.

Jesse St. James: I can't hear you!

Wade Adams: Yes, sir.

Mercedes Jones: God, he's awful.

Wade Adams: He's nothing compared to the kids at school... or my parents. Do you know how I get through it? Ever since I was a kid, I would play this game where I'd pretend I was a different person, the person that I dreamed of being... the real me. I even have a different name: "Unique." I got so nervous, I almost didn't speak to you guys today. But then I thought, how would Unique do it?

Kurt Hummel: What about NYU? Wait, wait. Hold the thought. Someone with exquisite taste is wearing...

Unique: Joy. By Jean Patou. Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones, Unique worships the red carpet you walk on. If you two had a love child, it would be Unique. And Unique's grandparents would be Andre Leon Talley and Beyoncé, because only the best will do for Unique. Yes, fools, it's real chinchilla! Unless you're planning on splattering it with paint. Then it's fake.

Kurt Hummel: Unique sounds like a really great person. I hope that, one day, you can build up enough courage to be him.

Wade Adams: Actually, Unique's a "her." That's why I want your advice. Our regionals are this Saturday, and I want to go on stage wearing a dress and heels. Because that's who I feel like I am inside.

Kurt Hummel: Unique.

Wade Adams: Yes. What would you do?

Brittany S. Pierce: Did someone steal our floor?

Will Schuester: Don't worry, we'll have it back by the end of the week. In the meantime, Sue has lent us her...

Sue Sylvester: ...my very own personal, one-of-a-kind, lit-from- within, shatterproof, Plexiglas dance floor. Modeled, of course, on the dance floor immortalized by a young, musky John Travolta at the height of his potency in the legendary dansical Saturday Night Fever.

Rachel Berry: Coach Sylvester, while we applaud your proper use of the terminology, we told Mr. Schue we do not support disco in this room.

Will Schuester: Ah, but some of you do. So for this week's assignment, we are going back in time... to the songs of "Saturday Night Fever."

Finn Hudson: Come on, Mr. Schue. That's, like, a record our parents listen to.

Sue Sylvester: That album, teen Solomon Grundy, is one of the best-selling soundtracks of all time.

Will Schuester: Tony Manero's story is your story. He's a guy who works at a paint store, struggling to figure out his life. And the only time he feels sure about himself is when he's performing on the dance floor. He has a dream. To get out of his old neighborhood in Brooklyn and get to New York City. And by the end of the movie, that's what he's done. He's turned his dream into a plan.

Kurt Hummel: So why the dance floor?

Sue Sylvester: Well, Porcelain, because we're going to start with a dance-off. And the winner will receive a replica of John Travolta's iconic white polyester suit, which I am having a cadre of expert Viennese tailors painstakingly reproduce.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, I need that suit!

Mike Chang: Oh, I bet that's worth a lot of money.

Noah Puckerman: I would totally put that suit on... eBay.

Mercedes Jones: So you just want us to start dancing like Soul Train-style?

Will Schuester: Uh, no, actually, Sue and I will start us off. We actually met with Joe and Blaine beforehand. Just get up when you're ready. And everyone has to participate. Everyone, Puck. All right, hit it.
# Listen to the ground: there is movement all around #
# There is something goin' down, and I can feel it #
# On the waves of the air, there is dancin' out there #
# If it's somethin' we can share, we can steal it #

Joseph Hart: # And that sweet city woman, she moves through the light #
# Controlling my mind and my soul #
# When you reach out for me, yeah, and the feelin' is right #

Will, Sue, Blaine & Joseph: # The night fever, night fever: we know how to do it #
# Ooh, oh... #
# Gimme that night fever, night fever: we know how to show it #

Will Schuester: # In the heat of our love, don't need no help for us to make it #
# Give me just enough to take us to the morning #

Sue Sylvester: Whoo!

Will Schuester: # I got fire in my mind. I get higher in my walkin' #
# And I'm glowin' in the dark, I give you warnin' #

Joseph Hart: # And that sweet city woman, she moves through the light #
# Controlling my mind and my soul #
# When you reach out for me, yeah, and the feelin' is right #

Will, Sue, Blaine & Joseph: # Give me night fever, night fever: we know how to do it #
# Feels like forever, baby, don't you know? #
# Gimme the night fever, night fever: we know how to show it #
# Hoo! #

New Directions: # Here I am, prayin' for this moment to last, #
# Livin' on the music so fine, born on the wind, #
# Makin' it mine #

Will, Sue, Blaine & Joseph: # Gimme the night fever, night fever #

Will Schuester: Okay, officially, officially, you guys are amazing.

Sue Sylvester: Mm-hmm.

Will Schuester: I was just conferring with my co-judge, and our three finalists for the suit are Santana Lopez... Mercedes Jones... and... Finn Hudson.

Finn Hudson: What?

Sue Sylvester: Give it up.

Will Schuester: Come on.

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Will Schuester: Congrats, guys. You three are the finalists of the Saturday Night Fever Dance Competition.

Finn Hudson: Whoo!

Will Schuester: High stakes here. Which one of you will walk away with Sue's coveted white suit?

Finn Hudson: Sounds kind of cool to me.

Mercedes Jones: Oh, great. It's yours. Can we go now?

Will Schuester: Okay, look. This isn't really about a suit. It's about living out your dreams. Of all the seniors in New Directions, you three have yet to decide what it is you want to do with your lives. So your assignment for the week: perform a song from Saturday Night Fever, and then share your hopes for the future.

Mercedes Jones: No, wait. The dance thing is fixed? So what is this, some teacher's manipulative game to get us tell you what we want to be when we grow up?

Will Schuester: Hey, if you want to look at it that way, fine. But this is your game, your life. And guess what, time's running out.

Mercedes Jones: Where does Mr. Schue get off telling me how to have a dream? Just because I don't want to rush off to New York like Berry and star in a revival of Sister Act doesn't mean I don't know what I want to do with my life. And I'm sorry, having a dream isn't the problem. I have the dream; I just don't know how to get there. So, make no mistake-- Mercedes Jones has desire and ambition so hot, it's a mother-freakin' volcano.

Mercedes, Santana & Brittany: # Burn #
# Burn, baby, burn #
# Burn, baby, burn #
# Burnin' #

Mercedes Jones: # To my surprise one hundred storeys high #
# People getting loose now #
# Getting down on the roof #
# I tell you #
# Folks are screaming out of control #
# It was so entertaining #
# When the boogie started to explode #
# I heard somebody say #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Disco Inferno #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Burn that mother down #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Disco Inferno #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Burn that mother down #
# Up above my head #
# I hear music #

Brittany & Santana: # I hear music in the air #

Mercedes Jones: # I hear music #
# That makes me know #
# There's a party somewhere #
# Ow! #

Mercedes Jones: # Satisfaction #

Brittany & Santana: # Do, do, do #

Mercedes Jones: # Came in a chain reaction #

Brittany & Santana: # Burnin' #

Mercedes Jones: # I couldn't get enough #
# So I had to self-destruct #

Brittany & Santana: # Do, do, do #

Mercedes Jones: # The heat was on #
# Rising to the top #
# And everybody's going strong #

Brittany & Santana: # Do, do, do #

Mercedes Jones: # That is when my spark got hot #
# I heard somebody say #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Disco Inferno #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Burn that mother down #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Disco Inferno #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Burn that mother down #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Ow! #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Burn that mother down #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Disco Inferno #

Brittany & Santana: # Burn, baby, burn #

Mercedes Jones: # Burn that mother down. #
All right, I have an announcement to make. Contrary to current opinion, I do have a dream. See, my dream is Mariah. It's Whitney-- rest in peace. It's Aretha.

Will Schuester: Those are people. They aren't dreams.

Mercedes Jones: My dream is to be like them. To sing big, fat, juicy, number-one hits that inspire people. But... how's that supposed to happen, even if I move to L.A.? I don't know what to do... or where to go. It's scary to even think about moving all the way across the country.

Rachel Berry: Well, I mean, I'm moving to New York, Mercedes.

Mercedes Jones: You'll have somewhere to stay. You'll... You'll have something to do. You have two parents that support you. And my dad is a dentist. He thinks my dream is unreasonable and insane. You know what, he's right. I don't know the first thing about getting a recording contract or a manager.

Will Schuester: The cream always rises to the top, Mercedes.

Mercedes Jones: Yeah, I'm cream in here, Mr. Schue. But what if, out there, I'm just... skim milk?

Kurt Hummel: You should talk to him. Help him.

Rachel Berry: He called me spoiled and self-centered, okay. He can come to me and talk to me first.

Kurt Hummel: That's a great way to start a marriage.

Noah Puckerman: So what's up, dude? We doing this L.A. thing or what? 'Cause I had to go apartment-shopping. And if I get a one-bedroom, you're screwed. Two dudes in one bed is like confirmed gay.

Finn Hudson: I can't. Look, that's your dream, not mine. Uh...

Noah Puckerman: Dude, I can't go without you. You're my best friend.

Finn Hudson: You can do anything without me, man, okay? You never needed me before.

Noah Puckerman: Yeah, but if you're there with me, then that big city won't seem so... scary.

Finn Hudson: Scary? Scary? Nothing scares you, man. Your five-mile ride on top of Mrs. Witt's Chrysler is still a car-surfing record, okay. Seriously, just... you'll have that place wired in no time.

Noah Puckerman: So if you're not going with me, what are you going to do?

Finn Hudson: I still really don't know.

Noah Puckerman: Well, do me one favor, would you? When you do find your dream, make it as big as you are. I don't know much, but I know this. You owe it to yourself. And now you owe it to me.

Sue Sylvester: Porcelain, Wheezy, have a seat. Traitors.

Kurt Hummel: What are you talking about?

Sue Sylvester: As you may as well know, I have a large portion of this school bugged and wiretapped. I am already pushing the very limits of physics by joining forces with Will Schuester. And you repay my help by giving tips to the enemy?

Mercedes Jones: Oh, no, that's not what happened at all.

Kurt Hummel: Wade was asking us for advice, because he wants to wear a dress and perform at Regionals as his alter ego Unique, an-and we didn't think it was a very good idea.

Sue Sylvester: It's not a good idea. It's a great idea.

Mercedes Jones: But Coach Sylvester, this is Ohio. I don't think many people are gonna be down with that.

Sue Sylvester: Exactly. He'll tank them at Regionals. And then New Directions will coast to a win at Nationals. I happen to have a pair of 13 wides right here.

Kurt Hummel: Where did you get those?

Sue Sylvester: They were autographed by my good friend Janet Reno. And she wore them on the day they caught the Unabomber. Deliver these unto Unique. Get him to cram his hamhocks into these platoons at Regionals, and we'll be well on our way to a National Championship.

Santana Lopez: # Don't know why #
# I'm surviving every lonely day #
# When there's got to be #
# No chance for me #
# My life would end #
# And it doesn't matter how I try #
# I gave it all #
# So easily #
# To you, my love #
# To dreams that never will come true #
# Am I strong enough to see it through? #
# Go crazy is what I will do #
# If I can't have you #
# I don't want nobody, baby #
# If I can't have you #
# Ah, huh #
# Oh #
# If I can't have you #
# I don't want nobody, baby #
# If I can't have you #
# Ah, ah, ah #
# Oh #
# If I can't have you #
# Huh... huh... ah-ah... #
# Oh #
# If I can't have you #
# I don't want nobody, baby #
# If I can't have you #
# Oh, oh, no #
# Don't want nobody #
# If I can't have you #
# I don't want nobody, baby #
# If I can't have you #
# Ah-ah-huh #
# No #
# If I can't have you. #

Will Schuester: Incredible. And I could see exactly where you were going with it. This was more than just a beautiful love song to Brittany. It's also a powerful way to convey your dream that marriage equality will someday be a reality for everyone, and you're off to law school to make it happen! Amazing.

Santana Lopez: Of course I want marriage equality. And yeah, Brittany will always be my girlfriend.

Brittany S. Pierce: Score!

Santana Lopez: But my mistress is fame. And that song was all about how I can't live withouts my fame.

Will Schuester: Then I'll have to say I'm disappointed in you. Fame is not something to aspire to.

Santana Lopez: How about you save the lecture for the theatre nerds that are gonna starve in New York while desperately trying to tap-dance their way into the chorus of Godspell? No offence, Gayberry. And everyone can stop their hating, because you all want to be famous, too. The only difference is that I'm a thousand percent sure that I'm actually going to be famous, just like I'm a thousand percent sure that our Man/Child piano player keeps a petite Eurasian locked in a trunk underneath his bed. Sorry, James. Write this down-- 'cause there will be a quiz-- I'm gonna be famous. If it's the last thing I do.

Finn Hudson: I got your tweet. "Anyone who's engaged to me should come to the auditorium." You could've just texted.

Rachel Berry: Yeah, but I wasn't sure if we were speaking. I miss you.

Finn Hudson: I miss you, too.

Rachel Berry: Now I feel like I'm finally reentering my body. I really don't like not talking to you. I mean, nothing feels real unless you're there to tell it to.

Finn Hudson: I never realized how much time we spent talking.

Rachel Berry: I've been thinking, and if you don't want to go to New York, then we don't have to.

Finn Hudson: Wh... Wh... That's crazy. I don't want to stand in the way of your dreams.

Rachel Berry: Look, the only reason why we've been focusing on my dreams is because we haven't taken the time to look into yours. What if your dreams are bigger than mine? I don't think that's going to be a problem.

Finn Hudson: I mean, I did one of those quizzes online that was supposed to tell you what job you'd be good at, and my results were "competitive eating champion."

Rachel Berry: Okay, sit down. My whole life, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Like I was just some alien, an-and... no one understood me. But all I had to do was just go to New York. Go home to Broadway, and then everything would be fine. But I was wrong. My home isn't some place, it's... someone. It's you. Of course, I want us to go to New York, and... maybe we will. But not until we give your dreams an equal shot.

Finn Hudson: You love me that much?

Rachel Berry: Are you just figuring that out now? So, can I please sing to you about it? I mean, it's from the movie, and it's really good.

Finn Hudson: Do I have a choice?

Rachel Berry: Well, you know, I kind of planned...

Finn Hudson: No choice.

Rachel Berry: ...the whole singing thing first, just in case you took a little convincing. I mean, I'd hate for it to go to waste.

Band Members: # Ah... #

Rachel Berry: # Ooh-ooh... #
# I know your eyes in the morning sun #
# I feel you touch me in the pouring rain #
# And the moment that you wander far from me #
# I want to feel you in my arms again #
# And you come to me #
# On a summer breeze #
# Keep me warm in your love #
# Then you softly leave #
# And it's me you need to show #
# How deep is your love #

Band Members: # How deep is your love #
# How deep is your love #

Rachel Berry: # Oh... #
# I really need to learn #
# 'Cause we're living in a world of fools #
# Breaking us down #
# When they all should let us be #
# We belong to you and me #

Band Members: # Na na na na na #

Rachel Berry: # Yeah... #

Band Members: # How deep is your love #
# How deep is your love #

Rachel Berry: # Oh... #
# I really need to learn #
# 'Cause we're living in a world of fools #
# Breaking us down #
# When they all should let us be #
# We belong to #
# You... #
# And me. #

Emma Pillsbury: This pile, uh, is places in Ohio that you actually have a shot at an athletic scholarship, so you hang onto those. And then these are the ones with the, uh, cool glossy papers that you got excited about.

Finn Hudson: Mm-hmm!

Emma Pillsbury: It's a lot to go through.

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Will Schuester: I mean, what do you think, Finn? Think your dream is hidden in there somewhere?

Finn Hudson: I don't know. This is a lot of choices.

Rachel Berry: Well, there's no rush. I mean, there's a little, you know, rush, because the applications are due soon, and, well, I mean, there's the whole we need to figure out where we're gonna begin our lives thing, but there's no rush.

Finn Hudson: Okay. Well, I guess I just need to take some time with these by myself, and see if I can, you know, shake a dream out of here somehow.

Emma Pillsbury: It's in there.

Finn Hudson: Okay. Hey, uh... Thanks. All of you.

Will Schuester: Hey, Finn... We believe in you.

Finn Hudson: Thanks.

Artie Abrams: Santana, watching "Two Girls One Cat" was like staring into the face of God. Thank you. New favorite movie.

Santana Lopez: Why is everyone staring at me like I'm Finn and I just won a butter-eating competition?

Brittany S. Pierce: It's because you're famous. Everybody's loving the sex tape of us I posted on the Internet.

Santana Lopez: What?! Brittany, that sex tape was private. We made that for us.

Brittany S. Pierce: No, I know, but I spliced it together with a video of Lord Tubbington performing everyday household chores.

Santana Lopez: Why would you do that?

Brittany S. Pierce: 'Cause you said you wanted to be famous. So I looked up all the famous people that I knew, and they all have sex tapes. So I put ours out there. I'm really excited about it!

Will Schuester: Come with me.

Finn Hudson: What, are you going through the garbage now?

Will Schuester: Oh, come on. I know you were just humoring us in there. I could see it in your face. So I followed you out.

Finn Hudson: What was I supposed to say, man? S-Sorry, I'd rather puke than spend a minute in any of those places? Right in front of Rachel, with... a big smile on her face, all proud of herself?

Will Schuester: She just wants what's best for you.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, she does. Until she realizes her fiancé is a total loser.

Will Schuester: Is that what you're scared of?

Finn Hudson: It's the truth. Doesn't anybody understand that maybe the reason I don't know what to do with my life is because I'm not qualified to do anything.

Will Schuester: You just don't know what you want yet.

Finn Hudson: What I want is for time to stop. Okay? I want it to feel like I'm on the football field and the crowd's going nuts! Or I-I want it to feel like I'm on the stage during a performance, and everybody's on their feet.

Will Schuester: So let's find something out there that gives you that feeling.

Finn Hudson: Of being young? Where is it? Show me.

Will Schuester: I want you to watch this for me.

Finn Hudson: Look, Mr. Schue, I don't really feel like doing my Glee homework right now, I just...

Will Schuester: I think you know what you want for your life. I think you're just scared to say it out loud. I want you to see what it looks like when someone follows their dream, even though everyone else tells them it's impossible. You can do anything you want to, Finn. It's not the broken dreams that break us. It's the ones we didn't dare to dream.

Bee Gees: # Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk... #

Stoner Brett: You make a cat emptying the dishwasher look sexy. I love you, Santana Lopez.

Brittany S. Pierce: Awesome, right? Don't thank me for your new fame.

Santana Lopez: You know, it didn't really cross my mind to thank you.

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah, well, you say the dream, and I help build your dream. And that's what a partnership is about, right?

Santana Lopez: Listen, Britt, I totally understand how you could think that you were helping me, but you gotta take the video down.

Brittany S. Pierce: No way! Now that we just got your boob in the door, we can't rest. I came up with an idea that will make you, like, Snooki famous, but without all the blackout drinking. We need to book you on a reality TV gig ASAP. So I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities. Number one: I see how you keep your car, so you could totally be on Hoarders. You just need to start storing your poops in the trunk, and I'm sure they'll book you.

Santana Lopez: No. Brittany, I can't do that.

Brittany S. Pierce: Well, you have to, if you want to be on the show. Or... this is my favorite one. You can eat that. It's a bull testicle. I drove all the way to Spencerville to get it. You know, it came with a pair, but I got hungry on the way home, so... It tastes just like a chicken testicle.

Santana Lopez: I don't get it.

Brittany S. Pierce: It's for Fear Factor. If you want to be famous, you have to eat crazy stuff. Just let me know how far you're willing to go for fame. It's up to you.

Kurt Hummel: I feel horrible. We should never have given Wade those high heels.

Mercedes Jones: Look, there's still time to stop it. I mean, he wouldn't actually go out like that. Would he?

Kurt Hummel: Well, Finn dressed up like Lady Gaga, and I never thought that would happen. Oh, thank God. Hey, Wade! We just came by to tell you to break a leg.

Mercedes Jones: And to make sure you're still dressed as a guy.

Wade Adams: Not for long.

Kurt Hummel: Look, Wade, I know we sent you those shoes as a good-luck gesture, but w-we talked it over, and you can't do this. I admit that I've worn some flamboyant designer outfits, but I've never dressed up like a woman.

Wade Adams: That's because you identify yourself as a man. I thought you, of all people, would understand. I'm wearing them.

Jesse St. James: Wow. Look who Schuester sent to spy on me. The laziest person alive and the pasty-faced ghost boy. Come on.

Mercedes Jones: We're not spies. We're friends of Wade's.

Jesse St. James: Really? All the more reason to fire him after the show.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage from Carmel High in Akron, Ohio, Vocal Adrenaline!

Vocal Adrenaline: # Ooh yeah #

Unique: # Hey... yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # Ooh yeah #

Unique: # Yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # Ooh yeah #

Unique: # Listen #
# Girl, to be with you #
# Is my favorite thing #
# Yeah #
# Uh-huh, yeah #
# I can't wait till I see you again #
# Yeah yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh #
# I want to put on #
# My my my my boogie shoes #
# Just to boogie with you #

Jesse St. James: Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me!

Unique: # I want to put on #

Jesse St. James: Out of my way, please. Move, move.

Unique: # Just to boogie with you #

Jesse St. James: Wade! Get off the stage, now!

Unique: # I want to do it #

Jesse St. James: Wade...

Unique: # Till the sun comes up #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to do it till the sun comes up #

Jesse St. James: Off the stage now! Hey, hey!

Unique: # Yeah #
# I want to do it #
# Till I can't get enough #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to do it till I can't get enough #

Unique: # Yeah, uh-huh #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to put on #

Unique: # I want to put on #

Vocal Adrenaline: # My my my my boogie shoes #

Unique: # My boogie shoes #
# With you, with you, with you, yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to put on #

Unique: # I want to put on #

Vocal Adrenaline: # My my my my boogie shoes #

Unique: # My boogie shoes #
# Hey hey hey yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # Ooh... #

Unique: # I'm alright #
# My my my my boogie shoes #
# Hey, yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # My boogie boogie shoes #

Unique: # Hey... #
# Yeah-ah-ah-ah-ah #
# My my my my my boogie shoes #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to put on #
# My my my my boogie shoes #

Unique: # Yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # And boogie with you #

Unique: # Ah, yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to put on #

Unique: # Put on, yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # My my my my boogie shoes #

Unique: # Put on #
# To go boogie with you #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to put on #

Unique: # I want to put on #

Vocal Adrenaline: # My my my my my boogie shoes #

Unique: # My boogie shoes #

Vocal Adrenaline: # Just to boogie with you #

Unique: # Ah, yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # I want to put on #

Unique: # Hey yeah #

Vocal Adrenaline: # My my my my boogie shoes #
# Just to boogie with you #

Unique: # Hey #
# Yeah! #

Rachel Berry: Hey. You said you wanted to see me?

Finn Hudson: Yeah. Uh... I think I finally figured out what song from Saturday Night Fever I want to do. But, uh, it doesn't work without a dance partner. Well, actually, it doesn't work without you... just like everything else in my life.
# Oh, girl, I've known you very well #
# I've seen you growing every day #
# I never really looked before #
# But now you take my breath away #
# Suddenly you're in my life #
# Part of everything I do #
# You've got me working day and night #
# Just trying to keep a hold on you #
# Here in your arms I found my paradise #
# My only chance for happiness #

Santana Lopez: # Oh-oh, oh #

Finn Hudson: # And if I lose you now, I think I would die #
# Oh, say you'll always be my baby, we can make it shine #
# We can take forever #
# Just a minute at a time #
# Oh-oh-oh #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman #

Finn Hudson: # Hoo, now baby #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman to me #
# More than a woman #

Finn Hudson: # Hoo, hoo, my baby #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman to me #

Finn Hudson: # Yeah, yeah, yeah! #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman #

Finn Hudson: # Ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-ooh #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman to me #

Finn Hudson: # Oh, so much more #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman #

Finn Hudson: # Hoo, baby #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman to me #

Finn Hudson: # More than a woman to me #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman #

Finn Hudson: # Hey-ey-ey-ey #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman to me #

Finn Hudson: # Whoo, yeah-yeah #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman #

Finn Hudson: # Oh, baby #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman to me #

Finn Hudson: # Yeah, yeah #

Santana & Kurt: # More than a woman. #

Rachel Berry: That was incredible! That was amazing! You're definitely gonna win the prize.

Finn Hudson: I already did. But look, there's more. I figured out what I'm gonna do next year. Can we sit down?

Rachel Berry: Ay, why am I nervous?

Finn Hudson: Don't be nervous. Mr. Schue made me watch Saturday Night Fever. It was really good, and I realized I'm a lot like Tony Manero. Except for the whole being-able-to-dance thing. When I saw that movie, I realized the way that Tony took on the world... I want to do that, too. I want to move to New York. Like Tony. Like you. I want to live in New York City with you.

Rachel Berry: Really?

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Rachel Berry: Are you serious?!

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Rachel Berry: I knew it. I'm gonna make you really happy, I promise.

Finn Hudson: Just... there's more. Just wait. Uh, what was that acting show, on Bravo, with the swear words and the cool dude you made me watch?

Rachel Berry: James Lipton.

Finn Hudson: Yeah. I applied to his school. I want to go to Inside the Actors' Studio.

Rachel Berry: It's... It's just "The Actors' Studio," but that's great. It's a perfect, perfect fit for you. You just, you know, you can't... do this for me, all right? It has to be for you. It's too much pressure for me to handle.

Finn Hudson: It is for you, but it's also what I want. It's my dream. I want to be an actor. I guess I was always afraid to admit it because I was scared of failing, but I'm not scared anymore... 'cause of you. I want to be a great man for you, Rachel. And I want to see myself the way you see me; like I'm capable of anything. Dreaming big. I love you so much... and you deserve that.

Rachel Berry: You're my hero; you know that, right?

Finn Hudson: You're mine.

Mercedes Jones: I cannot believe Unique pulled that off.

Kurt Hummel: There's something to be said about the power of a dream.

Mercedes Jones: Mm-hmm.

Kurt Hummel: He took a risk and it paid off. But I guess that's just having a dream.

Sam Evans: Hey, Mercedes. I know we haven't talked much, but I have something that I need to show you.

Mercedes Jones: No more songs, Sam.

Sam Evans: One more. Don't worry. This time I'm not the one singing.

Mercedes Jones: # Burn, baby, burn... #
That's me.

Sam Evans: Yeah.

Mercedes Jones: Wait-- did you post this to YouTube without asking?

Sam Evans: Can you hear yourself? You're amazing, and you look stunning.

Mercedes Jones: 485 comments? Mm, I can't look.

Sam Evans: No. Look. 484 of them are positive. One of them was disappointed because they thought "Mercedes Inferno" was a car-fail video.

Mercedes Jones: I can't believe you did this for me. Why?

Sam Evans: Because I believe in you and what you could become. Now complete strangers believe in you, too. You just need to find a way out to L.A. and do your thing. It's time for this dream to stop being a dream and become a reality. Listen to them. They all want to buy your album, and so do I. You ain't no skim milk, baby. You're the cream rising to the top.

Sue Sylvester: Boobs Magoo, words simply cannot describe how disappointed I am in you. And look at poor Brittany. Her chagrin is limited only by the fact that she has a brain the size of a toddler's fist.

Brittany S. Pierce: I can show you the MRI.

Sue Sylvester: And it's not just the sex tape. My goodness, sex tapes are a dime a dozen these days. I myself made a sex tape with Oliver North. Wasn't very popular, probably because we released it on Betamax. I think Cheney still has a copy. What's so disappointing is not that you want to be famous, it's that you don't care how you get there.

Santana Lopez: I see that now. I'm embarrassed I've been so shortsighted. I want to make something of my life. I want to do something of substance with it. And yes, I do want to go to college.

Sue Sylvester: One step ahead of you, Lady Ta-Ta.

Santana Lopez: What is this?

Sue Sylvester: That is an acceptance letter. You got a full ride from the University of Louisville.

Brittany S. Pierce: It's in Louisville.

Sue Sylvester: It's the nation's top cheerleading program and you got a full scholarship. Now, I know you don't want to be a cheerleader for the rest of your life. But this will get you a foot in the door. Maybe you can get a business degree; open up a taco truck. I'm still somewhat confused about your ethnicity.

Santana Lopez: I don't know what to say. Thank you.

Sue Sylvester: Well, don't thank me. Brittany thought of it. She gets an idea once every couple of years, and lucky for us this was a good one.

Santana Lopez: Thank you. I don't know if this is 100% the answer for me, but just to know that I have somebody who believes in me as much as you do. I love you so much.

Brittany S. Pierce: I love you, too.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Come on, who won, Mr. Schue? Who gets the suit?

Will Schuester: Well, I left that up to Sue.

Sue Sylvester: And if there's one thing I enjoy more than punishing you lazy idiots... it's rewarding you for being slightly less lazy and idiotic. Will the winners please enter?

Santana Lopez: Even in polyester, I feel like a million bucks in this.

Mercedes Jones: So what now? What do you want to do?

Finn Hudson: You know what I want to do?

New Directions: What?

Finn Hudson: I said, do you know what I want to do?!

New Directions: What?

Finn Hudson: Strut.
# Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk #
# I'm a woman's man, no time to talk #
# Music loud and women warm #
# I've been kicked around since I was born #

Mercedes Jones: # And now it's all right, that's okay #
# And you may look the other way #

Mercedes & Santana: # But we can try to understand #
# The New York Times' effect on man #

Mercedes, Finn & Santana: # Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother #
# You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive #
# Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin' #
# And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive #
# Ah, ah, ah, ah #
# Stayin' alive, stayin' alive #
# Ah, ah, ah, ah #
# Stayin' alive... #

Mercedes Jones: # Oh, when you walk #

Santana Lopez: # Well, now I get low and I get high #
# And if I can't get either, I really try #
# Got the wings of heaven on my shoes #

Boys of ND: # I'm a dancing man and I just can't lose #

Santana Lopez: # You know it's all right, it's okay #
# I'll live to see another day #
# We can try to understand #
# The New York Times' effect on man #

Mercedes, Finn & Santana: # Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother #
# You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive. #
# Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin' #
# And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive #
# Ah, ah, ah, ah #
# Stayin' alive, stayin' alive #
# Ah, ah, ah, ah #
# Stayin' alive... #

Mercedes Jones: # Ah... ow! #

Finn Hudson: # Life going nowhere #
# Somebody help me #

Girls of ND: # Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba #

Finn Hudson: # Somebody help me, yeah #

Mercedes Jones: # Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah #

Finn Hudson: # Life going nowhere #
# Somebody help me, yeah #

Mercedes Jones: # I'm stayin' alive... #

Mercedes Jones: # There's a boy I know #
# He's the one I dream of #
# Ooh #
# Looks into my eyes #
# Takes me to the clouds above #
# Mm-hmm #
# Oh, I lose control #

Santana Lopez: # Ooh #

Mercedes Jones: # Can't seem to get enough #

Mercedes & Santana: # Uh-huh #

Mercedes Jones: # When I wake from dreaming #

Santana & Kurt: # Ooh #

Mercedes Jones: # Tell me is it really love? #

Mercedes, Kurt & Santana: # Uh-huh #
# Ooh... #

Rachel Berry: # How will I know? #

Mercedes, Kurt & Santana: # Don't trust your feelings #

Rachel Berry: # How will I know? #

Mercedes, Kurt & Santana: # Ooh #

Rachel Berry: # How will I know? #

Mercedes, Kurt & Santana: # Love can be deceiving #

Rachel Berry: # How will I know? #

All: # How will I know #

Mercedes & Santana: # If he really loves me? #

All: # I say a prayer #

Mercedes & Santana: # With every #

All: # Heartbeat, I fall in love #

Mercedes & Santana: # Whenever we meet #

All: # This love is strong #

Mercedes & Santana: # Why do I feel weak? #

All: # Oh, wake me #

Mercedes Jones: # I'm shaking #

Santana Lopez: # Ooh... #

Mercedes Jones: # I wish I had you near me now #

Mercedes & Santana: # Uh-huh #

All: # Said there's no mistaking #

Santana, Rachel & Kurt: # Ooh... #

Mercedes Jones: # What I feel is really love #

All: # Uh-huh #

Mercedes Jones: # Ooh, tell me #

Kurt & Rachel: # If he loves me #

Mercedes & Santana: # If he loves me #

Kurt & Rachel: # If he loves me #

All: # If he loves me not #

Mercedes Jones: # Oh, yeah #

Kurt & Rachel: # If he loves me #

Mercedes & Santana: # If he loves me #

Kurt & Rachel: # If he loves me #

All: # If he loves me not #

Rachel Berry: # Oh, how will I know? #

Mercedes, Kurt & Santana: # How will I know if he's thinking of me? #

All: # I try to phone #

Mercedes & Santana: # But I'm too shy #

Kurt & Rachel: # Can't speak #

All: # Falling in love #

Mercedes & Santana: # Is so bittersweet #

All: # This love is strong #

Mercedes & Santana: # Why do I feel weak? #

Mercedes Jones: # How will I know? #

Santana, Rachel & Kurt: # How will I know #
# If he really loves me? #

Mercedes Jones: # How will I know? #
# Hey, how will I know? #

Santana, Rachel & Kurt: # I say a prayer #
# With every heartbeat #

Mercedes Jones: # How will I know? #
# Ooh, how will I know? #

Santana, Rachel & Kurt: # I fall in love whenever we meet #

Mercedes Jones: # How will I know? #
# Yeah, how will I know? #

Santana, Rachel & Kurt: # I'm asking you #
# 'Cause you know about these things #

Mercedes Jones: # How will I know? Yeah #

All: # How will I know? #

Will Schuester: I'm just surprised they're taking this so hard. I mean, don't get me wrong— I will always love Whitney, too, but you'd think, after two months, they'd let it go.

Emma Pillsbury: I got this.

Will Schuester: Is this you?

Emma Pillsbury: Mm-hmm. August 31, 1997. I was about to start my senior year of high school when tragedy struck. I spent the next eight months writing condolence letters to the two princes and listening to "Candle in the Wind" on constant repeat.

Will Schuester: Emma, I had no idea you had such a connection to her.

Emma Pillsbury: I didn't. I mean, every little girl worshiped her, but she was just a physical representation of my pain. You know, I was scared. It was my last year of high school. No more living at home. I was saying good-bye to my teachers and my friend. Diana dying represented the loss of my childhood.

Will Schuester: So Whitney is their Diana.

Emma Pillsbury: Yeah, exactly.

Mercedes Jones: It was written for Diana Ross.

Rachel Berry: No, Mercedes, you are wrong, okay? The Bodyguard was originally written for Barbra Streisand.

Will Schuester: Actually, Rachel, it was supposed to be Diana Ross— and Steve McQueen, back in the '70s.

Mercedes Jones: Thank you, Mr. Schue.

Will Schuester: I've been doing some research to prepare for this week's lesson.

Rachel Berry: Oh, my God, yes. It's about time we did a Whitney tribute!

Sam Evans: Are we sure that's appropriate?

Mercedes Jones: You did not just ask that.

Sam Evans: I just mean, didn't Whitney kind of have a lot of problems?

Mercedes Jones: She had a hard life, Sam. And?

Will Schuester: Look, this week isn't about passing judgment on Whitney. It's about celebrating her legacy, honoring her memory, her accomplishments.

Kurt Hummel: Which I will happily list for you.

Will Schuester: But I also want you guys to use her songs to get underneath your own feelings. To express and explore what's really going on with you.

Finn Hudson: I don't get it, Mr. Schue. What's really going on with us?

Will Schuester: Well, for most of you, these next few weeks will be your last here at McKinley. Lots of changes coming up, lots of... saying good-bye. To your friends, to your significant others, to the last four years of your life. For a young person, all that transition can be overwhelming. So it's easier to focus on other things. Like not being able to say good-bye to Whitney Houston.

Santana Lopez: What are you talking about?

Will Schuester: Santana, it's okay. I get it. You're hanging on to Whitney because it's difficult to handle the upheaval in your own lives.

Santana Lopez: We're hanging on to Whitney because she was incredible and we love her, so don't put your baggage on us.

Rachel Berry: You guys, Mr. Schue's attempt to understand us, though misguided, doesn't matter. What matters is that I start rehearsing Whitney's version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" immediately. It is the Mount Everest of anthems.

Kurt Hummel: How thrilled am I for this week's assignment? I'm going to Between the Sheets to find music. I got to figure out what song I want to do. I could do "So Emotional," which was obviously written for me, or "One Moment in Time," which was also obviously written for me.

Blaine Anderson: Well, you can't really go wrong.

Kurt Hummel: I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. I could do one for the assignment this week, and then one for my NYADA audition. You'll come with me, right?

Blaine Anderson: Well, I can't today.

Kurt Hummel: Okay. Boo.

Blaine Anderson: Well, just text me when you're done.

Kurt Hummel: Will do.

Chandler Kiehl: Excuse me. I'm so sorry to bother you, but that hippopotamus head brooch is awesome.

Kurt Hummel: Thanks.

Chandler Kiehl: That whole outfit is amazing. You must get compliments all the time.

Kurt Hummel: I don't, actually. Kurt Hummel.

Chandler Kiehl: Chandler Kiehl. I go to North Lima High. I've got an audition next week, and I'm dying to do "Rainbow High" from Evita, but the guy just said they're sold out, which is a preposterous lie.

Kurt Hummel: What are you auditioning for?

Chandler Kiehl: Uh, the musical theater program at NYU.

Kurt Hummel: That's so funny. I'm auditioning for NYADA. My callback's in a couple weeks.

Chandler Kiehl: NYADA callback? Ooh-la-la! What song are you doing?

Kurt Hummel: I'm not sure. Um, I have to find the perfect Whitney Houston song.

Chandler Kiehl: Oh, my God! You must do "One Moment in Time." Whitney's performance at the '89 Grammys was legend, and no one has done that song justice since.

Kurt Hummel: But then again, there's also "All the Man That I Need."

Chandler Kiehl: Oh, my God! That song is amazing! You-you must do it. Finally, a love song where it didn't have to hurt to turn out right. Sorry. Am I being really loud? When I get excited, I tend to start yelling.

Kurt Hummel: No, no. You're just really enthusiastic. It's refreshing. Infectious, actually.

Chandler Kiehl: Then I should quit while I'm ahead. Nice to meet you, Kurt Hummel. I'm sure you'll nail whatever song you pick.

Kurt Hummel: Thank you.

Chandler Kiehl: Oh, and good luck with your NYADA callback. Let me know if I can be of any help. We future New Yorkers got to stick together. Can I get your number?

Brittany S. Pierce: # Clock strikes upon the hour #
# And the sun begins to fade #
# Still enough time to figure out #
# How to chase my blues away #
# I've done all right up till now #
# It's the light of day that shows me how #
# And when the night falls #
# My lonely heart calls #
# Oh, I wanna dance with somebody #
# I wanna feel the heat with somebody #
# Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody #
# With somebody who loves me #
# Oh, I wanna dance with somebody #
# I wanna feel the heat #
# Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody #
# With somebody who loves me #

Cheerios: # Somebody who, somebody who #

Santana Lopez: # Somebody who loves me #

Cheerios: # Somebody who, somebody who #

Santana Lopez: # To hold me in her arms, oh #

Brittany S. Pierce: # I need a woman who'll take a chance #
# On a love that burns hot enough to last #

Brittany & Santana: # So when the night falls #
# My lonely heart calls #
# Oh, I wanna dance with somebody #
# I wanna feel the heat with somebody #
# Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody #
# With somebody who loves me #

Santana Lopez: # Come on, baby #

Cheerios: # Dance #

Santana Lopez: # Now get with this #
# Oh, oh, oh, yeah #

Brittany & Santana: # Don't you wanna dance? Say you wanna dance #
# Don't you wanna dance? #
# Don't you wanna dance? Say you wanna dance #
# Don't you wanna dance? #
# Don't you wanna dance? #

Santana Lopez: # Say you wanna dance #
# Oh, oh #

Brittany & Santana: # With somebody who loves me #

Brittany S. Pierce: Obviously, I like dancing with Santana best, but you guys are all still cool dancers. And Quinn, you're still dancing in my dreams. And you can fly and breathe fire.

Joseph Hart: Quinn... you okay? You looked kind of bummed out back there.

Quinn Fabray: I'm fine.

Joseph Hart: How's your physical therapy going?

Quinn Fabray: I keep going, and nothing seems to be happening, so it's pretty depressing.

Joseph Hart: Well, what if I went with you next time? That would definitely be less depressing.

Quinn Fabray: You really don't have to go with me.

Joseph Hart: I want to.

Quinn Fabray: You want to come with me? Why?

Joseph Hart: I care about you. And, to me, being a Christian isn't about talk. It's about actions. Come on. I'll let you hold one of my dreads for luck.

Will Schuester: I've got a little surprise for you.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, if this is another Rihanna song in the pool, I have to take pictures this time. I... Mademoiselle Pillsbury?

Will Schuester: Mm-hmm.

Emma Pillsbury: What is this? "I Do's Done Right Wedding Planning by Mr. Lavender." Mr. Lavender.

Will Schuester: Northwestern Ohio's premier wedding planner. I booked him for us. I'm getting a pretty decent tax refund. And I sold some blood platelets.

Emma Pillsbury: This is absolutely wonderful, but, um, I'm not so sure that we need him. You know, I mean, since we're having the wedding at Christmas, the-the church is already going to be decorated. I was going to put the champagne fountain near the manger, the cake near the...

Will Schuester: I want to move the wedding up— to May.

Emma Pillsbury: May— that's...that's next month.

Will Schuester: Uh-huh.

Emma Pillsbury: Is this about S-E-X?

Will Schuester: This is about us. Emma, we've been in love for almost three years. There's no reason we should wait seven more months.

Emma Pillsbury: Except for the fact that wedding planning takes so much time. It takes so much time. I mean, I just started decorating our personalized nut cups, and I'm only on the fifth one and... I guess we can let Mr. Lavender worry about the... Okay.

Will Schuester: Okay?

Emma Pillsbury: All right.

Will Schuester: Okay?

Emma Pillsbury: Okay.

Rachel Berry: Oh, my God, I've been practicing Whitney Houston's version of "The Star Spangled Banner" all night, and I still can't sing it.

Kurt Hummel: You're just realizing this now? I'm surprised anyone's attempted it after she nailed it to the wall.

Rachel Berry: Oh, I know what that is. Finn sends me cutsie text messages all the time. Usually, they're puns about my boobs, but I still appreciate the effort.

Kurt Hummel: It's not from Blaine.

Rachel Berry: Th-Then who is it?

Kurt Hummel: He's just a guy.

Rachel Berry: Oh.

Kurt Hummel: I met him at Between the Sheets. His name is Chandler. He's-he's nice.

Rachel Berry: And what did Mr. Between the Sheets say then?

Kurt Hummel: Nothing. We just joke around. It's sweet.

Rachel Berry: Mm-hmm.

Kurt Hummel: Okay, all right. Um... "Are you an astronaut? Because your smile is out of this world."

Rachel Berry: Oh! Are you kidding me? Kurt, you have been going at this with him for two days now?

Kurt Hummel: It's nothing. It's-it's just fun. He makes me feel good.

Rachel Berry: Blaine is supposed to make you feel good.

Kurt Hummel: You said that Finn sends you cute text messages every day? Does he compliment you? Constantly trying to get in your pants?

Rachel Berry: Yeah, he's an 18-year-old boy.

Kurt Hummel: Have you ever heard of lesbian bed death?

Rachel Berry: No.

Kurt Hummel: I read about it online. It's when two lesbians date for long enough, they become like sisters.

Rachel Berry: Oh.

Kurt Hummel: And Blaine and I are like an old married couple— a fabulous old married couple, like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. But I don't think we've had an unscheduled make-out session in, like, a month.

Rachel Berry: You schedule make-out sessions?

Kurt Hummel: The point is: I love Blaine and-and Blaine loves me, but he doesn't exactly make me blush with his texts right now. W-What's the harm of someone making me feel special if it's all innocent?

Rachel Berry: Okay. Would you show Blaine those text messages?

Kurt Hummel: Of course not.

Rachel Berry: Oh, well, then I guess it's not that innocent.

Will Schuester: Hey, some great Whitney songs so far this week, guys. I'm really proud of the way you guys have been conjuring up the emotions you feel towards her as we begin to move on and say good-bye.

Joseph Hart: Mr. Schue, I've been going with Quinn to her rehab this week. We started working on a Whitney song together that we'd like to share. Not sure how it's gonna help anyone say good-bye, but it's a song we both really dig.
# A few stolen moments #
# Is all that we share #
# You've got your family #
# And they need you there #
# Though I've tried to resist #
# Being last on your list #

Quinn & Joseph: # But no other man's gonna do #
# So I'm saving all my love for you #

Quinn Fabray: # It's not very easy #

Quinn & Joseph: # Living all alone #

Quinn Fabray: # My friends try and tell me #

Quinn & Joseph: # Find a man of your own #

Quinn Fabray: # But each time I try #
# I just break down and cry #

Quinn & Joseph: # 'Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue #
# So I'm saving all my love for you... #

Quinn Fabray: # No other woman #

Joseph Hart: # Is gonna love you more #

Quinn & Joseph: # 'Cause tonight is the night #
# That I'm feeling all right #
# We'll be making love the whole night through #
# So I'm saving all my love #
# Yeah, I'm saving all my lovin' #
# Yes, I'm saving all my love for you... #
# For you... #
# For you #

Santana Lopez: # I don't know why I like it, ha #
# I just do #
# Ooh, ooh #
# Hee #
# I've been hearing your heartbeat inside of me #
# I keep your photograph beside my bed #
# Living in a world of fantasies #
# I can't get you out of my head #

Rachel Berry: # I've been waiting for the phone to ring all night #
# Why you wanna make me feel so good? #
# I got a love of my own, baby #
# I shouldn't get so hung up on you #

Santana & Rachel: # I remember the way that we touch #
# I wish I didn't like it so much #
# Oh #
# I get so emotional, baby #
# Every time I think of you #
# I get so emotional, baby #
# Ain't it shocking what love can do? #

Rachel Berry: # Ain't it shocking what love can do? #

Santana & Rachel: # Ain't it shocking what love can do? #
# Hee #
# I gotta watch you walk in the room, baby #
# I gotta watch you walk out, mm-hmm #
# I like the animal way you move #
# And when you talk, I just watch your mouth #
# Oh, I remember the way that we touch #
# I wish I didn't like it so much #

Santana Lopez: # No, no, no #

Santana & Rachel: # I get so emotional, baby #
# Every time I think of you #
# I get so emotional, baby #
# Ain't it shocking what love can do? #
# I get so emotional... #

Santana Lopez: # Oh, baby #

Girls of ND: # Ain't it shocking what love can do? #

Santana & Rachel: # Oh, oh, yeah. #

Mercedes Jones: Quinn, when you sang "Saving All My Love For You" with Joe yesterday, it sure felt like you meant it.

Rachel Berry: You guys seemed like a lot more than just singing partners.

Brittany S. Pierce: I don't know, Joe's really pretty, but I heard she doesn't shave her armpits.

Quinn Fabray: Joe and I are just friends. Nothing else is gonna happen.

Tina Cohen-Chang: But you want it to, don't you?

Quinn Fabray: Doesn't matter what I want. I've said good-bye to that part of my life. Joe took me to rehab the other day, we had a moment, and before we kissed, he pulled away. Grossed out by me and my chair.

Rachel Berry: Quinn, I'm-I'm so sorry.

Quinn Fabray: I don't want to hear that tone. Joe's not into me. I don't blame him. Who would be?

Will Schuester: Oh, hey.

Emma Pillsbury: Will, honey. Um, Will, this is...

Will Schuester: Mr. La-vender, the wedding planner.

Richard Lavender: It's La-ven-der. Richard Lavender. It's a family name.

Will Schuester: Oh. Wow. You are not what I was expecting.

Emma Pillsbury: Look, we are having such exciting ideas.

Richard Lavender: Citrus and Wasabi are your colors. Wasabi is the new sea foam.

Will Schuester: Nice. I...

Emma Pillsbury: Right. And did you know that we can get these little handy wipes with our names embossed on the wrappers?

Will Schuester: This sounds great. Couple things. At the reception, I will be rapping. And we're gonna need a pretty big stage, 'cause the Glee kids are gonna perform, too.

Richard Lavender: I've checked all the available venues for your dates, and none of them will accommodate a stage.

Will Schuester: Well, let's keep looking.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, sweetie, look, I know that you really want to have this wedding soon, I just can't imagine how we're gonna get all this done in time. Mr. Lavender has recommended that maybe we look at dates in September or October.

Will Schuester: We're not moving the date.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay.

Richard Lavender: I'm a wedding planner, not a miracle worker. I need more time.

Will Schuester: You know what? Forget it.

Emma Pillsbury: Will, okay, wait...

Will Schuester: We can do this ourselves. We are getting married in May, just like we agreed. Thank you for your time.

Sam Evans: You want to lift?

Joseph Hart: Actually wanted to talk to you about Quinn.

Sam Evans: You dig her. Yeah, I can tell. Everyone can. I think she's into you, too.

Joseph Hart: Seriously? How do you know?

Sam Evans: I used to date her.

Joseph Hart: So, when you dated her, how did you handle your... feelings?

Sam Evans: Here's the thing about me: I can be super helpful, but when you ask me stuff, you have to be real specific.

Joseph Hart: When I was with Quinn at her rehab, I was having... feelings.

Sam Evans: You mean like "in your pants" feelings?

Joseph Hart: I've been homeschooled my whole life. It was a lot easier to resist temptation when there were no girls around.

Sam Evans: Yeah, I gave up on that. I had sex last year. I mean, I was working in a strip club, so...

Joseph Hart: But it's a sin. We're supposed to wait until we're married.

Sam Evans: And we're not supposed to get tattoos— Leviticus. Look, when the Bible was written, things were easier. I mean, there was no Internet, chicks didn't wear short skirts or anything. I'm a good Christian, but there's just no way a dude's gonna be able to resist. I say, let's be a new kind of Christian, one that prays and does right by people but understands that some of those rules are kind of old school.

Joseph Hart: The sex rule makes sense. It's about respecting your body, putting the spiritual over the physical so you can feel closer to God.

Sam Evans: Okay. All I know is Quinn's a great girl, but you're gonna have to decide if you want to get closer to God or get closer to her.

Kurt Hummel: Hey, I got the cheese plate. Our Being Bobby Brown marathon can officially begin.

Blaine Anderson: Who's Chandler?

Kurt Hummel: Why are you going through my phone?

Blaine Anderson: I'm not going through your phone. It's just that it keeps buzzing because Chandler won't stop texting you. "When we go to New York, let's go to the front of the Plaza and reenact the end of The Way We Were."

Kurt Hummel: Give me that.

Blaine Anderson: "Can you sing into my voicemail? I want to make your voice my ringtone."

Kurt Hummel: Give me my phone.

Blaine Anderson: There are literally dozens of texts between the two of you. Do you know how many times you've texted me in the past two days? Four. And three of them were about finding peach-colored shoe polish.

Kurt Hummel: Why are you getting so upset? This is, this is all innocent.

Blaine Anderson: This is cheating, Kurt.

Kurt Hummel: This is texting. Okay, he is just a guy that I met at the music store. Nothing happened. You used to text Sebastian all the time. You would call him, even.

Blaine Anderson: But I didn't like him, and all of those texts were family friendly. You like this guy.

Kurt Hummel: I like the way he makes me feel. I mean, when was the last time that you complimented me or told me how special I was?

Blaine Anderson: I transferred schools to be with you! : I, I changed my whole life! That doesn't make you feel loved?

Kurt Hummel: You don't know what it's like being your boyfriend, okay? You are the alpha gay! Even Rachel wanted to make out with you. I used to get solos every week. And do you know how many times I've had to sit on a stool and watch you perform?

Blaine Anderson: Then talk to me. Tell me that you're unhappy, but don't cheat on me.

Kurt Hummel: I feel like I have taken crazy pills! I didn't cheat on you! I'm, I'm really sorry if this made you upset, but it's, it's, it's okay.

Blaine Anderson: It's not right... but it's okay.

Blaine Anderson: This song is for anyone that's ever been cheated on.

Kurt Hummel: This is insane. I didn't cheat on you!

Brittany S. Pierce: Cheetahs have the fastest land speed of any living animal.

Blaine Anderson: # Friday night, you and your boys went out to eat #
# Uh-uh-uh-uh #
# Then they hung out, but you came home around 3:00 #
# Yes, you did #
# If six of ya'll went out, uh #
# Then four of you were really cheap #
# 'Cause only two of you had dinner #
# I found your credit card receipt #
# It's not right, but it's okay #
# I'm gonna make it anyway #
# Pack your bags up and leave #
# Don't you dare come running back to me #
# It's not right, but it's okay, #
# I'm gonna make it anyway #
# Close the door behind you, leave your key #
# I'd rather be alone than unhappy #

Girls of ND: # I've been through all this before #

Blaine Anderson: # I've been through all this before #

Girls of ND: # So how could you think #

Blaine Anderson: # I said yeah-yeah-yeah- yeah-yeah, yeah #

Girls of ND: # Don't turn around to see my face #

Blaine Anderson: # Don't you turn around #
# There's no more tears left here for you to see #
# Was it really worth you going out like that? #
# Tell me #

New Directions: # You were making a fool of me, yeah #

Blaine Anderson: # Uh, uh, yeah #
# Uh #

New Directions: # It's not right #

Blaine Anderson: # It's not right #

New Directions: # But it's okay #

Blaine Anderson: # It's okay #

New Directions: # I'm gonna make it anyway #

Blaine Anderson: # I'm gonna, I'm gonna, hey-ey-ey-ey #

New Directions: # Pack your bags up and leave #

Blaine Anderson: # Close the door and leave your key #

New Directions: # Don't you dare come running back to me #

Blaine Anderson: # I'd rather be alone than not happy #

New Directions: # It's not right #

Blaine Anderson: # It's not right #

New Directions: # It's okay #

Blaine Anderson: # It's okay, baby #

New Directions: # I'm gonna make it anyway #

Blaine Anderson: # I can pay my own way #

New Directions: # Close the door behind you #

Blaine Anderson: # Ain't my life over #

New Directions: # Leave your key #

Blaine Anderson: # Take care of my business #

New Directions: # I'd rather be alone than not happy #

Blaine Anderson: # Oh, oh, whoa-oh! #

Brittany S. Pierce: Whoo!

Santana Lopez: Snap.

Rachel Berry: Hi.

Santana Lopez: Hi.

Rachel Berry: You know, you can learn a lot about a person by looking into their locker.

Santana Lopez: Are you, like, stalking me?

Rachel Berry: You know we blew it, right? We wasted three years going at each other's throats when we could have been singing together, killing it in Glee Club.

Santana Lopez: We hated each other. Actually, I hated you. Sorry. Yes, our duet in Glee was a whole truckload of awesome. And who cares that it took three years? I mean, we still have plenty of time to do it again.

Rachel Berry: We have 42 days ft until graduation. Half of that's gonna be prepping for Nationals. That was it.

Santana Lopez: Oh, crap. I think I just realized gonna miss you. Oh, God, say something irritating so I can get the taste of this out of my head, please.

Rachel Berry: It's okay. Look... you went out of your way to make my life a living hell for three years, but at the end of the day, I know that you respect my talent and my ambition.

Santana Lopez: I like it when you sing, and hey, you're the only other person at this school besides me who's willing to kill their best friend to get to the top.

Rachel Berry: Yeah. Will you do me a favor? Will you put this up in your locker?

Santana Lopez: You want me to put up a picture of you in my locker?

Rachel Berry: Okay, we may not be able to sing together, but we have 42 days left to at least be friends. I'm gonna give you a hug. It'll be quick. I'll see you in Glee Club.

Burt Hummel: Hey, what's up? What's with all the stickers?

Kurt Hummel: I'm triaging all my things for my departure to New York. Pink is for stay, blue is for go, red is for trash and green is for humidity- controlled storage to keep in mint condition to sell as memorabilia after I get famous.

Burt Hummel: Well, what if I want to keep some of this stuff?

Kurt Hummel: You can go through my leftovers.

Burt Hummel: You're not taking this with you?

Kurt Hummel: Blaine and I are on the rocks. I honestly don't know what's up with him. But with that said, I do reserve the right to re-Post-it later.

Burt Hummel: Hey, hey, what are you doing? This isn't garbage.

Kurt Hummel: Dad, it's a certificate of participation for Regionals. The one that we lost. Come on. We have to be heartless about this stuff. You've seen Hoarders. This is how it starts.

Burt Hummel: I'd like to keep it.

Kurt Hummel: Dad, don't be sentimental on me.

Burt Hummel: Well, no, screw that. We haven't been getting sentimental enough, okay? The both of us, we've been way too casual about this. Do you realize that we haven't had our Friday night dinner for three weeks?

Kurt Hummel: You've been in D.C.

Burt Hummel: You think I couldn't get an earlier flight? Most of the other congressman are gone on Thursday night.

Kurt Hummel: Okay, I don't get it. So why have you been skipping dinner?

Burt Hummel: Because I don't want you to go! You know, you and me, we've been doing this dance for over a decade. You know, Starsky and gay Hutch. Everybody warned me that when you were eight, and you were bugging the crap out of me that one day I'd be begging for you to wake me up at 4:00 a.m. with a nightmare or, you know, wreck the kitchen, playing restaurant.

Kurt Hummel: I was nine. Who knew paella was gonna be so complicated? So you've been skipping dinners because you're sad there's not gonna be any more dinners? I'm confused.

Burt Hummel: Ah, you don't get it yet. You know, I know you got a taste of it when you lost your mom, but it's just like the older you get, you just see. It's just, none of it lasts. Yes, you and I will always love each other, and you and I will always be there for each other, but, you know, as soon as you walk out our door towards New York, everything's gonna change. And it won't change back. Not to the way it is now. Listen, I am so happy for you. Kurt, really, I am so happy and I am so proud. You know, you and me, we, uh, we made each other men.

Kurt Hummel: Yeah.

Burt Hummel: Just sometimes I just, I want my sweet little boy back. I'm gonna miss you, Kurt. A lot.

Kurt Hummel: I'm gonna to miss you, too, Dad.

Kurt Hummel: # Share my life #
# Take me for what I am #
# 'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you #
# Take my love #
# I'll never ask for too much #
# Just all that you are and everything that you do #
# I don't really need to look very much further #
# I don't want to have to go where you don't follow #
# I won't hold it back again, this passion inside #
# I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide #
# Don't make me close one more door #
# I don't wanna hurt anymore #
# Stay in my arms if you dare #
# Or must I imagine you there? #
# Don't walk away from me #
# I have nothing, nothing, nothing... #
# Don't make me close one more door #
# I don't want to hurt anymore #
# Stay in my arms if you dare #
# Or must I imagine you there? #
# Don't walk away from me, no #
# Don't walk away from me #
# Don't you dare walk away from me #
# I have nothing, nothing, nothing... #
# If I don't have you #
# You-you-you #
# If I don't have you #
# Oh, oh-oh-oh. #

Noah Puckerman: Okay, bros, here you go. I was inspired by the goodie bags they give out at the end of birthday parties. Thought I'd try it. A little something from the Puckster to all of you. Sorry, Finn, I tried to get your balls back from Rachel, but she's got those on lockdown.

Finn Hudson: Guitar pick. Sweet.

Mike Chang: And a shot glass that says "Dinosaurs on Ice."

Blaine Anderson: Why does mine say, "Drink till she's cute"?

Noah Puckerman: Had the picks inscribed with "The Dudes of Glee 2012". Shot glasses all say different things 'cause I jacked them from houses I clean pools at.

Blaine Anderson: Thanks, man. What's this for?

Noah Puckerman: The clock's ticking, the time's coming when we're all gonna have to say adios. Some of us, forever. I want to make sure you guys remember all the broments that we had together, and the great things we accomplished, forever. I know I haven't always been the perfect friend or teammate, but you've stuck by me, forgiven me for sleeping with your women. Not everyone in my life has done that. One cougar's husband even chased me around with a gun. Anyways... I'm only gonna say this once... but I'm going to miss all of you. I love you guys. Cheers.

Mike Chang: Cheers.

Blaine Anderson: Cheers.

Blaine Anderson: I'm a little confused as to what we're doing here.

Emma Pillsbury: Well, um, Kurt said that you two might need a little couple's counseling.

Blaine Anderson: Are you qualified for that?

Emma Pillsbury: Not really. Or at all. But Sam and Mercedes came to talk to me, and you know, I-I think they found it pretty helpful.

Blaine Anderson: Yeah, I'm-I'm pretty sure they broke up.

Emma Pillsbury: Gosh, they seemed like such a good fit, too, right? Brutal honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. I want you to feel like this is a safe space for you to air your differences.

Blaine Anderson: Okay. Well, uh, first... Kurt has been texting this guy, and I got really upset. Although, a while back, I was sort of doing the same thing. But it wasn't...

Kurt Hummel: With the guy who almost blinded him. Blaine, I sang you a song to express my regrets.

Blaine Anderson: Okay, if we're here, to be brutally honest, there are a few things that I'd like to change.

Kurt Hummel: I am actively listening.

Blaine Anderson: Well, for starters, Kurt has a tendency to snap his fingers at wait staff. The cheesecake's on its way, Kurt, you don't have to snap your fingers, it's not gonna make it come any faster.

Kurt Hummel: Okay, I hear you, and that's something I'm willing to work on.

Blaine Anderson: Also, please stop slipping bronzer into my moisturizer.

Kurt Hummel: You look good with a little color.

Blaine Anderson: I only use lotion on my hands. It looks weird if a person just has tan hands.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay, Kurt, wouldn't you love Blaine just as much if he didn't have tan hands?

Blaine Anderson: And while we're being perfectly honest, I don't like that with every conversation, we end up always talking about NYADA. What song you're gonna sing, what outfit you're gonna wear to your callback, how amazing New York is. New York is the only thing we talk about now, Kurt, and it's like... well, it's like you can't even wait to get out of here. How's that supposed to make me feel? In a few months, you're gonna be gone. With this brand-new life, these brand-new friends, brand-new everything, and I'm gonna be right here. By myself. You're right. I have been distant. And I'm sorry. But I'm just... trying to practice what life is going to be like without you. You are the love of my life, Kurt. And I'm pissed off that I have to learn, for the next year, what being alone is gonna be like.

Kurt Hummel: But you're not gonna be alone. I'm gonna Skype you every day, and you're gonna come visit me in New York every weekend as far as I'm concerned. But I promise, you aren't gonna lose me.

Blaine Anderson: I love you so much.

Kurt Hummel: I love you, too.

Emma Pillsbury: Champagne. On a Tuesday. We've gone all Hunter S. Thompson, haven't we?

Will Schuester: For the bride.

Emma Pillsbury: Thank you.

Will Schuester: We are celebrating. Who needs Mr. Lavender? I have found the perfect wedding location.

Emma Pillsbury: You did?

Will Schuester: The K.O.A. campground by Route Nine.

Emma Pillsbury: A campground?

Will Schuester: Think about it. They've got plenty of space for a stage, the electrical hookups they use for the RVs have plenty of juice for all the amps and the instruments, and they're leaving the restrooms open for us so everyone doesn't have to walk around with quarters.

Emma Pillsbury: It, uh, sounds a bit rustic.

Will Schuester: Married under the stars... it's... babe, it's romantic.

Emma Pillsbury: I have OCD. I throw away a broom after I've used it once, and you think I want to get married at a campground?

Will Schuester: I-I know it's not ideal, but it was the only place that was available.

Emma Pillsbury: Unless we move the wedding to November.

Will Schuester: I won't do that.

Emma Pillsbury: Will, the Glee kids will come back for the wedding if it's in November.

Will Schuester: What if they don't? I'm sorry. I just don't want them to leave.

Emma Pillsbury: You know, that's the wonderful thing about being a teacher. Every year you get a new group of kids to inspire you.

Will Schuester: Yeah, but these kids changed my life. Three years ago, I was just a Spanish teacher sitting here with Terri telling me to go be an accountant. But now I'm going to Nationals for the second time, and... and I'm marrying you. It'll never like this again.

Emma Pillsbury: You know, you and the kids gave each other a gift. But the love that you have for each other, you keep it with you. That never goes away.

Will Schuester: I'm just going to miss them so much.

Emma Pillsbury: They know. Which is why, you know, if-if you and I had our wedding ten years from now, on the moon, those kids would be there.

Will Schuester: Would you prefer that to the campground?

Joseph Hart: Is that, is that too much?

Quinn Fabray: Hm-mm. Is that, um...

Joseph Hart: I'm so sorry.

Quinn Fabray: It's okay. It happens.

Joseph Hart: It's just that you are the prettiest, nicest, best-smelling girl I've ever met.

Quinn Fabray: How many girls have you met? Weren't you homeschooled?

Joseph Hart: Don't do that. Don't find ways to run yourself down.

Quinn Fabray: I guess I have been doing that a lot lately. It's just hard not to focus on what I've lost.

Joseph Hart: What if I helped you? Like the way I use my hands to move your legs... maybe you could use my eyes to see yourself, the way I see you.

Quinn Fabray: And what would I see?

Joseph Hart: Perfection.

Quinn Fabray: So... what are you looking for, here? I mean, do you want me to be your girlfriend?

Joseph Hart: I don't know. I mean, yes, totally, but my faith means everything to me. It's just that when I'm with you, I don't care what God says about sins of the flesh. I just want to know what it'd feel like to be... right up next to you.

Quinn Fabray: You would give up your faith to be with me?

Joseph Hart: I don't know. Are you asking me to?

Quinn Fabray: No. No, never.

Joseph Hart: Because you don't like me that way.

Quinn Fabray: No, because it's nice knowing that there's something out there that can't be lost. All right, help me up.

Joseph Hart: Well, so what is this? About you and me?

Quinn Fabray: I don't know. Something new.

Blaine Anderson: I love your jauntily placed cap, like a Russian Tsar.

Kurt Hummel: It's not Chandler. I swear I told him not to text me anymore.

Blaine Anderson: I know. It's from me.

Kurt Hummel: How unscheduled of you. But what about Glee practice?

Blaine Anderson: No one will be there. Mr. Schue said it wasn't mandatory, so Rachel's prepping her NYADA piece, Finn's at the shop, Quinn's getting physical therapy, Puck's driving to Gomer for a sale on chlorine. Everyone is going their own way. Come on. Let's blow it off.

Kurt Hummel: But it's Glee. I mean, we only have so many left together.

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all #

Mercedes Jones: # Turn me up, turn me up #

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Mercedes Jones: # Turn me up #

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Mercedes Jones: # Uh-huh #

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Mercedes Jones: # Ohh... #
# If tomorrow is Judgment Day #

Artie Abrams: # Sing mommy #

Mercedes Jones: # And I'm standing on the front line #

Artie Abrams: # Mm-mm #

Mercedes Jones: # And the Lord asks me what I did with my life #
# I will say I spent it with you #

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Mercedes Jones: # It's all right #

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #
# If I lose my fame and fortune #

Blaine Anderson: # Really don't matter #

Artie Abrams: # And I'm homeless on the street #

Mercedes Jones: # On the street, oh, Lord #

Artie & Kurt: # And I'm sleeping in Grand Central Station #

Mercedes Jones: # Okay #

Artie Abrams: # It's okay if you're sleeping with me #

New Directions: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #
# Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #
# 'Cause your love is my love #
# And my love is your love #

Mercedes Jones: # Your love, baby #

New Directions: # It would take an eternity to break us #

Mercedes Jones: # Don't look down now #

New Directions: # And the chains of Amistad couldn't hold us #
# Your love is my love #

Mercedes Jones: # Is my love #

New Directions: # And my love is your love #

Mercedes Jones: # My love is your love #

New Directions: # It would take an eternity to break us #

Mercedes Jones: # For there's love now, baby #

New Directions: # The chains of Amistad couldn't hold us #

Artie Abrams: # If I should die this very day #

Mercedes Jones: # Very, very, very day #

Artie Abrams: # Don't cry #

Mercedes Jones: # Don't cry #

Artie Abrams: # 'Cause on earth we wasn't meant to stay #

Mercedes Jones: # Na, na, na, na, na, na #
# And no matter what the people say #

Artie Abrams: # Really don't matter #

Mercedes & Artie: # I'll be waiting for you after the Judgment Day #

Mercedes Jones: # Ohh... #

New Directions: # Your love is my love #

Mercedes Jones: # Your love... #

New Directions: # And my love is your love #
# It would take an eternity to break us #
# And the chains of Amistad couldn't hold us #
# Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Artie Abrams: # Clap, clap, clap your hands #

Mercedes Jones: # Come on #

New Directions: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Artie Abrams: # Clap your hands, y'all #

New Directions: # Clap your hands, y'all, it's all right #

Mercedes & Artie: # 'Cause your love is my love #
# And my love is your love #

Ian Brennan: So here's what you missed on Glee: Kurt and Rachel made the final cut for NYADA, which means the biggest audition of their lives is coming up if they want their big time Broadway dreams to come true. Puck has big-time pool-cleaning business dreams, but first he has to graduate. Roz Washington's been trying to steal the Cheerios! from Sue the same way Beiste stole Cooter the football recruiter and got married after a romantic taco dinner. And that's what you missed on Glee.

Rachel Berry: Deep in space there are giant interstellar clouds. Most of them just float through the universe, content to be balls of gas and space dust, but there are special ones. Maybe they collide with a supernova or are just made up of something extra amazing, but one day they just get too big for the nebulas they're in and with the sheer gravitational force of their awesomeness, they become a star.

Rachel Berry: I am that amazing cloud. My whole life has led to this moment. My NYADA audition is this week. All of the singing and dancing lessons and hours spent until late into the night practicing my Oscar acceptance speech into a mirror are just about to come home to find purchase. My fiancé couldn't be more excited or supportive.

Finn Hudson: Happy. Sad. Surprised. Thoughtful. Presidential. Hmm.

Rachel Berry: I have some simple rules when I'm getting ready for a big performance. First, no milk-- makes you too phlegmy. Second, no doorknobs-- they spread infections. So do kisses. So what if I have some superstitions, too? I never step on cracks and sometimes I walk bacards, and everyone I see becomes a metaphor for the things that could stop me. I just give each one my gold star death stare. None of them stand a chance.

Rachel Berry: You are a star, Rachel Berry, and in just two days from now you are going to shine so bright on that stage that the sun is going to cry with envy. You know when your time is, and it's now.

Finn Hudson: Hey, listen, man... I overheard you talking to that sophomore girl yesterday.

Noah Puckerman: Whoa, back off, dude, you've got a fiancée. Plus, I called dibs on all the chicks whose boobs aren't done growing yet.

Finn Hudson: Not that, okay? You guys were talking about graduation.

Noah Puckerman: Yeah, I might not graduate, but it's okay 'cause gowns are for ladies and tassels are for strippers.

Finn Hudson: Dude, hear me out. I know you got your pool-cleaning business and everything, but even if college isn't your thing, it's still important to graduate. You gotta think ahead. Who knows, maybe one day you're gonna want to clean the White House pool or something.

Noah Puckerman: I appreciate the brovention, but I just told her that so I can get a sympathy pants massage. I'll be getting my diploma right next you. I'm doing good in auto, metal and wood shop. So, all I gotta do is pass Mrs. Doosenberry's European Geography test and I can graduate.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, but how are you going to do that?

Noah Puckerman: I got a plan.

Eleanor Doosenbury: Okay, class, what can you tell me about the Danube River? Mr. Puckerman?

Noah Puckerman: It's wet. Real wet.

Noah Puckerman: I may not be too good at world geography, but I'm real good at female geography. I'm gonna give Doosenberry a little P-U-C-K so I don't get an "F."

Finn Hudson: Hmm.

Brittany S. Pierce: You guys, I just went to my first student council meeting, and I found out that we have another prom this year. So, as president, I need to come up with a theme. And I'm thinking, if we do alien abductions, we could set up cornfields and probing booths.

Sugar Motta: Great.

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah.

Sugar Motta: Okay.

Santana Lopez: Aw, hell. Looks like Mr. Beiste went all Chris Brown on Mrs. Beiste-- What happened, Coach, Cooter put the smack-down on you 'cause you wouldn't let him be on top?

Roz Washington: What did you just say?

Santana Lopez: Nothing. It was a joke.

Roz Washington: So, men hitting women is funny to you?

Santana Lopez: Oh, please. We obviously don't think Beiste was hit by anybody. I mean, look at her, she's a wall.

Roz Washington: Let me tell you something. I'm Coach Roz Washington. I'm an Olympic Champion, and I do not suffer fools! Especially fools who think domestic violence is funny. I want your names. Shannon! Write these names down as placeholders. Hatrack. Asian Horror Movie. Li'l Oprah. Rojo Caliente. Salsa Caliente. You're on my list now, girls. You just watch what happens next.

Sue Sylvester: Black Sue, it's no secret I despise you. I spent the weekend sending your photo to ivory poachers who could make an absolute fortune selling your enormous white teeth on the black market. Yet it sounds like you and I finally have something to agree on.

Roz Washington: Look, I understand kids making jokes about things they find uncomfortable, like how there's a cheerleading coach at their school who's old as dirt and still trying to have a baby, who they know is gonna come out looking weird with rabies and wings, and it's gonna fly out of your head box and straight back into hell. But domestic violence? That's nothing to joke about.

Sue Sylvester: I couldn't agree with you more.

Will Schuester: Hey! Mind if we join you ladies?

Shannon Beiste: What are you guys talking about?

Roz Washington: Your shiner.

Sue Sylvester: William, your teenage minions have taken this opportunity to start making jokes about violence against women.

Will Schuester: Are you serious?

Shannon Beiste: Wait a second. They think I got hit? I was at the gym hitting the speedbag, but my timing was off, and it came back and clocked me.

Will Schuester: I can't believe any of my kids would make a joke about something that serious.

Roz Washington: Well, you better believe it, whatever your name is. I heard 'em with my own two ears.

Sue Sylvester: Yeah, you've got a problem on your hands, William. But not to worry. John Goodman, Black Sue and Original Recipe Sue are going to take care of it.

Kurt Hummel: # Let your mind start a journey #
# Through a strange new world #
# Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before #
# Let your soul take you where you long to be #
# Let your dream begin #
# Let your darker side give in #
# To the power of the music #
# That I write #
# Help me make the music of the night #

Blaine Anderson: Fantastic! I loved it.

Kurt Hummel: I don't know. My entire future is riding on this audition. It has to be perfect. What if I sequin my cape? Or if sing it in German? Or if I did it in the nude?

Blaine Anderson: What?

Kurt Hummel: I'm serious. I've always been ahead of the curve, and my audition needs to show that. And right now it-it's too safe, it's too predictable, it's boring-- I'm bored!

Blaine Anderson: I think you're overthinking it.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Excuse me, my foot fall asleep. I can't feel it at all. Can I go walk it off?

Kurt Hummel: Yeah, sure, just don't go far. And thanks. Okay. I'm starting from scratch. I need something fresh. I need something edgy, something completely unpredictable. Or maybe I just need more candles.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, God, no. No more candles.

Eleanor Doosenbury: Noah, why are you closing the door?

Noah Puckerman: So the chemistry doesn't get out. I brought you some illegal fireworks I got in Tennessee to remind you of us-- all explosive and taboo.

Eleanor Doosenbury: There is no "us," Mr. Puckerman.

Noah Puckerman: Eleanor-- can I call you that?

Eleanor Doosenbury: No.

Noah Puckerman: I've wanted you since ninth grade ever since I saw you at that Canned Food Drive for depressed Hawaiians.

Eleanor Doosenbury: Displaced Haitians.

Noah Puckerman: Mmm... Your brain turns me on.

Eleanor Doosenbury: Oh... Oh, oh, oh! I... I might be recently divorced and excruciatily lonely, but I can't be bought.

Noah Puckerman: I not buying you! Just give me a D-minus, and I'll tickle your thighs.

Eleanor Doosenbury: All right, we're done here, Mr. Puckerman.

Noah Puckerman: Look, lady, if you don't pass me, I'll flunk out.

Eleanor Doosenbury: Oh, well, maybe, oh, just maybe, you could crack open a book and study like everyone else.

Noah Puckerman: I can't! I'm too stupid.

Eleanor Doosenbury: You're not stupid, Noah. You're just lazy.

Noah Puckerman: Screw you. And screw McKinley. I'm out of here! Forever!

Noah Puckerman: # Well, we've got no choice #
# All the girls and boys #
# Makin' all that noise #
# 'Cause they found new toys #
# Well, we can't salute ya #
# Can't find a flag #
# If that don't suit ya, that's a drag #
# School's out for summer #
# School's out forever #
# Ah! #
# School's been blown to pieces #
# No more pencils #
# No more books #
# No more teacher's dirty looks #
# Out for summer #
# Out till fall #
# We might not go back at all #
# School's out forever #
# School's out for summer #
# School's out with fever #
# School's out completely #

Sue Sylvester: Now I realize this room is America's number one destination for cheap, sappy moralizing, but your insensitive behavior is about to subject you to a whole new level of preachiness.

Santana Lopez: Is this about the comment that I made in the hallway earlier?

Roz Washington: You bet your perfectly round ass it is.

Sugar Motta: Coach Sylvester, I hardly think you're one to preach on what we can and cannot joke about.

Santana Lopez: Yeah. You make fun of us all the time.

Sue Sylvester: Sandbags, I admit I can be a bit abrasive. And yes, I've fantasized about slapping each and every one of you square across the face with a sturdy, wet fish. But that doesn't mean you deserve it. No one deserves to get hit.

Mercedes Jones: Coach Sylvester, we already know that.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Yeah, and none of our guys would ever do anything like that.

Mercedes Jones: And if they did, we'd just get the hell out.

Shannon Beiste: I don't think the gravity of this is landing with you girls.

Roz Washington: I think that not one of you understand what violence in a home really feels like. When I was growing up, my aunt married a man that was nice to everybody. Used to bring us presents when he came to visit and never had an unkind word to say to anybody. But at home, he had a temper. And that man started beating her. She'd lie, she'd make a joke out of it. She said she'd done this or that wrong. She'd tell my momma he was a good man and she had it coming. It took my aunt five years and a trip to ICU to stop making excuses for that man and get a divorce.

Sue Sylvester: Ladies, the American songbook is chock-full of songs making light of men hitting women. And since the only way to get anything into your thick, dopey heads is to force you to sing about it, for this week's assignment, I want you to turn those songs into songs of empowerment that say, "You lay a hand on me, it's over."

Mike Chang: Blaine, I need some help. Tina wants me to slick my hair back for prom, and I've never used gel, so I have no idea what I'm doing.

Blaine Anderson: Biggest tip I can give you: never brush after you gel. Disaster. Second tip: feel free to use a little sweat or a little splash of water to reactivate the gel or give it a complete new look. See that? It's a whole new 'do, my friend.

Finn Hudson: Hey. I hear you guys talking a lot, but is anybody gonna mention what's missing, what's different here?

Sam Evans: You finally shook the last five pounds. Dude, congrats!

Blaine Anderson: Big deal, big deal.

Finn Hudson: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's Puck. He's not here. Dropped completely off the grid. Anybody notice that? Doesn't even log on to Call of Duty tourneys anymore.

Artie Abrams: Oh, no.

Joseph Hart: I'm going into full-blown prayer mode.

Finn Hudson: Look, we need to go all Black Hawk Down here. All he needs to pass is that one test. Either we all graduate together or what was the point of all this? No man gets left behind. We will get him to pass. By any means necessary.

Mike Chang: Right!

Rachel Berry: Excuse me. Um, this is insanity.

Kurt Hummel: Wait, why are you talking to me? I thought you were saving your voice for your audition.

Rachel Berry: No, I vowed not to speak with you unless William and Kate got pregnant, Liza passed or unless one of us was in grave danger.

Kurt Hummel: Tell me Liza's okay.

Rachel Berry: She's fine, but you're not. Okay, I just talked to Blaine and he told me about "Not The Boy Next Door." You cannot sing that for your NYADA your audition.

Kurt Hummel: I need to be excited about this, and this is the first time I've been inspired in this whole process.

Rachel Berry: No, no, it's too controversial, okay? You can't wear Peter Allen's gold lamé pants.

Kurt Hummel: It was too controversial in 1962. Look, the play, and that song, won Hugh Jackman the Tony.

Rachel Berry: I know.

Kurt Hummel: And NYADA is a Broadway school.

Rachel Berry: Yes, but you haven't rehearsed it enough, okay? I'm not singing "Don't Rain on my Parade" because it's my go-to song and because it's impossible for me not to cry when I sing it, but because I have been belting out that song since I was two years old. All right, this is, this is the biggest, biggest moment of our lives here. We cannot be taking risks.

Kurt Hummel: Isn't that the exact moment to take a risk?

Rachel Berry: Kurt, can I be honest with you? I think this is self-sabotage. All right, you're scared you're not going to get in, so you're using something to blame just in case this all doesn't work out.

Kurt Hummel: Do you really think I'm doing that?

Rachel Berry: Yeah. I think you think you're not good enough. But you are good enough. Okay, you don't have to go and do some big, flamboyant number, all right? "Music of the Night" is your "Don't Rain on My Parade."

Kurt Hummel: I'm torn. Uh, I have been practicing Phantom for the last three months.

Rachel Berry: Yes! And-and I believe in you, and I believe that song. So much that I will be your Christine.

Kurt Hummel: You will?

Rachel Berry: I will.

Kurt Hummel: Okay, let's do it! "Music of the Night" it is.

Rachel Berry: Good! All right, good.

Kurt Hummel: Tina won't mind being recast.

Rachel Berry: No, she won't, so...

Kurt Hummel: Oh, that's great! Okay. Okay.

Rachel Berry: NYADA's not gonna know what hit them.

Kurt Hummel: Uh-uh.

Rachel Berry: Trust me.

Kurt Hummel: Okay.

Mercedes Jones: # And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango." #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Pop #

Sugar Motta: # Six #

Brittany S. Pierce: # Squish #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Uh-uh #

Santana Lopez: # Cicero #

Sugar Motta: # Lipschitz #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Pop #

Sugar Motta: # Six #

Brittany S. Pierce: # Squish #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Uh-uh #

Santana Lopez: # Cicero #

Sugar Motta: # Lipschitz #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Pop #

Sugar Motta: # Six #

Brittany S. Pierce: # Squish #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Uh-uh #

Santana Lopez: # Cicero #

Sugar Motta: # Lipschitz #

Tina, Santana, Sugar & Brittany: # He had it coming, he had it coming #
# He only had himself to blame #
# If you'd have been there #
# If you'd have seen it #

Santana Lopez: # I betcha you would have done the same #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # You know how people have these little habits #
# That get you down? Like Bernie. #
# Bernie, he liked to chew gum. #
# No, not chew, pop. #
# So I came home this one day, and I'm really irritated, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy. #
# And there's Bernie lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing #
# No, not chewing, popping! #
# So, I said to him, I said, #
# "You pop that gum one more time..." and he did. #
# So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots. #
# Into his head. #

Tina, Santana, Sugar & Brittany: # He had it coming #
# Pop, Six, Squish #
# He had it coming #
# Uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz #
# He took a flower in its prime #
# And then he used it #
# Pop #
# And he abused it #
# Six #
# It was a murder, but not a crime #
# Squish, Uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz #

Santana Lopez: # Now, I'm standing in the kitchen #
# Carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business. #
# In storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage. #
# "You been doing the milkman," he says. #
# He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, #
# "You been doing the milkman." #
# And then he ran into my knife. #
# He ran into my knife ten times. #

Brittany & Sugar: # The dirty bum #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Bum, bum, bum, bum #

Brittany & Sugar: # The dirty bum #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Bum, bum, bum, bum #

Sugar Motta: # They had it coming #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # They had it coming #

Santana Lopez: # They had it coming #

Sugar Motta: # They had it coming #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # They had it coming all along #

Santana Lopez: # They had it coming all along #

Sugar Motta: # 'Cause if they used us #

Santana Lopez: # 'Cause if they used us #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # And they abused us #

Sugar Motta: # And they abused us #

Tina, Santana, Sugar & Brittany: # How could you tell us that we were wrong? #
# Could you tell us that we were wrong? #

Santana Lopez: What happened to Beiste? Uh, did we do something wrong?

Sue Sylvester: Well, you completely butchered one of my all-time favorite Kander and Ebb tunes, while completely missing the point of absolutely everything.

Roz Washington: You girls are cray-cray. You were supposed to pick a song that gave women the self-esteem and courage to get the hell out of an abusive situation. But, oh, no. You pick a song about crazy women in their panties killing their men for chewing gum. How is that supposed to help?

Sue Sylvester: How dare you stand up and leave? We all wanted out of that room.

Shannon Beiste: I'm sorry. I was sitting there listening to that song, and I couldn't handle it.

Roz Washington: I was too embarrassed. Why would you be embarrassed? Those girls were the ones stinking up that auditorium.

Shannon Beiste: He hit me. I didn't get hurt boxing at the gym. Cooter hit me. He'd been bugging me all weekend to do the dishes, and I-I promised him I would, but I forgot. And then when he came home from work, I could tell he had had a few drinks. And he started yelling, and I tried to calm him down, and then he hit me. But as soon as it happened, I mean, right away, he was so sorry. And he started crying and begging me to forgive him.

Roz Washington: Sweetheart, you're as big as a house. Why didn't you just turn around and kick his ass?

Shannon Beiste: I'm not a violent person.

Sue Sylvester: Shannon, you have to get out of that house right now.

Shannon Beiste: Can't. I can't leave him.

Roz Washington: Why the hell not?

Shannon Beiste: Because I don't think anybody else is ever going to love me.

Sue Sylvester: Shannon, listen. You're gonna stay with me tonight, okay? If you don't have a change of clothes, I have a tent you can wear.

Mrs. Collins: Looking good, Noah. Hey, the kids are at the neighbors. You want to go for a quickie in the pool house?

Noah Puckerman: Not this time, Mrs. Collins. I'm gonna keep it legit 'cause today's my last day.

Mrs. Collins: Mmm.

Noah Puckerman: Final cleaning's on the house-- a good-bye gift.

Mrs. Collins: Last day? Where are you going? Isn't graduation coming up?

Noah Puckerman: I'm done with school. Don't need it. I'm gonna blow town and get a head start to the West Coast.

Mrs. Collins: Huh. Too bad. I'll miss those abs.

Noah Puckerman: Dad?

Finn Hudson: All right, everyone, listen carefully. Puck's scheduled to arrive at the Schneider's pool at 2:00 p.m., which means he should be there at 3:30. Sam, you're the driver, so stay in the car.

Sam Evans: Well, can I play with the radio?

Finn Hudson: Rory, you're on lookout here.

Rory Flanagan: Who am I looking out for? I mean, besides Puck?

Finn Hudson: Blaine, Mike and myself will triangulate a very carefully planned attack on Puck here, here and here.

Blaine Anderson: Is that a bear I'm hiding behind?

Finn Hudson: No, no, it's a bush.

Blaine Anderson: Looks like a bear.

Finn Hudson: It's not a bear.

Rory Flanagan: Maybe a shrub.

Sam Evans: What's the difference between a shrub and a bush?

Artie Abrams: What do I do?

Finn Hudson: Oh, that's the best part. You're going to be the bait. So, when Puck comes in the gate, you just roll your wheelchair into the pool, and all of a sudden, we...

Mike Chang: Are you all right, dude?

Finn Hudson: Yeah, look like you saw a ghost, man. What's up?

Noah Puckerman: Just saw my dad. I haven't seen him in five years.

Mr. Puckerman: I brought us a little refresher. The last six-pack from my micro-brewery-- Puckerman's Special Sauce.

Noah Puckerman: I'm good.

Mr. Puckerman: Oh, come on. A dad likes to share a beer with his son. Be fine. All right.

Noah Puckerman: So what are you doing here?

Mr. Puckerman: I hate to do this, but, uh, I'm kind of at the end of my rope. I need to borrow some money.

Noah Puckerman: From me?

Mr. Puckerman: Mm-hmm.

Noah Puckerman: For what?

Mr. Puckerman: Rent. Hardest thing for a man to do... is ask for help.

Finn Hudson: What did you do?

Noah Puckerman: I gave it to him. 500 bucks. That's most of my seed money for L.A.

Artie Abrams: I don't get it. Why?

Noah Puckerman: 'Cause I knew if I gave it to him, I'd never have to see him again. You know he dropped out of high school, too? Just kept seeing myself sitting where he was sitting, across from Beth-- no dignity, no future-- begging her for rent money. I cannot let that happen to me. I have to graduate. And to do that, I have to pass this damn European Geography test. Will you help me? Please?

Finn Hudson: Never leave a man behind.

Noah Puckerman: Thanks, bro.

Rachel Berry: Want some Throat Coat?

Kurt Hummel: Oh.

Rachel Berry: Just to avoid last-minute irritation.

Kurt Hummel: Hit me.

Rachel Berry: Okay. So, um, Kurt, you know how they say that knowledge is power?

Kurt Hummel: Mm-hmm.

Rachel Berry: Okay, well, I got some last-minute intel about our NYADA adjudicator, and... well, I don't want to make you any more nervous than you already are.

Kurt Hummel: Okay, now you have to tell me.

Rachel Berry: It's Carmen Tibideaux.

Kurt Hummel: What?

Rachel Berry: My God.

Kurt Hummel: Carmen Tibideaux? She's one of NYADA's most famous-- and infamous-- alums. She's played Broadway. She's performed the most demanding roles in the greatest opera houses in the world. I think I'm going to throw up.

Rachel Berry: Look, my-my dads have been trolling the NYADA chat rooms, and they said that she's been appointed dean of Vocal Performance and Song Interpretation, and now she's going across the country to pick out her own inaugural class.

Carmen Tibideaux: All right.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, Rachel, you know the stories of her wrath as well as I do. Once, "La Tibideaux" stopped a performance of Medea at the Met because someone glanced at their watch while she was doing one of her "I'm killing my babies" arias. She destroyed him. Do you think she's going to have any qualms about cutting us off if we displease her?

Carmen Tibideaux: Kurt Hummel.

Rachel Berry: You're going to be amazing. All right, I-I believe in you, and no one can sing this song better than you can.

Kurt Hummel: Even Michael Crawford?

Rachel Berry: Go... go get 'em.

Kurt Hummel: Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be performing "Music of the Night" from the seminal Phantom of the Opera by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. Which I bet you hear a lot of. That song.

Carmen Tibideaux: That, "The Impossible Dream" from La Mancha and "Being Alive" from Company, yes.

Kurt Hummel: It's a safe and standard choice. Which is why I've decided to change things up a bit. Here, in the 11th hour, I've decided to go in a different direction. Something that's a little more out there, but much more me. "Not the Boy Next Door," from the Peter Allen bio-musical, The Boy from Oz. Ladies? I had my swans on standby.
# Coming home used to feel so good #
# I'm a stranger now in my neighborhood #
# I've seen the world at a faster pace #
# And I'm coming now from a different place #
# Though I may look the same way to you #
# Underneath there is somebody new #
# I am not the boy next door #
# I don't belong like I did before #
# Nothing ever seems like it used to be #
# You can have your dreams, but you can't have me #
# Oh, I can't come back there anymore #
# 'Cause I am not the boy next door #
# You've been saving those souvenirs #
# Faded photographs from our foolish years #
# We made plans, but they're wearing thin #
# And they don't work out 'cause I don't fit in #
# And those memories will just weigh you down #
# 'Cause I got no place to keep 'em uptown #
# I am not the boy next door #
# I don't belong like I did before #
# Nothing ever seems like it used to be #
# You can have your dreams, but you can't have me #
# Oh, I can't go back there anymore #
# 'Cause I am not the boy next door #
# Huh! #
# I'm not sorry for just being me #
# But if you look past the past, you can see #
# Nothing ever seems like it used to be #
# You can have your dreams, oh, but you can't have me #
# I can't go back there anymore #
# 'Cause I am not #
# You are not #
# I am not #
# You are not #
# I am not #
# The boy next door. #

Carmen Tibideaux: You know, Hugh Jackman won a Tony Award for playing Peter Allen. Hugh trained with me the summer I was in residence at the Sydney Opera House, and I'm certain that he would have been... as impressed with what you did with that song as I am. A bold choice, young man. I congratulate you for taking such a risk today.

Kurt Hummel: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Rachel Berry: Millions of moments have led up to this moment. All you have to do is just be yourself because you're a star.

Finn Hudson: I'll second that. You nervous?

Rachel Berry: Oddly enough, not at all. No, I'm... I'm ready.

Carmen Tibideaux: Rachel Berry.

Rachel Berry: Hi. I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing "Don't Rain on My Parade" from my favorite musical, Funny Girl.
# Don't tell me not to live #
# Just sit and putter #
# Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter #
# Don't bring around a cloud #
# To rain on my parade #
# Don't tell me not to fly #
# I've simply got to #
# Life's candy and the sun's a... #

Rachel Berry: I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. Please, let me just start over one more time. I'm sorry. Please just start over again one more time.
# Don't tell me not to live #
# Just sit and putter #
# Life's candy and the sky's a...　#

Finn Hudson: Oh, God.

Kurt Hummel: This isn't happening.

Rachel Berry: I'm... I'm so sorry. I don't know... I know this song backwards. I know this... Okay. Please, let me just do it one more time. I can start it over one more time.

Carmen Tibideaux: No.

Rachel Berry: Excuse me?

Carmen Tibideaux: You get eight bars. I gave you 16. Do you know what happens when you forget the words on Broadway? They give the job to your understudy. I'm very sorry, but this audition is over.

Rachel Berry: No, please...please, please, please. You have to believe me. You just have to... please just give me one more chance, please. Please. Please.

Rory Flanagan: What's the biggest city in Ireland?

Noah Puckerman: Blarneycock.

Sam Evans: Dude, he's pointing right at it. Come on.

Noah Puckerman: My brain is fried. It's freaking 3:00 in the morning.

Artie Abrams: That's awesome-- we've still got nine hours to cram before your test.

Joseph Hart: How's Rachel?

Finn Hudson: Uh... upset. Devastated. Wants to be alone. Her dads are doing something called sitting shivah. I mean... I just don't get it. It was a total choke. Okay. So, let's hop on back to sunny Spain. Hey, look, here's a fun fact: Spain is considered a mostly mountainous country, interspersed with picturesque plateaus and arid valleys.

Joseph Hart: That's fascinating.

Noah Puckerman: No, it's not. Who the hell cares? Not even Einstein uses this crap.

Blaine Anderson: So wipe it from your memory tomorrow, after your test.

Finn Hudson: Now, for the bonus round. Which region of Spain receives the most rainfall?

Noah Puckerman: I don't know.

Finn Hudson: You do. Just think about it, dude. The rain in Spain falls mainly...

Noah Puckerman: Whatever. In the flatlands. The plains.

Finn Hudson: What was that?

Noah Puckerman: The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.

Finn Hudson: Again.

Noah Puckerman: # The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain #

Finn Hudson: # I think he's got it #
# I think he's got it #

Noah Puckerman: # The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain #

Blaine Anderson: # By George, he's got it #
# By George, he's got it #

Finn Hudson: # Now, once again, where does it rain? #

Noah Puckerman: # On the plain, on the plain #

Finn Hudson: # And where's that soggy plain? #

Noah Puckerman: # In Spain #
# In Spain #
# The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain #

Finn Hudson: # Bravo! #

Noah & Finn: # The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain #

Noah Puckerman: # The rain in Spain #

Mike Chang: # In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire #

Noah Puckerman: # Hurricanes hardly happen #
# How kind of you to let me come #

Finn Hudson: # Now, once again, where does it rain? #

Noah Puckerman: # On the plain, on the plain #

Finn Hudson: # And where's that blasted plain? #

Noah Puckerman: # In Spain, in Spain #
# The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain #
# The rain in Spain #
# The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain. #

Blaine Anderson: All right.

Artie Abrams: Ow! Okay. Moving on. What rhymes with "preindustrial European deforestation"? Anybody?

Sue Sylvester: Shannon, I'm very upset with you. You promised to stay the night at my house. I made up my sofa bed for you. I ruined my tent fashioning a neck hole in it. And what am I supposed to do with those nine whole chickens in my fridge?

Shannon Beiste: I'm sorry, Sue. I forgot to call you. But I'm okay. I spent all last night moving in with my sister, Denise.

Sue Sylvester: Your sister's name is Denise Beiste? Well, Coach, I'm glad to hear that you're okay. And I hope that whatever bridge Denise Beiste lives under is nice and cozy. Beiste, I really admire what you're doing. I know how difficult it must be.

Shannon Beiste: Not as difficult as what I'm about to do.

Shannon Beiste: Girls, I have a confession to make. It's a really hard thing to talk about, but I feel like I owe it to you. I didn't get hit by a punching bag. I got hit by my husband.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Are you serious?

Brittany S. Pierce: Did he break his hand?

Shannon Beiste: I'm sorry I lied to you about it. But nobody tells you what you're supposed to do when something like this happens. I was shocked, I was... ashamed. So I made excuses for myself, to make it okay. And I heard you girls say that you thought your boyfriends would never do anything to you like that. And a week ago, I would've said exactly the same thing. And I was wrong.

Santana Lopez: But Cooter always seemed like such a nice guy.

Mercedes Jones: Yeah, I always just thought he was a big, smiley doofus.

Shannon Beiste: He is. Most of the time. But nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Are you considering pressing charges?

Shannon Beiste: Yeah. And more than that, I got out of there, and I moved in with my sister, and that feels really good. But you girls? You not only opened my eyes to this... you maybe even saved my life. Thank you.

Eleanor Doosenbury: Eyes on your paper, Puckerman.

Noah Puckerman: Focus. You can do this. Okay. "What area of the Spanish countryside receives the highest annual rainfall?" Holy crap! I know that one. In the plain, in the plain. Question two: "Name three counties in England where violent storms rarely occur." This is the easiest test ever! Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire! Puck-gellen is on a roll. Question three: "What was the capital of the Austria-Hungarian empire? Wait, that's not in the song.

Mike Chang: How do you think you did?

Noah Puckerman: My best.

Blaine Anderson: Did you pass?

Sam Evans: Does your head hurt? 'Cause sometimes after I take a test, my head hurts. It's usually a good sign.

Noah Puckerman: You know, it's weird, but... I think I did. Thanks to you guys. So thank you. All of you. You know, it's hard growing up without a dad, because you don't have any dude role models, except NFL players and video game characters. But I lucked out because instead of one dad, I got a whole gang of them. You guys showed me what it means to be a man. Not just last night, but for four years. Even you, Blaine.

Blaine Anderson: Thanks?

Sam Evans: Let's hug it out.

Blaine Anderson: Aw, yeah.

Noah Puckerman: Bring it in, guys. On hand. All the time.

Shannon Beiste: You girls wanted to see me?

Tina Cohen-Chang: We wanted the chance to say that we're sorry, and we had no idea.

Mercedes Jones: No idea that this was really happening to someone we care so much about.

Santana Lopez: And we're really proud of you for sticking up for yourself and getting out. And we owe you a song.
# Regrets collect like old friends #
# Here to relive #
# Your darkest moments #
# I can see no way #
# I can see no way #
# And all of the ghouls #
# Come out to play #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Every demon wants his pound of flesh #
# But I like to keep #
# Some things to myself #
# I like to keep my issues drawn #
# It's always darkest #
# Before the dawn #

Mercedes Jones: # And I've been a fool #
# And I've been blind #
# I can never leave the past behind #
# I can see no way #
# I can see no way #

Mercedes & Tina: # I'm always dragging #
# That horse around #
# Our love is pastured #
# Such a mournful sound #

Mercedes Jones: # Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground #

Santana Lopez: # 'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn #
# It's always darkest before the dawn #

Tina, Mercedes & Santana: # Shake it out, shake it out #
# Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa #
# Shake it out, shake it out #
# Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa #
# And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back #
# So shake him off, ooh whoa #

Santana Lopez: # And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back #

Mercedes Jones: # And given half the chance #
# Would I take any of it back? #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone #

Tina, Mercedes & Santana: # It's always darkest before the dawn #

Mercedes Jones: # Looking for heaven #

Tina, Mercedes & Santana: # Found the devil in me #
# Looking for heaven #

Mercedes Jones: # Found the devil in me #
# But what the hell? #

Tina, Mercedes & Santana: # I'm gonna let it happen to me... yeah #
# Shake it out, shake it out #
# Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa #
# Shake it out, shake it out #
# Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa #
# And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back #
# So shake him off, ooh whoa #

Mercedes Jones: # Oh, oh, whoa-oh-oh #

Santana & Tina: # Shake it out, shake it out #

Mercedes Jones: # Shake it out #

Santana & Tina: # Shake it out, shake it out #

Mercedes Jones: # Shake... #

Santana & Tina: # Ooh whoa #
# Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa #

Mercedes Jones: # Ooh whoa... #

Cooter Menkins: Thank you, Shannon. For... giving me a second chance.

Shannon Beiste: Thank you. Thank you, girls. You're beautiful. Get over here.

Kurt Hummel: Can I just say, for the record, that Carmen Tibideaux is a total bitch. I mean, she should've let you start over.

Rachel Berry: She did.

Kurt Hummel: I mean, a second time. You killed the beginning of that song. I-I wouldn't be surprised if you got accepted just from that.

Rachel Berry: Kurt, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but... we both know what happened. All right? I had my chance, and I choked. I choked on a song that I've been singing my entire life. And now it's over, and there's no one to blame but me. You were amazing, though. You were. I mean, you went with your gut, and-and you were better than you've ever been. You and Finn are gonna be great in New York together.

Kurt Hummel: Well, you're coming, too. Of course you're coming. Even if it doesn't work out with NYADA, you'll find...

Rachel Berry: Could we just not talk about this anymore, please? It's just... I haven't... I haven't slept in like two days, and I just am tired really tired of talking about it, okay?

Kurt Hummel: I love you, Rachel Berry.

Rachel Berry: I love you, too.

Rachel Berry: # If anyone asks #
# I'll tell them we both just moved on #
# When people all stare #
# I'll pretend that I #
# Don't hear them talk #
# Whenever I see you #
# I'll swallow my pride #
# And bite my tongue #
# Pretend I'm okay with it all #
# Act like there's nothing wrong #
# Is it over yet? #
# Can I open my eyes? #
# Is this as hard as it gets? #
# Is this what it feels like to really #
# Cry? #
# Cry #
# I'm talking in circles #
# I'm lying, they know it #
# Why won't this just #
# All go away? #
# Is it over yet? #
# Can I open my eyes? #
# Is this as hard as it gets? #
# Is this what it feels like to really #
# Cry? #
# Cry #
# Cry... #

Ian Brennan: So here's what you missed on Glee: Rachel choked at her NYADA audition, which meant she blew the biggest audition of her life.

Finn Hudson: Oh, God.

Ian Brennan: Which, as far as she's concerned, is now pretty much over.

Rachel Berry: I had my chance and I choked.

Ian Brennan: Quinn's in a wheelchair, but her rehab's going well, partly because Joe's been going with her. Brittany probably forgot she was elected senior class president. And Puck failed his big geography exam about Iberian precipitation, which means he's not gonna graduate. And that's what you missed on Glee.

Rachel Berry: Everything dies. Maybe the saddest death of all is the death of a dream. For 18 years, I've had one dream: Broadway, stardom. It was like wings that kept me hovering above the fray. But I flew too close to the sun and now they're gone and I'm just Rachel Barbra Berry of Lima, Ohio... a flightless bird. A penguin. Do I look different? I feel different. In some ways, it's a relief... to be part of the crowd. My dreams are smaller now, maybe even more real... the wedding, winning Nationals... but first, prom. I'll never walk the red carpet as a Tony or Golden Globe nominee. That's what you get for having no backup plan. Prom is my night to trip the light fantastic. Next to my wedding, my prom dress will be the most important gown I ever wear. I'm surprisingly okay with it all. That dream was just a favorite old sweater that I kept around even though it didn't fit anymore. I can grieve it and move on. I may have lost NYADA, but I still have Finn. So I'm not going to get everything I thought I ever wanted. Doesn't make me a loser.

Rachel Berry: What are you doing?

Becky Jackson: I am practicing my Prom Queen victory wave. I'm going to win.

Rachel Berry: You know, there's a lot of stiff competition this year, Becky. I wouldn't want you to be disappointed.

Becky Jackson: Would you mind taking your loser talk somewhere else? I don't want to catch your failure.

Principal Figgins: Sexy teen trollop. Many months ago, to much fanfare, you were elected senior class president.

Brittany S. Pierce: Oh, yeah.

Principal Figgins: Since that day, you have accomplished nothing except one memorandum written in crayon saying "Drill, baby, drill."

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah, I no longer believe we should be drilling for babies.

Principal Figgins: Your do-nothing presidency has me seriously considering abolishing the post altogether. And as you are flunking each of your classes, you need class president on your transcript if you hope to gain admittance into college.

Brittany S. Pierce: No, I don't. I've already been accepted at Perdue.

Principal Figgins: The university?

Brittany S. Pierce: No, the chicken factory.

Principal Figgins: Miss Pierce, you are making a mockery of this student government, and if you don't make an impact with the rest of your term, your presidency will be this school's last!

Brittany S. Pierce: I now realize I wasted an entire year belaboring the nuances of my fluid teen sexuality and getting caught up in Lord Tubbington's Ponzi schemes. Then for a while, I stopped talking. But I don't want my presidency to be the last one at McKinley. I don't want that to be my legacy.

Principal Figgins: Well, Madame President, prom is coming up. And if you want to rehabilitate your image, perhaps that's where you should start.

Brittany S. Pierce: Okay.

Brittany S. Pierce: I don't know who any of you guys are.

Girl: Oh, we're the Prom Committee. We've been meeting since September.

Liz: We've sent you 14 memos.

Brittany S. Pierce: Did you get my memo about drilling for babies?

Girl: No.

Brittany S. Pierce: Good. 'Cause that's not the solution to soaring gas prices.

Clark Hummings: We're a little behind schedule, but we think we have a great theme for this year's prom.

Brittany S. Pierce: Cool.

Girl: This year's prom theme is... "Castles in the Clouds."

Brittany S. Pierce: Nice. I like your unicorns; Those are great. But I'm gonna have to say never, 'cause there's no way I'm ever gonna let that happen. Castles are very heavy, so putting them on clouds would be extremely dangerous. I seriously think the three of you should be put in jail.

Clark Hummings: Okay. Um, what about... "Stairway to Heaven"?

Brittany S. Pierce: Not unless we also build escalators to heaven for the disabled students. Plus, I'm not really sure if they're even allowed into heaven. It's clear that the three of you are incompetent fools, possibly some sort of terrorist cell. So, as president, I'm gonna decide what the prom theme is going to be this year. And I think... that it should be... "Dinosaurs."

Clark Hummings: Dinosaurs?!

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah. The Bible told me that dinosaurs and cavemen lived side by side for millions of years in peace, and I think that's something that we should totally celebrate.

Girl: No, you can't be serious.

Liz: That's the worst prom theme ever.

Brittany S. Pierce: When you insult my dinosaur prom theme, that's bullying, and I will not accept it. By the power vested in me as president, you are all fired. Sorry, Rachel, that includes you. But I guess I'll see you in Glee Club, so... Good meeting, guys.

Sue Sylvester: Good morning, McKinley High! First of all, to those of you thoughtful enough to leave maternity gifts outside my office, both I and my unborn child thank you for your lackluster Cracker Barrel meat-and-cheese medleys, and I'm sure that my trash can will find them delicious. Now it's time to announce this year's Senior Prom Court nominees. Your choices for Prom King are... Rick "The Stick" Nelson.

Rick Nelson: Yeah! You know this!

Sue Sylvester: President Brittany S. Pierce. That's weird. And also, Finn Hudson. And now on to the category we all really care about: Prom Queen.

Becky Jackson: Becky for Prom Queen 2012!

Sue Sylvester: Missy Gunderson. Santana Lopez. And Quinn Fabray. Congratulations to all our nominees... Becky, Becky, Becky! That's an antique!

Becky Jackson: I was robbed, Coach!

Finn Hudson: So are you bummed you didn't get nominated for Prom Queen?

Rachel Berry: In what world would I ever be nominated for Prom Queen?

Finn Hudson: Well, I voted for you. And I got that crossed-eyed dude in my study hall to vote for you, too.

Rachel Berry: That's very sweet of you, but I'm not upset at all actually, because I am gonna be spending my entire prom night dancing with my devastatingly handsome future husband to be. We'll make your posters later, okay?

Will Schuester: Okay! A big congrats to all our prom nominees! But, hey, listen up. We are all winners, because Principal Figgins asked New Directions to sing again this year! Come on!

Noah Puckerman: Fantastic.

Will Schuester: All right. Brittany has an announcement.

Brittany S. Pierce: Hello, my fellow Americans. The theme for this year's prom will be... "Dinosaurs."

Santana Lopez: Sheer genius.

Brittany S. Pierce: Thanks. I was inspired by the new girl Joe, who reminds me of a cavewoman. The refreshments will be berries, meat and rainwater. As you are no doubt aware, the U.S. elections are riddled with corruption. Therefore, to keep the prom elections completely aboveboard, I have appointed Santana and Quinn to count the ballots.

Kurt Hummel: What? That makes no sense!

Santana Lopez: Shut it, Richard Simmons. Yes, Quinn's my homegirl, but I don't trust her, and you know she doesn't trust me.

Quinn Fabray: We'll keep each other honest.

Mercedes Jones: You know, It's actually not a bad idea.

Brittany S. Pierce: And last but not least, all hair gel has been banned from the prom.

Blaine Anderson: Right.

Brittany S. Pierce: I'm actually not joking. Hair gel was not invented until almost 30 million years after the Upper Paleolithic Stone Age. And frankly, I don't like the way you look. Therefore, anyone who shows up to prom wearing hair gel will be turned away at the door. I hereby decree this to be the best prom : Ever.

Will Schuester: Okay. Let's start thinking of... dinosaur songs.

Rachel Berry: Hey, did you know about this? I know you knew about this 'cause it was hung at eye level and I know Quinn couldn't reach up that high to put it there.

Finn Hudson: Whoa, whoa. Remember when I told you that if you come at me with the crazy right off the bat that my head goes all empty and I can't really have a productive conversation?

Rachel Berry: This isn't crazy, this is mad, this is hurt.

Finn Hudson: This isn't a big deal.

Rachel Berry: Not a big deal? I'm gonna have to watch my fiancé dance in front of the entire school with his ex-girlfriend at my senior prom.

Finn Hudson: If you haven't noticed, Quinn can't dance. She just about died coming to our wedding. She asked me if I would campaign with her, and I figured it was the least I could do for our friend. I can't believe how selfish you're being.

Rachel Berry: Yeah, well, if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of having a bad week myself. I can't believe that my entire high school career is gonna end the exact same way it started... just some sad little Jewish girl watching you get all the attention with the pretty blonde cheerleader.

Quinn Fabray: Oh...

Joseph Hart: Come on. Good, good, good. Come on. All right, now let go of your hands. You got this. Just-just let go. I promise you'll be okay. You got it. Good. Come on. This is all you. Look at you. You have it. Just-just... No-no-no-no-no! Are you okay?

Quinn Fabray: Yeah, I'm okay.

Joseph Hart: I knew you could do it. That was fantastic. You're amazing.

Quinn Fabray: Thank you for always coming with me.

Joseph Hart: Totally selfish. I get to hang with you. Take a break, then let's show everyone. Glee and...

Quinn Fabray: No, no.

Joseph Hart: Why? This is huge.

Quinn Fabray: Because it has to be real. I mean... you know, maybe if I practiced a lot, I could walk into the choir room. Or even prom. So until then, just promise me you won't tell anybody.

Joseph Hart: You're gonna be dancing at prom. I know it.

Becky Jackson: I, Becky Faye Jackson, was born to be Queen, but my crown has been stolen. Queens don't always have to look the same, you know. Sometimes they look different. Sometimes they're shorter. Or wear glasses. What are you smiling about, poster-people? And stop staring at me! It's not fun to be stared at.

Sue Sylvester: Becky, I understand you're upset, but this scorched earth reign of terror must come to an end. First, you declared war on xylophones. Then, you ransacked the cafeteria line.

Becky Jackson: But, Coach, I want to be Prom Queen, just like I just saw in that commercial.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, Becky, commercials aren't real life. Advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions. Haven't you seen Mad Men?

Becky Jackson: No.

Sue Sylvester: Neither have I. Becky, let's be realistic: You just didn't have the votes. For starters, your posters sent a bit of a mixed message.

Becky Jackson: But my paintbrush doesn't have spell check, Coach.

Sue Sylvester: And second... and I mean this as a compliment... you're a bitch, Becky. With a bad attitude. And honestly, with Quinn Fabray in a wheelchair, the sympathy vote was split. But here's the goods. You're coming to prom with me, Becky Jackson, where I'm making you deputy in charge of guarding the punch bowl. Chin up, Jackson. And please be careful walking past my brand-new xylophone. That's the attitude right there, Becky.

Rachel Berry: # The smell of your skin #
# Lingers on me now #
# You're probably on your flight #
# Back to your hometown #
# I need some shelter #
# Of my own protection, baby #
# Be with myself and center #
# Clarity, peace, serenity #

Kurt Hummel: # I hope you know #
# I hope you know #
# That this has nothing to do with you #
# It's personal, myself and I #
# We've got some straightening out to do #

Rachel & Blaine: # And I'm gonna miss you #
# Like a child misses their blanket #
# But I've got to get a move on with my life #
# It's time to be a big girl now #

Rachel, Blaine & Kurt: # And big girls don't cry #

Rachel Berry: # But it's time for me to go home #
# It's getting late and dark outside #
# I need to be with myself and center #
# Clarity, peace, serenity, yeah #

Kurt Hummel: # I hope you know #
# I hope you know #
# That this has nothing to do with you #
# It's personal, myself and I #
# We've got some straightening out to do #

Rachel & Blaine: # And I'm gonna miss you #
# Like a child misses their blanket #
# But I've got to get a move on with my life #
# It's time to be a big girl now #

Rachel, Blaine & Kurt: # And big girls don't cry #

Blaine Anderson: Rehearsing for prom? 'Cause I love that song, but it's sort of a downer, don't you think?

Rachel Berry: It's just how I'm feeling right now, okay? I don't want to watch Finn and Quinn get crowned the king and queen at my prom. I don't want to watch him dance with her. I-I know that she can't really dance anymore, but... I'm sorry. You know...you know what I mean.

Kurt Hummel: She's right. Prom sucks. I don't want to go, either.

Blaine Anderson: Well, you have to go. You're the reigning prom queen. You have to crown the next one.

Kurt Hummel: As much as I love a good coronation, I can't risk it. With this school's strong and insane tradition of write-in ballots, I could get elected prom queen again, all right? And I know I put on a brave face last year, but it was humiliating. And, had I known, I would have worn a full kilt, so...

Blaine Anderson: How do you think I feel with Brittany's insane ban on hair gel? It's prom. There's going to be balloons all over the place, not to mention the taffeta and the silk blends. The sheer amount of static electricity in that room is going to be terrifying.

Kurt Hummel: It's crazy.

Blaine Anderson: You've never seen my hair without gel... it's-it's baby-hair fine. No, it... I'm going to look like Medusa. It's not funny. I don't want to go.

Kurt Hummel: Well, if we're all going to be so miserable about it, who says we have to go?

Rachel Berry: You're right, Kurt. But I have a better idea.

Rachel Berry: So Kurt and Blaine and I are throwing an anti-prom party.

Mercedes Jones: What's an anti-prom party?

Rachel Berry: It's a party for those of us who maybe feel a little, you know, disenfranchised by the actual prom. And I got us a hotel room at Lima's best hotel, Red Rooster Express Suite, and everyone's invited.

Quinn Fabray: You're supporting this?

Finn Hudson: I'm supporting her, and I'll be there as soon as I'm done fulfilling my... obligations.

Kurt Hummel: The mood will be celebratory, the food will be catered, the libations will be plentiful, and the dress code will be creative black tie.

Rachel Berry: Optional, optional, optional. And keeping up with the anti-prom theme, everyone is welcome, and unlike the actual prom, which ends at 11:00 p.m., ours goes until the wee hours of the night. It's where the fun's at, you guys.

Santana Lopez: Okay, how is everyone welcome when this is clearly just a party for you and the two gay Winklevii twins?

Rachel Berry: Actually, Santana, we've invited most of McKinley's underclassmen.

Rachel Berry: I wanted to invite you to our anti-prom party.

Becky Jackson: Who's going?

Rachel Berry: Me, Kurt...

Becky Jackson: Boring. Who else?

Rachel Berry: Well, we just came up with the idea.

Becky Jackson: I'll think about it.

Noah Puckerman: I'm in.

Artie Abrams: But what about your tradition of trying to spike Coach Sylvester's punch bowl? I almost lost my teeth for it last time.

Noah Puckerman: It's impossible. Plus it's a bummer, always failing... at everything.

Santana Lopez: Can we just talk about what this really is? Rachel Berry isn't getting her way, so she's punishing the rest of us.

Rachel Berry: Santana, that's not the case at all.

Santana Lopez: Stop acting like you're fine and start dealing with your crap. Look, you choked at your big audition. I get it. I'm sorry, but it happens. And I understand that you're pissed off at the universe, but imploding on one of the last nights that we have to spend together because, basically, you're just not in the mood to dance is maybe the pettiest thing you have ever done. So have fun at your "I'm a victim" party, acting like you're not some selfish, self-centered, lame-ass wannabe diva from hell, because me, I'm going to go to my senior prom with my girlfriend and my friends.

Quinn Fabray: You can't be too pleased by that stunt Rachel's pulling.

Finn Hudson: I'm not, but I kind of feel bad for her. She's going through a lot of rough stuff.

Quinn Fabray: Rough stuff? Did you forget that you're talking to a girl in a wheelchair?

Finn Hudson: Yeah, looks good.

Quinn Fabray: We've come full circle.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, just like old times.

Quinn Fabray: Though, to be clear, there will be no extracurricular activity this time. I'm going to Yale, and there are no tire store majors there.

Finn Hudson: Well, neither are there at the Actors Studio, where I'm applying.

Girl: Oh, my God. Quinn Fabray... you're so brave to be doing this.

Quinn Fabray: Thank you. The atrophy in my leg is a constant reminder of the slow, withering remnants of my past life. The toll can, at times, be physically and emotionally hard, knowing that I may never walk again. People like you inspire me. Your healthy, normal legs are beautiful.

Girl: You deserve this. You've got my vote.

Finn Hudson: Wow, that was super creepy.

Quinn Fabray: It won't be when we're standing up on that stage soaking up the applause.

Finn Hudson: Don't you feel kind of weird using your injury to get the sympathy vote like that?

Quinn Fabray: Votes are votes, Finn. Do you want to win or not?

Mike Chang: This is awesome. I actually really love dinosaurs. Whoa. Triceratops.

Brittany S. Pierce: # D-I-N-O-S-A #
# U-R a dinosaur #
# D-I-N-O-S-A #
# U-R a dinosaur #
# An O-L-D M-A-N #
# You're just an old man #
# Hitting on me, what? #
# You need a CAT scan #
# Yeah, you're pretty old #
# Not long till you're a senior citizen #
# And you can strut around with that sexy tank of oxygen #
# Honey, your toupee is falling to your left side #
# Get up and go, bro #
# Oh, wait, you're fossilized, ha #
# You sit down, buy me a martini #
# Won't go away, my hips aren't sinking #
# You say #
# "Hey, wanna come with me?" #
# I'm about to barf, seriously #
# D-I-N-O-S-A #
# U-R a dinosaur #
# D-I-N-O-S-A #
# U-R a dinosaur #
# An O-L-D M-A-N #
# You're just an old man #
# Hitting on me, what? #
# You need a CAT scan #
# Hey, dinosaur #
# Baby, you're prehistoric #
# Hey, dinosaur #
# That's what you are, ha #
# Hey, carnivore #
# You want my meat, I know it #
# Hey, dinosaur #
# That's what you are, ha... #

Sue Sylvester: Hudson Hog, take a deep, meaningful drink of Sue Sylvester's Special Prombrosia. I don't know if it's the sentimental fetus in me talking, but I think it's my best batch ever. Nothing but Fruit Juicy Red, Manhattan Seltzer and seven tablespoons of Visine, just so we get out of here on time.

Finn Hudson: Uh, have you seen Quinn? I-I want to make sure that I can, uh, get her and her wheelchair up on stage when she wins.

Sue Sylvester: Well, she had a couple of cups of punch earlier, so I'd probably start with the little girls' room.

Brittany S. Pierce: # D-I-N-O-S-A #
# U-R a dinosaur #
# D-I-N-O-S-A #
# That's what you are, ha. #

Finn Hudson: Hello. Hey, Quinn, Quinn, you in here? You... you can walk?

Quinn Fabray: Yeah. Isn't it amazing? You're seeing me take my first steps.

Finn Hudson: So you-you... you lied to us. To everybody.

Quinn Fabray: No, I mean, my legs are getting better, but I wanted it to be a surprise. You know, for when I walk up there and... and get my crown. The crowd will go wild. I really want this.

Finn Hudson: Yeah. You may want this, but Rachel needs me, and... and I picked you over her. Do you know how stupid that makes me feel? You have everything. You're going to have your crown. You're going to go to Yale. Rachel has none of that. And tonight, thanks to you, she doesn't even have me.

Quinn Fabray: We're a shoo-in. I need you.

Finn Hudson: No, you don't need me, okay? I-I-I thought going through all that terrible stuff this year made you cooler, but no, you're still the same old Quinn. All that matters is you.

Quinn Fabray: Come on, stop! Please. Look, it's mandatory for the nominees to have at least one dance together. I know you don't understand how much this means to me, but... will you please just stay here for me? Please.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, my God.

Rachel Berry: All right. Let the very first annual McKinley High Anti-Prom begin.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, look, there's chocolates on the pillows.

Blaine Anderson: We got room service.

Becky Jackson: Minibar! Whoo! Nice!

Noah Puckerman: So, uh, what should we do now?

Becky Jackson: Duh... play strip poker. I brought condoms.

Kurt Hummel: Becky, Blaine and I are gay, remember?

Becky Jackson: Never stopped me before.

Rachel Berry: Well, I mean, no matter what, it'll be better than prom.

Kurt Hummel: Yeah! Who wants to be in that smelly old gym, anyway?

Noah Puckerman: Prom's a sucker's paradise.

Becky Jackson: Prom sucks! Let's get wasted! Whoo!

Rachel Berry: Becky, Becky, we appreciate your enthusiasm, but will you just keep it down with the shouting?

Becky Jackson: Keep your big honking nose out of it, Berry! Oh, snap! Oh snap!

Blaine Anderson: So, I wouldn't mind watching a little TV. Um, maybe some Bravo?

Noah Puckerman: Dude, it's a hotel. It's gotta be Skinemax.

Rachel Berry: We could put on a fashion show!

Kurt Hummel: Yeah! Let's go all Sound of Music and make some old-timey couture out of the drapes and bedsheets, huh?

Becky Jackson: Too gay!

Noah Puckerman: I second that.

Rachel Berry: Well, I'd love to show you guys my prom dress. I wouldn't want it to go completely to waste. It's in my car. I can go get it.

Becky Jackson: Worst anti-prom ever!

Santana Lopez: # It's been said and done #
# Every beautiful thought's been already sung #
# And I guess right now here's another one #
# So your melody will play on and on #
# With the best of 'em #

Sam Evans: First time we danced together like this was at last year's prom.

Mercedes Jones: I remember.

Sam Evans: And remember when I told you we were gonna get back together and you told me I was crazy? Crazy.

Mercedes Jones: That's 'cause you are.

Sam Evans: Yeah, but you kind of love it.

Santana Lopez: # And I want you to know, baby #
# I, I love you like a love song, baby #
# I, I love you like a love song, baby # Looks like everyone's happy tonight.
# I, I love you like a love song, baby #
# And I keep hitting repeat- peat, peat, peat, peat, peat #
# I, I love you like a love song, baby #
# I, I love you like a love song, baby #
# I, I love you like a long song, baby #
# And I keep hitting repeat- peat, peat, peat, peat, peat #
# Constantly, girl, you play #
# Through my mind like a symphony #
# There's no way to describe what you do to me #
# You just do me #
# What you do #
# And it feels like I've been rescued #

Tina & Brittany: # Rescued #

Santana Lopez: # I've been set free #

Tina & Brittany: # Set free #

Santana Lopez: # I am hypnotized by destiny #

Tina & Brittany: # Destiny #

Santana Lopez: # You are magical, lyrical, beautiful #
# You are, and I want you to know, baby #
# I, I love you like a love song, baby #

Quinn Fabray: It's just one dance. Can you finish it with me?

Finn Hudson: Yeah, I will... as soon as you stand up and show everybody how much you deserve this, how much you deserve to be Prom Queen.

Quinn Fabray: Are you really doing this right now?

Finn Hudson: What, making you walk? Make you stand up and show everybody how much of a crazy liar you are? Yeah. Come on. Stand up!

Joseph Hart: What's going on, dude?

Finn Hudson: Did you know that she could walk, too? You must have with all that physical therapy you've been giving.

Quinn Fabray: Hey, just finish the dance with me!

Finn Hudson: Stand the hell up! Come on!

Joseph Hart: What is wrong with you?!

Sue Sylvester: Hey, hey, hey! You forcing me to eject you from yet another prom, Hudson?

Finn Hudson: Not this time, Coach.

Sue Sylvester: Good idea, Frumps. What are you looking at, Jar-Jar Binks?

Becky Jackson: Touch those peanut M&M's, and I will end you.

Blaine Anderson: This is a repeat. It's the one with the passive-aggressive lesbian and the doggy care.

Kurt Hummel: I wish Tabatha would take over this anti-prom. Gosh, this sucks.

Blaine Anderson: Yeah, well...

Kurt Hummel: If you wanted to go to the prom, I would have gone with you.

Blaine Anderson: I am not going to give into Brittany's insane ban on hair gel. Freedom to use hair care products? It's in the Bill of Rights.

Kurt Hummel: Didn't the founding fathers all wear wigs?

Blaine Anderson: You haven't seen me without an enormous amount of gel in my hair. It's, it's really bad.

Becky Jackson: Finally, the room service is here. I want my shrimp cocktail!

Finn Hudson: Hey, Becky. Where's Rachel?

Becky Jackson: She's been in the bathroom for 45 minutes. I'm guessing the runs.

Rachel Berry: All right, let's let the anti-prom fashion extravaganza begin.

Finn Hudson: Hi.

Rachel Berry: What are you doing here?

Finn Hudson: Well, I'll keep it simple. I love you. You're beautiful. Prom sucks without you. Prom sucks without all of you, guys. This is the last t time we're gonna get to be together like this. I want to dance with my fiancé, dance with my friends.

Blaine Anderson: Well, I'll just pretend to be an iceculpture if Brittany sees me, and then she'll just pass me by.

Rachel Berry: So, you guys gonna come?

Becky Jackson: Not until I get my shrimp cocktail.

Noah Puckerman: I'm good. And you guys go ahead.

Finn Hudson: Come on, dude. You're my wingman.

Noah Puckerman: I'll go next year.

Rachel Berry: Come.

Becky Jackson: Are you ready for strip poker, Puckerman? Socks count as one item.

Brittany S. Pierce: I'm so glad you guys came.

Finn Hudson: Better late than never, right?

Rachel Berry: Come on. Let's dance.

Joseph Hart: # You're insecure, don't know what for #

Brittany S. Pierce: No, sorry, Blaine. I said no hair gel, remember? I can totally smell it.

Santana Lopez: Let's go!

Kurt Hummel: You can do this.

Joseph Hart: # The way that you are is enough #

Rory Flanagan: # Everyone else in the room can see it #
# Everyone else but you #

Artie & Joseph: # Baby, you light up my world like nobody else #
# The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed #
# But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell #
# You don't know, oh-oh #
# You don't know you're beautiful #
# If only you saw what I can see #
# You'll understand why I want you so desperately #
# Right now I'm looking at you #
# And I can't believe you don't know, oh-oh #
# You don't know you're beautiful, oh-oh #
# That's what makes you beautiful #

Sam Evans: # Na, na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na #
# Na, na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na #
# Na, na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na #
# Na, na-na-na, na-na #
# Baby, you light up my world like nobody else #
# The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed #
# But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell #

Rory Flanagan: # You don't know, oh-oh #

Joseph Hart: # You don't know you're beautiful #

Artie & Joseph: # Baby, you light up my world like nobody else #
# The way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed #
# But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell #
# You don't know, oh-oh, you don't know you're beautiful #

Joseph Hart: # If only you saw what I can see #
# You'll understand why I want you so desperately #
# Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe #
# You don't know, oh-oh #
# You don't know you're beautiful, oh-oh #
# You don't know you're beautiful, oh-oh #
# That's what makes you beautiful #

Becky Jackson: Suck on these, Puckerman. Trip aces.

Noah Puckerman: Crap. I'm getting sharked. Where'd you learn to play?

Becky Jackson: In the joint.

Noah Puckerman: Well, I'm one losing hand away from an extremely awkward situation, so would you mind laying off a little bit?

Becky Jackson: I can't. I'm too pissed off.

Noah Puckerman: Why?

Becky Jackson: 'Cause I didn't get nominated for prom queen like that girl in the commercial. Coach Sue said I couldn't get the votes.

Noah Puckerman: You really wanted that crown, huh?

Becky Jackson: More than anything. It hurts, Puck.

Noah Puckerman: Becky Jackson... I'm putting some clothes on 'cause I have an idea.

Becky Jackson: Really?

Noah Puckerman: Yeah, check it out. We still haven't crowned a king and queen for the anti-prom, have we?

Becky Jackson: No, we haven't.

Noah Puckerman: I'm gonna bust out my knife. If you ask me, I think the anti-prom's the most important prom of all. First, we need a king.

Becky Jackson: Nice.

Noah Puckerman: And then now, we need a queen. Hmm...

Becky Jackson: I hope I get it.

Noah Puckerman: Becky Jackson... I crown you the Queen of the anti-prom. Take a look.

Becky Jackson: Oh, my gosh! I did it. I'm so happy.

Noah Puckerman: Your Highness, what do you say we get out of here?

Becky Jackson: Sure. My prince.

Quinn Fabray: Hey, I got your text. You have three minutes. The voting has started, and I need to get out there and press the flesh.

Rachel Berry: Look, I owe you an apology. I-I found out that you and Finn were campaigning together, and I kind of freaked out. I got really jealous and irrational, I just, I should have been supportive.

Quinn Fabray: Well, since I had no idea that was going on, it's pretty easy to forgive you. So I'm glad we cleared this up.

Rachel Berry: Wait. Do you not understand what you mean to me? When we first met, you were everything I wanted to be: You were beautiful and popular, and you had Finn.

Quinn Fabray: How the mighty have fallen.

Rachel Berry: No, you don't understand. I still see you the same way, okay? That's why I got so crazy. Because I wasn't seeing the new Quinn. The still-beautiful, but humbled and inspiring Quinn. I, I've lost so much over these past few weeks. And I honestly don't know what the hell I'm gonna do to do with my life. But when I look back on my high school career the one thing, the one accomplishment that I'm gonna be so proud of is that I found a way to be your friend. So I'm apologizing to my friend. And I also want you to know that I voted for you for Prom Queen. And I really think you deserve it.

Santana Lopez: Stop making out with Berry and get to the Spanish room, Quinn. It's time to count the votes and declare me the winner.

Rachel Berry: Right. Bye. Good luck.

Sue Sylvester: Drop that ladle, Cohen-Chang! Ooh, I'm onto you, lady. You're trying to spike my punch!

Tina Cohen-Chang: No, I'm not. I'm just thirsty. I'm dehydrated from all the crying.

Sue Sylvester: Yeah, right. That dress is hideous.

Becky Jackson: Becky Faye Jackson, you've done it! You're at senior prom with a crown on your head, and a hot piece of booty on your arm. And for once in my life, I don't mind everybody staring at me.

Noah Puckerman: Game on, beautiful.

Becky Jackson: Born for this, Puckerman.

Sue Sylvester: Becky, I don't care which dope we crown here tonight, you are truly the queen of this joint.

Becky Jackson: Thanks, Coach! Oh, my God! Is that a sniper in the rafters?

Sue Sylvester: Oh, I knew I should've done another security sweep. I don't see anything.

Becky Jackson: Use your infrared glasses, Coach.

Sue Sylvester: Good idea, Becky. I don't see anything.

Becky Jackson: Dance with me, Puckerman?

Noah Puckerman: Thank you for making my dream come true, my queen.

Santana Lopez: My count for king is the same as yours. I don't get it. How could Brittany have only gotten four votes? This Dino Prom theme was a smash.

Quinn Fabray: Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's a girl.

Santana Lopez: Well, screw this. I don't want to be queen if Britt isn't king.

Quinn Fabray: Well, good, because my count for queen was the same as yours. I won by one vote. I won. It's everything I've ever wanted and I don't feel any different.

Santana Lopez: Cool. I mean, I guess you deserve to win, right? What with being a crip and all.

Quinn Fabray: You know, we really have had the dream high school careers. Mega-popular, doing whatever we wanted. Whoever we wanted. You know, I'm really not surprised that you and I were the top two candidates.

Santana Lopez: Yeah. Well, you know, it would be boring if we weren't so awesome.

Quinn Fabray: Don't you want to leave this place having made a difference?

Kurt Hummel: Oh, my dear God.

Brittany S. Pierce: Don't make fun of the new kid with the bad 'fro. It's hair-bullying.

Kurt Hummel: That's not a new kid. That's Blaine without hair gel.

Blaine Anderson: Is it really that bad?

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah, you're Mr. Broccoli Head.

Kurt Hummel: It's not that bad.

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah, it is. It's really bad. And you made your point. I abuse my power as president... but to help save the prom, and to keep people from turning to stone when they look at you, I'll give you special permission to wear hair gel, immediately.

Principal Figgins: Quiet, please, children.

Blaine Anderson: I'll be right back.

Principal Figgins: Thank you, thank you.

Kurt Hummel: Don't you dare. I love finally getting to see the real you. The man without the product. And I want everyone here to know just how proud I am of my brave, handsome, bushy-haired boyfriend. Come on, Barrette.

Principal Figgins: First I have an announcement to make: There are reptiles living in McKinley toilets no more. The family of snakes has been safely removed to the zoo, and they can life out their lives in the toilets there. And now, this year's Prom Court: Nominees for the Prom King are: Finn Hudson... Rick "The Stick" Nelson...

Boy: I love you, man!

Principal Figgins: And President Brittany S. Pierce. The nominees for Prom Queen: Missy Gunderson... Santana Lopez... Miss Quinn Fabray. I would like to invite last year's queen, sassy male student Kurt Hummel, to crown this year's winners. And... this year's Prom King is... Hmm... Mr. Finn Hudson.

Blaine Anderson: Go, Finn!

Principal Figgins: And the winner for Prom Queen is... Students, for the second year in a row, we have prom anarchy. Receiving the majority of write-in votes, I would like to welcome on the stage... Miss Rachel Berry.

Kurt Hummel: Smile and breathe.

Principal Figgins: McKinley Titans, bow down to your new leaders! And now... first dance of this year's Senior King and Queen!

Quinn Fabray: # Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game... #

Rachel Berry: Is this some kind of joke or something? I mean, like Kurt last year, is someone going to throw pig's blood on me next, like in Carrie?

Finn Hudson: Look at me. You're sexy, you're beautiful, you're an inspiration to every single person in this room, just like you are to me. From where you began, to where you are now... you're amazing.

Santana Lopez: # Watching in slow-motion as you turn around and say #

Quinn & Santana: # You take my breath away #
# Take my breath away #

Mike Chang: Hey, are you really crying?

Tina Cohen-Chang: I just... don't want it to end.

Mike Chang: Prom night?

Tina Cohen-Chang: Everything. This whole year. I just wish it could go on forever.

Quinn & Santana: # You take my breath away #

Quinn Fabray: # Watching every motion in this foolish lover's game #
# Haunted by the notion #
# Somewhere there's a love in flames... #

Mercedes Jones: Praise!

Sam Evans: It's a prom miracle.

Santana Lopez: # Turning and returning to some secret place inside... #
# Watching in slow-motion as you turn my way #
# And say #

Quinn & Santana: # You take my breath away #

Santana Lopez: # My love #

Quinn & Santana: # Take my breath away, oh... #

Santana Lopez: # Away #

Quinn & Santana: # Take my breath away... #

Rachel Berry: Never in a million years would I have thought that someone like me would win Prom Queen. But if my friends believe in me enough to see me this way, then... I don't know, maybe anything's possible.

Santana Lopez: # Away #

Quinn & Santana: # Take my breath away #

Santana Lopez: # My love #

Quinn & Santana: # Take my breath away... #

Ian Brennan: So here's what's you missed Kurt pulled a last-minute switcheroo for Carmen Tibideaux and nailed his NYADA audition, while Rachel tried her old "Don't Rain on My Parade" standby which we've all heard now, like, a bajillion times, and she totally choked. Bieste admitted that her husband Cooter hit her, but she lied and said she left him, when actually, she stayed. Puck isn't graduating, which he pretends not to care about...

Noah Puckerman: I'm too stupid.

Ian Brennan: ...but a while back, he told everybody that graduating high school was something he was really looking forward to. The Glee Club's been ignoring Tina all year long.

Kurt Hummel: Tina won't mind being recast.

Rachel Berry: No, she won't.

Ian Brennan: Actually, she kind of got ignored last year, too. Actually, Tina's sort of been ignored the whole time and she's been in the New Directions! since, like forever. The first time she got a solo, she insisted she was bad and forced Mr. Shue to give the song to Rachel, and ever solo since, she's either gotten booed or started crying uncontrollably. No one noticed that she went from dressing punk to dressing Goth to dressing like a go-go dancer in '60s Swinging London. She even got Mike Chang into college, and she hardly got a thank you. Sometimes people don't even seem to know her name.

Santana Lopez: Girl Chang...

Sebastian Smythe: Tina Blowin' Wang...

Roz Washington: Asian Horror Movie!

Ian Brennan: And that's what you missed on Glee.

Sue Sylvester: Porcelain, Weezy, you created a monster. They're calling Jessie St. James a visionary, and lauding Vocal Adrenaline for their ongoing commitment to diversity.

Mercedes Jones: But Jessie St. James was against Unique performing as his true magical self.

Kurt Hummel: No, we were the ones who convinced him to do that.

Sue Sylvester: Well, then, you only have yourselves to blame. And the liberal media.

Mercedes Jones: Not really. It was your idea.

Sue Sylvester: I have no memory of that. In any case, Unique is now a show choir celebrity. He/She will trounce us at Nationals, and I will lose my Cheerios! to Coach Roz Washington. I will not let that happen. We have but one choice left to us: It's time to fight fire with the flaming flames of additional flamey gay fire. Porcelain, you will wear this flapper dress and perform at Nationals as Porcelina. You already have the lady gait and the lady voice, and you'll have to start smoking, though, because this dress is a size two.

Kurt Hummel: Okay, just because I'm gay does not mean I like to dress up like a woman.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, come on.

Mercedes Jones: What about Halloween, Kurt?

Kurt Hummel: Trick or treat! Ba-da bing!

Blaine Anderson: Ay, what's a guy gotta do to get a candy situation up in here, huh?

Kurt Hummel: Okay, that was a Halloween costume, and it is a far cry from starting out on the stage at Nationals in a dress. Which is absolutely out of the question.

Sue Sylvester: Well, then, the New Directions! will lose. Hate to say it, kiddo, but if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals, it's tuckin' time.

Rachel Berry: # When I look into your eyes #
# It's like watching the night sky #
# Or a beautiful sunrise #
# There's so much they hold #
# And just like them old stars #
# I see that you've come so far #
# To be right where you are #
# How old is your soul? #
# 'Cause even the stars, they burn #
# Some even fall to the earth #
# We've got a lot to learn #
# God knows we're worth it #
# No, I won't give up #
# I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily #
# I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make #
# And in the end, you're still my friend #
# At least we did intend for us to work #
# We didn't break, we didn't burn #
# We had to learn how to bend #
# Without the world caving in #
# I had to learn what I got and what I'm not #
# And who I am #
# I won't give up #

Girls of ND: # No, I won't #

Rachel Berry: # On us #

Girls of ND: # Give it up #

Rachel Berry: # God knows I'm tough #

Girls of ND: # I am tough #

Rachel Berry: # Enough #

Girls of ND: # I am tough #

Rachel Berry: # We got a lot #

Girls of ND: # We got a lot #

Rachel Berry: # To learn #

Girls of ND: # We got a lot #

Rachel Berry: # God knows we're worth it #

Girls of ND: # And we're worth it #

Rachel Berry: # I won't give up on us #
# Even if the skies get rough #
# I've given you all my love #
# I'm still looking up #

Man: You've reaed the office of Carmen Tibideaux, Dean of Vocal Performance, at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. Please leave a message after the tone.

Rachel Berry: Hi, Madame Tibideaux, this is Rachel Berry calling. I understand that 14 messages is a lot, but I just wanted to make sure that you got the muffin basket that I sent as well as the invitation to come and see my show choir perform at our Nationals in Chicago. Every year, the judges give out an award for an MVP, and I would really love it if you could be there to watch me win. If anything, just to show you that what happened at my audition was a fluke and that I do have the talent and the ability to study with you next year at NYADA. I... I understand that asking you to make the trip is a lot, but I'm just... I'm really not ready to give up on my dream, so... Thank you very much.

Will Schuester: Nationals. Okay, song selection: We'll be kicking off our "Vintage" theme with the legendary Jim Steinman's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." Rachel will do the solo, "It's All Com..."

Rachel Berry: "...Coming Back to Me Now." One of Celine Dion's most powerful ballads, inspired by Wuthering Heights.

Sue Sylvester: And we'll be working in a new Treble Tones number, utilizing the talents of our featured performer, Porcelina Hummel.

Kurt Hummel: Not gonna happen, Dragon Lady.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, you'll do as you're told, he/she. We will be performing "What A Feeling," from Flashdance, and I'm familiar with the choreography, of course, because I was Jennifer Beals' dance double. And on that note, please look under your seats.

Brittany S. Pierce: Space helmets.

Finn Hudson: Welding helmets and leg warmers?!

Sue Sylvester: Best way to get props is to use props.

Sam Evans: I am your father. Uh, Darth Vader.

Joseph Hart: Is that a movie?

Sue Sylvester: A healthy dose of props, and our plucky transsexual Porcelina, and you are over the top.

Blaine Anderson: Aren't props a little cheesy?

Will Schuester: Guys, I've asked for Sue's help because she's a winner, and I'm not ashamed to admit this... I want to win. But there's not one person in that audience who will think we're anything but underdogs who would be lucky to place in Nationals. We didn't even make the top ten last year. We've got one last week to come together and shake things up. If there's anyone here who is not up for trying and working their butts off, you should just get up right now and leave.

Finn Hudson: Whoa, whoa, Tina, where you going?

Tina Cohen-Chang: You guys don't need me... carry on.

Rachel Berry: Tina, you don't understand. I need this.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Because you blew an audition? That's not a reason for you to get a solo at Nationals. Maybe the rest of us would like one, too.

Rory Flanagan: I wouldn't mind another one before I get deported.

Sugar Motta: I want one. Even though I can't sing.

Mike Chang: Tina, Rachel is a senior.

Tina Cohen-Chang: So are you, but you can bet the only thing you'll be doing is a dance break with Brittany. Other people matter.

Will Schuester: Tina, you may not always get all the solos, but you are a key player. I put you in charge of costumes.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Wow! Like that's some prize. You want props to move around? Well, I'm a human prop, and I'm sick of it!

Sue Sylvester: Take a lap and cool down, Asian Number One.

Tina Cohen-Chang: My name is Tina. Tina Cohen Chang!

Sue Sylvester: Isn't she the one who used to stutter?

Mike Chang: You're being selfish.

Tina Cohen-Chang: How come when Rachel complains about not getting enough solos, she's "claiming her stardom," but when I do it, it's selfish.

Mike Chang: You're a junior. You'll get your change next year. This is the seniors' moment to shine. I'm really disappointed in you.

Rachel Berry: Tina, look, I understand that you feel like your voice is being stifled right now, in the Glee Club. I mean, I have no idea why you would choose this moment specifically to make a stink about it but I want you to know that you are being heard. Which is why I'm willing to offer you $50 just to let this all go until after Nationals. Do you have any idea how important Nationals is to me? I mean, if I can convince Carmen Tibideaux to come and watch us perform, then it's basically like a do-over for my NYADA audition, which means that my entire future depends on us being amazing, which means that everyone needs to do their part.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Their part to make you look good. I have sat, for three years, in the back of that choir room, holding Mike's hand or crying or smiling and swaying, while everyone else was out there singing solos. Maybe I say something, most of the time I don't, team player all the way. I am tired of being silent. I am one of the original Glee Club members, and I was singing "Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat" when Finn and Puck were still throwing Slushees at us. So when is it my turn?

Rachel Berry: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be me? Do you have a Facebook account or Twitter account?

Tina Cohen-Chang: Yes.

Rachel Berry: Do you have time to watch Bravo or read a book or buy laces for your incredibly high comical boots. I don't. It's exhausting being me. I get up at 5:00 in the morning just to get all of this prepared, in case a solo is thrown my way. I have the entire Sondheim, Hamlisch, Lloyd-Webber, Elton John songbooks memorized, including every single Katy Perry hit, as well. And I do all of this while keeping my boyfriend interested and physically satisfied and being the captain of 16 clubs and keeping a 3.86 GPA.

Tina Cohen-Chang: I could do all of that.

Rachel Berry: And you will. Next year. You'll have your chance next year.

Tina Cohen-Chang: All I want is, for one moment, to feel like you... be up on that stage and get one of the standing ovations you're so used to getting.

Blaine Anderson: I mean, I'm behind you 100%. Being gay doesn't mean you're a cross-dresser. I mean, that's just silly.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Oh, you did not just text me that, Michael Robert Chang.

Kurt Hummel: Is that Tina?

Blaine Anderson: Hey, Tina. What are you doing here?

Tina Cohen-Chang: Fulfilling my duties as costume coordinator and text-fighting with Mike, who says my outburst in Glee Club was unreasonable.

Kurt Hummel: Well, we're getting a hot pretzel later, if you want to join us.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Can't. Have to go find gown fabric that doesn't clash with the high yellow undertones of Rachel Berry's complexion. Oh... I can do everything Rachel Berry can.

Kurt Hummel: Oh.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, my God! Tina! Tina! Tina! Oh, my God!

Kurt Hummel: Oh, oh, oh! Get her, get her, get her!

Blaine Anderson: Tina, are you okay?

Finn Hudson / Kurt Hummel: Can you hear me?

Noah Puckerman / Blaine Anderson: Look at me.

Finn Hudson / Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, this is like Days of our Lives.

Noah Puckerman / Blaine Anderson: Can you hear me? Lost...

Finn Hudson / Kurt Hummel: It's me... Kurt.

Noah Puckerman / Blaine Anderson: Rachel, it's me.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Did you just call me Rachel?

Noah Puckerman / Blaine Anderson: Rachel, Kurt and I just saw you fall into the fountain. We think you may have hit your head.

Finn Hudson / Kurt Hummel: We need to get you back to the Glee Club, ASAP.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Why?

Noah Puckerman / Blaine Anderson: And we need to get your solo ready, so you can win us a national championship.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Oh, my God... I'm Rachel Berry.

Finn Hudson / Kurt Hummel: Rachel, I know you're under a lot of pressure, but I need you to come with me to Between the Sheets after school. I'm in desperate need of sheet music, and you're the only one who can help me.

Noah Puckerman / Blaine Anderson: If you want to run into your old pal Chandler, far be it from me to stand in your way.

Finn Hudson / Kurt Hummel: We've been through this a million times. It was just a few text messages...

Artie Abrams / Santana Lopez: Oh, hey there, Hobbit. Can't wait to hear your solo in Glee Club today. Hope you don't choke like you did in your NYADA audition.

Santana Lopez / Artie Abrams: Rachel, I don't want to put any more pressure on you, but winning at Nationals will be the most important thing that will ever happen to me in my entire life. I mean, you'll basically be performing for every handi-capable kid in the entire world. Mercedes?

Brittany S. Pierce / Mercedes Jones: Mmm, praise.

Mercedes Jones / Brittany S. Pierce: Rachel, after your solo, I have to bail Lord Tubbington out of jail. He tried to sell my iPhone for drugs.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Brittany?

Rachel Berry / Tina Cohen-Chang: Rachel, can I talk to you for a second? I know that drama school auditions are a year away for me, and I know that I'm kind of a long shot, but I was wondering if maybe you could give me some pointers.

Will Schuester / Sue Sylvester: That's enough, Tina. You can hawk your chop suey recipes after Rachel shows us her solo for Nationals.

Sue Sylvester / Will Schuester: Sue, that's incredibly racist.

Will Schuester / Sue Sylvester: I can't be racist, William, as I am 1/16 Native American. My Comanche name is Cheerleads With Wolves.

Sue Sylvester / Will Schuester: Okay, guys, Nationals is coming up, and it's all riding on the shoulders of Rachel Berry. Rachel, why don't you come up and show us what you got.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Mr. Shue, can I have a couple days to think about it?

Kurt Hummel / Finn Hudson: Could I get a second to talk to my fiancée?

Sue Sylvester / Will Schuester: Sure.

Kurt Hummel / Finn Hudson: Rachel, this isn't you. The Rachel that I fell in love with just nods to the band, then starts wailing. Look, I know you got a lot on your plate, with New York and planning our wedding and whatnot, but you're at your best when you're under pressure. Now, turn around and show us how you're going to win us Nationals. And afterwards, we're going to make out because your boobs look slightly bigger today for some reason. Okay?

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # For all those times you stood by me #
# For all the truth that you made me see #
# For all the joy you brought to my life #
# For all the wrong that you made right #
# For every dream you made come true #
# For all the love I found in you #
# I'll be forever thankful, baby #
# You're the one who held me up #
# Never let me fall #
# You're the one who saw me through #
# Through it all #
# You were my strength when I was weak #
# You were my voice when I couldn't speak #
# You were my eyes when I couldn't see #
# You saw the best there was in me #
# Lifted me up when I couldn't reach #
# You gave me faith 'cause you believed #
# I'm everything I am #
# Because you loved me #
# Oh #
# You were always there for me #
# The tender wind that carried me #
# A light in the dark #
# Shining your love into my life #
# You've been my inspiration #
# Through the lies you were the truth #
# My world is a better place #
# Because of you #

Girls of ND: # You were my strength when I was weak #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # You were my strength #

Girls of ND: # You were my voice when I couldn't speak #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # Oh, when I couldn't speak #

Girls of ND: # You were my eyes when I couldn't see #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # You saw the best there was in me #

Girls of ND: # Lifted me up when I couldn't reach #
# You gave me faith #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # 'Cause you believed #
# I'm everything I am #
# Because you loved me #
# Hey... #

Girls of ND: # You were my strength when I was weak #
# You were my voice when I couldn't speak #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # My eyes #

Girls of ND: # You were my eyes when I couldn't see #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # You saw the best there was in me #

Girls of ND: # Lifted me up when I couldn't reach #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # Oh... #

Girls of ND: # You gave me faith 'cause you #

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: # Believed #
# I'm everything I am #
# Because you loved me #
# Oh #
# I'm everything I am #
# Because you loved me #
My first standing O.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Hey, Tina, can I talk to you? I wanted to say you're always so good in my musical numbers. Your oohs and aahs are always on pitch, and your light sashaying makes my tour de force performances even more spine-tingling, if that's even possible. I appreciate it, and you.

Rachel Berry / Tina Cohen-Chang: Rachel, I can't tell you how long I've waited to hear you say that.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: Just because you're a little more in the background this year, don't doubt your talent, Tina. Next year is all you. It's finally your chance to shine.

Rachel Berry / Tina Cohen-Chang: I couldn't believe it when I heard that your NYADA audition didn't go well. You're... you're always so amazing.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: I wish Madame Tibideaux agreed with you.

Rachel Berry / Tina Cohen-Chang: So change her mind.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: I've tried. She won't even return my calls.

Rachel Berry / Tina Cohen-Chang: That's not the Rachel Berry I know. If I were you, I'd drive to wherever she is and I'd stay until I convinced Ms. Tibideaux to give me another shot.

Tina Cohen-Chang / Rachel Berry: I can't believe how supportive you are when half the time, I can't even be bothered to thank you for your tremendous supporting performances.

Rachel Berry / Tina Cohen-Chang: It's not completely selfless. You're our secret weapon, Rachel Berry, and by helping you, I help us all.

Blaine Anderson: Oh, my God, Tina! Are you okay?

Kurt Hummel: Get her! Get her! Get her!

Blaine Anderson: Tina. Oh, my God, are you okay?

Kurt Hummel: Ooh! Ooh, ooh! Ugh. Did she have to take in the bolt of fabric with her? That silk charmeuse is worth, like, 25 bucks a yard.

Sue Sylvester: A-five, six, seven, eight. Mask, mask, helmet down. Pivot, pivot. Jump, mask, boys. A-one, two, three, four, five, six. Burn! Burn! Burn! Come on! Let it burn! Set this joint on fire! Come on, burn the joint down! Okay, cut the music. Stop! Stop. This is an unmitigated disaster. Jennifer Beals is spinning in her grave. Gentlemen, I asked for a cascade of sparks timed to the rhythm.

Mike Chang: I can't see through this helmet.

Brittany S. Pierce: I took mine off. Metal sparks in your face is how you get freckles.

Blaine Anderson: Is this even legal?

Sam Evans: Yeah, shouldn't we be in some sort of grinding union?

Santana Lopez: Wanky.

Will Schuester: Sue, they're right. They can't pick up advanced choreography when they're weighed down by helmets and metal grinders.

Sue Sylvester: Grind, grind, pivot, kick, pivot, spin, flip, split. What's complicated about that?

Will Schuester: These props were supposed to add to the routine, not be the routine.

Sue Sylvester: Well, maybe you're right, William. Maybe basic sheet metal work is just too much for your 12th place choir. Porcelain, thoughts?

Kurt Hummel: I'm not doing a drag number. We need a new approach. I have an idea.

Crusty Teacher: This is the teachers' lounge. It is our sacred space.

Santana Lopez: Britt and I are gay and Mercedes is black, so kicking us out would be a hate crime.

Brittany S. Pierce: Well, I'm not totally gay, but I think that trees are born the same way as babies, so kicking me out would be kind of mean.

Santana Lopez: Yeah. Thanks.

Shannon Beiste: I'm eating my chicken, ladies.

Santana Lopez: You're still wearing your wedding ring.

Mercedes Jones: And I saw you last night at the 7:00 p.m. showing of 21 Jump Street... with Cooter.

Brittany S. Pierce: Cooter was in 21 Jump Street? I didn't know he was an actor.

Santana Lopez: You told us you were leaving him. You lied to us.

Shannon Beiste: I know how this looks, but you just don't understand how complicated adult relationships can be.

Mercedes Jones: I mean, he hit you and you stayed. What's complicated about that?

Shannon Beiste: I'm very sorry if this is confusing for you, but what's the world worth if people don't get a second chance?

Santana Lopez: Wait, so you're saying he changed?

Shannon Beiste: Well, he knows now that if he treats me bad again, I am out.

Cooter Menkins: You're so selfish! You're selfish for making me feel this way, and I hate feeling like this. You know you push my buttons!

Mercedes Jones: I don't know. Can people change that fast? I mean, most guys I know don't even know how to change their own underwear.

Brittany S. Pierce: I couldn't really figure that out, so I just stopped wearing any at all.

Santana Lopez: I think you need to get out of the house, if only for a weekend. Come with us to Nationals.

Shannon Beiste: You have two chaperones already. I don't even know if I'm welcome back in Chicago after I body-slammed Refrigerator Perry in a bar fight.

Mercedes Jones: We care about you, Coach. We just want to see you safe.

Shannon Beiste: Thank you, girls, but I can take care of myself.

Sue Sylvester: Please ignore the stench of mildew and jock strap and focus your attention on the screen. Porcelina?

Kurt Hummel: Yesterday, I snuck into a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal, and what I saw is not for the faint of heart. Lights.

Sam Evans: Why is this in black and white?

Kurt Hummel: Because I worship The Artist.

Sue Sylvester: Look at that. Unlike you misfit, ragtag stumblebums, each member of Vocal Adrenaline is in perfect sync.

Will Schuester: Not a step out of place. Okay, watch this closely, guys. It's called the Human Centipede. It's the newest, hardest show choir dance move ever invented. Incredible.

Blaine Anderson: That actually really doesn't look that hard.

Sue Sylvester: And the cherry on top of the Vocal Adrenaline sundae is their secret weapon, Unique. Look at him/her. Poised, confident. Pretty as a picture with a booty that won't quit. It's the Unique factor that gives Vocal Adrenaline its edge.

Finn Hudson: Isn't Rachel our Unique factor?

Sue Sylvester: Not even close. I'm not saying that Mrs. Focker doesn't deserve a solo, but every show choir in the country has a little girl with a big nose.

Will Schuester: Okay, Sue.

Sue Sylvester: High school judges are proven idiots. They love props, and Unique is the ultimate prop.

Noah Puckerman: Do you seriously think that we need a guy to dress in drag to win?

Will Schuester: No.

Sue Sylvester: Yes. It's the only way.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Sounded pretty good to me.

Rachel Berry: I'm singing into the notes, not through them, but I'll get it.

Tina Cohen-Chang: It never stops for you, does it?

Rachel Berry: Well, I let myself get overconfident once, and I'm not going to let it happen again.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Have you heard back from Carmen Tibideaux yet?

Rachel Berry: I just have to accept the fact that I'm not going to. I've e-mailed her and called her, and there's nothing left that I can do.

Tina Cohen-Chang: You could go see her. It's what you suggested I do in the body-swapping dream I had about us. When I fell in the fountain at the mall and hit my head. It was like Freaky Friday. I was you, and you were me, and Kurt was Finn, and he wanted to have sex with me, as you.

Rachel Berry: That's very disturbing.

Tina Cohen-Chang: But then you, as Tina, told me, as Rachel, "Go see Carmen Tibideaux in person and not take no for an answer."

Rachel Berry: Okay, I'm very confused. But the advice I gave myself in your dream was good.

Tina Cohen-Chang: I did some research. Carmen Tibideaux is teaching a master class at Oberlin. If we go right now, we can still catch her. I could drive.

Rachel Berry: You would do that for me? Why? I mean, all that stuff you said. I mean, you weren't wrong. Look, everyone is important, and I'm very sorry if I made you feel like a supernumerary.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Everyone has their part to play, right? Maybe this is mine.

Rachel Berry: Thank you. You do know that next year, you're going to be the lead female vocalist. And it's a lot of pressure, but I'm not worried. Oh, no, please don't cry. You need to drive. Is your Hyundai gassed-up?

Sue Sylvester: Since Porcelain refuses to be a team player and dress up like a lady, we're gonna have to up our prop game. I've ordered 18 little people, one for each of you.

Will Schuester: Wait. Little people?

Sue Sylvester: Munchkins. I found 'em online, William. And don't worry, I got a mix of race and ethnicities so you can keep up with your little diversity charade.

Quinn Fabray: I can't dance with a little person. I can hardly walk.

Sue Sylvester: There's that can don't attitude, Quinn.

Will Schuester: Sue, I think maybe we are going a little too far with the props. Let's just spend some time working on choreography for "Dash Board."

Sue Sylvester: Sure, if you want to lose.

Will Schuester: Puck?

Sugar Motta: Hello...

Mercedes Jones: My eyes are burning.

Sam Evans: Look at those legs.

Santana Lopez: I am strangely turned on right now.

Noah Puckerman: Please only address me by my stage name... Lola.

Sue Sylvester: Puckerman, I respect your commitment to winning, but without a doubt, you are the ugliest woman I have ever seen. For a second there, I thought you were Beiste's sister.

Noah Puckerman: It's not about being pretty. It's about someone in here having the balls to do what he has to do to put us over the top.

Sue Sylvester: Well, you know, if this is gonna work, you're gonna have to shave off all of your body hair.

Will Schuester: Enough! Sue, look, I really appreciate all the help you've been giving us but I am done with all this props madness. All we're doing for the next three hours is learning choreography for "Dash Board." Puck, go change.

Artie Abrams: You cannot see something like that.

Sue Sylvester: William, I'm oddly aroused by your sudden forcefulness, and I will let you handle this rehearsal, however, I feel it necessary to warn you: I prepaid for the little people.

Rick Nelson: It's the darkest day in Ohio since Ernest Byner. Boy, how the mighty have truly fallen, huh? Take a good look at him, boys. This empty, useless shell of a man you see before you used to be the Noah Puckerman, the guy they named the Dumpster out by the smoking lounge after 'cause he had dumped more dweebs in it than any ten dudes combined.

Noah Puckerman: Keep rocking that mullet, Ricky, Maybe it a few years it will come back in style.

Rick Nelson: And today he finally succumbed to the toxic fumes of Glee Club and came to school wearing a fricking dress.

Noah Puckerman: Are you looking to pick a fight? 'Cause there's three of you and one of me, so you're gonna you'd need about two more guys to make it a fair fight, you fricking loser.

Rick Nelson: Oh, I'm a loser? Did I tell you I got into Ohio State? Yeah, I'm gonna play hockey there. What's your plan after graduation? Oh, that's right, you aren't graduating. Face it, Puck, you're the guy we all used to make fun of when we were freshman. The one who used to hang out hung out in front of the 7-11 picking up on high school girls after graduating. In two months you'll be buying my little brother beer and just begging him to take you to a party. You're a Lima loser.

Noah Puckerman: I'm going to rip that mullet off your head.

Rick Nelson: You want to fight, fine. But not here. Out by your Dumpster. See, I don't want to get in trouble. 'Cause unlike you, I got a lot to lose.

Tina Cohen-Chang: How's the wedding planning going?

Rachel Berry: Kind of slow lately, but we still have the same plan: win Nationals, come back, graduate, and then just have a nice little church wedding performed by a rabbi with our nearest and dearest. And hopefully nobody will get tragically injured this time.

Tina Cohen-Chang: You think we're gonna win Nationals?

Rachel Berry: You know, our first Regionals and last year, I had this feeling, like we were just gonna win. But this year, nothing. I just really, really, want to win, though. If not for us, then for Mr. Schue. What if we go all this way, and Carmen just says no?

Tina Cohen-Chang: She won't.

Rachel Berry: She might. I don't have a back up plan, all right? And I don't want to waste lose a year of my ingenue eligibility.

Tina Cohen-Chang: You always make it so hard, but you were born under a blessed gold star. Everyone knows it.

Rachel Berry: I don't know if I think that way anymore. I mean, think of most of the adults we know, okay? I bet you that things used to go their way all the time, and then one day, just, they didn't. And now they have a job they hate and they live a life that they don't even recognize. And I bet you that they don't even bother to dream anymore.

Tina Cohen-Chang: That's not everyone.

Rachel Berry: Yeah, but most people. No. Okay. I'm not going there yet. Carmen is going to say yes.

Tina Cohen-Chang: There's the Rachel Berry we all know and love.

Rachel Berry: Yeah, I'm really glad we're doing this together. Thank you.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Can you do me one favor? Before you graduate, can we sing together?

Rachel Berry: I would love that.

Michael Sembello: # She's a mania, maniac... #

Noah Puckerman: Last chance to walk away with whatever teeth you have left, Stickhead.

Rick Nelson: Please. I just hope you brought a change of clothes 'cause you're going Dumpster diving. But hey, maybe while you're in there, you'll find your garbage father. How's he doing, by the way? You know, I tried his microbrew. It sucked.

The Hockey Team: Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Rick Nelson: Game on.

The Hockey Team: Oh! Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Take him down! Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Hit him!

Rick Nelson: Let's just make this easy. Hop in there yourself.

The Hockey Team: Come on, man!

Rick Nelson: The reign of Noah Puckerman is over! Your winner, and still a loser. Loser!

The Hockey Team: Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser!

Rick Nelson: Ah, you want some more, there, Nancy? Whoa! Whoa, dude. What the hell you doing, man?

Noah Puckerman: I'm not a loser!

Shannon Beiste: Drop it! Get over here! Drop it! The show's over! Everybody go home! Get out of here! Except for you. Come on!

Shannon Beiste: A knife?!

Noah Puckerman: It's rubber. It's just a prop from West Side Story.

Shannon Beiste: What the hell are you thinking?! You could get expelled for this!

Noah Puckerman: It doesn't matter. I'm flunking out!

Shannon Beiste: You've got a record! You could get arrested for assault!

Noah Puckerman: I don't care!

Shannon Beiste: Well, you damn well should care!

Noah Puckerman: I'm nothing! Don't you get it?! I'm nothing! I'm the school joke! A failure! You don't know what it's like to be worthless, where nothing you do matters! I feel that way every day of my life! Every damn day! You know how many football games or concerts my mom's been to in the last four years? None. Not one. My dad's been AWOL since I was ten years old, which is fine because all he ever did was tell me I was garbage! And he must be really proud of himself 'cause that's exactly how I turned out! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Shannon Beiste: Come here. It's okay.

Noah Puckerman: I'm sorry!

Shannon Beiste: You know, you and me, we're badasses. Nobody thinks anything hurts us, but it does. It does.

Male Student: # But I'm always true to you, darlin', #
# In my fashion #
# Yes, I'm always true to you... #
# Darling, in my way... #

Carmen Tibideaux: Breath control is better, but the phrasing is still emotionally flaccid.

Male Student: Emotionally flaccid. Thank you, Madame Tibideaux. Thank you.

Rachel Berry: Madame Tibideaux, hello. I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's me, Rachel Berry. I'm sorry. I realize that I've been a little persistent, but I'm just...

Carmen Tibideaux: I am a very busy woman. Every moment I spend deleting yet another one of your voicemails about lost hopes and dreams takes time away from another student. What makes you think you are entitled to any more attention than other hundreds of people I see with the same hopes and dreams?

Rachel Berry: No. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to take time away from them.

Carmen Tibideaux: But you do. And I'm tired of it.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Ms. Tibideaux, I know exactly how you feel. Rachel Berry is a pain in the ass. What she wants, she gets. And I've spent a lot of time resenting her for it. But the fact is, she gets it because she's exceptional. Not just the voice, which is sick, but the focus, the drive. How often do you come across the real deal?

Carmen Tibideaux: The "real deal" that couldn't remember the words to the song?

Tina Cohen-Chang: Which was as rare as a Bigfoot sighting. She had an off day, and that decides her entire future?

Rachel Berry: Ms. Tibideaux, I realize that I'm asking you to take me into special consideration. But let me ask you. You've had an amazing career, did you get there by playing by it safe? Please, we're performing our Nationals in Chicago, and we saw that you're gonna be singing there at the Lyric Opera. And before you close the door, I just, I need you to hear me sing. I have to. There's nothing that I'm as good at or as passionate about or that brings me that much joy. And I think that that sets me apart.

Carmen Tibideaux: And I think it's time for you and your friend to go.

Rachel Berry: Okay, but I just want you to know that... I'll see you again next year. And every year after that until I get in. Didn't I read somewhere that you auditioned for Juilliard four times? Thank you.

Cooter Menkins: Hey, baby. I got us a couple of pies. Hawaiian, your favorite. I'm sorry, Shannon. You know how sorry I am. Listen, guy from Michigan has been poaching every kid I took a sniff of and everyone's on my ass and, if I'm being totally honest... I'm always feeling like I'm disappointing you. And... it doesn't matter. You know why? 'Cause I know I can't lose my cool anymore, and I won't. I promise. Oh, come on, baby, sit down. We're celebrating. You remember that, uh, that bear of a lineman I told you I was hot on from Newton South? Got him to sign on the dotted line! Come on, baby. You got my word. What, are you gonna stab me?

Shannon Beiste: Not with that one. It's fake. Maybe the big one in the kitchen. The one I've been sleeping with at night under my pillow.

Cooter Menkins: Oh, God. Baby, I'm so sorry. I mean, how did we let it get so out of hand?

Shannon Beiste: I'm out. I got shame about what happened between us, but I leave that here with my ring and with you.

Cooter Menkins: Oh, please, please. Don't... don't leave me, okay? You can't hate me anymore than I already hate myself.

Shannon Beiste: I don't hate you! That's the awful part of it. I love you! But what does that say about what I think of me?

Cooter Menkins: What are you gonna do, huh, just walk out on me? Who's going to love you the way I loved you, Shannon? Who's going to love you now?

Shannon Beiste: Me.

Noah Puckerman: # You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons #
# That you use against me #
# You have knocked me off my feet again #
# Got me feeling like I'm nothing #
# You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard #
# Calling me out when I'm wounded #
# You, pickin' on the weaker man #

Shannon Beiste: # Well, you can take me down with just one single blow #
# But you don't know what you don't know #

Noah & Shannon: # Someday I'll be living in a big old city #
# And all you're ever gonna be is mean #
# Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me #
# And all you're ever gonna be is mean #

Noah Puckerman: # Why you gotta be so mean? #
# And I can see you years from now in a bar #

Noah & Shannon: # Talking over a football game #

Noah Puckerman: # With that same big, loud opinion #

Noah & Shannon: # But nobody's listening #

Noah Puckerman: # Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things #

Shannon Beiste: # Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing #
# But all you are is mean #

Noah Puckerman: # All you are is mean #
# And a liar #
# And pathetic #
# And alone in life and mean #

Noah & Shannon: # And mean, and mean, and mean #
# But someday I'll be living in a big old city #
# And all you're ever gonna be is mean #
# Yeah #
# Someday I'll be living in a big old city #

Shannon Beiste: # Why gotta be so mean? #

Noah Puckerman: # And you're ever gonna be is mean #

Noah & Shannon: # Why you gotta be so mean? #

Shannon Beiste: So why are you in here singing all by your lonesome?

Noah Puckerman: Just trying out a song for Nationals. I gotta win at something.

Shannon Beiste: Well, you may not know it, but you already have. I talked to Mrs. Doosenberry. She's gonna let you have another go at that test.

Noah Puckerman: Why? She hates me.

Shannon Beiste: Hated your attitude. But I told her how you wiggled into a skirt for the good of your team.

Noah Puckerman: She's into that? Oh, should've known Doosenberry was a lady-lover when she didn't climb aboard the Puck wagon.

Shannon Beiste: No, when you did that, you showed that you cared about something. Something way bigger than just you. That's all she ever wanted from you. That's all any of us teachers ever wanted. So, you're gonna retake the exam next week, and I'm gonna help you through it.

Noah Puckerman: Why would you do that, help me like that?

Shannon Beiste: Because, Noah, you will never know how much you've helped me. You are loved, punkin. You are not alone.

Rory Flanagan: Aah, I pricked my thumb!

Sugar Motta: Okay, Costume Committee? Sucks. Why do we have to do all the work?

Joseph Hart: Quinn says it's because we're the newbies, and we gotta pay our dues.

Sugar Motta: Whatever. It's ridick the seniors treat us like plebes. I mean, this is Rachel Berry's dress, right? She should sew it herself.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Rachel is probably practicing her songs right now, over and over again, until her vocal chords bleed. And none of us would be going to Chicago if not for her commitment to Glee Club, so show some respect.

Sugar Motta: While we're acting like shrubbery in the background?

Tina Cohen-Chang: Put in the work... be a good team player, and you'll get your solos. And maybe next year it'll be as part of a group that won Nationals. And this costume is yours, Sugar, but I'm happy to be sewing it. Because the truth is, it takes a lot of crystals to make something shine.

Will Schuester: Now, that's great, and then we shift to the Trouble Tones for Gaga's "Edge of Glory," which is up-tempo. I like this. This will work.

Sue Sylvester: William, I can taste your Axe Body Spray.

Will Schuester: Hey, you. Going somewhere, Shannon?

Shannon Beiste: I'd like to be a chaperone for Nationals. I'll pay my own way and I'll sleep on the bus.

Will Schuester: You don't have to sleep on the bus. I'm sure we can make room.

Sue Sylvester: I booked an executive maternity suite. Sharing it wouldn't be fair to the baby.

Will Schuester: You can bunk with me and Emma.

Sue Sylvester: So you packed a bag on the off-chance you'd be coming to Chicago?

Shannon Beiste: I left him.

Will Schuester: Welcome aboard, Shannon.

Rachel Berry: If it wasn't for Tina, I would never have gone to see Carmen Tibideaux.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, she's like an offensive lineman. She always in the trenches, picking up blitzers so the quarterback can lead the drive.

Rachel Berry: Sorry, you lost me at "offensive lineman," but I'm sure whatever you said was really nice. All right, there's no other option but just to exceed all expectations. We have to win at Nationals. There's no alternative.

Finn Hudson: You know, you really are our "Unique Factor."

Sam Evans: Ah, it's "You know, I did hundreds and hundreds of movies. Now, two mice jumped into a bucket of cream and..."

Rachel Berry: No, no, I think we all are. I mean, in a sea full of kids who are just desperately clinging to their own kind, we're different. We took the time to get to know each other and reach out and accept one other. That's our "Unique Factor." And that's what I love about us.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, me, too.

Rachel Berry: # All alone I have cried #
# Silent tears, full of pride #
# In a world made of steel #
# Made of stone #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # Well, I hear the music #
# Close my eyes, feel the rhythm #

Rachel Berry: # Wrap around, take ahold of my heart #

Tina & Rachel: # What a feeling #
# Bein's believin' #
# I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life #
# Take your passion #
# And make it happen #
# Pictures come alive #
# Now I'm dancing through my life #

Rachel Berry: # What a feeling #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # What a feeling #

Girls of ND: # I am music now #

Rachel Berry: # Bein's believin' #

Girls of ND: # I am rhythm now #

Tina & Rachel: # Pictures come alive #
# You can dance right through your life #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # What a feeling #

Girls of ND: # I can really have it all #

Rachel Berry: # What a feeling #

Girls of ND: # I am rhythm now #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # I can have it all #

Girls of ND: # I can really have it all #

Rachel Berry: # Have it all #

Tina & Rachel: # Call, call, call, call #
# What a feeling! #

Will Schuester: Let's go to Nationals!

Ian Brennan: So here's what's you missed on Glee: The Glee Club started out as underdogs, singing show tunes in the choir room, and now they're headed to Chicago to compete for a national championship. I mean, they made it to Nationals last year in New York, but they came in 12th. It was sort of a nightmare. Rachel's nightmare totally came true when she choked at her NYADA audition, and literally all she's talked about for three years is New York, Broadway, Streisand, Broadway.

Santana Lopez: Ugh!

Ian Brennan: And that's what you missed on Glee.

Will Schuester: What's going on? How bad is it?

Sue Sylvester: Her temperature's 101 degrees. Given the fact that Weezy's complaining about an upset stomach, it's either Amazonian dengue fever or the H1N1 super virus.

Mercedes Jones: Or I have food poisoning.

Santana Lopez: We all wanted burritos for lunch, so we went to Chipotle, but Mercedes tried some dive called "Señora Salsation."

Sue Sylvester: Will, word, please. With Monique down for the count, we are entering the Hunger Games of show choir competition without one of our most powerful voices. We need to have a plan.

Will Schuester: Right. Because New Directions! doesn't win, that means you go back to being co-captains of the Cheerios! with Roz Washington.

Sue Sylvester: Your sniping is as expository as it is wrong. Yes, I have fantasized about handing that prize money to Principal Figgins so I could buy back my sole control of the Cheerios!, but my main concern right now is for these kids. I want this one for them.

Will Schuester: I just don't want everything we worked for to collapse because of one bad burrito. So here's what's gonna happen: Mercedes, you're on bed rest, Quinn, you're stepping in.

Quinn Fabray: No, no, no, I can't dance that number. I can't sing it, either, not like...

Will Schuester: The Trouble Tones need you.

Tina Cohen-Chang: And you're better than you think you are.

Will Schuester: Tina, you, too. You're in the Trouble Tones.

Mercedes Jones: Mr. Schue, this is my last competition. I don't want to miss it.

Sue Sylvester: Amen, to that, sister. That's why I'm putting you on a vitamin B-12 drip. We're flushing your system with Pedialyte, and I'm gonna fill that bathtub with ice and see if we can't get your ambient body temperature back down to normal. Worked in Jacob's Ladder.

Will Schuester: All right, we all have our marching orders. Let's do it.

Emma Pillsbury: Hey. You okay?

Will Schuester: What if we don't win? What's gonna happen with those kids?

Emma Pillsbury: It's a competition. They understand that everybody can't win.

Will Schuester: But they never get to win. School's almost over, forever for most of them. Can you imagine what what it would be like for them to have just a couple of days walking the halls as champions? It's something they would carry around with them for the rest of their lives.

Emma Pillsbury: If you're gonna lead them to the promised land, you're gonna have to have an attitude adjustment. But, Will, they're ready. You made 'em ready for three years.

Will Schuester: But what if it wasn't enough?

Shannon Beiste: Will, you better come downstairs. We got a problem.

Will Schuester: Hey, calm down! Hey, hey, calm down! Calm down!

Sugar Motta: Fight, fight, fight!

Will Schuester: Hey, cool out!

Sam Evans: He's studying for geography while we're trying to rehearse! It's bogus!

Noah Puckerman: 'Cause I already know the dance! You dance like you got your feet caught in bear traps. You're trying to gnaw them off.

Kurt Hummel: Mr. Schue, are you aware that while we're arguing about jazz squares, Unique is being handed the key to the city by Rahm Emanuel?

Will Schuester: Really?

Brittany S. Pierce: And plus my pillow and my blanket fell into the pool. Disaster.

Artie Abrams: Look, I think everybody is just a little tired. We've been rehearsing for three straight hours.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, and we'll rehearse all night if we have to. We can rest after we've won!

Rachel Berry: Just because we've lost Mercedes doesn't mean we can be anything less than perfect. Perfect!

Artie Abrams: That's easy for you to say.

Santana Lopez: Okay, you know what? You know what? Hey! I don't want to hear any of this, "We can't do it without her," because guess what? We don't have a choice. So be warned: if you are not giving this everything you've got, I will go all Lima Heights on your sorry asses.

Will Schuester: Listen to yourselves.

Santana Lopez: I know. I'm sorry. I always go to the yelling place. I have rage.

Will Schuester: No, it's a good thing. A great thing. There is so much passion in this room Even all your arguing, it's about the work. You guys really want this. Okay, so let's take a half-hour break, and then we'll run it from the top.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Mr. Schue, is it okay if we keep going? We got the first slot, which is, like, the death slot. We have to be amazing.

Quinn Fabray: Yeah, "Edge of Glory's" a bitch. I said I'd be dancing by nationals.I'll be damned if I don't.

Will Schuester: Okay, then let's keep going. Mike, help the guys out with the choreography. Artie, help Puck with his geography. Ladies, "Edge of Glory." Come on. Brittany, run us through it.

Brittany S. Pierce: From the chorus?

Will Schuester: Yeah, from the chorus. Let's do it.

Brittany S. Pierce: Watch out. We're gonna do it. Okay. Ready? Five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four, five...

Will Schuester: You okay?

Brittany S. Pierce: ...six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four...

Will Schuester: Keep up.

Jesse St. James: Looking for what's left of your dignity?

Rachel Berry: Nice to see you, too, Jessie.

Jesse St. James: If I were you, I'd be spending more time fing on how you're gonna wrap up fourth place than looking for her. There's no way in hell Carmen Tibideaux's coming here.

Rachel Berry: Wait. How do you know about Carmen?

Jesse St. James: It's my business to know everything that goes on with my competition. I'm always looking for that extra edge. I hate to think you pull the same choke job up there today.

Rachel Berry: Look, I know exactly what you're doing right now, okay? We didn't date for that long, and I don't even know how much of it was actually real, but when you get nervous, you get mean and you get really pale, and then you start putting your hands through your hair like Danny Zuko.

Jesse St. James: Look, you have no idea the kind of pressure I'm under. Last year, Vocal Adrenaline only lost for the first time in eight years. If we lose again this year, that's it. The dynasty is over. The mystique and aura that we used to intimidate our opponents with will vanish. I promised them that I would reboot the program. I'll be humiliated.

Rachel Berry: You did help the program. What you did with Unique was amazing.

Jesse St. James: It was a pretty inspired idea of mine.

Rachel Berry: It was actually Kurt's and Mercedes', but...

Jesse St. James: But I implemented it. I don't know. I just think these new rules are messing with my head; 33% of the numbers have to be vintage? What does that even mean? The only thing vintage about me is my Tyrone Powers haircut and my pager.

Rachel Berry: Are you forgetting who you are, Jesse, okay? Your Bohemian Rhapsody was, like, the benchmark performance of every show choir competition in the past ten years.

Jesse St. James: Most people don't realize I lost ten pounds during that performance.

Rachel Berry: You guys are gonna do great today. Even though we're definitely gonna beat you.

Jesse St. James: Oh, cocky all of a sudden. I like it.

Finn Hudson: Hey, everything okay?

Rachel Berry: Yeah, everything's good. I'm gonna go get ready. It was very good to see you.

Jesse St. James: You, too.

Finn Hudson: Hi.

Jesse St. James: Heard you two are getting married.

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Jesse St. James: Good for you. Good luck today.

Finn Hudson: You, too.

Rachel Berry: For me?

Finn Hudson: Well, it's for the wedding. For the Jewish part where you smash the glass. It's like, the climax of the wedding, right? Right before we kiss?

Rachel Berry: Yeah, it's supposed to symbolize the fragility of life or the destruction of the temple or something like that.

Finn Hudson: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rachel Berry: It's very sweet.

Finn Hudson: But whatever. I wanted a piece of this town to be there. This is the town where everything's gonna change. We're gonna go from losers to National Champs.

Rachel Berry: Your optimism if very sexy.

Finn Hudson: Well, I'm so optimistic, I put my money where my mouth is.

Rick Nelson: You want to bet me that your dork club is gonna outdork all the other dork clubs in the country?

Finn Hudson: 500 bucks.

Rick Nelson: You're so on.

Rachel Berry: Wait a minute. That money was supposed to be for our honeymoon, okay? It was our money that we saved from babysitting and the tips you made at the tire shop!

Finn Hudson: I'm gonna double it. I'm gonna make it a thousand dollars. That's, like, an extra two nights in Niagara Falls.

Rachel Berry: What if we lose?

Finn Hudson: Not this time. Carmen Tibideaux is coming, and we're gonna be perfect. And then we're gonna get married, and I'm gonna smash this glass, and then we're gonna live happily ever after.

Rachel Berry: I love you.

Will Schuester: All right, gather around, everyone! I just want to say a few words before we go out there.

Finn Hudson: Hold on, Mr. Schue. Hold on. You've given us a lot of pep talks over the years, but remember, you told us once that, you know, a teacher's job is done when his students don't need him anymore?

Will Schuester: Okay. Finn, the floor is yours.

Finn Hudson: Last night we all sat around in a circle after you went to bed and we told stories. But then we went around the room, and everybody said what they wanted to win this thing for, and we all said the same thing: we want to win this for you.

Sugar Motta: Yeah.

Finn Hudson: And I know every year at school Figgins gives away the Teacher of the Year award. But I don't think any of us have to wait to see how we feel about that. You're, like, our Teacher of a Lifetime.

Sugar Motta: Yeah. Whoo!

Noah Puckerman: Yeah, definitely.

Will Schuester: Thank you, Finn, all of you. I love you guys so much. All right, that's it. Show time. Hands in, everyone.

Mercedes Jones: Now I know you weren't planning on doing the show circle without me.

Santana Lopez: Weezy?

Tina Cohen-Chang: You're alive!

Mercedes Jones: Yeah, thanks to Sue. She's a miracle worker.

Sue Sylvester: Oh, well, it's amazing what a little TLC, some cortisone and a witch doctor will do.

Quinn Fabray: Thank God you're okay because that just means I'm not gonna fall on my face during that Trouble Tones number.

Mercedes Jones: Oh, screw that. This is our last time performing together. You're doing it, and so you are you, Tina. I'm not taking no for an answer. Plus I have so many steroids going through my body right now, I may turn into the Incredible Hulk if you piss me off.

Will Schuester: Okay, if we don't get out of this room soon, none of us will be performing. Let's go!

New Directions: Go, Weezy!

Sue Sylvester: Dick Butkus, I beg of you, chew your cud with your mouth closed.

Shannon Beiste: Sorry. I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Sue Sylvester: Think how you'd feel if your entire teaching career were riding on this.

Emma Pillsbury: Okay?

Will Schuester: I really wish we weren't going first. The kids are right, it's the death slot. Carmen Tibideaux isn't here, Mercedes still has a fever. I don't know if Quinn...

Emma Pillsbury: Okay.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 48th annual National High School Show Choir Competition brought to you in part by Salozy-Edison Chevrolet, where you always save more money! Please give a warm Windy City welcome to our judges... America's sweetheart, Lindsay Lohan! Hollywood gossip legend, Perez Hilton! And Democratic City Councilman representing the new North Side and the West Loop corridor, 51st Ward Alderman Martin Fong! I remind you to please turn off all cell phones and pagers...

Santana Lopez: The holy trinity... starting together... ending together.

Brittany S. Pierce: Just the way it should be.

Announcer: Please welcome our first contestants, from William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio, the New Directions!

Santana Lopez: # There ain't a reason #
# You and me should be alone tonight, yeah, baby #
# Tonight, yeah, baby #
# I got a reason that you should take me home tonight #

The Troubletones: # Huh, huh, huh, huh #

Mercedes Jones: # I need a man that thinks it's right #
# But it's so wrong tonight, yeah, baby #
# Tonight, yeah, baby #
# Right on the limb #
# It's where we know we both belong tonight #

The Troubletones: # Huh, huh #

Quinn Fabray: # It's hard to feel the rush #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # To push the dangerous #

Quinn Fabray: # I'm gonna run right to, #

Tina Cohen-Chang: # To the edge with you #

Quinn & Tina: # Where we can both fall far in love #

Santana Lopez: # Out on the edge of glory #

Mercedes Jones: # Glory #

Santana Lopez: # And I'm hanging on a moment of truth #

Mercedes Jones: # I'm hanging on a moment of truth #

Santana Lopez: # I'm on the edge of glory #

Mercedes Jones: # Yeah... #

Santana Lopez: # And I'm hanging on a moment with you #

Mercedes Jones: # Hanging on a moment of truth #

Santana Lopez: # I'm on the edge The edge, the edge #

Mercedes & Santana: # The edge, the edge, the edge, the edge #

Santana Lopez: # I'm on the edge #

Mercedes Jones: # Of glory, yeah #

Santana Lopez: # Of glory #

Mercedes & Santana: # And I'm hanging on a moment with you #

Quinn & Tina: # With you, with you, with you, with you #

Mercedes Jones: # Yeah #

Santana Lopez: # I'm the edge with you #

Quinn & Tina: # With you, with you, with you, with you #

Mercedes Jones: # Ah, yeah #

Santana Lopez: # I'm on the edge with you #

Rachel Berry: She didn't come.

Finn Hudson: Stop it. Look at me. This is your moment! Okay? Three years in the making. Forget about everything else. Take it.

Rachel Berry: # There were nights when the wind was so cold #
# That my body froze in bed #
# If I just listened to it #
# Right outside the window #

Sugar, Tina & Quinn: # Ah ah... #

Rachel Berry: # There were days when the sun #
# Was so cruel #
# That all the tears turned to dust #
# And I just knew my eyes #
# Were drying up forever #

Sugar, Tina & Quinn: # Ah ah... forever... #

Rachel Berry: # I finished crying #
# In the instant that you left #
# And I can't remember where or when #
# Or how #
# And I banished every memory #
# You and I had ever made #
# But when you touch me like this #
# And you hold me like that #
# I just have to admit #
# That it's all coming back to me #
# It's all coming back #
# It's all coming back to me now #
# There were moments of gold #
# And there were flashes of light #
# There were nights of endless pleasure #
# It was more than all your #
# Laws allowed #
# Baby, baby, baby #
# When you touch me like this #
# And when you hold me like that #
# It was gone with the wind #
# But it's all coming back to me #
# I can barely recall #
# But it's all coming back to me now #

New Directions: # Shah shah shah #
# Shah shah shah #
# Shah shah shah shah shah #

Finn Hudson: # Well, I remember every little thing #
# As if it happened only yesterday #
# Parking by the lake #
# And there was not another car in sight #
# And never had a girl #
# Looking any better than you did #

New Directions: # Ooh shah shah ooh shah shah #
# And all the kids at school #
# They were wishing they were me that night #

Noah Puckerman: # And now our bodies are oh so close and tight #

New Directions: # Ooh shah shah ooh shah shah #

Noah Puckerman: # It never felt so good #
# It never felt so right #

New Directions: # Ooh shah shah shah ooh shah shah #

Kurt & Blaine: # And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife #
# Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife #

Blaine Anderson: # Come on #
# Hold tight #
# Well, come on #
# Hold tight #

New Directions: # Ah... #

Brittany & Santana: # Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night #

Kurt & Blaine: # I can see paradise by the dashboard light #

Finn Hudson: # Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night #

Mercedes Jones: # In the deep dark night #

Finn Hudson: # Paradise by #

Finn & Mercedes: # The dashboard light #

Noah & Finn: # We're gonna go all the way tonight #
# We're gonna go all the way and tonight's the night #

Finn, Blaine & Noah: # We're gonna go all the way tonight #
# We're gonna go all the way, tonight's the night #

Finn, Noah, Blaine & Santana: # We're gonna go all the way tonight #
# We're gonna go all the way, tonight's the night #

Finn, Noah, Blaine, Santana & Mercedes: # We're gonna go all the way tonight #
# We're gonna go all the way, tonight's the night #

Rachel Berry: # Stop right there #

New Directions: # ...thank the Lord #

Artie Abrams: # And I said to myself, sit down #

New Directions: # Said to myself, sit down #

Artie Abrams: # Sit down, you're rockin' the boat #

New Directions: # Sit down #

Artie Abrams: # I said to myself, sit down #

New Directions: # Said to myself, sit down #

Artie Abrams: # Sit down, you're rockin' the boat #
# And the Devil will drag you under #
# By the scarf in back of your checkered coat #
# Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down #
# Sit down, you're rockin' the boat #

New Directions: # Sit down, you're rockin', sit down, sit down, sit down #
# You're rockin' the boat #

Kurt Hummel: # Sit down, you're rockin', sit down, sit down #

Kurt & Tina: # Sit down, you're rockin' the boat #

Artie Abrams: # Sit down #

New Directions: # You're rocking the boat! #

Santana Lopez: That was the most ghetto number I have ever seen.

Artie Abrams: Then just call me George Jefferson, because we went from the ghetto to the penthouse. National champs, baby! Yay.

Will Schuester: This week's assignment is easy. Graduation is just a few days away. There's nothing left to prepare for. Our work here is done, so there's only one thing left to do: Say goodbye. Underclassmen, pick some songs to say goodbye to the seniors; seniors, pick a song to say goodbye to us.

Mercedes Jones: A part of me wants to lock these doors and stay in here with everyone forever.

Brittany S. Pierce: We can use the wastebasket for the toilet, and then we could eat Joe for the food, since she's been here the shortest, so we know her the least.

Quinn Fabray: I really hope you're about to rap.

Will Schuester: No such luck. I'm leading by example here. This one... is for you guys.
# Ooh... #
# May the good Lord be with you #
# Down every road you roam #
# And may sunshine and happiness surround you #
# When you're far from home #
# Be courageous and be brave #
# And in my heart, you'll always stay #
# Forever young #
# Forever young #
# May good fortune be with you #
# May your guiding light be strong #
# Build a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabond #
# And may you never love in vain #
# And in my heart, you'll always remain #
# Forever young #
# Forever young #
# Forever young #
# Forever young #

Kurt Hummel: When I first got to McKinley, I was afraid to make eye contact. I didn't talk about my politics, I didn't share what was in my heart I... oh, let's just call the Cadillac pink and be done with it. I was in the closet. And most days, I was also in the Dumpster. But McKinley has made me a stronger, more socially conscious, fashion-forward person. And perhaps I played some small part in making it possible for tadpole gays all over Lima to be themselves in public. Not a bad legacy for someone who once pretended to be in lust with Rachel Berry so I wouldn't have to date Mercedes Jones. Now if I can just get through the next few days without turning into a hot mess teary train wreck.

Kurt Hummel: Ted... why on earth did you want to meet me in here? Oh, my God-- my NYDADA letter came, didn't it?

Burt Hummel: Not yet. Sit down. I want to give you your graduation present.

Kurt Hummel: Is Elaine Stritch here?

Burt Hummel: I don't know who that is. See, this is the problem with getting you gifts-- I can't make heads or tails about what it is your like.

Kurt Hummel: Dad, I'm easy. Just get me something from Tom Ford's Vanities in Vanity Fair.

Burt Hummel: Good to know. So... somewhere around your seventh birthday, I lost you. Before that, you were a normal kid. I mean, a kid who liked to dust, but... You know, I read you to bed, I put cartoons on TV when you were bored. I taught you how to ride a bike... the normal stuff. And then you turned seven or eight, and you start to become this. And, uh, it was like I was living with an alien. I mean, I tried to keep up, but, uh, you know, once your mom passed, I... I really... I didn't stand a chance.

Kurt Hummel: You did good, Dad.

Burt Hummel: I am proud of what you and I did together.

Kurt Hummel: I'm proud of us, too.

Burt Hummel: Do you remember when it started? When we turned a corner and started walking towards each other, rather than in opposite directions?

Kurt Hummel: Tell me.

Burt Hummel: Aw, screw that, I'm gonna show you. It was in the basement of our old house. You were wearing a unitard.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, God, Dad, please don't do this--

Burt Hummel: Sit down and accept your present. Hit it!

Beyoncé: # All the single ladies #
# All the single ladies #
# All the single ladies #
# All the single ladies #
# All the single ladies #
# All the single ladies #
# All the single ladies #
# Now put your hands up #
# Up in a club, we just broke up #
# I'm doing my own little thing #
# You decided to dip, and now you wanna trip #
# 'Cause another brother noticed me #
# I'm up on him, he up on me #
# Don't pay him any attention #
# Just cried my tears, for three good years #
# You can't be mad at me #
# 'Cause if you liked it, then you should've put a ring on it #
# If you liked it, then you should've put a ring on it #
# Don't be mad once you see that he want it #
# If you liked it, then you should've put a ring on it #
# Uh, oh-oh, oh, uh-uh #
# Oh-oh, oh, uh-uh-uh #
# Whoa-oh-oh, oh-oh, uh #
# Uh, oh-oh, oh, uh-uh #
# Uh-oh #

Kurt Hummel: It was the best graduation gift ever.

Blaine Anderson: What about those monogrammed towels I got for you?

Kurt Hummel: Oh, you didn't have to get me a gift, silly.

Blaine Anderson: Um... we've been putting this off for far too long, but don't you think we should have the talk?

Kurt Hummel: Can't we just have two final days of denial?

Blaine Anderson: No, no, we cannot. This is happening right now, Kurt. It's not some far-off thing in the future. You're graduating, I'm not. You know how hard long-distance relationships can be. We both saw The Notebook.

Kurt Hummel: Do you want to know how I picture the end of my life? Just like in The Notebook, I'm sitting in a nursing home, talking endlessly about my high school sweetheart-- my first love-- going on and on about every little detail, as if they matter. Only, in my version, he's there with me, telling me to shut up so he can finish watching the American Cinematheque salute to J-Lo.

Blaine Anderson: So... we're going to be all right?

Kurt Hummel: Yes, we're gonna be all right. I told you I'm never saying goodbye to you. We'll figure out this whole long-distance relationship thing. I promise.

Blaine Anderson: Okay. So have you decided how you're going to say goodbye to everyone else?

Kurt Hummel: I wanted to dedicate my goodbye song to all of you, but I wanted to mostly thank the men in the room who have truly inspired me and never saw me for the things that made us different. You only saw me for the ways that we're the same. Because, in this room... it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight... what matters is that we're friends.
# Say goodbye to not knowing when #
# The truth in my whole life began #
# Say goodbye #
# To not knowing how to cry #
# You taught me that #
# And I'll remember #
# The love that you gave me #
# Now that I'm standing on my own #
# I'll remember #
# The way that you changed me #
# I'll remember #
# I learned #
# To let go #
# Of the illusion #
# That we can possess #
# I learned #
# To let go #
# I travel in stillness #
# And I'll remember #
# The love that you gave me #
# Now that I'm standing on my own #
# I'll remember #
# The way that you changed me #
# I'll remember #
# No, I've never been afraid to cry #
# And I finally have a reason why #
# I'll remember #
# I'll remember #
# No, I've never been afraid to cry #
# And I finally have a reason why #
# I'll remember #

Rachel Berry: Hey. Oh, thank goodness you guys are here. Okay, so I called Pace and NYADA and they sent out out acceptance letters this week.

Kurt Hummel: Oh, my God, that's so exciting.

Finn Hudson: And, like, totally terrifying.

Rachel Berry: We need to make a pact. When we get our letters, we open them together, in the choir room. These letters, you know, they're, like our future so I want to open mine with my two most important people. Deal?

Finn Hudson: Deal.

Kurt Hummel: Deal. Pinkie swear?

Rachel Berry: Yeah.

Finn Hudson: All right.

Santana Lopez: What is this crap?

Sam Evans: Oh, didn't you hear? Mercedes got a recording contract. She's moving to Hollywood and she's going to be a superstar by Christmas, guaranteed.

Mercedes Jones: He's exaggerating. You remember that video that he posted of me on YouTube, singing "Disco Inferno"?

Sam Evans: Well, this music producer in L.A. saw it and he wants to sign her.

Mercedes Jones: As a backup singer on an indie label. I'm going to be taking extension classes at UCLA.

Santana Lopez: If this was happening to anyone else, I would be extremely jealous. This is really cool. Congratulations.

Mercedes Jones: Thank you. Oh. And I couldn't have done it without you.

Sam Evans: Oh, did you hear about Mike?

Mike Chang: I was all set to go to Alvin Ailey, and then Joffrey in Chicago offered me a scholarship.

Santana Lopez: Oh, Mike, that's amazing. Congratulations.

Tina Cohen-Chang: You must be so excited to ditch that Cheerios uniform and put on the one for University of Louisville.

Santana Lopez: Yeah, I... I can't wait. This is embarrassing. I'm a star, so what am I doing heading to Kentucky? I'm just as talented as Mercedes, Boy Chang, Berry or Lady Hummel. Thank God for Mom. She'll know what to do.

Maribel Lopez: When Santana finally said, "Mami, papi, I'm gay," all I could think of was, I should have known. When she was eight, she went trick-or-treating as Uncle Jesse on Full House. Spent two years growing out that hair. "Business in the front..."

Maribel & Santana: "Party in the back."

Brittany S. Pierce: Ew. So, you just really didn't care?

Maribel Lopez: I care that my baby's happy.

Santana Lopez: I wish abuela felt the same.

Maribel Lopez: I know. It sucks, mija. But you don't want a person in your life that doesn't support your dreams.

Santana Lopez: I don't want to go to that cheerleading program at the University of Louisville. I want to go to New York.

Maribel Lopez: Go to college, Santana. Do what I never got the chance to do. New York will still be there after you've earned your college degree. Brittany, I understand you got into Purdue University?

Brittany S. Pierce: Not the university; the poultry farm. Plucker is a steady profession. But I can't go to either 'cause I'm not graduating.

Santana Lopez: What?

Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah. I was kind of glad when I found out that I was flunking because it'll give me a chance to do my senior year all over again. And way better. I'll show up to my classes this time. Plus, I'll get to be a two-term senior class president.

Santana Lopez: Why are you pretending that this is okay? And why didn't you tell me?

Brittany S. Pierce: What did you think was going to happen to me? I have a 0.0 grade point average.

Santana Lopez: Well, maybe if Brittany's staying in Lima, then I should stay, too.

Finn Hudson: And now the seniors of McKinley High School, class of 2012, are going to sing for you. This is your glee club. Take care of it. It'll take care of you. One! Two! One, two, three, yeah!
# Hey! Oh! Hey! #
# Wake up, kids #
# We've got the dreamer's disease #
# Age 14, we got you down on your knees #
# So polite, we're busy still saying please #

Mercedes & Rachel: # But when the night is falling #
# You cannot find the light #

Noah & Finn: # Light #

Mercedes & Rachel: # You feel your dreams are dying #
# Hold tight #

Noah & Finn: # You've got the music in you #

Noah Puckerman: # Don't let go #

Noah & Finn: # You've got the music in you #

Noah Puckerman: # One dance left #

Noah & Finn: # This world is gonna pull through #

Noah Puckerman: # Don't give up #

Noah & Finn: # You've got a reason to live #

Noah Puckerman: # Can't forget #

Noah & Finn: # We only get what we give #

Noah Puckerman: # This whole damn world can fall apart #
# You'll be okay, follow your heart #
# You're in harm's way #
# I'm right behind #
# Now say you're mine #

Noah & Finn: # You've got the music in you #

Noah Puckerman: # Don't let go #

Noah & Finn: # You've got the music in you #

Noah Puckerman: # One dance left #

Noah & Finn: # This world is gonna pull through #

Noah Puckerman: # Don't give up #

Noah & Finn: # You've got a reason to live #

Noah Puckerman: # Can't forget #

Noah & Finn: # We only get what we give #

Noah Puckerman: # Don't let go #

Finn Hudson: # I feel the music in you #
# Don't let go #
# Yeah #
# Health insurance, rip-off, lying #
# FDA, big bankers buying #
# Fake computer crashes, dying #
# Cloning while they're multiplying #
# Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson #
# Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson #
# You're all fakes, run to your mansions #
# Come around, we'll kick you down, yeah #
# Don't let go, you've got the music in you #
# Don't give up #

New Directions: # You've got the music in you #

Mercedes Jones: # Ooh... #

New Directions: # You've got the music in you #

Rachel Berry: I don't know. I mean, when you're looking at both of them, it's really hard to not just want to go with the Chiavari.

Finn Hudson: There's $20 difference between each of those chairs. That's, like, hundreds of dollars or something. We can't afford that.

Rachel Berry: Look, I compromised on the food, I compromised on the location, I compromised on the flowers. Does my butt really have to compromise on what it sits on?

Finn Hudson: Maybe what you're really upset about is that you're compromising on your husband.

Rachel Berry: Please, that is the one thing that I don't have any doubts about.

Finn Hudson: Really? 'Cause you've been kind of giving me a weird vibe lately.

Rachel Berry: No. You're just projecting, all right? You're nervous about finding out about school, and you're putting it on me. Besides, when did you become the one that I was settling for? Look, I don't care who gets in where, all right? I'm marrying you, and nothing makes me happier. Even if we have to sit in these ugly fold-out chairs. Okay?

Finn Hudson: Okay.

Finn Hudson: I remember the first day of school this year. I had no idea what I wanted to do, who I was. It wasn't the past I was scared of. I'd call my high school career a total success. I mean, not in terms of grades and stuff, but I won a state title in football, a national championship in Glee Club. I never hurt anyone real bad, and it turns out I never actually accidentally got anyone pregnant. It was the future I was terrified of. But not anymore. I'm getting married to a great girl. I'm moving to New York to chase my dreams with her and my gay stepbrother. And how do I know? InsauditionActors Studio with the main dude himself.

James Lipton: You're Finn Hudson, and you want to be an actor. I was very moved by your letter and application, Finn. You're no doubt aware that you would be an exceptional case, should we accept you.

Finn Hudson: Yes.

James Lipton: Why don't we start with your, uh, dramatic monologue?

Finn Hudson: Okay.

Finn Hudson: Yep, fear is no longer in my vocabulary.

Will Schuester: Hey. Just finishing up.

Finn Hudson: Lay it on me. "Dear Finn, great knowing you. Will Schuester." Are you kidding me? I'm, like, the best man at your wedding.

Will Schuester: It's not that bad. And you can't dictate what I write in your yearbook.

Finn Hudson: Yes, I can. I want a little emotion in there. Some "son I never had" or "little brother" garbage or something.

Will Schuester: Look, I-I wanted to. I... I started ten times, and I couldn't get two words out without falling apart.

Finn Hudson: Well, I don't need a bunch of "blah, blah" in a book to remember you anyway.

Will Schuester: Finn, wait. I-I need to tell you something. Something I would rather not have written down anywhere. Please, have a seat. Um, when I first took over the glee club, we needed a male lead. I heard you singing in the shower in the locker room.

Finn Hudson: # I'm getting closer #
# Than I ever thought I might... #

Will Schuester: REO Speedwagon.

Finn Hudson: Yeah.

Will Schuester: Yeah, you were really good. So I planted the pot in your locker and blackmailed you into joining the glee club. It was wrong. Although I can't argue with the results, I've always hated myself for doing it. I'm very sorry, Finn. But I-I wanted you to know the truth before you left, so...

Finn Hudson: You are so much cooler than I ever thought you were.

Will Schuester: Get out of here.

Finn Hudson: I'm going to go.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: Your graduation gown with the extra long sleeves just arrived. You know, you can have that thing if you want. It's probably the only thing that'll fit in your tiny little New York apartment, but it's yours to have.

Finn Hudson: I can't help thinking I let him down, you know? I feel like I-I could have spent more time writing that letter to the Army, or I could have wrote 50 letters to the Army, or I could have started one of those letter-writing campaigns, like... like they had for Friday Night Lights or something.

Carole Hudson-Hummel: You did everything you could do. Your dad made his choices, and the Army has rules, and there's nothing you could have done about either one of those things.

Finn Hudson: I can't help feeling like something's not right. I did a lot of reseah, trying to get that honorable discharge status, and-and he did a lot of really great things in Kuwait, you know? He pulled two soldiers out of a burning truck. He saved their lives. They have kids now my age. He's a hero. And how is becoming an actor... how is that redemption for a man who did all that? Everything seems like it's fallen into place. Everything but him.

Will Schuester: Okay, seniors, the underclassmen have something they'd like to say to you. Come on.

Artie Abrams: With all the dedications being thrown around McKinley this week, there was one that we wanted to make sure didn't get missed. Finn. Right now, you're something I never thought possible when I first rolled down these halls. You're my friend-- our friend. Even before Glee Club was kind of cool, you had our backs. You were on the football team. You were one of the most popular kids in school. You had a lot to lose, and people forget the sacrifices you made. We wanted to thank you.

Joseph & Sam: # There are #

Sam, Joseph & Tina: # Places I remember #

Sam & Artie: # All my life, though some have changed #

Joseph & Sam: # Some for #

Sam, Joseph & Tina: # Ever, not for better #

Blaine & Rory: # Some have gone #

Blaine, Rory & Artie: # And some remain #

Joseph & Sam: # All these #

Sam, Joseph & Tina: # Places have their moments #

Blaine & Rory: # With lovers and friends I still can recall #

Blaine, Rory & Artie: # Some are #

Blaine, Artie, Rory & Tina: # Dead and some are living #

Sam & Artie: # In my life I loved them all #

Blaine Anderson: # But of #

Blaine & Tina: # All these friends and lovers #

Artie, Sam & Joseph: # There is no one compares with you #

Artie & Joseph: # And these #

Artie, Joseph & Tina: # Memories lose their meaning #

Blaine & Artie: # When I think of love as something new #

Rory Flanagan: # Though I #

Rory & Tina: # Know I'll never lose affection #

Blaine Anderson: # For people and things that went before #

Rory & Tina: # I know I'll often stop and think about them #

Sam Evans: # In my life I love you more #

Artie, Blaine, Sam, Rory, Joseph & Tina: # In my life I love you more #

Rachel Berry: Yay!

Quinn Fabray: Who would have thought I'd end my McKinley days where I started... back on top? I got into the school of my dreams and we won nationals. Plus I'm feeling stronger every day. Everyone else is so emotional. But I don't feel that way. I guess I've cried enough tears for three graduations. Or maybe it's just hard to feel weepy when I look at my friends. They've grown into such incredible people. Nothing's gonna stop any of them. Well, maybe one of them.

Shannon Beiste: Countries of Central America.

Noah Puckerman: Uh, Costa Rica, Honduras... Crap, I'm blanking.

Shannon Beiste: Come on! This ain't beach towel night at Three Rivers.

Quinn Fabray: This school has given us all so many gifts, me especially. And I want my last week here to be about giving back a little of what I got.

Quinn Fabray: This freshman just gave me a hug and told me to never change. Poor thing is too young to realize that change can be so good. Think... if we hadn't changed, we would have never been friends.

Rachel Berry: Still so weird having you call me a friend.

Quinn Fabray: There.

Rachel Berry: What's this?

Quinn Fabray: A Metro North pass from New York to New Haven. I got one for me into New York. Everybody keeps talking about staying in touch, and I want to make sure that we do.

Rachel Berry: Thank you. Thank you. It's so sweet.

Quinn Fabray: Although I'm still not 100% sure that I'm for teen weddings, I'm really happy that you and Finn are together. You guys were meant to be.

Rachel Berry: Yeah. Thank you. You know, it's weird 'cause that's how I always felt about you and Puck.

Quinn Fabray: Ancient history.

Rachel Berry: But you know what I mean. When you two were together, he was really at his best.

Quinn Fabray: Indian Ocean, show me.

Noah Puckerman: It's no use. My brain is like a Roach Motel, once the info checks in, it never checks out. I'm out of here. Don't worry. You still get your Brownie patch for trying to help a loser learn something.

Quinn Fabray: I'm not here for a patch. I'm here because I love you. You're my first.

Noah Puckerman: I kind of screwed up that experience, huh?

Quinn Fabray: No regrets.

Noah Puckerman: Cool. 'Cause I always felt kind of bad about it. Feel bad about a lot of things, but I was an ass for most of high school.

Quinn Fabray: I really care about you, Puck. You know what? I know that after Beth was born, we weren't really close. But when two people go though what we've been through, you're bonded for life.

Noah Puckerman: If you ever need me, you know where to find me... right here in Lima... repeating my senior year forever.

Quinn Fabray: I would have never given my virginity to this guy. The Puck I fell in love with had swagger. And you know what questions Miss Duesenberry's gonna ask you, so you just need to get your confidence back so you can get all that stuff out of the Roach Motel.

Noah Puckerman: And how am I supposed to do that?

Quinn Fabray: Like this.

Noah Puckerman: No, no, wait. I'm not worth it. Save it for some Yale guy who deserves your help.

Quinn Fabray: There's nobody that deserves it more. You just have to remember the guy you were when we first met. You're the guy who caught the winning touchdown the only game the football team won sophomore year. You're the guy that ate that shaker of pepper on a dare.

Noah Puckerman: Didn't even puke.

Quinn Fabray: Will you let me kiss you?

Noah Puckerman: I guess I'd be kind of rude if I refused.

Quinn Fabray: You know, Puckerman... you got this.

Noah Puckerman: Funny thing about a kiss. If it comes at the right time from the right girl, it can be like magic. It can bring you back to life like CPR, but with tongues. It can take away the doubt and the fear. It can change you, even if it's just back into what you always were: an all-original, grade-A, badass. Get ready test. I'm about to make Puckerman your daddy.

Sue Sylvester: Well, you stink of chlorine, Roz Washington, which means one of two things: either you just returned from the peroxide factory where you spent the afternoon having your hair helmet revarnished, or you've given up trying to steal my Cheerios! and you're back in the pool where you belong.

Roz Washington: I got to hand it to you, Sue. National championships for both the Glee Club and the Cheerios! That's quite an accomplishment for a pregnant woman who's ass is so old she went to high school with Moses.

Sue Sylvester: Well, Roz, if you came here to find out once and for all who the celebrity father of my unborn child is, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait for the graphic birth photos that grace the cover of the People magazine exclusive that hits newsstands in September.

Roz Washington: You and I are never gonna like each other, Sue Sylvester, but you and I, we got something in common. We both hate the fact that this school has an idiot for a principal. That's why I propose we join forces and take him down. Well, you think that over, Sue Sylvester, while you nurse your thousand-year-old vampire baby. You just be sure to bottle-feed it because that baby's gonna use those sharp-ass teeth to bite holes in those saggy old boobs.

Quinn Fabray: Hey, Coach. It's my Cheerios! uniform, dry-cleaned and pressed. You were kind enough to let me wear it again, and I figured it was only right to return it in case you wanted to pass it on. Maybe some underclassman who's about to be the new team captain.

Sue Sylvester: You keep it. I'm retiring this uniform. Sit. You know, when I first laid eyes on you, Q, I thought you reminded me of a young Sue Sylvester, but looking at this amazing woman sitting across from me right now, I realize I was wrong. You're nothing like me. You're better. Sure, I'm as smart as you are and every bit as pretty, but somehow you're slightly less evil. And I admire that. I admire you, Quinn Fabray. I admire your perseverance. You're gonna go so far, kiddo. And I'm gonna have the best time watching you do it. And I'm gonna get to say, "Hey, I remember her from way back when." Way back when she was getting Ryan Seacrest tattoos and lying about who the father of her unborn child was.

Quinn Fabray: I'm gonna miss you!

Sue Sylvester: I don't see how that's possible, but thank you.

Quinn Fabray: What's going on?

Noah Puckerman: Waiting for Mrs. Duesenberry to finish grading my test.If I don't pass, it's open season on all faculty tires!

Finn Hudson: What's it say?

Noah Puckerman: C-! It's a Puckerman A+! I'm graduating!

Quinn Fabray: I'm so proud of you.

Noah Puckerman: # Yeah, come on #
# Whoo! #
# I had a friend, was a big baseball player #

Principal Figgins: Michael Chang, Jr.

Noah Puckerman: # Back in high school #
# He could throw that speedball by you #
# Make you look like a fool, boy #

Principal Figgins: Quinn Fabray.

Finn Hudson: # Saw him the other night at this roadside bar #
# I was walking in, he was walking out #
# We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks #
# But all he kept talking about #

Noah & Finn: # Glory days, well, they'll pass you by #
# Glory days #

Principal Figgins: Mercedes Jones.

Noah & Finn: # In the wink of a young girl's eye #
# Glory days, glory days #

Finn Hudson: # Yeah, all right, boys, watch me working now #

Noah Puckerman: # Working now #

Principal Figgins: Noah Puckerman.

Noah Puckerman: Thank you.
# Whoo! #

Principal Figgins: Santana Lopez.

Noah Puckerman: # Think I'm going down to the well tonight #
# Going to drink my fill #
# And I hope when I get old I don't sit around #
# Thinking about it, but I probably will #

Santana Lopez: Thanks.

Principal Figgins: Kurt Hummel.

Finn Hudson: # Just sitting back trying to recapture #
# A little of the glory of... #
# Well, time slips away #
# And leaves you with nothing, mister #
# But boring stories of... #

Noah & Finn: # Glory days #

Burt Hummel: Whoo!

Noah & Finn: # Glory days #

Principal Figgins: Finn Hudson.

Noah & Finn: # In a young girl's eyes, glory days #
# Glory days #
# Well, they'll pass you by, glory days #

Principal Figgins: Rachel Berry.

Noah & Finn: # In a young girl's eyes, glory days, glory days #

Finn Hudson: # What about this? #
# Well, all right! #

Noah Puckerman: # All right #

Finn Hudson: # Come on now #

Noah Puckerman: # Oh, yeah #

Finn Hudson: # Well, all right #

Noah Puckerman: # All right #

Finn Hudson: # Come on now #

Noah Puckerman: # Oh, yeah #

Finn Hudson: # Whoo-ooh #

Noah Puckerman: # Uh-huh #

Principal Figgins: Ladies and gentlemen, I present you William McKinley High's class of 2012!

Noah & Finn: # Glory days. #

Kurt Hummel: I'm seriously having trouble breathing right now.

Rachel Berry: Are you guys ready?

Finn Hudson: I kind of want to wait.

Kurt Hummel: For how long?

Finn Hudson: Forever. Just a couple more seconds, but this is the last moment before we know. After we open those envelopes, it's-it's gonna change our entire lives no matter what's in it either way. I just kind of want another minute with you guys here like this.

Kurt Hummel: So, who's first?

Finn Hudson: I'll go first. I got a good feeling about it.

Rachel Berry: Look, no matter what happens, we're all here for each other.

Finn Hudson: I didn't get it.

Rachel Berry: It's okay.

Finn Hudson: Please, somebody else just open theirs. Come on.

Kurt Hummel: I'll go next. I didn't get in. I didn't get in.

Rachel Berry: Kurt, I'm so sorry.

Finn Hudson: Your turn, Rachel.

Rachel Berry: I got in.

Rachel Berry: If on my first day at this school, you had asked me what I would've wished my life would look like on my last day, this would've been it. Prom queen, marrying the quarterback, show choir national champion, on my way to Broadway to study. Broadway. All my dreams have come true. But then, why am I so sad? I guess because, in real life, dreams are more complicated than they are in our imaginations. I can't bring Finn to New York. He'll be reminded of his rejections every day. And being there without Kurt would be like remaking Beaches without the Bette Midler character. So I've decided. I'm deferring my acceptance to NYADA for a year and working with the two of them on their applications and auditions to guarantee we'll all go there together next year. I'm actually thankful for this whole mess. I used to think Broadway was my one and only love. I'm so glad something has made me come to my senses.

Maribel Lopez: Come on. You're gonna be late your own graduation celeblation.

Santana Lopez: It's dinner with you and Dad.

Maribel Lopez: It's gonna piñata. You don't wanna keep any of this?

Santana Lopez: Nope. I don't wanna be one of those people who thinks that you have them keep you care about, you don't have to acutually see them.

Maribel Lopez: Your graduation present. I was gonna put in a piñata, but your dad thought this more

Santana Lopez: Okay. Hold up. Have you had this money the whole time? Why aren't you driving a Lexus?

Maribel Lopez: I'm not driving a Lexus because for past 18 years I've have been saving all the extra change, tax and Chistmas bonuses so I can help you pay for your college.

Santana Lopez: But I got a scholarship.

Maribel Lopez: If you could've told me that 18 years ago, I would've bought more shoes.

Santana Lopez: You know what? Keep it then. Go on a trip with dad or something. I don't need it. I told you. I don't wanna go to college.

Maribel Lopez: Then use it go to New York. I trust you. I trust your dreams and your talent. And I pity anyone who tries to get in your way.

Santana Lopez: Are you serious?

Maribel Lopez: I would love for you to go to college, but it's not my choice. This is your first moment of adulthood, mi amor. From now on, it's up to you.

Rachel Berry: Hi.

Finn Hudson: Hi.

Rachel Berry: Okay, so you have my dress and my shoes, and I have my makeup and my epic love for you. Let's get married.

Finn Hudson: Okay.

Rachel Berry: My dads are still being kind of weird about the wedding. I brought it up last night and they were really quiet, but it's fine. Are you sure that we're going the right way?

Finn Hudson: We're here.

Rachel Berry: Are you joking? 'Cause it's not funny. We're gonna be late.

Finn Hudson: You're on the 4:25 to New York. Your dads are gonna meet you there and they're gonna, they're gonna help you look at dorms at the new school. You're gonna spend four years of your life there and you've never even set foot in the place, so...

Rachel Berry: But I... I have all year to go and look at it.

Finn Hudson: You're gonna go there in the fall. All right? You're not deferring. We're not getting married.

Rachel Berry: You don't want to marry me?

Finn Hudson: I want to marry you so badly I can't go through with it. Yeah, but the thought of you being stuck here for another year because of me, it makes me sick.

Rachel Berry: Then come with me. Okay? We can get married in New York and live in a little shoebox apartment together. It'll be romantic.

Finn Hudson: Do you love me?

Rachel Berry: Of course I do.

Finn Hudson: Then tell me the truth and not just something you think I want to hear. Are you 100% sure you want to marry me?

Rachel Berry: N-No-no one is 100% sure of anything.

Finn Hudson: I am. I am that sure you're something special. That this is just the beginning for you. Okay? Th-That you're gonna do amazing things. But to get there, you got to have these experiences on your own...

Rachel Berry: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Finn Hudson: Listen to me. You got to have these experiences on your own.

Rachel Berry: Wait a minute.

Finn Hudson: I can't have to be there with you.

Rachel Berry: Wait a minute. Are you breaking up with me?

Finn Hudson: I'm setting you free.

Rachel Berry: Oh, my God.

Finn Hudson: Look, d-do you know how hard this is for me? How many times I've cried about this?

Rachel Berry: No, I'm not going. I'm not going, not without you.

Finn Hudson: You don't have a choice; I can't come with you.

Rachel Berry: Well, then I'll stay here! I'll go wherever it is that you're going!

Finn Hudson: Fort Benning, Georgia? Look, I-I need a chance to try and redeem my father, okay? I-I...

Rachel Berry: Oh, my God! Oh, my God, wait a minute. You're joining the Army? Are you insane? I can't believe that this is happening right now.

Finn Hudson: It's also one of the places I knew you couldn't follow me. Look, you're-you're gonna get on that train. Okay? And you're gonna go to New York, and you're gonna be a star. Without me. That's how much I love you. You know what we're gonna do? Surrender. I know how hard that is for you because of how hard you hold on to stuff. But-but we're just gonna, we're gonna sit here and we're just gonna let go. Okay, and-and let the universe do it's thing. And if we're meant to be together, then we're gonna be together. W-Whether it's in a little shoebox apartment in New York or on the other side of the world. Okay? Will you do that with me? Will you surrender?

Rachel Berry: I love you so much.

Finn Hudson: I love you.

Rachel Berry: # Hey, hey, hey #
# So many things to do and say #
# But I can't seem to find the way #
# But I want to know how #
# I know I'm meant for something else #
# But first, I got to find myself #
# But I don't know how #
# Oh, why do I reach for the stars #
# When I don't have wings #
# To carry me that far? #

Finn & Rachel: # I got to have roots before branches #
# To know who I am #
# Before I know who I want to be #
# And faith to take chances #
# To live like I see #
# A place in this world for me #
# Oh, oh, oh #

Rachel Berry: # Sometimes I don't want to feel #
# And forget the pain is real #
# Put my head in the clouds #
# Oh, start to run and then I fall #
# Thinking I can't get it all #
# Without my feet on the ground #
# There's always a seed before there's a rose #
# The more that it rains, the more I will grow #
# Got to have roots before branches #
# To know who I am #
# Before I know who I want to be #
# And faith to take chances #
# To live like I see #
# A place in this world for me #
# Oh, oh #
# Whatever comes, I know how to take it #
# Learn to be strong, I won't have to fake it #
# Oh, you're understanding #
# Oh, the wind can come and do its best #
# Roaming north and south, east and west #
# But I'll still be standing #
# I'm standing #
# If I have roots before branches #
# To know who I am #
# Before I know who I'm gonna be #
# And faith, oh, to take chances #
# To live like I see #
# A place in this world #
# Got to have roots before branches #
# To know who I am #
# Before I know who I want to be #
# And faith to take chances #
# And live like I see #
# A place in this world #
# For me #
# I got to have roots before branches, oh, yeah #